Bachelor party lie...more lies...lies lies lies

[oppath]

I don't think he fooled around at his bachelor party. I think what happened is something like this:

 

the last bachelor party I went to, the groom was told to take of his shirt and lay on the ground. The stripper put whipped cream on his chest, took of her panties, and sat on his chest, slowly sliding up to his face where she sat on it, for at most, 1 second. The guy had no idea it was coming. He didn't eat her out. He was in total shock. Also at the party, the girls would do something where they would lay upside down on a chair, insert a shot glass into their va-jay-jay, and and then roll over pouring the shot into a guys mouth. That cost $20 I think.

 

If things like that to you are cheating or inappropriate, maybe stuff like that went on, though I think there is a big difference between those things and a blowjob or intercourse. Also, with a bunch of horny, $1 carrying dudes around, the groom at the party I was pretty much not in control of the evening. He was embarrassed and didn't participate in much, but he couldn't shut down the whole night if he tried. He took one for the team.

 

I don't know what happened. Most likely she just danced around with her panties off. He knows that information would upset you, he doesnt' want a fight about it, so he is trying to conceal it from you. I am not saying that is ok, I am saying it is most likely. At my bachelor party, if the stripper rubs her beaver in my face without me knowing it was going to happen, I'd slightly push her away, but I wouldn't cause a scene and turn off the stereo. I wouldn't conceal anything from my fiance though.

[DOA]

This guy has cheat written all over his forehead!!

 

If he hasn't already cheated on you, he's seriously heading down the path.

 

He sounds very untrustworthy! Don't even THINK of marrying him if you're having doubts like this so close to the wedding!

 

Either fix the relationship first and rid yourself of the doubts or break up! Save yourself the heartache of divorce!

 

If your gut tells you something is wrong, it's probably right!

[stace779]

Let's say he is cheating - why on earth would he want to get married knowing if I ever found out he was cheating "for sure" that I would leave him.

 

When he brought up that question about the foot rub i said to him "maybe i should distance myself from you a little" and he got upset that i said that and wanted me to apologize he said he does not want me to do that and said he was hurt by it.

[directx]

Since when do cheaters not get married?

[Geoffrey]

and I was married for 11 years (divorced for 5 now)...both of you need a serious truth session with one another, RIGHT AWAY! Those are seriously lacking in relationships today, and it's such a basic, essential thing that the whole relationship is built/resting on.

 

You need to tell him what you've found out, and how you went about it, and he needs to answer your questions truthfully. He needs to 'fess up to any questionable shenanigans he was involved with as well. Then be prepared to forgive him, if that is your choice. And that is that.

 

No disrespect, but women can be just as, if not more, clandestine in their activities as men, good and bad.

 

If it were me....no truth = no marriage. PERIOD. I can say this with some authority because I was lied to more than one time in my marriage, and found out the truth on my own (without snooping, I might add - I didn't have to). And if you go through with the wedding with these questions unanswered to your satisfaction in your mind, I'm willing to bet that they will come up again and again, every time your have a disagreement in the marriage. I speak from experience here!!!

 

Neither of you will EVER hear the end of it from each other, if it is not resolved TODAY. Both of you have MUCH BIGGER and MORE IMPORTANT things ahead of you that some little litany of secrets. Carrying all this drama around must feel like a heavy chain wrapped around your neck, for him too, not only you. He sounds like a good man at heart, neither of you deserve this kind of distraction and trouble.

 

It is written that "the truth shall set you free," and a clear conscience should be worth something to both of you, no? To me...it is PRICELESS! Both of you deserve to be told the truth....from each other, not a third party.

 

Get going....and good luck! You can do it!

[Lizzie60]

1. I have found porn on the computer - not really too big of an issue except we were not really having sex as much and I don't know if that's why???

 

Nothing wrong... I wouldn't make a big deal if my bf was looking at porn on the computer.

 

2. I recently found adult personals cookies on our computer. (I was just curious if he was looking at porn) I was out all night for a friends bachelorette party (the first time I have not been home) and what do you know. . . he's up to no good

 

Um... My bet is that he has a profile in there... why would he be on an adult personals if he's not interested... he's definitely looking for something here.

 

3. I have no idea of how this even came up but he asked the question whether or not I'd be ok if he hung out with another girl if I were away on vacation or something...and asked if giving a foot rub would be exceptable (mind you I really don't even get foot rubs, he only has 1 girl that he's friends with since college) -

 

Weird indeed... he's interested in this girl for some reason... and while you're away???? foot rub???? geezz... you need to wake up and smell the coffee my dear.

 

4. THe BACHELOR party lie - this is the most recent episode. His bachelor party was a 3 day party over labor day weekend.

. I asked if he had a stripper and he said yes, that she took her clothes off, danced around, and not much more. He said she did not take her bottoms off. . .

 

No way... she took everything off.. come on... don't be sooo naive. This guy lies like he breathes... Those girls don't mind showing their hands or their p*ssy... no bid deal.. just show them the money... come on now!

 

He basically denied everything and said he wanted to see if I'd check his email I highly doubt he would go through all of the effort to "set me up" but if he did it's even worse.

 

What a load of crap!!!

 

I don't belive that he set me up and brought all of his friends into this "let's set Jennifer up game". What do you think?

 

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

What do you think I should do? Here is is 20 days from our wedding and I can only sit here and continue planning this wedding with this sick feeling in my gut.

 

DON'T MARRY... SIMPLE... otherwise you'll be divorcing in less than 2 years...trust me on that one.

 

I feel like I've been taken advantage of, lied to, etc and don't know if I should be marrying this man or not.

 

No kidding!

 

I don't know what he is doing behind my back, he denies everything. He makes me happy, but are these signs of a dead end marriage? All I'm saying is that love is blind - I don't want to be blinded by red flags. I don't know if I'm over reacting.

 

You're not over-reacting....you're just reacting to his lies... You are much better to call off the wedding for now... but I don't think you will do that.. I think you will go ahead with the wedding cause it's now getting real close but you will soooooo regret it... trust me... all I can say is good luck cause I know you'll go ahead with the wedding and you're heading for DI-saster/vorce...

 

But it's YOUR choice... you are the master of your own life.

[sally4sara]

I went totally nude at bachelor parties. I'm telling you there is no way he could stop the situation or halt it at only topless; his buddies would freak out! And really these parties were so much less for the bachelor than it was entertainment for the guests. Guys would approach me or pull me aside and ask how much more for whatever. It was always a way to find out how much for themselves. They don't really care if the bachelor gets a last hurrah, they were wanting it for themselves and I could ALWAYS TELL. They would usually follow it up with some question about if I ever saw any clients outside of the job or would I be interested in dinner. The vast majority of the bachelors seemed like it was just happening to them. Yes they enjoyed it, but not near as much as the other guys.

 

What goes on? I would dance and act all flirty; say coy stuff, maybe add to the bachelor's embarrassment by undoing his belt or shirt buttons. I would start taking off items of clothes (my clothes) a bit at a time. I would do uhhh, tricks? pick a fiver off a clothed guys lap without using my hands while he lay on the ground. I would sit on laps and ruffle hair, pull on ties if they wore them, throw items of clothing at their heads. If I was working with another girl we would act like we were into each other; maybe kiss or undress each other. The worst that might go on is some girls would charge extra to do a "masturbation show" and pretend to get THEMSELVES off. It would cost about $200 extra.

 

Worst behavior I saw out of the guys. A bit of trying to grab. Thats why we traveled with bouncers. I've had two parties where some guys would touch themselves. One time it was the bachelor but that doesn't mean your guy did that. Like I said out of two and half years, one bachelor doing that is called RARE. One bachelor did ask for sex. He was a douche and I couldn't even figure out how he talked some girl into marrying him. HE WAS THAT MUCH OF AN ASS and completely blackout drunk. I'm betting he didn't even remember me in the morning.

 

What I'm trying to get across to you is that being nude isn't so different from being topless and your guy was going to catch a %*&$storm if he tried to stop it. The stripper is ALWAYS there more for the guests than anything else.

Yes, they could've gotten a prostitute, who knows. If I were you I would go to him and say one of the other guys spilled the beans to someone and it got back to you. Tell him you know more than he thinks and you don't want to go on rumors so unless he wants you to call off the wedding he better come clean with the details. Tell him no matter what, if he is honest with you RIGHT NOW, the wedding will proceed and y'all will work through this. Tell him since you know a bunch already he better not try to hide anything. After he has spilled the details, go be by yourself for the rest of the night and decide if you are comfortable marrying this man.

[emmaUK]

i know i would find it very hard to beleive anything he said again after that and would be wanting to check his phone/email all the time. that is no way to have to be

i would want to call the wedding off if it was me.

 

what you gonna do???

[sally4sara]

I've known legit strippers, I've known strippers who were legit, but would accept cash in exchange for blow jobs or hand jobs in the "private room" of the club (and yes, the owners had a "what we don't know won't hurt us" policy in one of those clubs), and I've known legit strippers who kept it legit in the club and prostituted on the side - including off site bachelor parties. There's no telling if this one was above board, below board, or simply an escort and not just a stripper.

 

None of that really matters though - what matters is that it was not a simple matter of dancing around in her panties, and the fact that he felt compelled to lie about it and have all of his friends lie about it too suggests that he wasn't hiding just a simple bottomless dance either.

 

BTW Lucrezia, I was an ESCORT, dominatrix, and stripper for those 2 and half years. Do you know the difference between an escort and a prostitute? As an escort I would every once in a blue moon be a ballroom dance partner for some old lonely guy or a piece of eye candy at some fancy banquet. Mostly, we would rip off guys trying to find prostitutes. Our bouncers would pose as our pimps and leave with the money. We carried micro cassette recorders and catch them on tape soliciting. We would then tell them we didn't do anything illegal and even though we knew our agency had a no refund policy, we felt bad and would call to see what we could do about it. The bouncer would show up while we were still on the phone and the guy would let him in knowing he was the one with the money anyhow and the girl would walk out the door after handing the bouncer the phone. The big scary bouncer would then tell the freaked out and disappointed married business man that he wasn't getting his money back and leave too. So much for your theory.

[stace779]

I honestly don't know what I am going to do. Everything just seems so normal and great on an everyday basis. before this I can say I was the happiest I have ever been in my life and planning my dream wedding

 

I really don't think he's cheating on me with another girl but I think he might have a porn addiction. He says he doesn't and says he rarely even looks at it. He told me once before he would not look at it again and a couple months later I found it. He then said he was not going to tell me he would never look at it again as he did not want to lie but said he rarely ever looks at it. I don't even bother asking why - just something about men I will never understand. However, the adult personals is a COMPLETELY different story and did I mention we met on Yahoo Personals...so I think it would be down right sick to cheat on me the same way we met...no i know he had a profile on adultfriendfinder because when i first found the history he said he put it up before we met - and I do believe this was true. i did go ahead an delete his profile for him and he has not said anything - but that's because he is not on there RIGHT???

 

I just wish I had proof - Hard core proof that he did something. Right now I have his ridiculous lies about what happened - but I don't truly know what happened. I can tell you if he cheated on me he is sick and I hope he would regret it. To my knowledge he has not cheated on his previous girlfriends other than middle school. ( He is 26 and I am 28 BTW). He will be 27 in the next couple months and I just turned 28.

 

The other day I wrote him a letter and told him how the "me checking up on him started" and why I have continued. I told him I can no longer keep checking up on him - It's exhausting me and it's not healthy. I would obviously stop had I had not kept finding stuff...

 

I said that honestly, trust, compromise are all the foundation of our relationship and he AGREED. he agreed with everything I said and was so sweet about it as he usually is.

 

He is very stubborn - I honestly think he would rather go to this grave and man up to whatever happened. I will probably move forward and not b/c of money or convenience but because I am a happy but suspicious fiance - since I have no solid proof. I just don't know for sure what happened - maybe she teased him and he just didn't want to upset me I don't think i'll ever know.

 

But he treats me good and in all aspects of our life we are a great match and I believe he is my soul mate...but if i ever find out he did cheat or is cheating I WILL leave as I'm not one of those women and my heart would be broken at that point so I would have to move on...

[stace779]

Oh, and why would he give me his password if he didn't want me to check his email...or WHY would he just not change it if he did not want me to check it?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

stace, you saw in his email that he told you something other than the truth and wants his boys to back him up.

 

that means something happened that he knows you wouldn't like.

 

he doesn't have to tell you that, because you already know. now you have to decide if you want to marry a man who is willing to go behind your back and start your marriage off with strippers and lies.

 

and i hate it when people say "he has to go along with it, because his boys will give him such a hard time if he doesn't." what do they think the wife will do when she finds out? any man who is more worried about what his friends think than what his almost-wife thinks shouldn't get married.

[LucreziaBorgia]

So much for your theory.

 

My theory? I'm not sure what you mean. Just because you didn't hook during your time as a stripper and an escort doesn't mean other girls don't. I know the difference between an escort and a prostitute. I know escorts/strippers and strippers in my town personally who hook when they need some extra cash. Some are trying to pay off bills, some tuition, others supporting a heroin or coke habit, and some just want some extra money when tips aren't going so well. Think it doesn't happen? I can tell you it certainly does.

 

Whatever the case, stripper, escort, prostitute, etc. one thing is clear. This guy lied about what happened and encouraged all of his friends to lie about it. The issue here is lying and cheating. It doesn't matter what sort of girl was there - there was a girl there and something happened that he felt compelled to lie about and convince his friends to lie about as well. The nature of the girl and what she does and whether she does it for money is a moot point really.

[oppath]

stace, you saw in his email that he told you something other than the truth and wants his boys to back him up.

 

that means something happened that he knows you wouldn't like.

 

he doesn't have to tell you that, because you already know. now you have to decide if you want to marry a man who is willing to go behind your back and start your marriage off with strippers and lies.

 

and i hate it when people say "he has to go along with it, because his boys will give him such a hard time if he doesn't." what do they think the wife will do when she finds out? any man who is more worried about what his friends think than what his almost-wife thinks shouldn't get married.

 

What guy at a bachelor party has ever ran and turned off the stereo? Most feel slightly embarrassed and look away sheepishly while their buddies enjoy all the action. At best, the groom will say "you guys have fun, I'm going to step outside and drink a beer." I doubt he cheated. I'd place money on she took her panties off and danced, but he hardly touched her, and if he did, it was because he didn't have any idea what she was going to do.

 

The issue here is lying. Not cheating. Worry about the possible cheating later. You are mostly suspicious about cheating because of the lie, and I'm willing to bet he knew you would be upset about a girl taking off her panties and wiggling her rump in his face...even if he didn't touch her at all. Is that excusable? No. It is a matter of perspective if it is a little white lie or a big one, depending on how you view strippers. At my bachelor party, if her panties come off, I'm not going to stop it. I am not going to touch, I am not going to kiss (though I will motorboat), and if my fiance were to ask what happened, I'd tell her: the stripper got naked and danced, I didn't kiss her or touch her.

 

But its a moot point for me, my friends are the type who would hire a midget for humor.

 

All you can say is "I feel sad because I have reason to believe you weren't 100% honest with me about what happened at the bachelor party. I can handle what goes on there, you don't have to shield me from it, but what I struggle with is feeling you aren't fully truthful with me, just to spare my feelings. I want our marriage to be based on complete honesty, even if at times it means potentially hurting my feelings a little bit.

 

The footrub thing...that seemed a little odd. Bring it up in the same conversation. Just say "something else that bothered me was when you brought up giving a footrub to a girl. It was so odd and uncharacteristic. What was that all about?"

 

Be as calm as possible. Focus, if anything, on how you FEEL, without screaming "I am mad because of xyz." Simply say "I feel a little sad; I feel confused; I feel concerned." Focus on non-judgmental feelings. I'm willing to be he is mostly innocent.

 

As for the adult sites, sometimes to browse you need to create username/profile. He may have been just curious to see what kind of people go on those things. I've done it JUST for that reason. I think an appropriate thing to do would be to ask him if you could look at porn TOGETHER when he wants to look at porn, even if it is not expected that it leads to intercourse between the two of you. I do look at porn; my girlfriends no it. I try to include them just so they no what I look at.

[sally4sara]

What guy at a bachelor party has ever ran and turned off the stereo? Most feel slightly embarrassed and look away sheepishly while their buddies enjoy all the action. At best, the groom will say "you guys have fun, I'm going to step outside and drink a beer." I doubt he cheated. I'd place money on she took her panties off and danced, but he hardly touched her, and if he did, it was because he didn't have any idea what she was going to do.

 

The issue here is lying. Not cheating. Worry about the possible cheating later. You are mostly suspicious about cheating because of the lie, and I'm willing to bet he knew you would be upset about a girl taking off her panties and wiggling her rump in his face...even if he didn't touch her at all. Is that excusable? No. It is a matter of perspective if it is a little white lie or a big one, depending on how you view strippers. At my bachelor party, if her panties come off, I'm not going to stop it. I am not going to touch, I am not going to kiss (though I will motorboat), and if my fiance were to ask what happened, I'd tell her: the stripper got naked and danced, I didn't kiss her or touch her.

 

But its a moot point for me, my friends are the type who would hire a midget for humor.

 

All you can say is "I feel sad because I have reason to believe you weren't 100% honest with me about what happened at the bachelor party. I can handle what goes on there, you don't have to shield me from it, but what I struggle with is feeling you aren't fully truthful with me, just to spare my feelings. I want our marriage to be based on complete honesty, even if at times it means potentially hurting my feelings a little bit.

 

The footrub thing...that seemed a little odd. Bring it up in the same conversation. Just say "something else that bothered me was when you brought up giving a footrub to a girl. It was so odd and uncharacteristic. What was that all about?"

 

Be as calm as possible. Focus, if anything, on how you FEEL, without screaming "I am mad because of xyz." Simply say "I feel a little sad; I feel confused; I feel concerned." Focus on non-judgmental feelings. I'm willing to be he is mostly innocent.

 

As for the adult sites, sometimes to browse you need to create username/profile. He may have been just curious to see what kind of people go on those things. I've done it JUST for that reason. I think an appropriate thing to do would be to ask him if you could look at porn TOGETHER when he wants to look at porn, even if it is not expected that it leads to intercourse between the two of you. I do look at porn; my girlfriends no it. I try to include them just so they no what I look at.

 

This is by far the best advise in this thread. The lie is the issue, as soon as that happens, you have to doubt everything. And then the assumptions come in.......oh god the assumptions!

A person might not think something is a big deal, but know that it might be to their SO. They make a judgment call. This is a problem and you need to explain it. It means they are deciding what information you get to use to base your feelings on.

But somethings aren't as big a deal as the assumptions will cause you to imagine. If you can't work through the small things, you aren't going to survive a marriage. Let him know that you might not like everything he does, but you do want to at least be angry about real things and not whatever worst case scenario his little white lies will cause. This isn't just about your trust in him, he needs to be able to trust you and what levels of hell he will catch when he screws up. He might be walking around with the feeling than any screw up is a potential deal breaker and this wonderful relationship is no more than a few words away from being gone from his life.

[sally4sara]

The foot message thing is still weird, but it could be he just finished watching Pulp Fiction with someone. Or someone asked him for a foot message. Or he gave someone a foot message. I doubt it means he had sex with someone. No way is a guy going to pose a foot message hypothetical situation to find out how you would feel about them having sex with someone else!

 

"Hey baby, how would you feel if I gave some girl a foot message?"

"Mmmm, I suppose its not the biggest deal."

 

*guy thinks to himself* "Sweet! It's totally okay I screwed that girl!"

[KenzieAbsolutely]

What guy at a bachelor party has ever ran and turned off the stereo? Most feel slightly embarrassed and look away sheepishly while their buddies enjoy all the action.

 

i agree that might happen. every guy and each situation is different. i know bachelor parties that have gone in both directions.

 

my point is that maybe there should be some question as to why a man would even put himself i these situations if he truly has no interest in it and it's for others' benefit. doesn't seem worth the sacrifice to me. but then again, i'm not a guy.

[oppath]

my point is that maybe there should be some question as to why a man would even put himself i these situations if he truly has no interest in it and it's for others' benefit. doesn't seem worth the sacrifice to me. but then again, i'm not a guy.

 

If my friends are flying in from out of town and paying hundreds of dollars for some strippers, there is no sacrifice. Let the underwear come off and my buddies have the time of their life! Bachelor parties are as much for the groomsman and whatever single guys are there as they are the groom. If my friends got me a stripper, they can do whatever they would like with that stripper, whatever services she offered. I'd stop nothing short of keeping my mouth off the girl. And even that I'm not so sure about, such as if she put whipped cream on her nipples, though I'm pretty sure I'd talk to my fiance first about what she felt was completely unacceptable.

[stace779]

I talked to him a little before the party but I didn't want to make too big of a deal out of it and have him think I didn't trust him. "I basically said, I trust you and trust you won't do anything that would damage our relationship. I did tell him I had heard horror stories about bachelor party strippers and how they would put a nickel on your nose and take it off with their vagina and I said that, that was not exceptable. And that's when I asked him what he would do in that situation and he said he would tell her to stop...

 

However, I do understand that his friends paid a great deal of money and flew down to SC just for him and I'm sure he didn't "ask" for the stripper, as his brother planned the whole thing. But I'm sure he didn't say no as not to ruin his friends from a good time and sound like a wimp. He does not go to strip clubs and has never been at a bachelor party - I'm sure he did not know what to expect. And seeing as he is kind of a shy person I'm sure his face was red and everyone was watching him as she did her act or whatever. I am sure her panties came off 100% sure. And, I'm sure things went on that are no appropriate. I can imagine he was freaking out and didn't want to stop as to not get crap for the rest of his life from his friends - I know how guys are. And seeing as how I told him that was not exceptable I'm sure that is why he lied. Had it not been for the porn, and question about the foot rub I would probably not be nearly as worried.

 

I just can't help but to keep thinking about the fact that he was belligerent drunk though. And I know things that he "might not normally do" are not so bothersome when you are drunk. I have heard many times that when guys get together - they are completely different people.

 

My problem is that he is not fessing up to what happened - And, I think he honestly believes I am buying his load of crap when I really am not. The problem is that he turned it all on me. I sent him a long email telling him that I checked his email, bla bla bla and he replied back "I'm tired of having a spy". I replied back "then stop giving me reasons to spy" and he replied back "I have never given you reason not to trust me" and then started his line about how this email was to just see if I would trust him and that I obviously don't and there is zero trust. And he even said "I honestly don't know how this relationship is going to work with zero trust"

 

Now...after he threatened our relationship I backed down. Maybe that made it worse, because now I feel like a complete idiot. And now because I don't know the truth of what happened my imagination is running wild. He told me she was Latino and even today watching a Latino cook on TV all I could think about was that he had sex with someone and cheated on me and it makes me feel sick.

 

I would honestly be able to get over this if he would tell me what really happened AND I DON'T KNOW WHY HE JUST WONT MAN UP.

 

I think that this issue made the trust issues I did have even worse. I really don't want drama in my relationship, I want to be able to trust him. And, other than what I have mentioned here here he has not given me a reason not to.

[oppath]

Hmmmm....

 

well, don't use email for important conversations, EVER! It's too tough to judge tone and really impersonal.

 

I would say to him, face to face, "Listen, we do have trust. Perhaps I've done some things to put you off, and I apologize for it. I certainly don't want to be a snoop and from now on I promise to come straight to you about my concerns. I'm sorry for not doing that. However, I have reason to believe you weren't 100% honest with me about the bachelor party. Feeling like you weren't fully honest with me hurts, as I can handle and forgive things that are mildly unacceptable to me, but dislike feeling like you aren't disclosing things to me."

[stace779]

yeah, i totally regret doing it via email - I was just so upset when I read that and couldn't hold back. I was at work when I read it. I totally agree with you and from now on it's going to be face to face. Most of the time we do talk face to face. It was just soooo hard to wait after I read that.

 

Why do you suppose he turned it around on me? Why do you think he won't man up?

[stace779]

Also, oppath - Have you ever known a bachelor to cheat at his own bachelor party?

[oppath]

No, I've never known a bachelor to cheat at his bachelor party. I think that is one of the least likely places to cheat because there will be so many people there that will be at the wedding. Maybe she put whipped cream on her breasts and rubbed them in his face. That is the kind of thing that happens at bachelor parties, and it is far different than him putting whipped cream on her and intimately licking it off. It's more like boxing gloves hitting you in the face from the left and right. If you think that is cheating...ok...I'm not going to invalidate that, but if something like that happened, he did not know it was coming!

 

If he cheated, I doubt he would do it at his party. If he cheated that weekend, it would have been around fewer people and more discreet. Presumably, you know some of the guys at the party and will see them in your future. The secrets he wants to keep are likely along the lines of "her panties came off and she danced, but my girlfriend would be upset with that, so just be cool guys."

 

This doesn't mean there isn't cause for concern, but don't jump to the worst possible conclusion. It is unlikely in my opinion.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

 

my point is that maybe there should be some question as to why a man would even put himself i these situations if he truly has no interest in it and it's for others' benefit. doesn't seem worth the sacrifice to me. but then again, i'm not a guy.

 

If my friends are flying in from out of town and paying hundreds of dollars for some strippers, there is no sacrifice. Let the underwear come off and my buddies have the time of their life! Bachelor parties are as much for the groomsman and whatever single guys are there as they are the groom. If my friends got me a stripper, they can do whatever they would like with that stripper, whatever services she offered. I'd stop nothing short of keeping my mouth off the girl. And even that I'm not so sure about, such as if she put whipped cream on her nipples, though I'm pretty sure I'd talk to my fiance first about what she felt was completely unacceptable.

 

and that's fine for you. you missed my point. i am talking about the ones that ARE NOT interested in it and do it anyway because of their friends, and then get upset when it's not accepted by the almost-wife, after they knew it wouldn't be. so clearly, my post wasn't directed at you or people who think that.

 

i wouldn't want to be with a 'man' who considered his friends' feelings over mine, so if he screwed with strippers when he knew i was against it, that would be sacrificing his relationship with me. that's what i meant. sorry for the confusion.

 

and stace, i've never known a bachelor who didn't cheat at his bachelor party. not actual intercourse every time, but genital contact of all sorts.

 

it's one thing to check out girls in a club. it's quite another to touch them and let them touch you. but that's also just me, some people don't feel that way, and that's fine too.

[shnny25]

Personaly I think he's up to no good, I wouldnt marry someone I already couln't trust imagine what he would think he could get away with once tha certificate is signed if hes already acting like this pre marriage....