Confronted my ex, poured out my heart...

[storm]

Here you go again. Getting your drug fix. You have to take control of this addiction. Again, you can't change the past but you shouldn't have come out and told her how you feel in that serious conversation. But that is behind you now. You really need to back way off and disappear. Don't just ignore her next text or stupid high five. Ignore all of them for a set amount of time(months). Challenge yourself and be proud as the weeks go by watching youself ignore this trap. She has nothing to worry about and it is time to make her worry. Again and again. She is on the fence and falling to the side of being single and dating. Do not give her the best of both worlds. She can't be talking to some other guy while still texting you to make sure you are there. She is just making sure you are there. Do you think she is falling back in love with you via text message???? Heck no. She is getting her little drug fixes too so she can slowly ween herself off of you. Notice how the texts are becoming more and more spread out???????? Go back a few pages and look at link I pasted,or the hell I went through. Same scenario, texts that slowly dwindled to nothing now. I even made the mistake of having the same serious conversation you had. Well wait until you only get one text per month. You will be very down and low, that is when you will hit rock bottom. And that is where this is all heading.

 

When you back off and act like you don't care, she might and I say might make some decisions. But no decisions will be made until she misses you.

 

Again. Step outside of your body and imagine you broke up with some girl because you aren't sure if you want to be with her(you were confused and maybe want to date, or there might be better out there). Then you start to see some other people. Then while you see these other people you still text this person you broke up with, they reply everytime. But what do you do when this person you broke up with disappears and ignores you??? How about if they don't ignore one text but the next one and the next.

 

You freak the F out!!! Where did she go? Do she hate me? What is she doing? Maybe I miss them? Did she meet someone else?? Is she slipping away????

 

Make sense?

 

It should. Quit listening to your heart. Be a jerk

[heartoutside]

Storm, thanks for the advice, but I actually think telling her how i felt in that conversation (even though it wasn't my intent) was a good thing. As for replying to her text, yeah it's hard, really hard. I'm trying, I'm getting better I not even writting them when I question something....but I'm worried that not replying at all will just push her away even more! Such as the text that she wrote today, saying that she thought I was always mad at her....why would she thinking that, after I told her last week that I wasn't mad at her...is it because I don't reply to her text messages right away? Also, what's wrong with the idea of just being honest with her and saying that we need to open our line of communication, because obviously we didn't communicate enough when we were dating, and now it's come to the point where she thinks I've moved on.

 

And I know, we aren't a couple, we're not dating anymore. But when this all first happened it was her asking for a break, and me flipping out and telling her it was a break up.

 

StaringContest, I never hounded her about dinner. She asked if we could go out for dinner to talk....then she cancelled, that was the end of that. And I have only asked her once if she was mad at me, it was kind of a joke because last week she did the same thing to me.

 

But regardless, I kind of feel like totally NC isn't the best option....I"m not sure what the best option is...

[heartoutside]

I forgot to mention, that she and I have a tremendous amount of good friends in the same circle and work at the same place, so we do run into each other. Although it's been a few months since we have...we will see each other next weekend though at a company dinner. Also, I thought NC was about healing, not trying to trick the other into coming back....

[StaringContest]

Storm, thanks for the advice, but I actually think telling her how i felt in that conversation (even though it wasn't my intent) was a good thing.

 

I tend to agree with you here. I don't think that was a mistake. I do think you're close to making mistakes now though.

 

As for replying to her text, yeah it's hard, really hard. I'm trying, I'm getting better I not even writting them when I question something....but I'm worried that not replying at all will just push her away even more! Such as the text that she wrote today, saying that she thought I was always mad at her....why would she thinking that, after I told her last week that I wasn't mad at her...is it because I don't reply to her text messages right away?

She's saying it to make you feel guilty and respond. If she really thought you were mad and she wanted to do something about it, she could call and ask to meet you to talk.

 

Also, what's wrong with the idea of just being honest with her and saying that we need to open our line of communication

Didn't you already tell her that? I thought you mentioned something about telling her you need better communication and that you two can work things out. If she agrees with you, she can open the lines of communication. She knows how to get a hold of you. She knows how to say "can we talk?". She's done it before. If she wants to talk to you, she'll do it again... unless she's one of these girls who canceled just so she can "test you" to see if you'll protest and beg her to meet you. Then you're better off without her.

 

StaringContest, I never hounded her about dinner. She asked if we could go out for dinner to talk....then she cancelled, that was the end of that. And I have only asked her once if she was mad at me, it was kind of a joke because last week she did the same thing to me.

I know you haven't hounded her about dinner and you didn't send a bunch of texts to ask if she was mad at you. I'm saying that if you do those things, it'll drive her away.

 

You've asked at least 5 times in this thread whether you should ask her about dinner. If people had said yes the first time you asked, and she had canceled again, would you have kept asking her? I have a feeling you would have.

 

But regardless, I kind of feel like totally NC isn't the best option....I"m not sure what the best option is...

IMO, NC until she has anything substantial to say is the best option. Once she finally says she wants to talk, she'll probably want an answer for why you ignored her. Then you can tell her that it seemed like she was messing with your head and stringing you along even after you poured your heart out to her.

[niceguy27]

NC. You need time completely to yourself for a while without her. You will be amazed at how much clearer your head will be. Then when you do talk to her again, you will have much better control over the situation when it does arise. She knows how you feel. It is 100% up to her to initiate the next "talk." Until then, get a plan in motion and set a date. Once that date comes, then think about contacting her again.

 

It's helping me out tremendously right now. I now have a goal to work for so its keeping me busy and focused on it and not her. The reward?? If I play my cards right, her. If not, then at least I will come out it feeling good about myself and knowing that yes I gave her time and yes I gave myself time.

[heartoutside]

So it may have been dumb, but at least I know where I stand. Yesterday, I finally replied to her myspace message in regards to her liking the song on my page. I simply wrote back "yeah, it has a lot of meaning for me." I then get a message from her on myspace and then a few mins later a text. I don't log on to my space to see the message because I was heading out, but the text which was sent right after the myspace message said, "hi." I didn't reply to that either.

 

I go out with my old roommates, all of whom know my ex well because she lived with us for the last 6 months of our lease about 3 years ago. One of them brings up the fact that he went to my ex's labor day party and he meet this "other" guy who she my ex just introduced by his name, not "this is my boyfriend" or anything like that. My old roommate then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to rip this guys arm out and beat him with it, and that he thought he was gay when he first met him. He also said something really funny, that when he first met this guy, he thought that he made me look like Russell Crow and that there is no way what ever relationship they have is going to last, which is what i've heard from numerous people.

 

Anyway, so later that night, on my way home I cave in (I know, i shouldn't have, and I know now for sure!) and I replied to her text, "hey."

 

Needless to say she didn't text back. I then get home and log on to myspace and read the message she wrote. "I wasn't implying anything." Which I guess makes sense, but wasn't what I meant by my message. I just meant the song had meaning for me, I didn't mean it had meaning for her. Why send the message to being with? And why send the 2nd myspace message about it not having any meaning and then 5 mins later, send a text saying hi....? What the hell is up with that?!?

 

So I'm going NC. I had a clear head about a month ago, when we went NC for 2 weeks, and then she started sending me those random texts. Now my head is getting all caught up in this crap again.....

 

Any advice....

[storm]

Your advice is the same as it has been for the past month. Ignore all this pointless madness for a while. Quit reading into her dumb texts because that is what she wants you to do. If you keep torturing yourself and answering these stupid texts then this is going nowhere, i guarantee 100%. Yes no contact is usually for yourself to heal but it will also be a wake up call to your ex when you fall off the face of the earth.

 

If I broke up with a girl, this is exactly how I'd want it to be. I'd send little bait texts and she would answer. Awww the security of knowing the ex is still where I want em.

 

Does any of this advice make sense??? Or do you think she will come around if you continue to answer these texts??? OH WAIT. you are afraid she will get mad so you have to answer. Ha Ha. Not!

 

What have your results been for the past month of answering these texts?? Insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results. Has she came back yet? Has she texted you saying she misses you and wants to work things out?

 

Hell no. You should be the one who is mad. She dumped you, and now has her little toy. And she also has you waiting on the bench.

 

WARNING!!! DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU WON'T BE CONTACTING HER!!!! Just do it and let her mind drive her crazy while she worries. Don't give in or you lose.

[heartoutside]

So how do I react around her when I see her at this company meeting (which I receive a 5 year pin at for 5 years of being with the company), and how do I react at the halloween party? The party I think will be easier, I'm always a good time at a party....

 

So, she ended up texting me again tonight, asking "how are you doing?" I haven't replied, and I guess that's an easy one not to reply too....and in my mind I'm think she'll think I'm mad at her, I'm not, and what if that messes things up? That's what I'm having a hard time dealing with or figure'n out....NC is for healing, not to trick you're ex into coming back, and I do believe that. But at the same time, not replying to her, maybe she'll get the point....i have told her that I can't do this, sit around and play these games, she knows what I want and where I'm coming from. But the last time we went through this she thought I wasn't talking to her because I had moved on.......what if she gets that idea again?

 

I haven't even opened the text (i can preview parts of a text message before I open them). The reason I won't open them is because I discovered that some phones have the ability to know if a sent text has been read. She has one of those sidekick phones so I'm sure that thing can tell her if her message has been read, so I'm not opening it....its a game, and I really don't want to play them.

[heartoutside]

So, I didn't reply to text. I got another one though. "I know you're busy and I wanted to see what you are doing thursday. I"m gonna be in the neighborhood @2pm."

 

How do I reply to that.....do I reply to that?!? Man.....

[storm]

I would be careful to reply.

 

But this could be another stupid trap of hers just to check and make sure you are still waiting. I know how you feel, the confusion. Again don't forget she knows you haven't moved on and you have spilled your guts not long ago.

 

Thursday is kind of far away. It is more dangerous to reply to the text versus ignoring it. What the heck is her agenda now. Wonder what she is pretending to do on thursday. I would sleep on this one before replying. she might get your hopes up again and change the plans at the last minute. Thursday is far away. You will feel much better if you don't reply to it or wait a day or two.

[jmargel]

Stop with this childish crap. Just call her and settle the score. That myspace thing sounds suspecious. Are you sure no one else has access to it? Unless she's very warped I can't see someone replying to your message like that and then a few minutes later send another message saying 'Hi'.

 

You don't know who is at her phone when you text or when you get texts from her. Just call her, at least you know who you are talking with.

[heartoutside]

I doubt it's anyone else replying.....seriously. And I do agree it's childish, that's why i've stopped replying.....and I haven't been on myspace in 3 days.

[Blackberry]

Honestly it sounds like she has fallen out of love, isn't attracted to you like she used to be, and basically isn't into you sexually anymore. However, after being in a relationship for a long time, it is still very difficult to let go of someone who was your touchstone and best friend for all that time, even if you're no longer really sexually attracted to that person. If she were over the moon for you and wanted to have sex with you and get back together, she would have done that, not put you off like she has. What she is expressing to you literallly is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

Oh, and by the way, she is not mentioning the other guy because she is in a sexual relationship with him. She is simply missing your friendship, she is getitng her sexual needs and romantic relationship needs met by the new guy.

p.s. I am giving you this information having been where she is myself. I totally loved my ex who I was with for 5 years, but I didn't feel sexual passion for him anymore, I felt it for someone else. It was still very emotionally difficult for me to let go of my ex because we had developed a friendship bond and we had conversations very similar to what you have stated. I was even contemplating getting back together, but deep down I knew I no longer felt the sexual passion for him.

This is exactly what your ex girlfriend is going through. Think about if you really want to waste more emotions and time on a woman who isn't sexually attracted to you anymore and just doesn't feel "it" for you anymore. Your best bet is NO contact and moving on and finding someone new.

[eatmydust87]

Your best bet is NO contact and moving on and finding someone new.

 

NC is the only option man, I know it sucks and I know at times you feel like talking to her is the best thing but **** that. It gets you back to day one all over again, me and my ex have been broken up for almost 3 months now and so far its been about a month and a half of NC. The first two weeks she contacted me until I asked for her back and then after telling me no and that she has been with someone else, she still kept texting me after then for no reason except to just to **** with me I guess. I wish I had done NC since the first day I had broken up with her because then I wouldnt have crawled back to her, but if not then, then at least when she threw the fact she had been with somebody within a few days of the split. I hate everyday of it, and yes I do want to contact her and what not but after the first month it got so much easier. My situation was a little different, I broke up with her because she was moving to another state and there had been no planning for this so I freaked because of past LDR's and broke up with her.

 

Honestly dude, sometimes it helps to have a different perspective on things because 90% of life is how you interpret and let things affect you, think about it like this, you may love this girl but would the ideal person for you do these things? Would "the one" put you through this bull****? I guess maybe be a little idealistic in your thoughts on love, it'll help you find a reason why you two aren't meant to be (ironic, my ex said something a little along these lines the last time we spoke).

 

Another good thing I can recommend, because it has been working for me, is look towards the future! It is the unknown and that is what makes it so great, you can look forward to the great things that will come your way, whatever they may be. I keep my eyes set on the horizon, I think about finishing college, getting a career, etc, etc. Many great things will happen in your life, and if you are stuck on the past you may not enjoy them when they happen. Another thing on the future, dont ever for a second think you wont find someone as nice, as beautiful, as whatever as this last girl. I thought that a year and a half ago, when my gf of 2.5 years left me, and I found a more beautiful, nicer, better girl (my current ex) to **** things up with later.

 

 

Keep it up and be tough. Just remember, NC is about YOU! Its got nothing to do with the other person except avoiding communication with them when possible, but the underlying reason is to work on yourself and build yourself up. It is not a game to get them to come back to you or whatever, because to be totally honest, it usually doesnt work like that, and would you really want this girl back in your life anyway? Answer this question now, and in 2 months, answer it again, you will be amazed at how much you will change in 2 months.

 

P.S.

keep off of myspace and facebook