she found out!

[Chrome Barracuda]

My mm's wife/son confronted him about me. it was awful, i feel terrible.

 

Good luck on thanksgiving cause once the children side with the wronged parent that person isnt gonna be happy about it. And you as the OW isnt gonna be getting any sympathy from the family. If you feel so terrible, do the man a favor and leave, dont be selfish.

[Impudent Oyster]

been with mm for 2 years,wife has out ! help

what happens now,i

 

What happens now? Whatever MM and his wife decide will happen, they're calling the shots, not you.

 

Do you really want to be at his mercy? Eeewwww.

[Lizzie60]

Relax Lolax... just take it one day at a time.

 

Pick up the phone when he calls, listen to what he's got to say... then take your own decision...

 

If you don't do that, you won't know what is going on...and that would kill me... if I were you...

 

Think about what YOU want to do...then whatever decision you take, stick to it... simple.

 

Good luck! That sucks though! Been there.. but she never contacted me... and another time I was caught with him walking hand in hand.

[KATANYA]

I agree with Lizzie, Lolax. You need to calm down and get your own plan...and if you fear for your safety or a confrontation with the W you should at least listen to your MM when he calls.....I don't know how she found out or how much she knows but I would be wanting to know how he's spinning this and also make my own plan for how I will deal with any confrontations....Hopefully, he hasn't told her too much in terms of particular details (your name, where you live, etc..) but if you don't hear out the MM you won't have the info you need to be prepared. By the way, hearing him out does not necessarily mean continuing contact at this time...and be prepared for what the others have warned - he will probably tell you its over, he made a huge mistake, blah, blah. and that will hurt for sure. After you've heard his 'story' you can at least choose the "NC" route but you will have some closure for yourself...his is going to take a lot longer and be much messier I'm sure.

 

As far as missing him and being heartbroken, that is unfortunately one of the risks we take getting involved with the MM in the first place....the chance of him leaving and running to you (if that is what you ever wanted) are slim to none.

 

Good Luck and stay safe.

[Impudent Oyster]

Pick up the phone when he calls, listen to what he's got to say... then take your own decision...

 

Hell would freeze over before I was at someone's beck and call like that. Do you not see how doing that makes you akin to a human doormat?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Hell would freeze over before I was at someone's beck and call like that. Do you not see how doing that makes you akin to a human doormat?

 

What happens now? Whatever MM and his wife decide will happen, they're calling the shots, not you.

 

Do you really want to be at his mercy? Eeewwww.

 

 

 

She has been in a R with this man for two years. She has had her D day and is going through an unbelievable amount of shock, pain, fear, confusion (and after reading some of the scaremongering posts on this thread is now probably fearing for her life).

 

IO, why do you post on the OW forum if it revisits the hurt and pain you yourself felt when you discovered your H's affair?

 

Lolax, I'm sorry you're in pain. D day is a time of unbelievable pain, fear and confusion for the OW. Its also the day of reckoning for your R with MM, because what happens from here usually determines what your R really meant to him.

 

Think about what YOU want to do. Do you want to hear from the MM? Even if its to tell you that the R is over? Do you want to block W's number or let her vent and talk to her?

 

I'm not you, but I have been in this situation. On D Day, My MM contacted me to tell me about the possibility of W going to our work. He also told me he was separating which he did. I supported him. He supported me. I was able to let W vent on the phone. I dont think I even answered a question for the first few calls, she just wanted to shout.

 

Its not pretty and it suddenly makes the whole situation very real, the pain that your R has caused becomes real. Its a lot to deal with and you need to figure out whether you would rather do that with complete NC or whether you want to hear MM and W out.

 

Have you got someone you can confide in who can be with you at this time?

[silktricks]

Hell would freeze over before I was at someone's beck and call like that. Do you not see how doing that makes you akin to a human doormat?

 

Huh?? Answering a phone call, listening and making your decision is at someone's beck and call? I don't thiiiiiinnnnkkkkkk so.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Huh?? Answering a phone call, listening and making your decision is at someone's beck and call? I don't thiiiiiinnnnkkkkkk so.

 

Listening to that phone call stopped me from being attacked outside of my workplace. I didnt feel like I had "Enter" printed on my forehead then.

 

And who says MM just doesn't want to end the R with Lolax (sorry Lolax, but its very possible). Aren't MM encouraged to ring OW with their W in tow so the W can hear the R ending?

[whichwayisup]

Aren't MM encouraged to ring OW with their W in tow so the W can hear the R ending

 

Usually that happens when the OW won't let go after MM ends it and still is trying to contact the MM after D-Day.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Usually that happens when the OW won't let go after MM ends it and still is trying to contact the MM after D-Day.

 

That didn't happen with me either actually WWIU, W wanted MM to confront me and insult me via phone, web, face to face. He didn't.

 

Every situation is different, and there are blanket responses for supporting OW in D Day, and very different perspectives, I know that. I just dont think "Ive seen people killed", "Your a human doormat" and "Ewwww!" could be construed as anything apart from allowing the posters of those messages gratification upon their own situations.

[Lizzie60]

Hell would freeze over before I was at someone's beck and call like that. Do you not see how doing that makes you akin to a human doormat?

 

On the contrary... it can shows a lot of self control and independence... She gets to call the shots now...

 

I would be too curious to know what's going on ... maybe she needs to know important details about his W...

 

What if she found out about her.. maybe she would need to know if this woman can eventually hurt her...

[Havn_a_life]

when the A was exposed the BS came after me with a vengeance. She had a history of mental disorders so can imagine what a narrow escape I had. Her obsession lasted for years and the harassment stopped three years after the A ended. Still every time I get a hang - up call, I wonder. And I never stop watching my back! I feared for myself but mostly my daughter. This is not the life you want for yourself. Being alone is a much better, not to mention safer, option.

 

This post should be set up for all potential OWs to see before sleeping with a MM. Kind of a warning like you see on the cigarette packs about the risk of cancer.

There's some wacko Ws and wacko OWs out there, I will add. It happens on both sides of the fence. I'd rather do without a man if I have to choose one that is M to another woman. JMO

[PoshPrincess]

Hell would freeze over before I was at someone's beck and call like that. Do you not see how doing that makes you akin to a human doormat?

 

I agree IO. One of the hardest things for me trying to get over MM is that I feel I walked away with absolutely no pride in tact whatsoever! I believed all the BS that he was going to leave. He even told me he had TOLD his W he was leaving (even after lying to her that our R meant nothing!) God, I was SO stupid. Blinded by love, and all that. Never again!

[marlena]

Yes, PP,

They are almost clones aren't they, these married men! The outcome is so predictable, it almost laughable. When the S**t hits the fan, they are the first to throw you under the bus and drive away pronto! True hit- and -run drivers they are.

 

I really don't understand the BSs either. Why would they go wacko over the likes of their husbands? IMO, they too should hold on to their self - respect and dignity and throw him under the bus instead.

 

I was a BS too. When I found out, I was at my lawyer's office the next day filing for a divorce. I simply said,"ENOUGH"! Now its time to look after myself and my daughter"! I never contacted her. I wouldn't stoop that low. I just cultivated a civil relationship with my X for the sake of my daughter's well - being! Today he and I are simply firends.

 

Above all, one should hold one's head up high and not give into harassment or violence of any kind. Things like that say a lot about a person.

[PoshPrincess]

Yes, PP,

They are almost clones aren't they, these married men! The outcome is so predictable, it almost laughable. When the S**t hits the fan, they are the first to throw you under the bus and drive away pronto! True hit- and -run drivers they are.

 

Mine didn't walk away when the sh*t hit the fan. I sometimes wish he had now. Well, more than anything I wish I had, rather than him. No, my MM told me that it was the beginning of the end for him and his W, a new start for us, but he couldn't just walk out....kids to consider, finances, etc. Of course, the longer time went on the less likely it looked to happen!

 

I really don't understand the BSs either. Why would they go wacko over the likes of their husbands? IMO, they too should hold on to their self - respect and dignity and throw him under the bus instead.

 

I was a BS too. When I found out, I was at my lawyer's office the next day filing for a divorce. I simply said,"ENOUGH"! Now its time to look after myself and my daughter"! I never contacted her. I wouldn't stoop that low. I just cultivated a civil relationship with my X for the sake of my daughter's well - being! Today he and I are simply firends.

 

Thankfully, I have never been in that position. I would like to think I would have some dignity but I guess you never know. I don't imagine I would confront the OW, unless perhaps it was someone I knew. I certainly don't think I could stay with a WS as I am quite a jealous person and it would make me too insecure but who knows? I had no pride when it came to MM whatsoever!

 

Above all, one should hold one's head up high and not give into harassment or violence of any kind. Things like that say a lot about a person.

 

Ditto.

[Impudent Oyster]

She has been in a R with this man for two years. She has had her D day and is going through an unbelievable amount of shock, pain, fear, confusion (and after reading some of the scaremongering posts on this thread is now probably fearing for her life).

 

IO, why do you post on the OW forum if it revisits the hurt and pain you yourself felt when you discovered your H's affair?

 

 

 

Huh? revisits "hut and pain"? Hardly, on the contrary, reading here reaffirms and validates everything I suspected about affairs, which is basically that they're meaningless.

 

The more I read the more I see how common and inconsequential they are in long term marriages and how, even though they present a bump in the long road, can be an impetus for an even stronger bond between husband and wife.

 

And she didn't have a 2 year relationship with this MM, he just used her as his woman on the side for 2 years. If he cared about her he wouldn't have tossed her aside. Quit making excuses for these selfish men, he's saving his ass and jumping through hoops for his wife and marriage because THAT is what is important to him, not the OW.

 

If she jumps when he finally decides the coast is clear and he wants a little something on the side, then she's a fool with no self-respect.

 

If she were smart she'd never speak to him again and chalk this up to a hard lesson learned.

[Impudent Oyster]

Huh?? Answering a phone call, listening and making your decision is at someone's beck and call? I don't thiiiiiinnnnkkkkkk so.

 

Making what decision? To agree to keep sneaking around and f*cking this guy behind his wife's back, only this time, too be really really careful so she won't find out and you can continue to be his deep dark secret side dish for years and years?

 

Oh yeah, that sounds awesome!

[Impudent Oyster]

I agree IO. One of the hardest things for me trying to get over MM is that I feel I walked away with absolutely no pride in tact whatsoever! I believed all the BS that he was going to leave. He even told me he had TOLD his W he was leaving (even after lying to her that our R meant nothing!) God, I was SO stupid. Blinded by love, and all that. Never again!

 

Good for you PP! You deserve so much better!

[Impudent Oyster]

On the contrary... it can shows a lot of self control and independence... She gets to call the shots now...

 

I would be too curious to know what's going on ... maybe she needs to know important details about his W...

 

\

 

The only detail she needs to know is that he's married, he's staying married and he wants her to remain a secret. There are no other "details" she needs to know about his wife except that he doesn't have one anymore.

 

And the only shot she should call is the one telling him to find someone else to put up with his BS, because it's not going to be her anymore!

 

There's no self control or independence in agreeing to be some married liars piece on the side.

[bish]

Lolax, I'm sorry you're in pain. D day is a time of unbelievable pain, fear and confusion for the OW.

 

Well she should have thought of that before deciding to sleep with someone elses husband now shouldn't she have?

 

Oh wait...forget the fact that she was aiding and abetting to the BW's pain and betrayal without a second thought about her. Now the OW deserves sympathy? I doubt she has sympathy for the BW.

[Whyme_wtf]

alot of you guys dont realize that these men married men hop into one relationship into another and then when the shine wears off on that one, he grooms another OW for it.

 

Or he could be going through MLC, who knows, Or he could be just using the poster as a convient piece off A**?

 

Who knows.

 

All I know the odds do not look good, let's not sugar coat it for her.

This true for allot. There are some that truely love the OW but do not know how to find their way out.

Back away and don't let yourself be involved in the fallout. IMO if he is going to break free and you truely love him and still want him, don't tell him what to do but tell him to figure out what he wants. You can't stay on hold for years. Set a reasonable timeline and if he still has not started Divorce proceeding, then you will know. Contact will only enable him to stay really because he is getting his cake and drinking from the cow too:p

Tell him NC until you see a valid court document.

Be strong

[marlena]

he's saving his ass and jumping through hoops for his wife and marriage because THAT is what is important to him, not the OW.

 

If she jumps when he finally decides the coast is clear and he wants a little something on the side, then she's a fool with no self-respect.

 

If she were smart she'd never speak to him again and chalk this up to a hard lesson learned.

 

 

If I were a man, I certainly wouldn't want my wife describing me as some kind of circus animal "jumping through hoops". As for self - respect, in my opinion, staying married to a lying and cheating husband is not showing any self - respect at all. Quite the contrary, I'd say. However, staying with a loyal and committed man is.

 

Some BSs should take a good, hard look at themselves and their levels of self - esteem before berating OW.

 

IMO, both OW and BS have both been f***ed over by their man.

MM men stay in bad marriages for all sorts of reasons and not because they love their wives. If they loved them, they wouldn't be carrying on an affair at the same time.

 

When a man is unhappy in his marraige, he should have the integrity to divorce before resorting to affairs to make up for what is missing in his marriage.

[PoshPrincess]

This true for allot. There are some that truely love the OW but do not know how to find their way out.

 

Agreed. At the end of the day though the majority just do whatever is easiest. They may love their OW and want to leave the BS but they just don't have the balls to do it. It's easier to stay with what they are used to than to move into the unknown and risk the wrath of their kids and families. Men like uncomplicated lives. Yes, some stupidly like to cheat (or fall into an A) but as soon as the going gets tough they go back to what they know.

[marlena]

 

 

Agreed. At the end of the day though the majority just do whatever is easiest. They may love their OW and want to leave the BS but they just don't have the balls to do it. It's easier to stay with what they are used to than to move into the unknown and risk the wrath of their kids and families. Men like uncomplicated lives. Yes, some stupidly like to cheat (or fall into an A) but as soon as the going gets tough they go back to what they know.

 

 

 

That's about it in a nutshell!!!!!!!!

[annabelle75]

The best advice I can give you right now is to not think about the BS. Its tempting to allow yourself to wallow in guilt, but you need to stop yourself from sinking into it. There are many here that want you to feel bad about the choices you made and now put the BSes needs above your own. Don't listen to that advice. Right now you need to focus on you and what you need to do to get through this. The BS is a big girl and can take care of herself. You are not responsible for her or her choices.

 

I would advise that you hear what the MM has to say and then decided how it is best for you to handle it. It may hurt to hear what he has to say, but it may be best to know now instead of sitting in the dark wondering if you'll ever see him again.

 

You have a tough road ahead and we are here for you.

 

(((hugs)))