I Left Him And Now I'm Crying...

[tinke]

this is what i was trying to get accross earlier...if one is truly sorry (which i do believe you are), the note should not be about you in any way, or his reaction, etc.

 

yes, leave him to his new g.f......but the purpose is to apologize for the way you had mistreated him..

your note says nothing of the sort...you reiterated what a great guy he was, i'm sure he already knows he treated you well. if you do not want to interfere with his current relationship, i think the note is a bit much. why "force" him to review the past, etc., which in fact, will "force" him to think of you.

 

a simple, i'm sorry for the way i mistreated you in the end...you deserved more. wish him well. maybe, a brief..explanantion that you've grown and made realizations.

[tinke]

oh yeah, why send it via computer? if you really want him to receive it, mail it. you need not put a return address. i am assuming he still lives at the same past dwelling.

[bish]

bish:

 

If there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I am honest with myself and with the ones I love. My bf is well aware of the situation; he knows how much I miss my ex and my struggle with the memories and my actions towards the end. He has been, on the whole, understanding. He also knows that I miss my ex’s hugs. He understands that this is not a romantic sort of pining away… A hug can be shared between platonic, but albeit very close, friends.

 

As for the 10 year itch…I’ve learned my lesson. Should I ever have doubts in this current relationship, I will do whatever the hell I can to deal with it…but I certainly will not continue for the sake of history or family or friendship. My bf is aware of this. He knows my history very well and knows what he got himself into. That said, I truly believe I share a unique chemistry with my bf. I’ve always had a very difficult time being truly attracted to someone (I run at the sign of ANY flaw) – with him…for whatever reason, it is different. But then again, things happen… The best I can do for this current relationship is be honest with my bf and deal with any issues as they arise.

 

Well I can give you the benefit of the doubt there. Only thing I can say is good luck.

 

But even though your bf "knows what he got himself into" it still doesn't change the fact that you need to show him more respect.

 

Yes I know he understands, but I feel by bawling over an ex it isn't very respectful to your present bf.

 

You're ex has moved on and undestandably doesn't want you to contact him. Please respect that and move on yourself.

And your current bf is very understanding, but he still, in lieu of his understanding, needs for you to show him respect by closing that chapter in your life.

 

Good luck.

[cj1988]

You treated your EX the same way my H treated me when I accused him of having an affair. He emotionally checked out and did not care I was losing weight (did not need to) and I was miserable and constantly crying, never slept etc. It is by far the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. How can you say you love someone as a friend? You do NOT treat anyone, friend, family. lover in taht manner if you LOVE them.

 

Sorry, but people that are selfish in that way should feel guilty, ashamed and down right like s---- !

[CaliGuy]

You treated your EX the same way my H treated me when I accused him of having an affair. He emotionally checked out and did not care I was losing weight (did not need to) and I was miserable and constantly crying, never slept etc. It is by far the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. How can you say you love someone as a friend? You do NOT treat anyone, friend, family. lover in taht manner if you LOVE them.

 

Agreed. This is what is meant by the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. If you love someone you show them by caring.

 

And if you can tell your S/O is checking out of a relationship, it's best to do yourself a favor and end the relationship as soon as possible. The longer you drag things out the longer it will take to heal and move on with your life.

 

Self-respect is about knowing when to pull chocks and taxi to the runway.

[justfine]

Ocean Blue,

 

 

After reading about your situation, it appears to me that you're not particularly happy that your ex has moved on. You may say you are, but, your actions say different. Just let the man move on with his life. You seem intent on making him keep you in his thoughts, perhaps, hoping that he'll miss you or want you back.

 

Then here you are treating your current bf the way you do. Man, I wouldn't be surprised if you new bf gets tired of your bs and decides he had enough. Imagine if your bf kept going on and on about how he misses his ex. Wouln't that make you sick?

 

Take a deep breath and let your ex move on. There's no need to apologize, your ex doesn't want to hear it. Focus on your current bf unless you want to risk losing him too.

[Ocean-Blue]

Wow! This forum is really something else. I can't begin to tell all of you who've responded to my posts how valuable your insight/advice/criticism has been. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and reply!

 

TBF:

 

Yes, I have thought about this (not contacting him one last time and leaving him to his new life). This is a major reason why I'm hesitant to send the email - perhaps I should leave well enough alone...I dunno.

 

tinke:

 

I realize much of what I've written comes across as being all about me...and to a certain extent, you are right, it is about me (as this is something I have to let go of).

 

What I failed to mention earlier is that I do in fact address how I behaved near the end - and I do apologize for this. I guess I didn't want to disclose too much of what I wrote in the email. The email talks about him and what he did for me...and of course, about my regret over how things ended. I am hoping that it provides him with closure. I suppose on my end, it gives me a sense of closure too (to know that I sent it to him...).

 

I am not interested in disturbing his life or forcing him to focus on "us" or me. I guess I just want him to know that I am truly sorry and that I have struggled with my actions near the end.

 

As for mailing him a letter - this is out of the question (for various reasons). That would irritate him to no end.

 

bish:

 

What you say is so very true! I know my bf is human and he can only take so much. I try not to run to him every time I cry...but I have say, my issues do affect our relationship. Closing the chapter with my ex is indeed something I have to do. I can tell you, I've made steps since sharing my story here on LS.

 

cj1988:

 

I acted very selfishly in the relationship. I understand how empty my statements of love must seem. I believe my current emotional turmoil is karma handing everything back to me. This is my just desserts - and all I can do is deal with it.

 

While I can't speak on behalf of your ex, I can tell you that people do regret things...and they do in fact treat those they love like **** (b/c sometimes, it's easier to be cold and callous than deal w/ the other person's pain).

 

For what it's worth, I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through. No one deserves to be treated like ****. And I bet you, one of these days, if he hasn't already, your ex will come to the realization that he was a royal ass.

 

CaliGuy:

 

Yup, sometimes it's better to just say enough is enough and move on. My ex, b/c of our history, his relationship with my family, our friendship, etc. just didn't want to give up. He figured things would just work out... I only wish we had both realized what we knew now early on.

 

justfine:

 

I am happy he's moved on. However, I am not going to deny that it doesn't sting a little. What hurts is not that he's with someone else or that he is happy (in fact, I'm very grateful for this - aside from wanting someone I care about to be happy, one never wants another's anguish to be on their conscience...sounds selfish I know, but it is the truth).

 

I am hoping the email will ACKNOWLEDGE that he deserved better than how I treated him near the end and that I am truly sorry. That is all.

 

And yes, I need to stop going on and on about my ex to my bf. The guy has thick skin...but I know he's not impervious to what I say. He's probably going to wake up one day and say enough is enough and checkout on me.

 

Time for me to move on!

[Cuepid]

Ten years is such a long time. From the way you describe your ex, it seems he's the type of guy that every girl dreams of. I bet all your friends were sad over this break up too.

 

The way I see it, you guys were together for 10 years. That says a lot. Now that "giggly feeling" might have faded, but who cares. That's not what love is about. I don't know why, but I have a strong feeling you are going to miss him more and more over time. I hate to see such long term relationships come to an end.

 

Has anyone seen the movie "The Painted Veil" ? Naomi Watts says a line in that movie that goes something like "Since when did a woman ever love a man because of his virtues". So true. She has an affair with some other man in the movie, a "bad boy" type. She fails to realize just what a great man her husband is as she's sleeping around with this dude. I won't spoil the movie but please go see it. You really feel for the husband.

 

Good luck with your current b/f. I'm actually very sad reading your story.

 

Btw, what religion does your ex follow? Just curious.

[Ocean-Blue]

Hey Cuepid! Thanks for the reply.

 

Ten years is such a long time. From the way you describe your ex, it seems he's the type of guy that every girl dreams of. I bet all your friends were sad over this break up too.

 

Actually, yes, my friends (even some of the guys) were unhappy with the breakup. They knew that I was with my ex for such a long time - for them, us getting married was just a matter of time. That said, all of my friends have been supportive of my new relationship (something which stung my ex). And my girlfriends did think my ex was the real deal (the "ideal" guy). Some of them didn't even know we had problems and were quite baffled when we ended - they just kept asking me "why, what happened...you never told us something was wrong...why didn't you talk to us!"

 

The way I see it, you guys were together for 10 years. That says a lot. Now that "giggly feeling" might have faded, but who cares. That's not what love is about. I don't know why, but I have a strong feeling you are going to miss him more and more over time. I hate to see such long term relationships come to an end.

 

There was never that "giggly feeling". We began as very good friends and never really developed into anything more than that (perhaps we could've...but I'll never know now). And yes, I hate seeing LTRs come to an end as well. The history is inescapable. My ex was there, during it all. He held my hand at funerals, he held me when I cried over my insecurities... I can understand why some couples stay together in spite of their problems - the history is simply something they can't escape.

 

Has anyone seen the movie "The Painted Veil" ?

 

Nope.

 

Btw, what religion does your ex follow? Just curious.

 

He was half Christian, half Buddhist (he followed his Christian roots).