Kell Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 Hi All, I'm new here and I just wanted to say that you have a good thing going! I can't wait to share my limited wisdom when it is required! I have just started seeing a guy that lives about 2 hours away from me. I do like him, but I have been trying to play it cool because the last relationship I was in (serious anyway) dwindled at the end because I got to, well, I admit it, needy. I cracked because we couldn't see each other more often (on the weekends only). Basically I just want some advice on keeping a guy interested, and also on getting over these insecurities that dwell within me whenever I start up something new with a guy like this. I;m supposed to be having fun and all I can wonder is whether he likes me enough! Thanks! Kell Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 You are the only one who can get over your insecurities. Maybe you should see a counsellor and identify their origin in order to help you deal effectively with them. Learn from the past. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing something the same way repeatedly yet expecting a different result. If you keep becoming needy in relationships, they will always fail. Your best bet is to develop a care-free attitude, let them happen as they will. Close your eyes and imagine yourself as a seagul flying effortlessly and freely along the shores of life, accepting whatever comes in with the tide. You really don't have any other choice. Stop demanding that guys see you this often or that often. If a guy doesn't see you enough to make you happy, then move on. If you don't feel special, there's no reason to stay in a relationship...but there's no reason to be upset or insecure either. You aren't meant for every man who comes along and expresses and interest. One day, just the right guy will come into your life. But it won't happen if you continue to try to control everything so much and demand they behave exactly as you dictate. Relax and soar with the gulls, breath the fresh air and let life happen the way it will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kell Posted April 11, 2003 Author Share Posted April 11, 2003 Thankyou so much Tony. Would you suggest being as passive as that seagull though? When talking about calling each other the other day, he said that I should call him. How much is too much when it comes to a female persueing a guy? I've always thought that the guy should do the persueing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 YOU ASK: "How much is too much when it comes to a female persueing a guy? I've always thought that the guy should do the persueing." Well, in the old days gentlemen actually did most of the pursuing. But with women's lib and all that stuff, the picture has changed dramatically. Pursuing somebody doesn't mean calling them all the time. As a woman, you have to use your own intuition about these things. Calling somebody everyday and being constantly available when they call you can make a relationship go stale pretty quickly. This is a dance you're going to have to learn by trial and error. Just don't ever be too eager and don't build your life totally around some new guy. Keep up your activities with friends, work, hobbies, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybug313 Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 Hi Kell I find that people, guys and girls alike, get turned off when the other person begins to show signs of neediness. Because it's sort of pressuring you know? And though it's so easy to worry if he likes you enough, just try not to think about what he may be thinking. I myself like for the guy to pursue me a lot first ( first off, because I am kind of shy and just suck at calling them up, and second, I know they are interested if they continue pursuing, so then I feel comfortable opening up to them). After some time passes, I feel it's safe to drop them a line or two. Also, if you have activities going, and friends to hang out with, the trial and error stuff Tony talked about just falls in naturally. It's hard to explain, but if you have your own things going and don't change your daily life too much just because the guy has entered the picture, the pursuing/interest level balance always seems to work fine. And definitely don't be too available. And by that I don't mean *pretend* to be busy when you really aren't ( that usually just doesn't work) but really just involve yourself in stuff and be truly busy. Then everything follows its course pretty well. Like "I am working out in the morning and then have a lunch thing with a buddy but I am free starting (insert time) so anytime after that would be splendid" sounds better than " I am free the whole day. Just let me know whenever you want to meet. I have nothing going on." But by all means it should be true of course. Then it would be playing and that sucks. The very first guy I dated, I was so needy and too available all the time. And over time I kept learning. It all comes naturally one day. You betcha. And even I find myself getting bored with guys who don't do anything and are available all the time. So it works both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kell Posted April 11, 2003 Author Share Posted April 11, 2003 Tony, Ladybug... you're fantastic. I guess I just have too much time to think about these things... show's how interesting my job is!!! Sometimes I am just so much more comfortable with being unattached, then the only mind I have to read is my own! Ladybug, I know what you mean when you say that you are more comfortable when you know they're interested... this is the only phase of a relationship in which I feel truely comfortable, hence the fact that I often find myself with guys that have a much higher (and vocal too) interest level in me than I have in them. This one is different... he is holding his cards to his chest and I have no idea of what he is thinking and it is aggravating! Guess I just need to learn to chill. Link to post Share on other sites
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