Trying to "network" but all they seem to want is to get in my pants!!!

[Cobra_X30]

Thanks for the advice, I think this is the best point that's been made by you and some other people in this thread, and something I didn't think about before: having confidence and being comfortable are key.

 

As for networking, thanks for the tip And since you rock at it, please feel free to add more tips, I'd be interested in hearing another person's strategies about how to handle different people..

 

LOL... My boss calls me "The Great Smooze".

 

Just keep in mind that the point of networking is to get things like promotions. However, you rarely get what you dont ask for! So make sure everyone knows when there is an open position... that you want it!

[infiniteQuest]

If you are in a mostly male-dominated field, it's not uncommong to find the "stand out" females who have made a place for themselves as being influential, different and professional in that particular field. At least one. If you really want to network and make it up the ladder in your field, why not try networking with her?

 

I know of many fields where there exists a "woman's mentoring" type of thing. I actually think women are typically better at mentoring younger recruits to the field if you first make the move to tell them you admire and respect their accomplishments. You don't have to ask for a formal mentoring relationship....just a small little fan note or maybe asking their professional advice on something.

 

I'm not saying ignore the males....you have to co-exist with them. But if they aren't interested in much more than getting in your pants anyways, then lets be honest....why the hell do you want to have them in your network in the first place?

 

Life is too short for games. Find network contacts that matter and work the relationship. Be honest...I've had this happen to me with both male and female rookies alike. I'm flattered when they want to know me and emulate my career. Some of them I've developed life-long relationships with, up to the point of accepting formal mentoring challenges. Others, just part of my network of associates.

 

You sound like a smart woman...if you think the guys aren't interested in helping your career, then move on. They aren't worth worrying about either.

 

Although I can see the value of having a female mentor, I would still like to be able to speak with anybody without the situation turning uncomfortable. You are absolutely right, I wouldn't want to make associations with people who only want to sleep with me. The problem isn't that simple though. These people aren't just perverts who have nothing better to do. Most of them happen to be very knowledgeable and influential. The only problem is that when I approach them or vise versa, the first thing that seems to grab their attention is my looks, which triggers all of the flirting. I'd like to be able to diplomatically and elegantly draw the line somewhere and clearly show my neutral intentions in order to avoid uncomfortable situations. I have a lot of difficulty doing that, because of my friendly nature and my wanting to avoid embarrassing the other person or make a big deal out of it in front of everybody.

 

I have had one experience in particular where things degenerated and the situation became really uncomfortable, and I did have to voice my discomfort very explicitly. After I had drawn the line, the man in question seemed to have acquired a deeper respect for me, and was perfectly willing to help me. However, I wish that I had been able to avoid this uncomfortable situation altogether.

 

Essentially I would like to learn how to carry myself in a way that will result in these men being attracted to what I have to say first, rather than my looks... But men being the way they are, perhaps that's a bit unrealistic?

[infiniteQuest]

There's a happy medium to networking. Even if they're interested in getting into your pants, you can still create a mutual respect and even admiration, situation, without leading them on.

 

The last thing you want is to create the impression of being someone who's going to get uptight about a little harmless flirting.

 

YES! But how do you do that exactly without leading them on? Please don't think that I am uptight about these things either. I am always friendly with people and handle these things in a subtle manner. However, my friendliness seems to be confused with something else that apparently leads these men on.

[infiniteQuest]

LOL... My boss calls me "The Great Smooze".

 

Just keep in mind that the point of networking is to get things like promotions. However, you rarely get what you dont ask for! So make sure everyone knows when there is an open position... that you want it!

 

So how do you go about asking these things? Do you make a joke and slip in the fact that you wouldn't mind taking somebody else's job? Wouldn't that be perceived as opportunistic?

[vaguelette]

You need to be far more confident about your own boundaries. Don't question the things that make you feel uncomfortable. Recognise if it makes you feel bad, it is bad and consequently, it's perfectly fine for you to ask the person to stop it.

 

In context - a guy comes onto you, but although it makes you feel uncomfortable, you are unsure whether or not you led him on, or maybe he's just being friendly? It doesn't matter - it made you feel bad and you have every right to ask him, politely, to stop.

 

Also, become extremely well-versed in your field if you're not already. Then you know your networking opportunites will be based on something far more solid than the size of your boobs etc.

 

As far as dropping those hints - don't. Take a leaf out of the guys' book, they say it straight - "Hell, yes, I want promotion!". You don't need to say you'd take a particular person's job. Get it?

[Trialbyfire]

YES! But how do you do that exactly without leading them on? Please don't think that I am uptight about these things either. I am always friendly with people and handle these things in a subtle manner. However, my friendliness seems to be confused with something else that apparently leads these men on.

It's the same way that people can get too friendly with other people, which causes others to distance themselves.

 

Be professional when the situation warrants it. When someone flirts with you, flirt lightly back unless you're seriously interested. If someone flirts too strongly, gently make fun of them or gently shut them down by saying something that lets them know you're not interested, in that way. Most older men know the signals of interest or not and will back off to whatever level you want to play.

 

There's also a time and a place for flirtation. For example, when I'm attending a meeting, I will be friendly before the meeting but professional. While in the meeting, it's all business with some humour, depending on your audience. After the meeting, I will then relax a bit and if someone wants to flirt with no intent, that's fine too. If they start to move in, they get shut down right away with a boundary of professionalism.

[Green]

can you send me a link to a picture of yourself because ive lost the ability to profesionaly answer your questions and find myself asking what does she look like in a swim suit

[musikaprinsesa]

Show them how to be professional. Don't be fool by those guys. take care and good luck