oldiesfan Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I have a terrible situation, a little diff from most that i cant get over! I met a guy about 5 yrs ago and fell in love. when i met him, he had a drug prob, but i kept him off, and havent had a prob until this past june. about 1 month b4 we got married, he started acting diff. a normally affectionate, caring guy, was very withdrawn and cold. Then i found out he had a relapse..and the worst part about it was he was cheating on me. the day i found out from a friend of mine, it was 3 wks till the wedding!!! however, things have been ok, i guess. the girl hasnt een around since, and his therapist gives him regular drug tests...which he's past, and he's been back to his old self. my problem is that we've been married for 3 months as of the 22nd, and i still lay in bed almost every night and just cry. Ive been EXTREMELY depressed, i'm terrified the instant he gets snippy (which usually he's just in a bad mood), and its upsetting that our marriage actually started out like this! I love him so much, and i married him knowing he had the prob b4 (which i was willing to work with), and i wanted to help him get thru it...i just didnt know the whole cheating thing would happen too!!! i need to know so i can put my mind at ease...am i rightfully scared and upset or am i being paranoid and overly dramatic. like i said, he's seemed ok since he got help, its just the slightest reminders of his attitude when he was messed up just sends me in a frenzy!!! the other big upsetter is that we've had the sex life of ppl 2ce our age. we're in our early 20's and we have sex MAYBE 1 every 3-4 wks. i want it, but he doesnt!! please, i need some help!! thank you Link to post Share on other sites
code five Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 You may want to look into counseling - for yourself. It won't hurt to talk to a therapist. Sounds like you need some help in dealing with what's going on (i.e. depression, etc.). As for the frequency of sex... yeah - that is an issue. Several factors could be contributing to this. Could be the drug issue, could be your H is having his own issues with the M... Regardless, I think therapy is a definite good thing at this point. Have you tried talking to him? Sure you have... what happened? How did he react to your concerns? Hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author oldiesfan Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 yeah, ive wanted to do counseling...the only prob is we're in a very tight financial situation (but thats a whole nother story-which also doesnt help my depression). I have tried to talk to him, which i dont like to anyways b/c it bothers him AND me. but when i do talk to him, he listens (i think), but he gets very frustrated and puts him in a bad mood very quickly. he's never been difficult to talk to, but its such a touchy subject. he does appologize everytime it's brought up, and tell me he loves me...but for some reason, it doesnt seem to make it better, and yeah i do believe him. honestly, if it wasnt for the fact that he rellapsed, i dont know if i wouldve been so willing to forgive him. but the fact that he also went right to his therapist and told him so he could get help, so make it a little easier. i just want someone or something to put my mind at ease so i can sleep at night!! but i know it probably wont be for a while. thank you for your advise, but your right. i think the only way i'll be able to cope is with a professional's help. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Not a good way to start your marriage off. I am sorry for your pain... Can I ask you something? Why did you marry him knowing he slipped back into doing drugs again and that cheated on you? My worry for you is, how do you know 100% for sure the OW isn't in the picture anymore. Has he given you full access to his cellphone, email accounts/passwords? Definately stick with the marriage counselling and maybe you'd benefit from seeing someone one on one as well. Your husband needs to change and be responsible for his actions, show you that he DOES love you, and still wants to be married. I guess time will tell - Look for actions, not just what he says in words. Is he sorry that he cheated? That he slipped? Is he trying to make it up to you? Have you told him how awful you feel that he isn't into having sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oldiesfan Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 well, to also kind of add insult to injury, my husband left his phone at home today. and b/c ive been so worried, i checked his contact list and the "other women's" phone number is still on there! now, mind you, my husband IS the type to forget things....repeatedly. so it deff would NOT be outta character for him to forget to take her off. but i want to make myself feel as much better as i can. Does anyone know how to get the list of calls made and recieved...like it would on a statement, but on a "pay as u go" phone?? meaning-no statments! thanks for your help in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I believe it takes a court order to do that. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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