MattsAngel Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 If her parents were as abusive as Matt's...then yes... other than that I haven't had the pleasure of getting to know her yet so I can't say..but I'd like to get to know her.. and share my experiences with her as well. I will respond more to this - non flaming style - in a few hours.. Have somewhere to go... I wish you ALL well.. I just did not like how people were jumping down NK's "throat" telling her to grow up when NONE of us have met her in person and none of us know what life with her parents was like... I mean..what if they were as abusive as Matt's "dad" and step dad?? I couldn't see telling someone wishing they had someone who gave a damn...to "grow up"... TBF.. I am sorry for the harshness of my replies... but I don't think you'd take too kindly to someone telling you to grow up about a situation you are in when the reader had no real clue about all that was going on... If you knew ALL the details...and could come to a valid conclusion after analyzing the detail...then perhaps...but we don't have enough information to go on based upon what NK has shared with us to date. JMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I highly recommend that you start your own thread about yours and Matt's issues and stop projecting them into NKs thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Cerise Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 MA, your right that we don't know enough about her situation so all we can do is go by what she gave us and offer suggestions and a logical one imo is what are the positives. I agree with you that to tell somone to "grow up" is a terriable thing to say but that goes for any situation as everyones emotions deserve validation. When I made that suguestion (and I am going to assume when TBF made the sugestion it was the same), I was going by what information she gave. I understand that this topic hits close to home for you and you seem to be slightly protective, I am sorry for what happend to your H but this isn't about your H it is about NK so don't jump all over everyone for offering ideas to do with her situation. Each one of the many opinons viewed are what make this a unique place to be, if you don't like what others have sugested then make your own, and hopfully the OP will take what is relevant and leave the rest. I have struggled with my own situation and being judged today (right TBF? lol) It is hard to take critisim and judgment and not feel defensive, but somtimes it is these onpinons that make us take a step back and look at the situation more clearly and sorry to use you again TBF, but she said somthing to me today that put alot in perspective about being here and made me lighten up a little Keep in mind that everyone can only see the little glimpse of the dynamics by what you post. TBF wrote that to me earlier and it makes alot of sence! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I highly recommend that you start your own thread about yours and Matt's issues and stop projecting them into NKs thread. Quoted for truth! To the OP, why dont you volunteer your time at an old age home? There are plenty of old lonely people who would love your company? They would be willing to teach you things and will definitely remember your birthday (if they dont have Alzheimer's)! Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Ok...you and I clearly can't stand each other *that* much is for certain Have a nice night... by the way..*everyone* has issues.. good and bad...not just Matt and me Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 MattsAngel, I don't have feelings for you one way or the other but I do suggest that you stop hijacking this thread and focus on the OP. Okay? Link to post Share on other sites
MattsAngel Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate your responses, agree with most of what you said & look forward to learning from your insight about your own situations. I hope that you both have a good night Kimberly Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 why dont you volunteer your time at an old age home? There are plenty of old lonely people who would love your company? They would be willing to teach you things and will definitely remember your birthday (if they dont have Alzheimer's)! I was going to make the same suggestion. I once volunteered at a retirement home. Well, if you call court ordered community service, I volunteered. I really was expected to work (laundry), but when I had lunch breaks and smoke breaks, I would be practically accosted by lonely people just looking for someone to talk to, which I didn't mind, despite the word "accosted" being used. Yes, some were infirmed, and some had trouble with "reality" per se', but I talked with many men and women who were very interesting. They shared so many stories about their lives and I have no doubt I would have been welcome to learn knitting or crochet had I simply inquired about it. There are community organizations that could probably steer you to a particular individual in need of some "family." It would, however be a real responsibility, but certainly one to consider. You might get some hand made socks, or a scarf, and could take a little something like handkerchiefs or a perfumed lotion. It could be a real win/win situation. Other than that, I have too many kids of my own to be a good adoptive parent, but I can always use another friend. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I think the volunteering idea is a great idea. I also think this thread has gotten a little out of hand- Mattsangel, while you have been very compassionate to the OP, which is commendable, you must remember that this is a public forum, and all opinions are valid. i can understand your personal feelings about such a situation, but NKs may or may not be different. NotKelly can take or leave posts as she wishes. NotKelly- would you be so kind as to give us a little more information re: your situation with your parents? I think it will be easier to suggest things if we have a better idea of what exactly is the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
vaguelette Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 A very insightful post, NotKelly. I have often wondered if the unhealthiest relationships are those where the other person is seeking a replacement parent rather than a partner. You seem to have come to this conclusion about yourself - rather wonderfully in this day and age of placing blame elsewhere... I hope you manage to resolve your familial issues, put to bed your need to be parented and gain a relationship with a person where you can be equals. You may find Eric Bern's 'I'm Ok, You're Ok' worth reading; for interest and understanding if not actual help. Link to post Share on other sites
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