please help me with my daughter!

[zingy]

my God i am starting to feel that she is literally slipping away from me/us!!

 

the last couple weeks she has been extremely stressed out with all that is going on with rayanne next door and sonya next door.

 

she confessed to me that she slept with that kevin three times now but that she feels so guilty about it cause she loves geno???

 

i know she is young so i can excuse that for her age, but i just don't know what the hell else is going on with her.

 

i suggested that either the zoloft 50 mgs that is on is either not enough or she needs something else..

 

she is very very depressed and emotional, crying all the time, biting every bodie's head off, not wanting to be around anyone or go to work or ANYTHING!

 

all the classic symptoms of a major depression to me, but now i can't seem to get through to her to do something..

 

i also wonder if maybe she don't need meds..how can i tell for sure?

 

i know she needed them before cause she swings so much from one extreme to the other and is doing that again now but more towards being angry alot of the time and crying so much.

 

when she wants to she confides in me with tears of total frustration then just that quick she can bite my head off.

 

i don't know what to do, i feel a sickening heavy sensation in the pit of my stomach that something is seriously wrong with her, either her mind or in her body..

 

does that make sense? i tried to talk her into going to the 9news health fair cause they do a blood test that screens like 32 different things.

 

she refused to go, she bit my head off about that too..

she says she is just sick and tired of everyone telling her what the fxck to do, what not to do and nobody will just leave her alone to live her life!!!

 

i don't know what to do can you help me here?

i'm scared for her..

 

twice today i talked to her and she seemed fine one minute then hung on me cause i wouldn't run over there with diapers for vince.

 

i was sorta pissed that that kevin was there and he couldn't walk to the store for her.

 

she finally told me that they don't have his size, which i believed, but still she hung up on me..

 

then i told her a minute ago then i would ask "daddy" as she calls him, if we can run some diapers to her..

 

she said "thank you" and hung up on me...!!!

gosh i just don't know what to do anymore with her..

 

i know that she smokes pot and she must of been smoking earlier cause she was surely laughing and in a very good mood then..

 

i don't think she is doing other drugs though but i am not positive about anything anymore..

 

she has so many things going on right now, with no car, no friends now except one and fighting and all the crap going on next door, and she missed her friendship with rayanne..

 

she says how much it hurts her to lose her friend ship, though we both know she wasn't much of a friend for treating her the way she is now cause she is mad at her for kicking her out.

 

instead of being mad at her and talking to her she just totally dumped sarah.

 

i can see rayannes hurt too, but still it is hurting sarah and i am concerned about sarahs pain not rayannes pain though it is quite sad for both of them, ya know?

 

anyway...what do you think? i was thinking of talking to her dr. but her dr. is my old dr. and does not like me anymore cause i called her stupid one time and walked out of her office.

 

sarah has an appt. on may 2nd with her but that is a long time away yet for her to have to go on feeling this way.

 

she thinks maybe it is PMS cause she was on that depo shot and her periods were so messed up that now even after about 5 months total since the shot she has not had a period..

 

she gets all the PMS symptoms but no period.

when i get the diapers i am going to get her some PMS RELIEF stuff to see if that helps anything.

 

you know that pamprin stuff, to see if that could help her any..

 

i can't even talk to her to reason with her about anything and i feel so dammed intimidated by her anger and her behaviour that all i want to do anyway is leave her alone..

 

let me knw what you think of this please!

now i have to ask ricky to take me up there and he is not going to like this either.

 

i could drive his car there but he has a rental cause his car in geting the heater vent fixed so no one else can drive the rental and he is real stickler about it and i don't blame him but i will have to listen to him not be too happy about it either...

 

i feel like pullin out my hair now...on top of all this my sinuses are killing me, i go to the dentist at 7:30 a.m.

 

i have no more truck to do my route in, i missed two days of work at target from all this pain..

 

i'm going to call my dr. tomorrow to see if she can see me to give me something or look and see if i have a sinus infection.

 

on top of all of that ricky is now the only one with a car and will have to pick up sarah and vince from home then take him to day care then pickhim up and bring them home.

 

he already has said he does not want to do this all week long and i don't blame him cause neither would i..

 

so the whole world is falling apart and sarah is taking the lead of it all..

 

geeesh what a mess huh?

any suggestions???

[Ryan]

I have no idea what you are trying to say.

 

Please try to collect your thoughts and give a more organized and thorough description of the issue. We can't work with stream of consciousness that assumes we know everything that you do.

[Tony T]

DITTO

[Just A Girl2]

You're tossing out all these names here (sarah, vince, ricky, kevin, rayanne, geno)...as if all of us reading KNOW who you're referring to. We don't, haven't got a clue. None of your post really makes any sense, it's like a big blur of thoughts that go off onto endless tangents. You okay?

[HokeyReligions]

You can't solve your daughter's problems. I know you are worried, but it's time to be realistic and understand that there is nothing you can do except to take care of yourself and let your daughter know that you love her and will be there for her if and when she does ask for your help. Then you need to back away.

 

If she starts yelling at you walk away or hang up the phone. At some point when she is calm tell her that you will not even attempt to deal with her when she is being irrational and that is why you will, or have, walked away or hung up.

 

Get yourself to a doctor and take care of your health. If you daughter is using drugs and she has a baby, you may need to be prepared to take custody of the baby. Personally, even if it were my child and I knew this was going on I would be in contact with CPS and asking for some help/interferrence to get the baby away from the mother and into my home, until the mother could get help. But, whether you call CPS, or the drug & emotional problems escalate to a point where someone else calls in CPS, be prepared to help the baby, including child guidance counseling if necessary to help the baby deal with the emotional extremes he has already been exposed to.

 

If you need help dealing with this, then I suggest you get some counseling for yourself. An outside person to help you put this in perspective and show you some tools you can use to deal with your daughter.

[steffany]

You say your daughter is young...how young?

 

I am 25 and still find it inappropriate to discuss with my mother who I've slept with and to yell at her or cuss at her. I just feel a certain respect for her in that regard.

 

I went through many meds and diagnoses growing up...until 5th grade my parents decided no meds I would just have to try harder and just good ol fashion woopins. And trust me it works wonders.

 

Tough love is still love and sometimes different kids call for different kinds of love. I'm not saying go home and beat her silly. But I would be sad too if I felt I could yell or snap at my mother or say cuss words infront of her. Respect for your parents and others is important.

 

And her sleeping with boys should tell you she is still looking for some kind of love. My Mom always told me I was too important and too smart and too beautiful to be sleeping with boys.

 

My parents would have never allowed me to blame any of my diagnoses on being down right disrepectful and hurtful.

[zingy]

i know that my daughter is in a lot of emotional pain right now.

her fiancee is in iraq and she is lonely and depressed about getting in a fight with her bestfriend.

 

she sometimes smokes pot but i dont know nor think that it is adding to all this. she does not do it in front of the baby, that i am sure of.

 

she is 21 and he is 21/2, i feel that he is fairly stable but today i talked with her and found out that she had not been taking her zoloft regularly, but for three days now she has been good at it, and today i could hear the positive change in her voice and she told me too that she is trying to quit the pot.

 

so that is all good and i am feeling more relieved that she is feeling better now.

the thing with sleeping with this guy, disturbs her and i don't know why she is still friends with him, but not sleeping with him anymore because she feel so guilty about having done it, so that is good too.

 

i don't think she is ready to settle down anyway and i think maybe she is seeing that as well.

 

so f riday night she had gotten in a car accident with my vehicle, and the baby was with her too.

 

some girl swerved to the right then over corrected to the left and did a u-turn across all three lanes of traffic and hit my daughter head on.

 

she is having bad neck pain and headaches since saturday a.m. and that is why i had asked for her to see a chiropractor.

 

my grandson was not hurt but he developed a sudden fever and i asked my b'f if he could pick him up from day care so she could take him to the hospital.

 

he did tihs begrudgingly but after he had to answer another phone call.

 

yes he ran them around all day yesterday for day care, work and hospital then home again.

 

he helped my daughter but did it for me too i guess. so does that give him the right to put me down so much for not wanting to do one favor for his mother.?

 

i never said i would i just said i ddidn't feel comfortable doing it and i didn't want to but i never said i wound not do it.

 

now he has me pegged as lazy and selfish over this one incident.

i have done alot of things for him, and his mom, and other people, so this one thing i am being persecuted for, and i feel put out from it too.

 

sorry for rambling, i'm just stressed about everything and frustrated as hell.

 

he says i expect him to drop everything and run my ass around, and that this accident with the insurance companines and all, and my vehicle being totaled, would of only taken 3 phone calls instead i am obsessing about it and it has taken on a life of it's own.

 

that is what he is saying to me now. has anyone ever settled an accident in three phone calls?

 

my daughter is having problems with her neck, my vehicle is trashed, and i guess i am not suppose to ask him for help.

 

this is the way he made me feel before the gramma thing even came up!

[steffany]

I think it is time to stop finding excuses for your daughter's actions. She seems very immature...learned maybe?

 

I still think she needs some tough love. People who take advantage of others and has an excuse for everything and disrepect other don't just wake up and decide to be different. You need to give her a swift kick in the a*s.

 

I may be wrong but it seems she acts this way because you tolorate it.

 

Maybe you think it is okay.

[it's me again]

my b'f has been taking sam-e for about two weeks now and it is suppose to work relatively quick and it seemed to be doing a might fine job of it till today.

 

he has been in such a good mood for a good week straight now and i started feeling hopeful that his bad mood wheather it be from work, life, or what nots would be under some control.

 

then today he was cranky and edgy again. now i am use to living in the drama and at times i even do miss it. but in the past when he would get in his little moods i would always entertain the thoughts of leaving him by boarding a greyhound bus.

 

well i have been telling myself this past week that i no longer have a need to indulge in such drama that i want things to work out for us and be better.

 

then today as he went out the door i found myself right back in that fantasy land of leaving on a bus to get away from him and his moods again.

 

some of it i just don't know if it is the good ole drama playing out in my head since my heart does not seem to go along with these fantasies.

 

other of it i don't know if i want to get away from the drama totally and live drama free. if i want drama in my life it is right here, but if i did would i be so quick to entertain the idea of leaving it all behind since i do not like it one bit when he acts this way and i tend to take it ohhhhhhh so personally.

 

now i'm just not sure what i want and that just sucks!

the other day we lost our power due to a power outage in the neighborhood and went to a hotel for the night.

 

i went and checked us in with a little over nght bag and when i was in the room all alone with the t.v. on and not knowing what the heck to do, it came to me that that is how my life would be without him in it.

 

i felt almost sad yet adventourous about it too. so confusing ya know?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Okay Zingy…three deep breaths.

 

I’m curious, who prescribed Zoloft to your daughter? Was it a general practitioner or qualified psychiatrist?

[ZINGY]

IT WAS HER REGULAR DR. WHO PRESCRIBED HER THE ZOLOFT AS SHE SEEMS TO HAVE A MOOD DISORDER BUT I KNOW SHE WAS DEPRESSED AND FEELING SO OUT OF CONTROL, WELLMORE OUT OF CONTROL AND CRYING ALOT OUT OF FRUSTRATION.

 

SHE IS NOW O N PAXIL INSTEAD. I WOULD RATHER SEE HER BEING TREATED BY A DR. THAT IS SPECIALIZED IN TREATING THIS AND I DID SUGGEST IT TO HER BUT SINCE SHE IS DOING MUCH BETTER NOW ON THE PAXIL ONLY 20 MGS I THINK I WILL WAIT AND SEE HOW SHE DOES WITH THIS.

 

SHE DOES HAVE A LOT OF STRESS IN HER LIFE, BEING A SINGLE MOTHER, WORKING FULLTIME, NO CAR, NO FATHER A ROUND FOR THE BABY, AND VIRTUAL NO ONE TO HELP HER BESIDES MYSELF.

 

HER DAD DOES SOMETIMES BUT HE IS REMARRIED WITH TWO OTHER GIRLS AND LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE SO I AM ALL SHE REALLY HAS BESIDES SOME FRIENDS OF HER.

 

NOW WHY DO YOU ASK?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Just a personal "pet peeve," Zingy, when general practitioners are so quick to prescribe "happy pills" for their patients without having them properly diagnosed by a clinical psychiatrist first…(or at least working along with one.)

 

Get your daughter to a councilor FIRST, if you can. Let them decide whether her problems are related to stress or a chemical imbalance. If they can’t help her through regular counseling sessions, they will then refer her to a psychiatrist who will decide whether or not she needs to be placed on “drugs.”

 

My own daughter suffered from the same mood swings as you described. She was diagnosed first with “manic depression,” then “bipolor disorder” and then something they described as “dissociate disorder.” Turns out, “Mother” was correct all along. My daughter’s mood swings and irrational behavior was due to a combination of adolescence and DRUG AND ALCOHOL USE. Of course, she was quite clever at dodging her drug screenings and convincing everyone that Mom was just being paranoid.

 

By the time I got them to address to the “real” problem, it was already too late and my daughter had become addicted to Heroin. It’s still an up and down battle for her. She has been put on the Methadone program…but I am still stubbornly clinging to my ideals that you can not replace one drug with another and expect someone who is “chemically dependant” to break their cycle by giving them another chemical crutch to replace the other.

 

Of course, we don’t know for certain if this is your daughter’s problem or not. You’ll have to convince her to seek diagnosis with those who can best provide it. And since she is over the age of 18, she’ll have to agree to go. And this might be impossible.

 

Meanwhile, you’ll have to brace yourself for some difficult lessons in what we call “tough love.” This will be the most difficult hurdle for you since as a mother, it is instinctual for you to want to save your daughter from hitting rock bottom…but in some ways your protective behavior may inadvertently be “enabling” her.

 

Good luck, Zingy. I’ll be praying for you that all turns out well. And if your daughter refuses to seek help, than perhaps you should seek some professional guidance for yourself. You need to learn the skills necessary to survive this before you make yourself ill…