puzzled Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 We've been married for about 5 1/2 years. For 4 of those years she's been having an email relationship with the man that she once described to me as the "love of her life" that she missed out on. I think she was finally planning to leave me for him last month, but he told her was staying with his current girlfriend. I'm trying to decide if I'm still in love with my wife and what to do at this point. What are the things that I need to ask myself in order to determine if I'm still in love with her? Link to post Share on other sites
FrequentFlyer Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I'm going to give the advice others on this board have given me: meet this guy, if you have not already. Have your wife arrange a dinner with all three (or four, his GF) of you and see how things go. Watch the interaction. And don't let it slide at just one meeting, either. If she is "just friends" with this old boyfriend (I'm skeptical they are just friends), then there should be no issues introducing him to you -- and becoming friends with you as well, right? I mean, she wouldn't hide anything from you...would she? Don't make any decisions about whether you love your wife or not -- until you have a chance to meet this guy and watch them over time. Then you'll have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I am guessing the OM is out of her life now. So is she coming back to you...or are you "hoping" she is? How do you know if you love her? Remember those feelings when you first dated and were married? Those are the "in love" feelings." But do you still LOVE her...that is the question. Do you want to stay committed to her after she has obviously cheated on you? This is the hard question. Would you miss her if she left...if you left? Do you think you will trust her in the future if you do stay together? And only you can answer these questions. Link to post Share on other sites
bones Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 How would you feel if you never saw her again? What aspects of the relationship would you miss? How important are those to your overall happiness? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 We've been married for about 5 1/2 years. For 4 of those years she's been having an email relationship with the man that she once described to me as the "love of her life" that she missed out on. I think she was finally planning to leave me for him last month, but he told her was staying with his current girlfriend. I'm trying to decide if I'm still in love with my wife and what to do at this point. What are the things that I need to ask myself in order to determine if I'm still in love with her? I'm sorry for what your going through puzzled. I think your asking the wrong question... I think you need to ask yourself do you trust your wife? and are you Ok not bieng the "love of her life"? Answer those questions and then we can talk about love! Link to post Share on other sites
Author puzzled Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 I am guessing the OM is out of her life now. So is she coming back to youYes, I'm relatively sure the OM is out of her life. Coming back? That's a good question. She never left physically, but probably emotionally. I think your asking the wrong question... I think you need to ask yourself do you trust your wife? and are you Ok not bieng the "love of her life"?You're probably right. The answer is 'No' to both questions. If the OM ever decides to get divorced the situation might start up again. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I am sorry you have to ask this questions for the reasons you states. I think the question I would be asking is WHY do you want to be in love with this women, and if you arn't well that will just make things easier for you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 You're probably right. The answer is 'No' to both questions. If the OM ever decides to get divorced the situation might start up again. Red is correct. If this is the case then it's probably time you pulled the plug on this marriage. The longer you draw it out... the more of you life you waste on someone who wont give you her heart! Dont waste another moment. Link to post Share on other sites
shoesies05 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 okay- so your wife has been an idiot with this guy! but the quetion is not are you still in love with her. because im sure your not, there's a diff. between being "in love" and loving someone. I think the real question is: Does she love you? because it seems you love her- but does she love you? because if you are putting all your effort into this relationship while she's given her heart to another thats the real problem. and then- how can you fix it? how can u become the love of her life again? or what changed? maybe you should talk to her about that and go to counseling, marriage is a life commitment and this might be just a bump in the road. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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