Are you guys OK with your SO sexually desiring others?

[totalbtch]

Are you guys OK with your SO sexually desiring other people as long as they don’t act on it?

 

Secretly masturbating to some ‘hot thing’?

 

Is it a secret of a happy relationship to control your desires?

 

It looks like most people feel like a relationshop is just another business transaction – you fulfil my desires and I’ll fulfil yours. If you don’t fulfil them, someone else will. If I’m a person of integrity that ‘someone’ will not be a ‘real’ person – but some porn fantasy or parhaps a real- life crush I would never do anything about.

 

What is your opinion?

[jj2007]

I think it's ok as long as they don't act on it. That's what a secret fantacy is all about I guess. Hell, sometimes in the throes of passion I like to think of Brad Pitt but it's not like anyone has to worry about me acting on it.

[rainfall]

I am personally not ok with it because if he is secretly wishing he could sleep with some other random chick then in my opinon (only mine you don't have to agree) he does not love me.

[whichwayisup]

This falls under the rules of "don't ask, don't tell" ... (like going into detail about one's sexual past...If you ask the question, be prepared for ALL the answers.)

 

I am not going to ask my H what he masterbates about and with who. That's HIS time, his fantasy. Who am I to tell him who he can and can't whack off to.

[Lizzie60]

OK or not OK... I don't think anyone has any control over their spouse's mind.

 

I,m sure most people don,t even know what their spouse's fantasies are..and what they're REALLY thinking when they're having sex.

 

A few of my MMs have told me that they think about having sex with me when they have sex with their W...

 

So why sweat something that is out of your control.

[Whyme_wtf]

It is a personal thought. If it does not happen into reality, what is the issue. You cant live in fear of what someone is thinking...

OK...what am I thinking now....(_____________ ________ _________ _____ __ _____!&@% ___________ahhhhhhhhh!:bunny::bunny:)

sheeez....

[totalbtch]

A few of my MMs have told me that they think about having sex with me when they have sex with their W...

A few of my MM have said the same thing.

Guess we’ll never know what they are thinking when they are with us.

 

I was thinking about people in more meaningful relationships.

[Citizen Erased]

You know, I have never really thought about who my bf thinks of. I certainly don't always think of him when I have my alone time with Mr Vibe Friend. We have been together for 3 years and I frankly think it is ridiculous to expect each other not to think of others as sexy etc. Doesn't mean we will act on anything.

[johan]

...I certainly don't always think of him when I have my alone time with Mr Vibe Friend....

 

Who is this Vibe guy? Is that your neigbor? I read that some Australian parents were trying to name their kid "4Real". Seems like people in Australia have odd names.

[Citizen Erased]

Who is this Vibe guy? Is that your neigbor? I read that some Australian parents were trying to name their kid "4Real". Seems like people in Australia have odd names.

 

Because "johan" is so normal

 

I may as well embrace the Aussie culture and name my daughter "big knockers" and my son :beer gut by 40"...

 

Mr Vibe sleeps in my top drawer and only comes out to play at night...

[rainfall]

It is a personal thought. If it does not happen into reality, what is the issue. You cant live in fear of what someone is thinking...

OK...what am I thinking now....(_____________ ________ _________ _____ __ _____!&@% ___________ahhhhhhhhh!:bunny::bunny:)

sheeez....

 

I guess my issue is that if he did/does think of sleeping someone else he wishes it was his reality.

The only reason it isn't a reality for most people is because they don't have the chance or because they would be afraid of their SO finding out and being hurt and leaving them.

Again just my opinon. Disagree if you like....

 

I just don't understand why if you are happy with your reality you would need or ever want to think of someone else.

[Cobra_X30]

You know, I have never really thought about who my bf thinks of. I certainly don't always think of him when I have my alone time with Mr Vibe Friend. We have been together for 3 years and I frankly think it is ridiculous to expect each other not to think of others as sexy etc. Doesn't mean we will act on anything.

 

I really cant focus on anything beyond what is right in front of me. Does my imagination just suck?

 

Also... In America... Thats called Bob. ie... Battery Operated Boyfriend! ...LOL

[bish]

I think it's ok as long as they don't act on it. That's what a secret fantacy is all about I guess. Hell, sometimes in the throes of passion I like to think of Brad Pitt but it's not like anyone has to worry about me acting on it.

 

But the question is, if Brad Pitt were to show up in your bedroom some night when your husband is, say, on a business trip...would you do him?

[IpAncA]

We all know this is a sensitive subject for some and since this thread is coming from a OW, I'm curious as to why you want to know this from those in meaningful relationships.

 

But to answer your question it depends on the couple. Some don't like it, some don't care, and some need it. Either way both people need to be on the same page.

[Trialbyfire]

Fantasies can be harmless or not. Best to let your personal moral compass define what's acceptable. If there's interaction between the SO and the third party, outside of the fantasy, I would question the integrity of both the SO and the third party. It's very easy to cross the line.

[mourningMM]

can give partners insights into eachothers souls.

 

I'm not a guy, so I don't know if this answers anything that you ask though.

 

But I have found that sharing what I dream about with a man in my life, if he has one ounce of creativity, becomes a springboard for....well...wish fulfillment.

 

Now granted, I don't frequently focus on actual individuals in my fantasies, it is more about sensations...so as long as he gets the idea of what arouses me, my current guy has a pretty good chance of having some really good fun;

AND if he make my fantasy real, well that just means that I have to return the favor!

 

Wish I wasn't between boyfriends! Never enjoyed going solo.

[whichwayisup]

I guess my issue is that if he did/does think of sleeping someone else he wishes it was his reality.

 

Chances are it isn't! You are putting that on yourself, making yourself feel bad. Just because his mind may wander if he is jerking off doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

It doesn't mean he really WANTS to f.uck someone else.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Well to me it depends. If my bf is fantasazing about some random girl he saw on the street or some actress or model, it wouldn't bother me. But if he was fantasizing about someone who he has regular interaction with, say a co-worker then yes it would definetly bother me. For one if he is "whacking off" to someone he has any sort of even casual friendship with, then chances are he IS sexually aroused around that person in real life - I just really do not see how could he not be. Lines can be crossed easily and there is a possibility of developing emotional connection. Now that would REALLY bother me.

[popey]

TiralbyFire and Blueyedgirl hit in on the head for me. If my SO fantasizes about waking up from anestesia and a sexy nurse is seducing him, or whatever- if the fantasy is about a scenario but with no specific woman he knows, but just random hotness in some perfect fantasy scene- that's ok. But if he is fantasizing about someone he actually knows, I'd be very upset.

[IpAncA]

If my bf is fantasazing about some random girl he saw on the street or some actress or model, it wouldn't bother me.

 

Is that because your bf doesn't have access to whatever? Not to use you as an example or anything but I've noticed that a lot of people don't cares until the person has access. Interesting how the rules change. Just a little observation I've noticed.

[jj2007]

But the question is, if Brad Pitt were to show up in your bedroom some night when your husband is, say, on a business trip...would you do him?

 

he would be hard to turn down but no I wouldn't "do him". that's why it's called a fantacy.

[bish]

he would be hard to turn down but no I wouldn't "do him". that's why it's called a fantacy.

 

well alrighty then....most people would say they'd do their fantasy in a heartbeat if it came true....if so, then its more than just a fantasy.

[whichwayisup]

well alrighty then....most people would say they'd do their fantasy in a heartbeat if it came true....if so, then its more than just a fantasy.

 

I couldn't ever act out my fantasy as one of them is a woman! Gina Gershon... Even though another is a male, there's no way I'd ever make that fantasy come true.

[IpAncA]

well alrighty then....most people would say they'd do their fantasy in a heartbeat if it came true....if so, then its more than just a fantasy.

 

I'm going to say it's a fantasy for a reason. You just don't make something like that up for the hell of it. Again just my opinion.

 

Not saying people are lying when they say they'd never do their fantasy but I do believe some if given the chance and weren't tied to someone else would. Hell I bet some would if tied to someone else.

[shoesies05]

its harmless unless they act on it, or it starts taking away from your relationship.

 

Like if all you can think abut is that other person and u cant focus on ur current relationship then its a problem. or if u are constantly looking at porn even tho u have someone to fulfill those sexual fantasies with- thats a problem...