I have breast cancer

[littlekitty]

Thanks, it was actually a nice day yesterday. I was able to go the entire day without throwing up or dry heaving and I didn't have to take any anti nausea medicine either. I ate a little bit of Thanksgiving dinner, and overall had a good day. I am glad I have the Lexapro. I think if I did not have some sort of anti depressant right now, I would be feeling very low. It seems like such a long road ahead of me. One day at a time. One treatment down, five more to go. Four shots down, fifty six to go. Then surgery (not too bad compared to this), and then that eight weeks of radiation. It seems it will never end.

 

The side effects aren't too bad. I have my sick days. I have my tired days where I am so tired I can't even stand sitting at my computer desk. Smells really bother me. When I eat my mouth dries up and I have to have water to help me chew. My bones ache from the Neupogen shots. I have the gross taste in my mouth.

 

Today, though - I feel ok. Another good day. I keep looking for those good days to get me through the bad ones.

 

Keep fighting through it LB. Stay strong. I can't imagine what it's like for you. But I think of you often.

 

I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving day.

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[huh]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Wishing you strength to kick cancer's butt. One of my relatives found the site below very helpful. There was just something about talking with other women who'd been through it too that she found very helpful & supportive.

 

http://community.breastcancer.org/

[White Flower]

(((((Hugs))))) and XXXXXXX to you LB. Hope you're feeling much better today:):)

[whichwayisup]

One day at a time. One treatment down, five more to go. Four shots down, fifty six to go. Then surgery (not too bad compared to this), and then that eight weeks of radiation. It seems it will never end.

 

Do the calendar thing and mark big red X's as each treatment is done.

 

Glad to hear you were able to have abit of turkey dinner. Sorry though that you didn't get to pig out as much as you would have liked to - BUT - Just think, next year you'll be able to enjoy it.

 

Rest well LB. Thinking of you this weekend..

[dropdeadlegs]

I long for the words to ease your pain, yet they don't seem to come.

 

Hang in there, LB. You're doing great and should be proud of all you have overcome already.

 

Cancer, schmancer. Beat it into the pavement! Fight like you've never fought!

 

Best wishes and tons of love and strength.

[LucreziaBorgia]

So, last night around ten o'clock I get this throbbing sharp pain in my back. By 2am, my spine, my hips, and the back of my skull feel like broken glass is being grinded into them in a pulsing rhythm. I was shaking and sweating and shuffling around because it hurt too bad to stand still or sit down or lay down. My knees kept giving out from the pain. I took a couple of Vicodin, and within twenty minutes the pain subsided and I was able to get some sleep for my busy day today.

 

First appointment: my oncologist. I told him what happened, along with the dismaying news that within a day my mouth, tongue, gums and throat had sores all over them - and it hurts all the way down to my stomach. He said the sores are to be expected (and I was expecting them, not just all at once and so quickly) and the pain was normal - with the Neupogen shots, they get really bad toward the end of the cycle. I have three more shots in this cycle. My white blood cell counts were good today, so I may be able to shorten my Neupogen cycle this time around if my counts are up. If not, three more days and it will only get worse. He did prescribe me a painkiller and something called Magic Mouthwash to help with the sores - you swish with it and swallow and the numbing solution works all the way down. So, I have to switch to healthy eating now, I have painkillers and I have my Magic Mouthwash.

 

The next appointment was to get my daily Neupogen shot. No big deal there. Just in and out.

 

The next appointment was with my oncologic surgeon. He told me that he would definitely have to do more surgery in the early spring. I guess something came up on my path report. I am not surprised. He already told me that there is more cancer in there. Makes sense to take it out.

 

The next appointment was with my primary physician to get a prescription for Lexapro, as my samples are running out. That is some good stuff. I honestly could not function without it I don't think.

 

So, I'm in a funk over everything and the pain is really bad but that is what they make painkillers for. I have a couple of good books, and time to just lay around and that is probably exactly what I will do.

[JamesM]

I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am sorry for all of the pain and discomfort you are going through. If I was there, I would give you a hug. You are on my mind quite often..I hope this all works out for you.

[dropdeadlegs]

LB, I continue to be at a loss for words concerning what you are going through. I want to help, but don't know how, or if, I can.

 

Your travails are having a tremendous impact on my daily life. All of the little inconveniences and irritations are just so small and trivial in comparison with what you are experiencing daily. It feels selfish to thank you for putting the world in perspective for me, but I truly am grateful for the reminder that my world is pretty cozy.

 

I long for the day when yours will be cozy again, too. I'm certain this will pass and you will emerge even stronger than ever before, I just wish there was a way to fast forward the outcome and end your current (yet finite!) suffering.

 

(((HUGS))))

[whichwayisup]

LB - Just wanted to check in on you - I hope you have afew good days where you're able to feel better.

 

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how is your daughter dealing with all this? Is she around with you right now? I just hope you have someone staying with you so you're not alone.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I am doing so-so. These last couple of days have been hard. My cell counts were good, so my oncologist stopped the last couple of Neupogen shots for this cycle. I had one this morning, so I only have 24 hours or so of pain left and then a break for a week or so until my next chemo appointment. I'm looking forward to a few days of peace. No hospital, no appointments.

 

My mouth sores are clearing up already. The magic mouthwash works really fast if you use it like you are supposed to. It tastes absolutely horrible. Its a mix of liquid like mint Maalox or Kaopectate, liquid Benadryl (cherry), and lidocaine. You swish with it and swallow it. It is like nasty liquid chalky stuff and swallowing it makes me go but at least it works quick to numb things up and it makes my stomach feel better when its finally down.

 

My daughter is doing well. I haven't lost my hair yet, but I think that might be the point where she has a visual of the cancer. She does not see me sick or hurting, but I do tell her about it. The sick and hurting times have all been when she is sleeping or at school. The other night we were out at dinner and I told her how proud I was of how she is doing and she said that to be honest most of the time she forgets I have it. That is just fine with me. I'd rather her have that mindset than to be fretting over it, letting her grades slip, and getting depressed.

 

As for being alone, I have been staying with exH for the past couple of days. I'm back at my place tonight and my other ex is here for a few days. I'll be ok on my own for much of the next ten days or so.

 

Today I had an interesting and infuriating thing happen. I had an appointment today to get my blood cell counts and to set up my next chemo appointment. I am on a combination of chemo drugs called TAC: Taxotere, Adriamycin, Cytoxan. There is another T called Taxol, which I am not on.

 

When I was checking out and they were setting up my chemo meds, they ordered me Taxol instead of Taxotere. I thought that was unusual, but didn't say anything at the time.

 

I got to thinking about it and it bothered me, so I called the doctor's office later in the morning. When I called and asked about it the person on the phone told me that Taxotere and Taxol are the same thing, just that one is a generic of the other. That didn't sound right to me.

 

Sure enough, just a couple of minutes later I got a call back and she said that she was wrong, that they are not the same and she would send a note back to my doctor to see if he had intended for it to be Taxol or Taxotere. My guess is that I'm staying on the Taxotere. I would think he would have said something in our appointment today if he was intending to switch the two.

 

I got a call back later saying that they definitely had me scheduled for Taxotere and basically tried to deny that they had made a mistake. I reminded them that I heard 'Taxol' three times and they glossed it over saying that things were fixed now. Can you imagine if I had not caught that? They would have dosed me with the wrong chemo drug!

[polywog]

LB, I've been mostly absent for a while but just discovered your thread last night. I've spent hours reading it... fell asleep with my laptop (which fell asleep, too) and have awakened and finished reading. My G_d, girl.

 

I just want to add my love and want you to know that another LSer will have you in her thoughts constantly and be sending you the best vibes and cyberhugs she can muster. You've been a friggin' gem to so many of us here, and your current posts about the mothah-f***ing cancer and your life with it are phenomenally powerful.... I'm grateful to be another witness, and wish I could do more for you than just type this.

 

You have mentioned writing a book. Well, it's being written here. You're so eloquent and so from the heart and you marry the soul and the words so beautifully.... I am friends with published (and a few prize winning) writers who aren't accomplishing what you are right here with your posts.

 

I'll be checking on you here every day, and send my best vibes (thoughts+soul stuff).

 

Be well, dear LB.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Can you imagine if I had not caught that? They would have dosed me with the wrong chemo drug!

 

Good eye, LB. Stay vigilant!

 

As my father said in regard to my mother, the patient quickly learns they must become their own doctor. There have been a couple of small mistakes over the years, and if not for my father’s experience and hyper-vigilance, they would have gone unnoticed. So many different doctors, so many patients coming in and out on any given day, it’s easy sometimes to miss or mix something up.

 

You’re feisty ... just like my Mom. And that’s the kind of spirit it takes. That’s why I know you’re going to come out the other side of this just fine.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ah, paperwork. I had to call every single medical provider I have been through today to beg them not to send my bills into collection. I don't have enough now to pay anything - I spent my entire savings within the first month paying all those 'self pay' payments.

 

I applied for BCCCP Medicaid two months ago and hadn't heard anything, so I called my BCCCP counselor who told me that she was still waiting on a birth certificate. I looked everywhere for my copy but could not find it, so I figured it would be a simple matter of calling my birth county and getting a copy faxed over to social services. Wrong. My county of birth has no record of my birth! I was adopted, so my records are only in vital records at the state capitol. So, my counselor sent over a request for it the first week of November. Still no word, so today I called vital records and they said it would take two months to process! You need TWO F*CKING MONTHS to copy a piece of paper and mail it out?! :mad:

 

I don't have two months. My bills are due NOW. So, I have to drive to the capitol tomorrow and go get a copy in person to make the process quicker. Luckily the medical providers were all very helpful and told me not to worry about paying anything - just bring the card in when I get it. BCCCP covers any medical costs due to breast cancer, so the medical places know I'm good for it. I guess they are also used to how much red tape and time it takes to get through the process. Bottom line - its all good.

 

Needless to say I have a huge weight off my shoulders right now.

[blind_otter]

Wow, you are such a strong woman. I admire you greatly. Even in stressful times you carry yourslef with grace and eloquence.

[RecordProducer]

LB, I read all your posts. You do sound much better than a couple weeks ago. I am so glad for that. You seem to have much more mental energy. I googled the pink ribbon ring and it looks beautiful. About your mouth sores, I am glad they are disappearing. I remember when I was a kid, I would get them all the time and at one point I was wondering: would I prefer to have two sores on both sides of mouth for a month and then no sores for a month, and back and forth like that all the time; or would I prefer to have a sore on my left side for one month and a sore on my right side for one month, back and forth? It was so horrible, I couldn't eat and it hurt like hell. Thankfully, it stopped later.

I am so sorry about your pain, I hope the meds are helping. Hang in there, we are thinking of you and sending you good vibes.

[DazedandConfused66]

Hi LB, sorry it's been awhile since my last post but had Thanksgiving holiday and then I had to travel with business for several days....been putting it off since my wife's operation last month. She's doing fine recovery-wise, wishes it would go faster of course, few problems with the third drain being removed, but otherwise very well.

 

The joint pain thing is very common with Chemo. My wife got ahold of something they give to the older generation called "Joint Juice" and swears by it. She has one almost every other day and really says it has helped her with the joint and long-bone pains she experienced during chemo. Unfortunately, many of these symptoms can last longer than the chemo treatment itself...my wife's chemo ended last winter and she still has long-bone pains and joint pain on some days. It's not an everyday thing like it was, but it takes awhile for the chemo side-effects to wear off. Memory loss has been the single biggest long-term symptom she's faced. And considering what a boor I can be sometimes, that ain't always a BAD symptom.

 

And I agree with some of the other posters...you sound MUCH improved emotionally from just a couple weeks ago. That's great! This is going to get progressively harder and your sense of humor will greatly aid you in the battle. Hang in there!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Hey D&C, I am glad to hear you and your wife are doing well!

 

I do feel much better. I expect this week and next will be ok, and then Dec 10th, the cycle will start again. *sigh*

[JamesM]

 

The joint pain thing is very common with Chemo. My wife got ahold of something they give to the older generation called "Joint Juice" and swears by it. She has one almost every other day and really says it has helped her with the joint and long-bone pains she experienced during chemo.

 

Sorry to go off-topic a moment.....

 

D&C, this caught my attention. the Joint Juice you refer to...is that the name or is it really under another name? Here is a link...is this it?

 

http://www.jointjuice.com/jointjuice.php

 

Or is it something else? My wife has joint pains unrelated to chemo but similar to arthiritis, and I am wondering if it would be helpful to her.

 

Thanks.

[polywog]

Morning LB. Just checking in to say my hellos and send my encouragement. You're on my mind. Power and Love vibes to ya...

[DazedandConfused66]

Sorry to go off-topic a moment.....

 

D&C, this caught my attention. the Joint Juice you refer to...is that the name or is it really under another name? Here is a link...is this it?

 

http://www.jointjuice.com/jointjuice.php

 

Or is it something else? My wife has joint pains unrelated to chemo but similar to arthiritis, and I am wondering if it would be helpful to her.

 

Thanks.

 

That's the same stuff! My wife swears by it. I have a friend who is a long-distance runner and he gave my wife a 12-pack during her chemo treatments. Turned out to be the most thoughtful gift we received...the stuff really works well for my wife and since my friend also uses it (knee pains) it may work for your wife also!

 

Good luck!

[huh]

I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with red tape on top of everything else.

[LucreziaBorgia]

So, my hair started falling out tonight. Not my head hair, but pretty much everything else from the eyebrows down. It is a strange sensation to grab tufts of hair, pull and have them come off as easily as pulling off lint. It is fascinating and frightening at the same time.

 

Being as I'm single and off the dating market, I haven't felt any particular need to shave anywhere, and having all this hair fall off is a bit of a blessing actually. I'll be completely smooth in a couple of days.

 

I'm not sure when my head hair will start falling out. My head had been itching and tingling the past few days so I'm sure it will be happening soon enough.

 

The next few days should be interesting.

[PWSX3]

I have been reading this post since the beginning and & I have to say; you are an amazing woman.

Just like in your last post you are sounding up beat & even though you are losing your hair you are looking at it not in a negative way but positive.

 

Thanks for sharing your story so others can learn & understand what it is like going threw such a life changing experience.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Well, my head hair started coming out today in clumps so I went over to exH's house and he shaved it down to the skin for me. It looks so funny!

 

We had a good chuckle over that. I really thought that losing my hair would be traumatic. It isn't really. I guess compared to other things I have going on, losing hair at this point is more a source of amusement more than anything else.

 

Its freeing in a sense. No more hair products. No more shaving. For a while, at least.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you're reacting with humour! Now you get to go out and buy yourself some fun hats, scarfs (or is it scarves??? I dunno!) or even a wig. You can also draw different colours for your eyebrows too...