lolax Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 been with mm for 2 years,wife has out ! help what happens now,i cannot stop crying ,is this familiar to anyone im desperate:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Sometimes the BS will contact you to see if your stories line up with MM's stories. Be prepared to be exposed. One of the top things that a BS is given in terms of advice is to expose the affair to as many people as possible in order to end the affair. If you work with him, expect HR and your supervisors, your boss, and your board of directors (if applicable) to hear about it. Sometimes your family is given this information. If you have a H of your own, or a SO then expect them to hear about it too. Sometimes they will make up fliers about you and blanket some place with them. Other times they post your information up on cheater boards. I've heard about all sorts of stuff like that. Next, expect to get the 'no contact' letter or phone call where your MM will tell you that he loves his wife, wants to work on his marriage, and never wants to hear from you again. If you persist and continue to try to contact him, you will be reported as a stalker, and BS/MM will try to get a restraining order against you. Sometimes you will just get a threatening letter from a lawyer warning you against further contact. What will your MM do? Sometimes they throw the OW under the bus and never look back. Other times they wait until the dust has cleared and contact the OW on the sly and assure her that he still wants to be with her, albeit more carefully this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolax Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 yes i see what your saying,mm keeps calling me ignored him last night. wife rang me left message and forgot to hang up so i heard everything, not nice. i know he loves me, dont know what to do. shall i just i ignore him,leave him to think , im so confused and so sad Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 yes i see what your saying,mm keeps calling me ignored him last night. wife rang me left message and forgot to hang up so i heard everything, not nice. i know he loves me, dont know what to do. shall i just i ignore him,leave him to think , im so confused and so sad JMO, but I think you should let him be. Do not contact him anymore etc. The wife now knows, and I imagine things are about to get pretty ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Right now, for your own protection you need to leave him alone and not take any calls/emails from him. You have no idea whether or not his wife is aware of these contacts and is monitoring them, and what plans they have to do with the information that they get from you responding. Dday is apocalyptic, downright nuclear. Expect fallout from this for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolax Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 how long do i ignore him for, will he stop calling., she does not know the truth about me.but shes not silly this is killing me i love him so much ,the thought of never seeing him again is what i cant take in Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Just do your best to keep busy, get out with friends, see your family... I know you're hurting, but I'm sure his wife is completely devastated to know that her husband has cheated on her. For your own sake, so you'll hurt less and less drama in your life, it might be best to just end it...In your mind, make it seem like it's over because his life is a living hell right now and will continue to be that way for a while. By allowing him space, he can choose to either work things out with his wife (that is, if she doesn't kick him out and divorce him) or choose to end it with his wife. Either way, the guy needs space and talking to you will only add to the confusion and heartache. You are right though, she isn't silly, and I'm sure she can put together two and two, and figure out that her husband has been lying to and betraying her for a long time now... You may love him so much, but so does she. And, if they have children, both of them need to focus even more on fixing this marriage and give it their best for the sake of their kids... Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 how long do i ignore him for, will he stop calling., she does not know the truth about me.but shes not silly this is killing me i love him so much ,the thought of never seeing him again is what i cant take in ((((((((lolax))))))))))))) I'd say hang in there. My mm's wife found out by finding a card I gave him. When she questioned him about it, he told her he was leaving her. And he did! TF Link to post Share on other sites
CAT100 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 lolax- were you happy being the OW or did you want him to leave? If he leaves now (or gets kicked out) would you want him or were you happy with the situation as it was? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Prepare for the bus tires cause your gonna be thrown right under it. 2 years is a long time to be in half hearted relationship with someone you arent married to. Your crying? for what? you wouldnt think she would find out someday? You wouldnt think the affair would be exposed. If anything you gotta go NC forever. I've seen people get killed over messing with someone else's man. Trust me, give him up for your own good. I implore you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 ((((((((lolax))))))))))))) I'd say hang in there. My mm's wife found out by finding a card I gave him. When she questioned him about it, he told her he was leaving her. And he did! Your situation is much different though - AND, your MM is still married to his wife. Sure, you two may have a relationship, but he still is a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Your situation is much different though - AND, your MM is still married to his wife. Sure, you two may have a relationship, but he still is a married man. Yes, and??? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I just don't think it's fair to get someone's hope up. Your situation is quite rare, and I have to say, 9/10 the OW is out of the MM's life once D-Day occurs...UNLESS the A continues, and she stays the OW until he gets busted again. In the time I've been on LS, I've only seen maybe 5 situations work-out for the OW out of thousands... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 alot of you guys dont realize that these men married men hop into one relationship into another and then when the shine wears off on that one, he grooms another OW for it. Or he could be going through MLC, who knows, Or he could be just using the poster as a convient piece off A**? Who knows. All I know the odds do not look good, let's not sugar coat it for her. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 If anything you gotta go NC forever. I've seen people get killed over messing with someone else's man. Trust me, give him up for your own good. I implore you. I agree. You just never know what the other person (wife) may or may not do. Hurt from affairs can really change a person, some people just snap. I was the wife of MM who liked to mess around with OW. He didn 't just have one OW either. He did for awhile, and told her alot of what he told me, and ended up telling OW as well. I didn't get to the point to where I "snapped" and went out for dangerous revenge on the OW's or my ex husband, but some do. I just ended it. And last I heard, he supossdly was involved with one of his OW, in a committed type relationship, and guess what? He is running around on her too. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 If anything you gotta go NC forever. I've seen people get killed over messing with someone else's man. Trust me, give him up for your own good. I implore you. I agree. You just never know what the other person (wife) may or may not do. Hurt from affairs can really change a person, some people just snap. I was the wife of MM who liked to mess around with OW. He didn 't just have one OW either. He did for awhile, and told her alot of what he told me, and ended up telling OW as well. I didn't get to the point to where I "snapped" and went out for dangerous revenge on the OW's or my ex husband, but some do. I just ended it. And last I heard, he supossdly was involved with one of his OW, in a committed type relationship, and guess what? He is running around on her too. Really left you for the OW and creeping on her too! S*** happens really! lol. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Really left you for the OW and creeping on her too! S*** happens really! lol. No he didn't leave me for the OW. When I found out he had been "creeping" I ended my marriage. He went to live with the OW after we got divorced. He then ended up doing to her what he had done to me. Yes, you're right s*** does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 No he didn't leave me for the OW. When I found out he had been "creeping" I ended my marriage. He went to live with the OW after we got divorced. He then ended up doing to her what he had done to me. And that is why many OW/MM relationships don't work out later in life BECAUSE of the cheating and betrayal he did to his wife in the first place. Vows, children and building a life with her didn't stop him from cheating, so how the heck could trust be 100% when a MM leaves his wife and family for an OW? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 And that is why many OW/MM relationships don't work out later in life BECAUSE of the cheating and betrayal he did to his wife in the first place. Vows, children and building a life with her didn't stop him from cheating, so how the heck could trust be 100% when a MM leaves his wife and family for an OW? I'm just glad we didn't have any kids. I know many times these situations do involve kids. Its bad enough the person that was betrayed has to go through all that, but even worse when the kids have to go through it as well. I think sometimes too, people who cheat, think they are just cheating on their spouse, when infact they are cheating on their whole family, spouse, kids etc. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 been with mm for 2 years,wife has out ! help what happens now,i cannot stop crying ,is this familiar to anyone im desperate:lmao: Lolax, I would definitely take the advice of those telling you to go NC. Do not make the mistakes that I did. When the sh*t hit the fan for me, when MMs W found out about us, he gave her a load of BS about how I meant nothing to him, etc, but told me he was going to leave.....a few months on from that and it still hadn't happened. The longer time went on the less likely it looked. By continuing to see him I had given him the easy option. He is now trying to make things work with W I assume. Whatever, I am no longer in the picture. Just be careful is all I am saying. Look after yourself first! If your R drags on with him and then he stays with his W it will be even more painful than if you let him go now. He may well leave, but do not have anything to do with him until that day comes. Even then, it doesn't mean he won't go back but you have to trust your instincts on that and only you can decide the best way forward. I hope things work out for you. x Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I agree with most posters. Get out while you still can. BSs are unpredictable and can definitely get extremely psycho. Whether or not this is the right thing to do is neither here or there. It just happens. Rmemeber that emotions are running very deep at a time like this and can get way out of control. Cut your losses and WALK AWAY however much the pain. It will be one of the most difficult things you have to do in your life and the healing (if indeed it every happens 100%) will be a long and arduous one. I agree with LB, it is a rare mm who will stand by you when the A is exposed. Most side with their wives. Let this fact heighten your awareness of what your mm really is and from it derive strength to say, 'I will nottake part in this hypocrisy any longer". Good luck! And yes, be ultra careful. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 been with mm for 2 years,wife has out ! help what happens now,i cannot stop crying ,is this familiar to anyone im desperate:lmao: Wife found out? GOOD! maybe this is what you need to get your act together and dump a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Ofcourse the OW can get psycho too! Anyone can if pushed to the far extreme for that matter. Really, it is a lost cause and definitely not worth the suffering it induces to all involved. Besides, one cannot build one's happiness on other people's unhappiness and suffering. Think about it! I agree with most posters here that even if mm were to leave his family for you, eventually it would backfire on you and you would be utterly miserable. I knew this to be true when I was involved with a mm and I thank my lucky stars I am out of that mess now. It nearly drove me insane and yes, when the A was exposed the BS came after me with a vengeance. She had a history of mental disorders so can imagine what a narrow escape I had. Her obsession lasted for years and the harassment stopped three years after the A ended. Still every time I get a hang - up call, I wonder. And I never stop watching my back! I feared for myself but mostly my daughter. This is not the life you want for yourself. Being alone is a much better, not to mention safer, option. Link to post Share on other sites
precious1357 Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 ((((((((lolax))))))))))))) I'd say hang in there. My mm's wife found out by finding a card I gave him. When she questioned him about it, he told her he was leaving her. And he did! TF My mm's wife/son confronted him about me. it was awful, i feel terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 My mm's wife/son confronted him about me. it was awful, i feel terrible. Are you now with him? I will go back & check out your story. (((((precious1357)))))) Link to post Share on other sites
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