Jay_83 Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 Hi people, Hmmm, this is my first time here so hope you can understand what i'm getting at Basically, im a 20 year old guy who's been hurt in relationships a few times before and even had to go through the berevement of my first love who was killed in a tragic accident. After this i thought i'd never fall in love again, but how wrong was i? Here goes, I've started seeing a lovely girl a few weeks back and things are going great. I never thought i'd be feeling the way I do again and especially in such a fast amount of time. We've been friends for a while before but made things official 3 weeks ago. Now Everything about this girl I love, she's gorgeous, great to be around and I feel 100% comfy around her. She really is one of a kind. The only problem is that I'm feeling the way I do with every serious relationship I get into. Even though when we're together we both feel unbelievably happy, I can't help but be worried when we're not. I wouldn't say i'm a jelous person but maybe thats what the problem is. My friend from my house has popped over to her flat a couple of times as friends when i've been at work........something he didn't use to do when we weren't together. even though I trust her i can't help but imagine that i'm gonna lose her so early on in the relationship. If I feel the way I do about her, then surely a hell of a lot of other people will too. I guess insecurity may be an issue too. ..... I just can't understand why I feel perfectly fine when i'm with her, but then think it's all going to fall apart when we're not together. It frustrates me and I can't help but feel that we're not going to work If I carry on being like this........But i don't know what to do. I just need advice, no matter what it is cause I really want this to work and understand that i'm probably being silly but I don't know how to make it go away. Thanks In advance, James Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 1 - you definitely need to stop worrying so much about it 2 - you should keep an eye on what's going on between her and other men, but do it calmly, don't jump to conclusions 3 - you thought you'd never fall in love again before... so even if this r/s doesn't work out - no disaster - you WILL find more gals! 4 - don't even think about telling her about this worry of yours - it'll come across as very insecure, especially this early in the r/s good luck! -yes PS I have a friend who says "never be afraid to lose a wo/man, because you can always find another one". It's a bit cynical, but so very true! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 You can't lose or keep anybody. If she is so weak-minded that this "friend" could talk her into not seeing you anymore, you never had anything with her to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 One of the hallmarks of infatuation is constant fear when you're away from the beloved. Love's vital companion is trust. The person who loves, trusts. The big warning sign is falling 'in love' so fast. We all believe the movies and TV about 'love at first sight'. Anything that happens 'at first sight' is infatuation. Some people are lucky and become infatuated with people who turn out to be their perfect life partners. Many more fall 'in love' real fast only to find themselves falling out some time later. The boards are full of those stories, too. So try to take it easy. Get your feelings in check lest they ruin the relationship. With luck, when the infatuation fades, there will be a happy ending but a quick way to end it would be to get real jealous, especially this fast. It could send her scurrying away. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted April 15, 2003 Share Posted April 15, 2003 I just wanted to say I totally agree with moimeme (as usual) - you give such wise and sage advice! Keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Jorobot Posted April 16, 2003 Share Posted April 16, 2003 It's pretty early in the relationship...It's very common to have intense feelings of being in love early on. That infatuated feeling will probably fade within a month or so, and along with it, a lot of the insecurity and jealousy you feel. So hang on a while, chill out a little bit, don't obsess about every guy she talks to, and you'll be fine. I bet she loves you just as much as you love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay_83 Posted April 30, 2003 Author Share Posted April 30, 2003 Thanks for the sound advice! Sorry it's took me so long to get back to you but things are going really well. It's been just over a month now and you were right, the insecurity's fading but the feelings I have for her are not. Every comment well appreciated. Thanks, James Link to post Share on other sites
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