Cobra_X30 Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Break up with her and do whatever you need to, you sound like you are at the breaking point, struggling so hard now to keep it in check, how long do you think THAT will last? All the signs are there, it is going to keep coming out in your attidute to her, maybe one day you will reconnect with her if you make the right choice and break up so you can see as many other girls as possible. Interesting. Perhaps there needs to be a thread explaining male thought processes? You realize that every guy wants to feel special... right? Thats what this is all about. I didnt really get to that point earlier, but there it is. He needs to come to grips with that before it causes problems. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Well I'm not so sure it's about feeling special cobra, because even though you guys discussed some other topics, he also said it wasn't an issue of who she was with before him, and the thing that jumped out was him repeating he feels like he doesn't want to regret not being with many different women by the time he is 30 or 40. So it sounds like a temptation/grass is greener he needs to work out. Which is it Shekei?? I'm sure the other stuff you both talked about is a good thread, and any insight into the minds of men is good, so maybe that thread should be started by you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Squeak, I try not to start threads. I like to keep my personal info scattered all over! I completely agree with your overall assessment though. For me those two issues were the same. It wasnt the experience I was seeking so much as the desire to feel I was something women wanted... something special. However, as you say it may be seperate for him. I realize now that I could mean a little something to many girls... or mean everything to one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shekei Posted September 17, 2007 Author Share Posted September 17, 2007 Wow, good posts. I like everyones response. This girl told me a quote she liked Every girl wants to be that girl, that can change that guy... ''But why can't you just meet a good guy''... Because that would be too easy I have some bad beliefs in my head. Maybe it is a feeling of being inadequate that I aint as tempting as the ones shes had before so in retrospect I want to be like that to other girls. Maybe its because Im young and think what she doesnt know wont hurt anyone.. or maybe its a combination of both. All I know, is that when shes in my arms, nothing else matters. However, times like this, for some reason dont remind me of those times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shekei Posted September 17, 2007 Author Share Posted September 17, 2007 People say..break up with her. But in a sense I feel, if i can cheat over here, and get away with it, and live with the guilt and I dont actually mind....... why should I try to end something first. Why not see if I can handle it, and if it doesnt work out because of my own brain..then end it after. Ya know what Im saying. ****, i cant believe im even posting here. The way we talk to each other is just too much. I love her to death but I have no idea what my problem is. The girl is like a model for christ sakes and has the biggest heart. The ****ed up thing is I have always been so caring and just ''do anything'' for a girl type of person. & now im messaging forums about this. Like, I swear, the thought would never cross my mind to sleep with one of her friends or anything like that. Its just because of me being away, and HOW many times will that happen, especially at this age! Im such a discrace, especially because Im the person right now, that I completly dispise in life. (I know i haven't done anything yet, but im still talking about it) Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Maybe its because Im young and think what she doesnt know wont hurt anyone.. That is shortsighted, she will sense it, the not knowing won't last for long. And what she finds out will hurt her. Maybe you should start that new post expounding on the quote about wanting to be that person you imagine to feel inadequate compared to in a this post then! What makes you think you are not already that person to her? She told you she likes it when you are the "good" you... Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 People say..break up with her. But in a sense I feel, if i can cheat over here, and get away with it, and live with the guilt and I dont actually mind....... Im such a discrace, especially because Im the person right now, that I completly dispise in life. (I know i haven't done anything yet, but im still talking about it) LOL... welcome to bieng a guy! The fact that your here at all and not out trolling for girls means something. It means your thinking, which is a good sign. I'd be willing to bet that if you did it... you would regret it later. It would change how you view yourself! Bad news bears friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Methink that one way or another you'll regret it... You're damn if you do and you're damn if you don't... so just do what you feel you should do... simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Every girl wants to be that girl, that can change that guy... ''But why can't you just meet a good guy''... Because that would be too easy I have some bad beliefs in my head. Maybe it is a feeling of being inadequate that I aint as tempting as the ones shes had before so in retrospect I want to be like that to other girls. Maybe its because Im young and think what she doesnt know wont hurt anyone.. or maybe its a combination of both. All I know, is that when shes in my arms, nothing else matters. However, times like this, for some reason dont remind me of those times. It's because the problem is inside you, not her. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the point where you truely believe that you are adequate! I'm going to go out on a limb and kind of describe some of my "old thought processes". I would think she dated these bad boy types, and they pretty much treated her like dirt and used her. Only now does she come to me... after bieng used and rejected. So, now what am I supposed to do here. So I get what? Something another guy didnt value? Someone who didnt value themselves enough to keep from getting used? Now I have to treat her like gold? She expects more from me? Why she didnt hold her ex to a higher standard? She bent over backwards to make things work with this other guy... now she doesnt want to put up with anything? LOL... those thoughts get you nowhere fast! I'm so glad I'm not 18 anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Thanks for the honest explanation. Well that explains in good detail why the "why men love bitches" book recommends you never tell a guy you were ever treated like anything less than pure gold, and never ever admit you were ever treated less than. i always thought that was stupid, but once again I see how in all areas of life, being a false front BS'er gets you further in people's eyes than anything. The woman who won't make a guy feel that way will just have the rules of "the game" down a bit better than the sincere open book type. Because most people have had bad relationships and not been treated like a "prince or princess" to realize what they will or won't settle for. I am not undercutting your feelings here, but it is kind of depressing to think of how much work one needs to keep up this consistent front, that most likely is never really true. And then if you tell an SO you were treated great in your last relationship, it simply didn't work out or some vague explanation, then they come back and say during an argument "well nothing ever makes you happy anyways since your ex was perfect and you still left him" grrrrr Conclusion: a) Only say you were treated like gold, and the new SO thinks you will leave him for being a nice guy, since you left the ex nice guy. Hence the "It ain't worth being anice guy who will be left behind so may as well be mean" or b) Well she accepted bad treatment before, so why does she expect me to value her when she didn't value herself with others? Catch 22 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Squeak, Guys grow out of this kind of thinking in time! And I've never met a girl who can fake thier dating history, because it colors how you react to situations within a current relationship. I've grown allot. I used to be super nice... because I thought that would work, but I wasnt happy. Then I was extra mean... because I figured that might work, but I hated it. Then about 21, I decided to just be me... and it works much better. I'm very happy! Here is a quick secret about bieng too nice. It doesnt take too long for appreciate to turn to expectation. Then if expectations are not constantly met, it turns to resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Good points! Then the question comes about -how does one go about not taking their partner for granted if they are always nice, right? I recall you once saying you had some gf's that had a way of doing that , but in a way that you didn't take them for granted....care to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shekei Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 Yes I am very interested as well. What sort of barrier am I looking for. Too nice does get boring Im sure with some people. Just because my gf was treated like **** and she stayed with the person.. Ill give her the benefit of the doubt for finding the wrong type of guys. Keep this quote in your head if your having that problem One mans trash is another mans treasure. Some people are just complete monsters so I can't blame her for how they acted and regardless it is in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Good points! Then the question comes about -how does one go about not taking their partner for granted if they are always nice, right? I recall you once saying you had some gf's that had a way of doing that , but in a way that you didn't take them for granted....care to share? You want me to reveal my secrets? Ok, I once found myself in a relationship where due to unforseen circumstances the girl had to move in with me after just 2 months of dating. The first day I woke up early and made breakfast for both of us. She praised me, hugs, kisses, lots of affection. The very next day I'm waking up early to cook breakfast. She provides the same response. I did this at least 2-3 times a week for the next 5 months we were together. She never made that an expectation! This is just one example. I learned so much from that girl! I learned that me and pretty much every other guy on the planet will often go out of the way to get a positive reaction like that as long as we dont feel its a requirement. shekei, I've found that when its time to be mean, do it in a teasing, no harm meant way. Also, I try not to use things she is insecure about. I dated a girl who felt like her feet were too large... needless to say, bigfoot jokes were rarely appreciated. Also, 80-85% nice to 20-15% mean seems to be a good ratio! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 One mans trash is another mans treasure. Some people are just complete monsters so I can't blame her for how they acted and regardless it is in the past. Nice saying! Look at it this way. Those guys are probably wishing they had realized her value earlier. I doubt they were monsters so much and just retards. Back to the question involved in your original post. Let's say you do dump your GF so that you can sleep with lots of other girls... what exactly are you looking for in them? Meaning what do you expect to get from that experience? Excitement? Drama? Confidence? Stories? Like I said earlier, I've been with quite a few... and in my experience girls all come equiped pretty much the same... so I've found its the heart and soul that matters most. Link to post Share on other sites
chimuffin Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 then she isn't your soul mate. Period. If she was you wouldn't be thinking about having sex with other woman and wanting to. Some ppl have sex with ONE person there WHOLE lives and are happy about that. I don't see anything attractive about a dude that has had sex with 20plus ppl. If you're feeling you haven't done "everything" in your sex life that you could of then maybe you need to step it up and make your current sex life more exciting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shekei Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 I think your opinion on whether she is my soul mate is completly regardless. Its not that me and her aren't crazy. My point is this. Everything is AWESOME right now. I couldn't ask for anything more, EXCEPT.... My own thing is I don't want to turn 30, end up like all these other couples I hear of FIGHTING like mad men and miserable and didn't really get to Get out there, and.....well, be like most guys. For all I know, that isn't as cracked up as its suppose to be. So thats why I came on this thread. I think the problem isn't whether or not she is a girl meant for me, its maybe that I am looking to deeply into future instead of thinking on the present. If i think strictly on the present, then I couldn't be more happy, this is a girl of my dreams. I just know like with most people, whether claiming 'Soul Mate' or not, things get rough and they end up in seperate rooms living in a house 20 years from the time they said that. However, this is something that I suppose is inevitable to think about. I like how I answer my own question. lol. Cobra: Excitement? Drama? Confidence? Stories? I guess my whole thing in life is too SEE everything, and DO everything, and if you put it in terms with Sex...LOL..haven't done that. Anyways. thanks cobra for your replies, you seem to be a lot like me lol Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I think your opinion on whether she is my soul mate is completly regardless. Its not that me and her aren't crazy. My point is this. Everything is AWESOME right now. I couldn't ask for anything more, EXCEPT.... My own thing is I don't want to turn 30, end up like all these other couples I hear of FIGHTING like mad men and miserable and didn't really get to Get out there, and.....well, be like most guys. *sigh*...for feks sake dude...quit trying to justify it to yourself no matter what anyone says here and just break it off already so you can go get your friggin' rocks off. Let me now put it this way...sounds like your gf deserves a helluva lot better than to have a bf that wants to go out and f#ck everything that moves.....so do her a favor and let her go so she can get on with her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 shekei, Your right about the soulmates part. Might as well turn the discussion to santa clause and the tooth fairy. Life is about reality... so it's more of a best fit model, which changes as time goes. Yes, you seem to think much like I do. In that regard I can say if you dumped your GF and fast forwarded like 5 years and 7 relationships into the future... we would have a very similar perspective. When it comes to sex... I'm really at a point where all the girls seem the same. I wouldnt ever say that out loud, because there is something that just seems so wrong about that... but for me right now... it's very true. Forget all those things that you think will turn you on... boobs, butt, hair... ect. My tastes keep changing too much... and I find that when I connect with a girl deep, that she starts to become my "type". So what I have found is what really turns me on about a girl... is how me makes me feel! So, you can go searching for experiences all you want, but if your GF right now, makes you feel like a king! I wouldnt trade that in. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
IamASelfishSOB Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 This isn't really that hard. You're young and not married. Go have sex, but don't do it behind her back. Or have sex knowing that you will tell her immediately when you get home. If she dumps you, then that was the price of the sex. I did it (kind of), without her knowing (yet) and you still have to live with the fact that you betrayed her trust. Believe me, if you do love her, the guilt involved in keeping that secret isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 This isn't really that hard. You're young and not married. Go have sex, but don't do it behind her back. Or have sex knowing that you will tell her immediately when you get home. If she dumps you What do you mean if she dumps him?? He should break up with her before having his sex with other girls....PERIOD! Link to post Share on other sites
love necessity Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Ok...I don't know what your definition of living life is, but I can assure you that screwing every Jane, Wilma, and Betty is not going to make you feel like you have "lived" life... You don't even know what your future holds so, and you surely don't know if you will be around tomorrow to say "good morning"...However, you do know one thing and that is that you are seriously or are somewhat in "like" w/ this girl you are so-called dating at this very moment, but you want to cheat on...??Hmmm...strange... I'm going to say that you shouldn't "play" around... Firstly, because of the risk you would be taking w/ sexually transmitted diseases, and secondly because it would be unethical and disgusting of you to treat someone like that...(go out and cheat, because you think the rest of the world is doing it or something...and it's sooo coool mann!)WOW.... Do yourself, this girl and the rest of the world a favor....and sleep w/ as few women as possible....If you are that bored w/ this girl, then she is not the one for you!...Point blank... Link to post Share on other sites
MystifiedByMen Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I was in your girlfriends shoes. My ex tried to do that same thing to me. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 23. (I'm 26 now) He cheated at one point, and I found out. Us girls ALWAYS do. I forgave him, but there was never anyway for him to make it up because I was always felt hurt and couldn't trust him. We just broke up last summer. We dated for six years. He pulled that crap on me. What I can tell you from her point of view is that it hurts WAY more for you to think the way you do and possibly do the things you are saying, than it would hurt for you to leave her. My advise is to you: Leave her and do your thing. This way you don't mess things up in the future if you ever run into each other agian when you are both mature enough for a real relationship. If you cheat, and she finds out, which she will... she'll sence it, even if you don't tell her, you'll mess up every possible thing you may have in the future. If you tell her the truth and leave her.. who knows, a few years down the road you may end up with her because you were respectful and honest with her. In the long run, she'll want the truth. She can get over the truth but not the lies and cheating. FYI: My ex regrets doing what he did to me AFTER I left him. Now, there is now chance is hell for him and he hates himself for that. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I was in your girlfriends shoes. My ex tried to do that same thing to me. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 23. (I'm 26 now) He cheated at one point, and I found out. Us girls ALWAYS do. I forgave him, but there was never anyway for him to make it up because I was always felt hurt and couldn't trust him. We just broke up last summer. We dated for six years. He pulled that crap on me. What I can tell you from her point of view is that it hurts WAY more for you to think the way you do and possibly do the things you are saying, than it would hurt for you to leave her. My advise is to you: Leave her and do your thing. He won't do that though. He is selfish. He wants to keep her dangled on a string and go out and put his little vienna sausage in other girls. He's going to be the typical cake eater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shekei Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 lmao bish. your classic. nah, you guys are completly right. In fact I had chances to last night & I just went back to my room because of people like you. I guess its nice seeing there is people that are still good to each other. After my last relationship and all of the people I see around me getting burned it kinda puts my motivation down. But I shouldn't hold anything against my current girlfriend cause she is amazing. I aint going to be a typical cake eater. lmao, even tho, I think I like that term when Im thinking selfish. Ill tell myself to stop being a cake eater. I have realized that it really isn't going to make me any happier in the end, infact Ill be more miserable. The grass will always be greener on the other side, even when you've seen a LOT of grass. haha. Thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
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