whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 You are amazing LB! I hope the next few days wizz on by and you don't feel too sick. Yahhhh! Last treatment! As soon as you're feeling good, definately go on that shopping spree! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 So, chemo is OVER. Thankfully. I'm home now (or rather at exH's home) and very tired. My doctor did a "dose dense" today - meaning that my chemo drugs were more than doubled (tripled, even!) I feel ok now, because all my anti-nausea was doubled as well. I'm in for a rough week, methinks. But... at least its over and done with. That part, anyway. My oncologist talked to me today about the importance of suppressing estrogen in my body, since it feeds my cancer. Even with the bilateral, I could get a recurrence - this time in my chest wall! So, I will be on Tamoxifen for a few years whether I like it or not. If my genetic testing comes back positive for the BRCA genes, he strongly encouraged me to have my ovaries removed. No problem. I was thinking I would be done, but that's ok. At least it won't be chemo. I did go get my new shoes today - some black Crocs with a suede panel across the top. No holes, so they are perfect for going back to work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 5, 2008 Author Share Posted March 5, 2008 Well, I talked to my radiation doctor today. I thought I was dodging that bullet. When he called, I said... "oh, I won't be needing radiation - I am having the bilateral" and they said that I would still need to have my chest wall radiated. Apparently the cancer is just aggressive and nasty enough that taking the breasts isn't enough. So, instead of dodging anything I am having my breasts removed, I will still need to be on Tamoxifen, I will have to have my ovaries removed, and I will still need radiation. :mad::mad: I am just now finding out how aggressive, nasty and persistent this is and because of the high likelyhood of me having those BRCA genes they aren't willing to take any chances. Now I'm all paranoid that the chemo didn't 'take' and its in my chest now. I am glad to be having this surgery. The path report will tell me what I need to know in terms of this. All I can say is... when will this sh*t end?! Damnit, I thought I was done!! :mad::mad::mad::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 (edited) LB-- My aunt was on Tamoxifen for five years when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been cancer free for fifteen years. I am so sorry that it appears that the ordeal of chemotherapy isn't enough to knock it out of you. My mother-in-law is also going through her own chemotherapy hell for a different type of cancer. Such a powerful drug with terrible side affects. But what are the alternatives? I admire you so much for handling this with such grace and dignity. Edited March 5, 2008 by Kasan Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 LB - I'm hoping that as you climb up out of the sewage pit that WAS (past tense!) your chemo treatment, your strength will increase enough for you to be able to handle this fight, in a way that you may not feel right now, today. And I know that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, it's just that from here out, I hope you'll have more and more strength each day than you did the day before. So is this aggressive treatment plan based on the assumption that you carry BRCA1 or BRCA2 alterations, or on other diagnostic/pathology information? In other words, if the BRCA test should come back as a confident "true negative", would they likely back off of the aggressive treatment plan, or will it stand regardless? I dont remember if you said, but do you have any family history, and if so will they be able to do any genetic testing on other family members to correllate BRCA1 and BRCA2 alterations? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Nothing I can say LB, except to wish you all the best. No one can imagine what you are going through, least of all me. Nothing I can say.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 5, 2008 Author Share Posted March 5, 2008 1. So is this aggressive treatment plan based on the assumption that you carry BRCA1 or BRCA2 alterations, or on other diagnostic/pathology information? In other words, if the BRCA test should come back as a confident "true negative", would they likely back off of the aggressive treatment plan, or will it stand regardless? 2. I dont remember if you said, but do you have any family history, and if so will they be able to do any genetic testing on other family members to correllate BRCA1 and BRCA2 alterations? 1. Both. The path and the profile of the cancer show it to be particularly nasty. I had multiple tumors as it turned out, plus more DCIS on top of that. So it was spreading when I caught it. I'm not sure if they will scale back or not based on the BRCA testing. 2. I do have a strong family history of BC on my mother's side. Two of my grandmother's sisters died from it, and it goes back that way for generations unfortunately. My mother is a question mark - she died from emphysema before anything like that could pop up that I know of. I don't know if I will have my daughter tested. Counseled, yes - testing I'm not sure about. Its too late for me to get any sort of health insurance now so I will be tested, but I'm really afraid that if I have her tested, and she is positive that she won't be able to get health insurance because of that. There will always be a very progressive plan of other testing for her (mammos, etc.). Her pediatrician knows the deal and between her doctors and mine, the plan is to be proactive and watchful. My doctor told me that BRCA girls can get BC as early as 16-17. So, early testing - watchful and all that for her. She knows that she will have to always have a healthy diet and exercise plan, never to smoke, etc. She already does all that, so that is half the battle right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 5, 2008 Author Share Posted March 5, 2008 Nothing I can say LB, except to wish you all the best. No one can imagine what you are going through, least of all me. Nothing I can say.......... Hey, tomorrow is your big day - please update when you hear something. I am very hopeful that it is a benign finding for her! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 LB, I don't know you but I have read your thread and I have to tell you how impressed I am with your courage and fortitude. I am sure you do not always feel this way on the inside. I'm sorry to hear that you will need to have radiation and take the Tamoxifen in addition to the surgey. I know how much you were looking forward to being done. I can only say that I hope the sun will start to shine on you. Your spirit is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Hey, tomorrow is your big day - please update when you hear something. I am very hopeful that it is a benign finding for her! Unfortunately not LB, malignant ->mastectomy and chemo... Not going to hijack your thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Unfortunately not LB, malignant ->mastectomy and chemo... Not going to hijack your thread. Oh my G_d. No. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I know this is silly and immature of me. But, reading these threads (Wita's and LB's) I just get...well...MAD. Mad at the cancer. How ridiculous is that? And I really do know better. But still. I am angry and disgusted on behalf of everyone (patients and loved ones, both) that this illness is so....unfair and sneaky and...hellish. My empathy to anyone involved in the battle against it. Sincerely. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 It isn't silly and definately not immature at all! Anyone who has been touched by cancer, whether it be a family member, spouse, a friend, or even yourself, is angry at it. I know I was when my father got it. Still am pissed at it! Hate to say it but a positive attitude fighting it does go a long long way. I only wish my father had the fight in him when we first found out. He gave up the fight before it got started..... Sorry for the t/j, that's a whole other thread for another time. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Hugs, LB. Just hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Well, I talked to my radiation doctor today. I thought I was dodging that bullet. When he called, I said... "oh, I won't be needing radiation - I am having the bilateral" and they said that I would still need to have my chest wall radiated. Apparently the cancer is just aggressive and nasty enough that taking the breasts isn't enough. So, instead of dodging anything I am having my breasts removed, I will still need to be on Tamoxifen, I will have to have my ovaries removed, and I will still need radiation. :mad::mad: What a turn of events from the 4th to the 5th. When will you have radiation and the surgeries? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Author Share Posted March 14, 2008 I have bloodwork on 3/27, and the results of that will determine the date of my surgery. I guess they want to make sure my white and red blood counts are reasonable before they get me into major surgery. My surgeon is confident that we will be going into surgery the first week in April. Radiation starts two weeks after the surgery. April 1st I start the Tamoxifen. I'm doing well now. The only lingering side effects from that last super blast of chemo is 'chemo burn' on my feet - very, very tender soles, something like it would feel like if you burned them on extremely hot pavement, and the mouth sores. My gums are puffy and very sore in spots and I have a sore on the tip of my tongue. Its pretty gross, but those pass soon enough. I have a special mouthwash mix that I swish with that helps with that. I also use a special toothpaste and mouthwash and extra soft toothbrush to help as well. On a more positive note, I went to the American Cancer Society this week, and they gave me two wigs and a handful of 'do-rags' for my head. It was so nice! I got to go into this room with dozens of wigs and drawers full of every head wrapping you can imagine and you get to take what you need. One of the wigs looks just like my actual hair did when it was growing out. It is just below my jawline, and has a black stretchy headband sewn in the front. It is a high end wig, and looks just like real hair. When I was growing my hair out long I would wear it just like that. It is weird seeing hair on my head again. I haven't worn it out yet, but I am going out for a very fancy outing weekend this weekend and will wear it out to the restaurants I will be going to. I can't wear it for too long though - the hot flashes are brutal and my poor baldy head gets sweaty and itchy, and I can't whip a wig off my head with the same ease as a hat or a do-rag. I am just so thankful that the chemo is over. That truly was the worst part. I think if anyone can get through that part, they are butter for the rest. I will be having forty radiation treatments that will slowly burn my skin - and toward the end my skin will look burned and blistered and even that isn't bad compared to the nausea and side effects of the chemo. Link to post Share on other sites
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Lucrezia, I have been following your story. I think you are incredibly strong....Best wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Author Share Posted March 14, 2008 Thanks! I forgot one other side effect: my periods stopped completely. I am officially in chemical menopause, and will continue to stay that way until my ovaries come out. I always heard that hot flashes were bad, but man I had no idea how bad they are. They don't hurt, but they are damned uncomfortable, particularly at night in bed. I go from covered up, to getting up, stripping down and laying in front of fan. Then I get cold and cover up. Repeat once an hour all night long. My eyebrow hairs are coming in white, and the nearly microscopic fuzz on my head is coming in white as well. Should be interesting, to say the least. I won't color it or anything. In a weird way I'm looking forward to it, right along with the perma-flat chest. I love walking by stores, and seeing cute little tops and thinking... "I will be able to wear that, and that, and that, and that..." I really am looking forward to having this surgery. The benefits outweigh any aesthetic cons in my book. I am really looking forward to running again, and joining the Tae Kwon Do dojang that my daughter and her dad go to. I want to lose 40 pounds (damn those steroids! ), and I think I won't have much problem doing that once I start working out and running. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 My eyebrow hairs are coming in white, and the nearly microscopic fuzz on my head is coming in white as well. Should be interesting, to say the least. I won't color it or anything. In a weird way I'm looking forward to it, right along with the perma-flat chest. I love walking by stores, and seeing cute little tops and thinking... "I will be able to wear that, and that, and that, and that..." I really am looking forward to having this surgery. The benefits outweigh any aesthetic cons in my book. I am really looking forward to running again, and joining the Tae Kwon Do dojang that my daughter and her dad go to. I want to lose 40 pounds (damn those steroids! ), and I think I won't have much problem doing that once I start working out and running. After reading of your experiences, I have no problem believing you will be quite adept at kicking ass... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Author Share Posted March 14, 2008 Yes, I have a lot of pent up anger from this. I intend to work that to my advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 well you are really amazing, your positive attitude is inspiring. I like how you put it, after the chemo you can face anything that is to come, so it's not so bad.. Maybe you can dye your eyebrows? Or if they're very thin just color them in with an eyebrow pencil. And that was nice you got some fancy wigs to dress up with especially for when you want to go out. When I used to be salaried I'd have a 3% of each of my paycheck go to the American Cancer Society so it warms my heart to see they do so much good...(and 2% to the Make a Wish Foundation). Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I don't have much to add but having read this thread I must say that I really admire your courage. It is clear that you are a very strong person. Wishing you all the best - will keep checking back on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Hey all, just saying hi on my way out the door. I'm going to my parents house with exH and our daughter for some holiday eats n' fun. I'll update when I get back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucreziaBorgia Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Got just enough time for an update before I head out to the park: I am resolute in my decision to have the bilateral mastectomy. I do not want reconstruction. I am emotionally and mentally at peace with those decisions. Surgery is coming up sometime the first week of April. It will be a painful recovery, but I can handle it. I will be getting my chest (or what is left of it) tattooed when I heal from the radiation. Haven't decided yet what to do, but I am hoping to get it done at a tattooing convention with this one local artist who is very quickly gaining national popularity, awards and magazine coverage. Who knows... you may see me in a magazine! Here is a random question. Just a silly speculation: Since I won't have breasts (just two horizontal scars), will going about topless still be considered nudity? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 OMG.. your sense of humour is incredible.. I am happy that you are at peace with your decisions and I will send all my best vibes your way so that you will have a quick and painless recovery. All the best! Bon courage! I admire you! Link to post Share on other sites
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