I have breast cancer

[PWSX3]

Not sure where you live, but if it is cold remember to wear a cap, you lose a lot of heat out of the old coconut & you don't have that extra insulation now.

[dropdeadlegs]

Love your outlook, LB. I have many times considered shaving my head to be a viable option. I'm just afraid I have an ugly head underneath all this hair. Still the idea of "shine and go" versus all the styling, does make me smile.

 

I wish I had more guts, sometimes.

[frd150]

Hello LB,

 

Havent forgotten about you. I just wanted to send more healing vibes.

 

Big (((HUG))).

 

Glad to see that you have such a great attitude. When you gget your hair back Ill send you a nice hair prouduct gift basket.

[polywog]

Hi LB,

Checking in and sending love and healing vibes your way.

How's about tatooing yer scalp? Or other regions? Maybe it would not be something you can afford right now, but I think you deserve an artist's grant for this purpose, at the very least.

 

Hang in there, and know I am thinking of you every day.... you are one brave chick, whether you feel that way or not.

 

(((HUGS)))

polywog

[RoseRen]

Well, my head hair started coming out today in clumps so I went over to exH's house and he shaved it down to the skin for me. It looks so funny!

 

We had a good chuckle over that. I really thought that losing my hair would be traumatic. It isn't really. I guess compared to other things I have going on, losing hair at this point is more a source of amusement more than anything else.

 

Its freeing in a sense. No more hair products. No more shaving. For a while, at least.

 

Wish I could take it the same way.

 

When I got my head shaved, I was still working and many people who didn't know abt my illness gave me that raised-eyebrow-look. And then I had to put in a fake smile and give some stupid excuse.

 

My hair has grown back - but then the next cycle is about to start again. I have started looking at the mirror and worrying about it. Ohhhh... I just wish I could take that cool.

 

Btw, buying a wig is a very good idea. I had 5 different wigs in different styles. (So you can guess my obsession with my hair ;-) )

[RoseRen]

I am doing so-so. These last couple of days have been hard. My cell counts were good, so my oncologist stopped the last couple of Neupogen shots for this cycle. I had one this morning, so I only have 24 hours or so of pain left and then a break for a week or so until my next chemo appointment. I'm looking forward to a few days of peace. No hospital, no appointments.

 

My mouth sores are clearing up already. The magic mouthwash works really fast if you use it like you are supposed to. It tastes absolutely horrible. Its a mix of liquid like mint Maalox or Kaopectate, liquid Benadryl (cherry), and lidocaine. You swish with it and swallow it. It is like nasty liquid chalky stuff and swallowing it makes me go but at least it works quick to numb things up and it makes my stomach feel better when its finally down.

 

My daughter is doing well. I haven't lost my hair yet, but I think that might be the point where she has a visual of the cancer. She does not see me sick or hurting, but I do tell her about it. The sick and hurting times have all been when she is sleeping or at school. The other night we were out at dinner and I told her how proud I was of how she is doing and she said that to be honest most of the time she forgets I have it. That is just fine with me. I'd rather her have that mindset than to be fretting over it, letting her grades slip, and getting depressed.

 

As for being alone, I have been staying with exH for the past couple of days. I'm back at my place tonight and my other ex is here for a few days. I'll be ok on my own for much of the next ten days or so.

 

Today I had an interesting and infuriating thing happen. I had an appointment today to get my blood cell counts and to set up my next chemo appointment. I am on a combination of chemo drugs called TAC: Taxotere, Adriamycin, Cytoxan. There is another T called Taxol, which I am not on.

 

When I was checking out and they were setting up my chemo meds, they ordered me Taxol instead of Taxotere. I thought that was unusual, but didn't say anything at the time.

 

I got to thinking about it and it bothered me, so I called the doctor's office later in the morning. When I called and asked about it the person on the phone told me that Taxotere and Taxol are the same thing, just that one is a generic of the other. That didn't sound right to me.

 

Sure enough, just a couple of minutes later I got a call back and she said that she was wrong, that they are not the same and she would send a note back to my doctor to see if he had intended for it to be Taxol or Taxotere. My guess is that I'm staying on the Taxotere. I would think he would have said something in our appointment today if he was intending to switch the two.

 

I got a call back later saying that they definitely had me scheduled for Taxotere and basically tried to deny that they had made a mistake. I reminded them that I heard 'Taxol' three times and they glossed it over saying that things were fixed now. Can you imagine if I had not caught that? They would have dosed me with the wrong chemo drug!

 

I just learned that BC and LC uses the same set of medicines. I've been on Taxol and Taxotere. Actually, I've heard Taxotere is more effective and unlike taxol, it doesn't cause gum-bleeding etc. Are you on a 6-day cycle or something?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I do get some gum bleeding, but I'm not sure if it is from the T, the A or the C. I am on a three week cycle. I get the TAC once every three weeks.

 

Have you had any nail problems on Taxotere? I have heard a few people say they had some nail problems.

[RoseRen]

I do get some gum bleeding, but I'm not sure if it is from the T, the A or the C. I am on a three week cycle. I get the TAC once every three weeks.

 

Have you had any nail problems on Taxotere? I have heard a few people say they had some nail problems.

 

All three are bleeders.

 

I've had nail discoloration years ago - but then I was on radio as well. So I thought it was because of radio, rather than chemo.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I got my Medicaid card today! Man, am I relieved. I have ten places I have to drive to today to file my card. I can't wait.

 

Primary physician

Surgeon

Oncologist

Radiation doctor

Anesthesia

Hospital

Surgery center

Pharmacy

Radiology center

Pathologist

 

All in different location. Whee!

[whichwayisup]

LB, I hope you have someone to drive with you, or drive you. Oh and keep the 10 feet rule handy! Try to stay away from anyone who is coughing or showing signs of a cold as the last thing you need to deal with is a cold.

 

(I become a total germ-a-phobe at this time of year so that advice goes for everyone! Wash yer hands alot, kids!)

[dropdeadlegs]

Whew! Medicaid has been a big blessing to me where my kids are concerned. I'm feeling your relief, LB!

 

Sorry you have to drive all over, but financial blessings are rare! And no more driving after today! Well, except for future appointments....

[LucreziaBorgia]

(today's update)

 

So, today went well. I got to the oncologist at 8:45am and went on over to the hospital at 10am. Had some breakfast, got the IV plugged into my port, took an Atavan, and drifted in and out for a few hours. Ate some lunch, drifted some more and then it was time to go. I was thinking it would be like the first round - in which I went grocery shopping that night and ate normally.

 

Nope. I feel like I have had my soul sucked out. I am so very, incredibly tired. My nurse explained that it was a cumulative effect and the symptoms would continue to get worse with time and with each treatment. Does that mean more nausea? More vomiting? More GI distress? More bone pain? Yeah... I guess it does. So, tonight I'm up after a nap drinking an Ensure and probably heading back toward a nap in a short while.

 

I got some good pictures today. Some funny ones, some interesting ones - the program exH has on his Mac is fun to use. Can't wait to Photoshop up those pics and post them (they will be on my MySpace page, and I'll put one in my profile here). I'll get around to that later, I guess.

 

On another good note, the oncologist wrote me a prescription for the Neupogen. So, I only go into the hospital two days for shots and I can pick up the rest from my pharmacy on Wednesday and give the rest of the shots to myself. Makes me a tad queasy. Here I am - having been pierced, several big tattoos, childbirth and the idea of sticking myself with a little needle gives me the queasys. Eh... it will beat going into the hospital every day, that's for sure.

 

Today right after my treatment, exH and I stopped in at our favorite tea shop for some tea on the way back to my place. It was strange - I felt like I was in a dream or something. This chemo puts me in a weird cognitive state. Not entirely unpleasant.

 

The only unpleasant thing is the 'chemo brain' - I have a bad case of that. I will type stuff up, look at it and find that it either makes no sense, or the letters are jumbled up wrong, or misspelled. I forget words for things, places, names, what I'm doing, what I need to get, etc. Its like I'm in a cognitive fog all the time.

[whichwayisup]

How many treatments of this particular cocktail do you have to do? I remember my friend had 4 different treatments of chemo, think 4 stages or something and each were different. The 1st batch for the first bunch of treatments made her so sick but near the end, she was breezing through it, though very tired and drained - Chemo fog as you described it.

 

I'm wondering though, is it possible for them to send a nurse to your house to do the shots?

 

Ahh, you have a MAC (my expression, once you go MAC, you don't go back), I know that photobooth program you're talking about. Pretty cool, and I'd like to see some of your pictures.

 

Stay strong and brave LB.

 

PS I wonder how Dazed is doing? He hasn't posted in a while..Hope his wife is doing alright.

[whichwayisup]

deleted...posted twice by accident.

[DazedandConfused66]

Hey LB, I'm still here. I realize that at this stage it's more about "doing" cancer treatment than "worrying" about it. It was for us. You get into a routine and Chemo tends to BE the routine. It's a fact, no denying it. Just remember what I said earlier.....YOU control your life, not cancer and not chemo. You have to make time for it, but it need not be your entire schedule.

 

Unfortunately, the nurse was 100% right. It is cumulative. The last two treatments are, for most patients, the worst. And the effects of chemo can outlast the treatment itself by one or several months. But that's how it works....kinda like boot camp for the body. Each treatment will take you down further, then you'll build back up....then whacked again. But if it provides any comfort at all....the long bone/joint pain? That means the chemo has gotten in there, attacking any cancer cells it found. The fatigue? That means the chemo has gotten into your entire bloodstream and muscular system....working as intended. Chemo Brain? Well....not exactly sure what that means actually. I think that's a bonafide side-effect. It drove my wife NUTS. She started keeping little notes all over the place. That's why the kids bought her a Nintendo DS with Brain Age game to excercise her brain and keep her cognitive capacity up there. It really worked! That and Sudoku were my wife's way of dealing with chemo brain. Just keep the brain active, do puzzles, play a video game, read a book, anything you can to keep the gray matter up there working.

 

Keep a good PMA if you can. This is a very difficult process, difficult for others to comprehend if they've never been thru it or seen it first hand. That's why cancer treatments are so hard sometimes....you don't FEEL sick until they start treating you.

 

Good luck with the next round LB.

[LucreziaBorgia]

How many treatments of this particular cocktail do you have to do?

 

I'm wondering though, is it possible for them to send a nurse to your house to do the shots?

 

Ahh, you have a MAC (my expression, once you go MAC, you don't go back), I know that photobooth program you're talking about. Pretty cool, and I'd like to see some of your pictures.

 

I have six rounds of TAC. Its the same thing every time. Hard stuff.

 

My MIL is a nurse - she is coming by today to give me my shot and show me how to do it in case there is a day where she can't.

 

Photobooth is fun! I haven't got them off his computer yet, but I'll show them to you when I get them done.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Hey Dazed, good to hear from you. Everything going ok on the homefront? How are you and your wife doing?

[DazedandConfused66]

Photobooth is VERY fun My kids love that program.

 

My wife is now in the routine of seeing her oncologist every couple of months and her radiologist about once a month. She's VERY happy with her new boob, shows it off to just about anyone who asks. All females or doctors, of course...but I chuckle. She is also enjoying the tummy-tuck she got as part of the TRAM procedure. She still has to go in for symmetry "nip and tuck" stuff, likely in Feb. They will reduce her new boob just slightly and then reduce the other one to make them both "pert" and reduce the droop a bit. She's very excited about that....I am just thrilled to see her excited about things as opposed to the pall that covered us in 2007.

 

Oh and speaking of body ink and tattoo's.....when they do the nip and tuck they will also tattoo on the aureole. Maybe the nipple also, but she's considering whether she wants it inked on or actually rebuilt from excess tissue.

 

Truthfully, it's a bit hard to post good news sometimes as I've huge empathy for what the beginning of the journey feels like LB. I want you to know that even though I'm not posting 3-5 times a day it's because I realize that you are settling into the cycle and there is not much "new" to discuss at this point. But I understand completely the "sick" part of chemo....and I wish you could be spared those symptoms. But this too shall pass and it's a necessary part of the healing process. Just know that at one year ahead of you down this path things do look brighter, happier, more promising and, most importantly, more loved. Everything in our lives is loved more than it used to be. Realizing your own mortality has a way of really helping you to prioritize life. This year, the entire family is foregoing holiday dinner to work at a shelter. It was my _daughters_ idea...they came to US with it. They wanted to give thanks for their moms' recovery in a special way. It brought tears to my eyes to see how much they have grown thru this experience.

 

I hope you find strength in the promise of another day.

[White Flower]

LB,

I keep reading all your wonderful posts on other threads and I'll tell you, you do not appear to be in any kind of fog whatsoever. You are clear, concise, and absolutely wonderful.

Hang in there, sweetie. We're rootin' for ya!

[whichwayisup]

Photobooth is fun! I haven't got them off his computer yet, but I'll show them to you when I get them done.

 

Yeah I am addicted. I don't have it but some friends of mine do and whenever we're at their house, we all play with photobooth and have the most outrageous and silly pictures happening! Looking forward to seeing what you do with it!

[LucreziaBorgia]

LB,

I keep reading all your wonderful posts on other threads and I'll tell you, you do not appear to be in any kind of fog whatsoever. You are clear, concise, and absolutely wonderful.

Hang in there, sweetie. We're rootin' for ya!

 

Heh... I have to type each post a couple of times and proofread them afterward. Some of the stuff I type makes no sense.

 

On a different note, today is a sick day. Its like clockwork. The third day, I get really sick. This time I have a much stronger medication for that. So, now I feel queasy, but I'm not actually throwing up. Yet, anyway.

 

At least it doesn't last too long. Plus I have these things called "Queasy Pops" - lollipops that have stuff in them to help with the nausea. I found them the other day in a small pharmacy over here next to where exH is living (and where I'm staying this week). Those things are awesome. They make "Preggie Pops" too, for pregnancy nausea.

 

I should have those pictures today. I love Photobooth! I laugh and laugh over some of the pictures we come up with.

[JamesM]

It is amazing to me how you are handling all of this. It is indeed and inspiration, and I do mean that. I am one of these people who really do not like the dentist, and I finally went. It seemed so stupid too me that I could not deal with such a simply event as the dentist when I red daily how you are dealing with the breast cancer.

 

I am almost ashamed that I make this comparison, but you are one of the reasons that I felt compelled to "be a man" ober such a trivial issue.

 

Now that Queasy Pop caught my attention and having never heard that before, I googled it. Here is a link to them. It sounds like a great idea, and since you say they work...well, who knows who else may have need of them?

 

http://www.threelollies.com/

[whichwayisup]

It seemed so stupid too me that I could not deal with such a simply event as the dentist when I red daily how you are dealing with the breast cancer.

 

**raises hand** Uhh, I kind of needed to be put out completely for my dental work done in the summer due to my dental fears. A grown woman, me in the chair, makes me feel like a little crying kid again. Pathetic..lol.

 

Yup, LB is inspirational!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ok, this time around was bad. Really bad. No new side effects - just really intense versions of the same old same old. Nausea, vomiting, acid reflux, really bad bone pain from the Neupogen shots - I have been wearing pajamas and tottering around my apartment pretty much the whole time, except to get out to the grocery store and stuff like that. Unfortunately my car is broken down, so I don't get out as much as I probably could.

 

I am still not eating like normal. My body seems to only want fruit and vegetables. Not a bad thing really, but I miss the meat and potatoes and the occasional fast food. Nope, not a chance. I just can't stomach it, or any cooked food really. I've been eating a lot of salad. And fruit. Lots of that. I have to admit its good stuff. I forget how good fresh cherries are, or kiwis, or a crisp tart apple. I will go to the grocery store and fill up a cart with whatever looks good in produce.

 

I have been laying low, and pretty much avoiding going out. Until today, I was wracked with a variety of painful things going on and just didn't feel up to going anywhere or doing anything. I avoided my phone and pretty much all of the outside world. This week should be better, and the next. I have some social catching up to do! One of my favorite bands is coming back around this way in January and I'm considering going. I expect I'll scare all the young pretty things with my bald head and my scars, but there are always hats right? Heh... We'll see.

 

Next week I have a friend date to go to a really nice chophouse here in town, and my mind is so craving a big fat steak and some garlic smashed potatoes. Hopefully my body will catch up and want that too!

 

So, I have a few days of 'normal' ahead of me until the next chemo. Which, unfortunately will be New Year's Eve. :mad:

[lindya]

One of my favorite bands is coming back around this way in January and I'm considering going. I expect I'll scare all the young pretty things with my bald head and my scars, but there are always hats right? Heh... We'll see.

 

I hope you are up to it. I'm sure it would do you a lot of good...and since you have to go through chemo on New Year's Eve that just makes it all the more important for you to have something to look forward to in January.

 

Have you any indication of how the next chemo session is likely to leave you feeling? So far, has it been better or worse than you predicted?