What happened to my thread?

[whatiswrong]

Hello,

 

What happened to my thread regarding my wife's colleges and her behavior? The people posting in my thread were really giving me good advice. When I went to check it this morning the thread was deleted. What's going on? What happened? It was a good thread with a mature, helpful conversation going on to help me with my current situation.

[whichwayisup]

Use the contact us link at the bottom of the opening page, ask the mods/admin about this...All I can think of is, either the thread had some fighting on it and parts of it were deleted, maybe by accident the whole thread was dumped. I dunno...Sorry though that it disappeared. I guess start another thread about it.

[whatiswrong]

Thank you for responding -- all of you!

 

 

Things have been decent overall. We attended a family bbq yesterday and for some reason my wife wouldn't leave my side. I realize we had over 40 people at the party and everyone was busy, but usually during these functions my wife will speak to her sister, etc., but she didn't. I encouraged her to go mingle (like I was) but she wouldn't. I'm not sure what sign this could represent.

 

I noticed my wife was 'spacing' it a lot at the family BBQ and I did bring it to her attention. She gave no specific answer why other than her just evaluating the family members mingling and joking around. It was very much out of character for her.

 

Last night after the family get-together we decided to be intimate, but her plumbing (for a lack of a better expression) wasn't responding. She went on and on about how excited she was but her body wasn't responding. We just got over being sick, and I have had similar issues in the past where I have been willing but my body wouldn't cooperate. It is completely understandable from my perspective.

 

 

However, what bothered me was when my wife said, "You haven't lost your touch so stop worrying about it. " This was the furthest thing from my mind (i.e. thinking that I couldn't excite my wife), and when we talked about it, she just went on to say that her body wasn't cooperating.

 

I also wasn't feeling too well after the BBQ anyway; I ate too much! I was a bit grumpy and I explained to my wife how sick I felt, and she understood.

 

Our next MC session is this Thursday. I plan on talking about her job and the kissing incident that happened there.

[whatiswrong]

I also want to add that once upon a time these issues between my wife and I was non-existent. MC never once entered my mind because everything was going so well. The ex incident (I suppose) has scarred me to a degree, and in all honesty, the MC has helped me in identifying feelings and issues that I never knew existed.

 

Since starting MC I have been able to 'move' on from those events, but I can't help but notice the warning signs my wife gives off some days. These are the very same warning signs that happened before, but I wasn't smart enough to see them. I love my wife very much, but I sometimes wonder if I am beating a dead horse. My wife is really good at playing incident (especially in front of the MC) and I pray the truth will come out.

 

I just want to move on with her and not without her you know?

 

I guess we shall see as the year comes to a close.

[JayLK]

wow

 

I went looking for the old thread and couldn't find it either.

 

Anyway!

 

None of this is your fault WiW! We've all been there and we know exactly what you are going through right now.

 

It really sounds like you and your wife are making good progress in MC so stay positive man!

 

I did read your last few posts before the thread disappeared and I know exactly what you're going through. Once you're a survivor of such behavior you grow a sixth sense about these things and you can pinpoint the behavior you saw before but dismissed. The biggest problem (which causes the most frustration) is knowing that the signs are there but your spouse continues to deny that anything is wrong. You find yourself doubting yourself because you can see and feel it, but your spouse is playing the ‘I am dedicated to you only’ card. Then you find out later how dedicated they really are to you which wasn’t by much to begin with.

 

 

I think everyone here will agree that your wife is that type of personality and is weak in those types of scenarios. I remember reading one post you made where you stated that your wife uses your love to be strong; you need to ask yourself this: where was your ‘love’ when she was having dinner with her creepy ex, and possibly banging him at his place afterwards? The flirting too…. From my experience some people like her do change for the better, while others tend to play the card very closely to their chest.

 

Long end short of it, you must either wait for her to screw up (which you will eventually find out about), drop the ball and leave out of principle and for your health, or continue on with your MC and pray she is really taking everything that is said to heart and really, truly loves you.

 

Also have you been receiving any strange hang up calls or large amounts of wrong numbers? That is another sign my friend.

[whatiswrong]

Thank you for responding Jay! It was already established by the MC that my wife plays the protective card. She is the type of personality that tries to make everyone happy, even by lying to prevent any friction from occurring. My wife denied the MC's claims at first, but the MC wasn't fooled by my wife's answer.

 

We have been receiving a large number of wrong calls from men looking for other people (mostly males) in the past couple of weeks. It would be one thing if the wrong calls were random, but lately they have been too numerous to ignore. I've noticed on more than one occasion two different male voices during these calls so I don't know what to make of it. I had the numbers traced (i.e. reverse look up) but they all lead to cell phones and typically personal information is not attached to those accounts.

 

Any idea on how to get to the bottom of these calls?

[Cobra_X30]

1st Cross reference those phone #'s with your phone records. Keep the numbers on file and watch for them to pop up again. If she was cheating on you, do you think she would hand out a shared phone #??

 

Also... what personal spaces does your wife have? Example... does she have her own closet? Purse? If she wanted to hide information from you where would she put it?

[Darth Vader]

Are there any hidden alcoves in the house, hidden panels in the floor? People can make their own hidden places! I saw a part in a movie with a hidden panel in the floor once, really intriguing!

[whatiswrong]

1st Cross reference those phone #'s with your phone records. Keep the numbers on file and watch for them to pop up again. If she was cheating on you, do you think she would hand out a shared phone #??

 

Also... what personal spaces does your wife have? Example... does she have her own closet? Purse? If she wanted to hide information from you where would she put it?

 

The phone numbers don't match up to anything so it might be a coincidence.

 

We share the same closet but we have our own dressers (and of course she has her purse) -- otherwise I can't think of any place in the house where she could secretly store things.

[whatiswrong]

Are there any hidden alcoves in the house, hidden panels in the floor? People can make their own hidden places! I saw a part in a movie with a hidden panel in the floor once, really intriguing!

 

 

Intriguing concept indeed! I wouldn’t put it past some people, but we live in a complex (i.e. apartments) and everything is tiled / carpeted.

[Cobra_X30]

The phone numbers don't match up to anything so it might be a coincidence.

 

We share the same closet but we have our own dressers (and of course she has her purse) -- otherwise I can't think of any place in the house where she could secretly store things.

 

Well I'd discreetely look through her dresser and purse for suspicous items. Phone #'s, pay as you go phones, reciepts... ect.

 

I know she always seems to act suspect... but eventually you will just have to trust her.

[whatiswrong]

Well I'd discreetely look through her dresser and purse for suspicous items. Phone #'s, pay as you go phones, reciepts... ect.

 

I know she always seems to act suspect... but eventually you will just have to trust her.

 

Thank you for responding Cobra.

 

The MC has really helped me in regards to my wife. I no longer worry when she goes to work. I'm still in the healing process and the therapist says it takes time.

 

It never dawned on me that too many wrong calls could be evidence of something else; it never crossed my mind until JayLK asked. I don't really want to snoop through her things because I have no idea what to look for.

[Cobra_X30]

I am actually glad you dont want to snoop!

 

I think your wife has emotional issues... and really fears losing you, so she puts on a mask. Sometimes that mask slips, and it causes you to question what you know about her.

 

Do you want to know your wife? Know everything about her? Hopes, dreams, fears, passions... ect?