NotKelly Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 I really think many people go looking for the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend when what they really want, deep in their heart, are new parents. Maybe some of us should just be honest about what it is we really want in our lives right now. Don't get me wrong: I don't need a new parent who will change my diapers, support me financially, or even listen to my deep dark problems. However, I would really enjoy meeting an older person or older couple who may have grown children they are disappointed in. I think we could be a good match. I thought about it a bit and here are some of the things I'm looking for in new parent(s): --Someone who will remember my birthday and wish me happy birthday within 1-2 weeks of the actual date. You know, maybe a phone call or even an after the fact reference ("sorry I missed your birthday") Someone who thinks it's important to acknowledge the day of their child's birth. Presents and cards are optional, although those would be nice too once in a while. --Someone who has friends and a social life (even if modest) and thinks I should have a social life, too. --Someone who will teach me to do new things, instead of leaving me to struggle along on my own and teach myself absolutely EVERYTHING. It can be anything from fishing to writing to speechmaking, to playing ball to woodworking or knitting, nothing that's a big deal, just having a skill you would like to pass on to me and take care that I learned it and made a little progress on it. I'm really not that difficult to teach stuff to, honest. Gosh I would really really love this, just some one on one attention once in a while on a particular subject. --Someone who doesn't cry in front of me ALL THE TIME. Once in a while is just fine, just not all the time. (See #2 on the wish list, I'm looking for a parent with their own support system that isn't 100% me.) --Someone with a work ethic that involves more than doing just the minimum possible effort to get by. --Someone who doesn't freak out and not speak to me for weeks if I happen to want to say something honest/serious, in a non accusatory way, about the past. Somewhere out there, there have to be some folks who have terrible rotten children who wish they had a new daughter to root for and teach things to. I wish I could find these folks! Because here's what I can offer- --I have a stable job and can support myself (I am in my 30s and established in the work world, I'm no freeloading 20something) --I can drive you places you need to go, take you to the doctor, etc --I am willing to go to your family functions if you want to show me off as your new daughter --I will spend as much time with you as you want (and you probably won't want me to spend as much time with you as my current parents insist on)... or don't want --I won't drink or do drugs to excess, or bring irritating new people into your life that you don't like --I'll respect you and revere your "boring old" hobbies that your real kids don't care about (as long as you teach me said hobbies) Anyhow, that's my application for a set of new parents. I am placing myself up for adoption! Why wait for your no-good son to get married when you could have a new daughter, all grown up and ready to go right out of the box! Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 AWwww, thats so sweet.....and sad. I'm only 40 and not a terrific parent myself, so I can't see being your adopted mom, but I read recently about a 60 something guy that worked with a late 30's woman and she didnt have parents and he never had children, so he adopted her, Legally, and now he's her dad and her daughters grand dad. Maybe try craigs list or e-bay ? It's not as impossible as you might think ! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 No offense but seriously grow up. I had a horrible childhood myself but I am agrown man that doesn't want anybody to adopt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotKelly Posted September 17, 2007 Author Share Posted September 17, 2007 Oh. Since you're all grown up, maybe you would want to adopt me? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Oh. Since you're all grown up, maybe you would want to adopt me? Sorry I don't want any grown kids but I do adopt you I will be very strict. You will do your chores, eat your vegetables and be home by midnight. Also don't think you are leaving the house in that outfit young lady. Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Woggle........ she was pouring her heart out seeking understanding..not your telling her to grow up & responding to her with condescension. Good parents don't focus just on helping children learn that there are rules..but also teach their children manners...seems as if you missed out on that lesson... Didn't your Mom and Dad/parental figure ever teach you that "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all"?? If anyone has some growing up to do ...it is you... NK... I'm just in my 30s..almost 37 ..but I would have loved to have had a daughter .....I have two sons..6 yrs old and almost 3 yrs old. I lost 4 babies - 1 to placental abruption 3 to miscarriage. I know I'm not near old enough..nor do I have grown children... but my fiance & I are actually hoping to adopt a daughter some day. He has never had any children of his own...raised two step daughters & now is a great step Dad to my/our sons.. Feel free to contact me if you need a friend who cares.. [email protected] - for yahoo msgr. Good luck on your quest .... Kimberly Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Woggle, My fiance had a horrible childhood as well.. His Mom passed away (murdered) when he was 7..then his father and step father abused him physically mentally and emotionally from 7 to 18 yrs old.. He moved out the day he turned legal.. He has become a wonderful person -- and he also has wonderful manners... I am very sorry you had to endure a horrible childhood.. but... having a horrible childhood in some way or many ways is not an excuse to be rude to others. NK - hope to hear from you Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I'm with woggle on this one. You have to learn to stand on your own two feet sometime in life. If you're in your thirties and pining away for better parents, it's the same thing as keeping any toxic relationship going. If people can't be there for you when it matters, you need to find people who will be there for you. Having said that, no one has to be there for you at all. That people want to do it, is a sign of caring. Your parents raised you by ensuring that you were fed and clothed. No doubt it would be wonderful, if they were perfect parents but if they're not and the negatives outweigh the positives, it's time to communicate your issues to them. If they're unwilling to address the issues, then maintain your distance. Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Wow Trial...what school did YOU go to?? You sure do seem to have the answers for EVVVVVVVVERYTHING..... No matter HOW old people get in life one can ALWAYS desire a better relationship with others - including parents!! People can DESIRE something without "Pining away" for it.. I just wonder what you'd tell people who were adopted as an infant and grew up into their 20s - then started experiencing some milestones..wondering who their birth parents are/were .. and what it would have been like for the birth parents to be involved in their lives.. Many adopted kids go on to become adults who find their birth parents & then some actually establish relationships .. For many - they have good birth parents who perhaps couldn't afford to give the child a good life & opportunities like a child deserves -- For many...they find out their birth parents were horrible people who took the easy way out or never wanted them in the first place.... but the GROWN kids still had questions..still had desires to know more about who they are..where they came from... I bet you'd tell those adopted kids turned adults - "grow up already...you were adopted ...get over it..." NK has a right, even in her 30s, to WISH she had parents like others had who actually gave a real damn. THOSE ARE HER FEELINGS...SHE HAS A RIGHT TO THEM & NOT TO BE SCOFFED AT FOR IT or LECTURED for them. I feel sorry for such clinical hearted know it all people such as yourself and Woggle... NK in my opinion is brave to express her feelings/opinions and desires...It is part of growing up to admit ones feelings and desires in the ongoing process of getting to know who you are as an individual. It takes courage to do what NK did in coming here and posting that she felt this way..... ANYONE can criticize...no effort there.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 No doubt everyone is entitled to their feelings. Keep in mind that everyone is also entitled to their opinions on a public site... If you post on a public forum, expect that you will get responses and not necessarily ones couched in exactly the way you want it. Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Yes..indeed ..that is a given...but also.. the responses should be given with compassion and empathy NOT with condescension, know it all attitude, lecturing and judgement. If she had wanted a lecture she'd go back to college... Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p126/allisone_2007/Courage.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I will continue to couch my responses as I see fit. If you don't like them, the ignore feature is available. Beyond that, self-sufficiency is what I will continue to state, quite emphatically, if I do say so myself... OP, your parents are getting older and most likely will never change. What needs to change is your desire for them to become what you need or want. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 You know NK, I thought your post was sad, but you must see that your parents have done something for you. Whether it was intentional or not, they have helped you become independent, and helped you succeed with independent learning, which are two big things. You clearly also have a sense of self worth, which sadly doesn't sound like something you have inherited from your parents. Neither of my parents have taught me a particular "skill" like you describe, and they are flawed individuals as much as the next person. My mum still beats herself up and asks me if she has been a good mother. I didn't turn out too bad, and I love my parents alot. They have survived some really tough times, and deserve their harshest critic (me) to cut them some slack more often than she used to. When you hit your late twenties/ early thirties, often you begin to see your parents as people, and often flawed ones at that. Many people really struggle with this, and either ignore it, or find it enormously disappointing that their parents aren't high on the pedestal they placed them on- and resent their parents for it! Maybe you could help your parents do things like socialising? Accepting them for who they are is one of the nicest things you could do for them- it sounds like they have accepted you for who you are... and no doubt they are proud of you, I suspect they probably find it difficult to show it. Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Yeah let me guess Trial...you don't NEED anyone DO you??? *rolls eyes* I know your type..all about self sufficiency and f**k the rest of the world... Pathetic... I will put you on iggy...will be my honor to iggy a conceited know it all judgmental bitch who doesn't really take the time to offer any real advice - and only passes judgement and lectures... Just remember..what goes around comes around... Here's to someone judging you as harshly as you are judging others Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 OP, why not list all your parents' positive features. Do they have any? Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Yeah let me guess Trial...you don't NEED anyone DO you??? *rolls eyes* I know your type..all about self sufficiency and f**k the rest of the world... Pathetic... I will put you on iggy...will be my honor to iggy a conceited know it all judgmental bitch who doesn't really take the time to offer any real advice - and only passes judgement and lectures... Just remember..what goes around comes around... Here's to someone judging you as harshly as you are judging others How does someone who just came on here make these kind of judgements about someone they don't even know? Are you on your cycle or something? Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Oh my Lord have mercy.... when a man dare say something a woman thinks or feels is related to a cycle all the women libbers throw coniption fits...but another woman say it & it is supposed to be ok? UM NO BITCH I'm NOT on my cycle...my cycle was over 2 weeks ago fyi. I wasn't the first to judge.. I may be new to this board but I'm not new to life.. and I know judgement and conceit when I see it. Maybe they need to rename this board the "Judgement Shack - where we judge you unless your PC & meet with our approval first" All NotKelly has received from this board except for two kind responses to her was nothing but scoffing condescension and JUDGEMENT!! Nowhere in NotKelly's post did I see her say "Please judge me.. I can't wait for you to judge me..oh pleaaaaaaaaase" Opinions are one thing but cold hearted know it all judgements against someone who is stating their feelings... WHEN YOU HAVE NEVER MET THEM..DO NOT KNOW THEM.. & are MAKING JUDGEMENTS ABOUT HER NEEDING TO GROW UP when YOU DON'T KNOW HER!!!! are WRONG!!! Remember Karma Girls...it will come back to bite you in your hypocritical butts some day.. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Oh my Lord have mercy.... when a man dare say something a woman thinks or feels is related to a cycle all the women libbers throw coniption fits...but another woman say it & it is supposed to be ok? UM NO BITCH I'm NOT on my cycle...my cycle was over 2 weeks ago fyi. I wasn't the first to judge.. I may be new to this board but I'm not new to life.. and I know judgement and conceit when I see it. Maybe they need to rename this board the "Judgement Shack - where we judge you unless your PC & meet with our approval first" All NotKelly has received from this board except for two kind responses to her was nothing but scoffing condescension and JUDGEMENT!! Nowhere in NotKelly's post did I see her say "Please judge me.. I can't wait for you to judge me..oh pleaaaaaaaaase" Opinions are one thing but cold hearted know it all judgements against someone who is stating their feelings... WHEN YOU HAVE NEVER MET THEM..DO NOT KNOW THEM.. & are MAKING JUDGEMENTS ABOUT HER NEEDING TO GROW UP when YOU DON'T KNOW HER!!!! are WRONG!!! Remember Karma Girls...it will come back to bite you in your hypocritical butts some day..do you think i'm the woman in the burqa? Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Oh you're a guy? Eh...... that would explain a lot..including the cycle comment... Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I hope to hear from you. I am sorry for my strong responses to others on here but I do not have patience for people who come here solely to make themselves feel better by judging others... Your post was wonderful, thoughtful.. and should be given true consideration... not flaming from others. I hope that you will post again and "take back" your thread .. this is about YOU not what the others on here *think* they know about you from reading what you said.. My main email is [email protected] Please email me as I would like to become your friend /pen pal since I'm not old enough to be your adoptive parent. If I were old enough.. I would offer it in a heartbeat. Sincerely, Kimberly Link to post Share on other sites
Cerise Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 This is absoultly ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NK came her to talk about her problem and you have the nerve to hijack her thread and fight about judgements ect??!!!!!! TBF can be harsh but when you have been here for awhile you learn that alot of what she has to say is pretty down to earth, sound advice. I agreed with MA on your begining post about NK situation but you have certinly flown off the handle with everything eles - you are judging TBF about her judgment and you are judging B4R the same!!!! Talk about hypocritical you can't judge people for being judgmental lol "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all"?? Follow your own advice!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now to get back on track to NK feelings, I think that you are struggling emotionally and you put a humorus spin on in by the way you posted - good for you! I am sorry you realationship with your parents is crap but your parents are your parents and unfortuantly you don't get to pick them, I agree with TBF and try to find some positives.... If you can't change the situation maybe changing perspective will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Thanks b4r and Cerise. Enough meow mix. Back to who's important which is the OP and her issues. My parents aren't perfect either but what they've given me, their love, is irreplaceable. Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Find positives.... what about kids who have completely abusive parents?? They're supposed to go ..oh there's some good in there somewhere..? My fiance's "Dad" threw him against the wall from 5 feet away, banged his head into concrete trying to smash his skull in & denied them food while being a racist, anti Semite and woman hater... Yeah...Matt's supposed to find something positive in that...since after all you can't pick and choose your parents..so find some positives... *rolls eyes* Some people have no redeeming qualities... just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Cerise Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Find positives.... what about kids who have completely abusive parents?? They're supposed to go ..oh there's some good in there somewhere..? My fiance's "Dad" threw him against the wall from 5 feet away, banged his head into concrete trying to smash his skull in & denied them food while being a racist, anti Semite and woman hater... Yeah...Matt's supposed to find something positive in that...since after all you can't pick and choose your parents..so find some positives... *rolls eyes* Some people have no redeeming qualities... just the way it is. Each situation is different, each person is different. NK is a grown woman struggling with her relationship with her parents are you suguesting that she disown them? Link to post Share on other sites
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