MattyTee Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Well, after reading through the forums for a while to get an idea of the responses I finally decided I would post. So, as a newcomer be a little bit gentle with me I do apologise if this is too long... My situation is this: My fiance and I met 7 years ago on the internet and fell in love soon after. Things progressed well and we met up the following year (long-distance relationship). Since then she has spent two seperate years living with me here with the plan being that I would move there when I could. There are some specifics like the fact that there is an age gap between us and of course a good deal of the relationship was online. We got engaged 2 years ago and were planning to get married early next year. Last year her father divorced her mother after having an affair (apparently this hadn't been the first time) and it hit her pretty hard. She's one of those people that bottle things up so she wouldn't talk about it, but I could tell it was troubling her. Our relationship hasn't been perfect, we'd argue (had trouble communicating) and often wouldn't understand each other (common in a first relationship I'm sure). On top of this I had a very untrusting nature (based on my childhood) and was overly jealous and controlling. I appreciate this wasn't easy on her and I know this is a big part of the break up. In the past year she has "broken up" with me twice but both times asked me not to take it seriously and that she's just scared things won't work out. 5 weeks ago she broke things off over the phone. She said she needed to be alone and that she didn't know if I made her happy. She wanted things to change but they hadn't changed enough and now she wasn't sure if it was too late. I was obviously heartbroken but also blamed myself a lot for the break up. This time I didn't call but just left things. 3 weeks ago I had booked a ticket to go and see her, I had planned to hand-deliver a letter saying how I felt and that if she wanted to see me I was there. She found out I was going and went nuts - saying lots more cruel things. This time her sister asked me if I wanted to talk to her so I accepted. We talked for nearly 2 hours and she explained to me that my Fiance was going through a lot right now (Dad now remarrying), school starting etc and that she really didn't know what she wanted. She said if I loved her I would wait for her to be ready to talk about it. She also suggested light contact (friendly and happy) very occasionally. So now I am emailing her once per week on a Sunday. I keep it light and don't talk about anything in the relationship. I have sent two emails so far (the first asking if it was okay with her to email). She has replied both times, the first being short and cold - the second email being more friendly and longer. The problem is I'm in absolute limbo. I'm working on myself with all other aspects: counselling for the jealousy issues, working out all like a madman and reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (wow!), but I don't know how to feel about the situation I'm in. Obviously I love her deeply and want her to be happy (even if not with me). I know I can make her happy now (I was the love of her life, she was so devoted) but I think I just have to wait. What do people think? Is there a chance? Is the light contact okay? Am I crazy? (Really sorry this is so long, if you have read it all then thank you) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Anyone with any input? After reading through some of the forums I'm starting to worry that the reason she broke up with me may not be what she said it was. Any ideas, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MattyTee Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Please, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 It's hard to say, kind of reminds me of my situation. My ex-fiancee left about 6 months after her dad tried killing himself. Our communication gotten worse and she was confiding in a friend of mine. She left me for him, got married to him and now divorced. Not sure if she is seeing someone local, but I would make it clear that you won't be dragged through the mud. Personally I would not email her anymore, let her start thinking, wondering.. LTRs are hard to keep. Too much temptation out there and you miss alot when you are so far apart from each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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