Cerise Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I belive everyone has insecurities; dosn't matter how strong, independant or self-relaint you are (somtimes you are independant because of insecruities ). What I am asking as that you post saying what your biggest insecurity is, often one main insecuity is the root behind many more. Tell us what the symptoms are and how if affects your life negativly and positivly. And what you do to help cope with it and grow from it. My biggest insecurity is abandoment. It makes it hard to trust love, if people really like you and I question my self worth. I find it makes me over analize things and push people away or avoid situations so that they can't leave me. I think it helps prevent me from overly trusting someone when I meet them, I am always skeptical of there intentions, which can be good and bad I am learning to just accept that my H loves me and not need a reason behind it, when I feel like I need to run before he does, I look at why I feel that way and I am seeing my abandoment issues and learning to accept them -not listen to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cerise Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 No one wants to talk about it?? I just thought it would be good if people shared their insecurities, I thought it may help other see the different problems they caused in each others lives and things people can do to help. This whole forum is filled with insecurities but they are often revolving around a current problem, if you look at them in general way it may help people see them as they come up in their everyday life. Everyone has different ways they have come up with to help them cope and they may help somone else who is struggling. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I'm a bit insecure in the sense of abandonment like you. I am afraid of being abandoned by my loved ones. I am somewhat an attention seeker esp with my SO/family members - I think the fact that I am the youngest and the only girl in my family has something to do with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 No one wants to talk about it?? I just thought it would be good if people shared their insecurities, I thought it may help other see the different problems they caused in each others lives and things people can do to help. This whole forum is filled with insecurities but they are often revolving around a current problem, if you look at them in general way it may help people see them as they come up in their everyday life. Everyone has different ways they have come up with to help them cope and they may help somone else who is struggling. Just a thought. I fear failure! I fear that I will not be good enough, and that I will fail. I kick fight and claw to succeed at everything I do. I tend to be ultra competative. I think the fear also stems from abandonment. Link to post Share on other sites
starlite Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 My insecurity is that I fear my bf will find someone else. Not neccasarily cheat on me, but meet someone more like him and leave me for her. My father cheated on my Mother a lot and then had an affair with our next door neighbor, my Moms friend, and is still married to this day to her. He was financially there, but never emotionally. My oldest brother cheats for fun. He dates girls and whenever they arent around, he calls others to have sex with...he thinks it is ok. My other brother cheats on his gf's when they fight, he blames it on being drunk. So I guess I havent had the strongest male role models in my life. I know they would be there for me if I needed but they have basically shown me that they all believe the grass can be greener....and unfortunately, my bf has to get the brunt of it. I AM WORKING ON IT and I have also improved HUGE!!!! Like tomorrow, I am going out with the girls...i keep ruining the excitement by worrying where he will go and what he might do for the night. I really resent my Father and brothers for acting the way they do. I dont think they realized how much it would effect the baby in the family (me, but I am now 25 and more cynical then ever!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I fear the relativity of my sense of self. I am only as good as my last accomplishment, if someone does better, I am reduced to nothing. Also, if I stand next to a girl who is prettier I feel not so great. If I stand next to someone who is in better shape, I feel angry at myself for not trying harder. What and how I feel by the moment is completely reliant on outside factors. I fear I'm not reading enough, working on myself enough, excelling enough. I'm afraid of not being good enough-ever. I fear my resulting instinct for self sabotage even more. (Why try my best if I cannot ever be good enough?) I fear disappointing myself and my expectations of myself because of all this bulls*%t and looking back and thinking "why didn't I try harder and believe in myself more"? Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I have lots of insecurities, but i guess my biggest has to be *not being good enough*!?!? Its kind of stupid really because i end up comparing everything i do against everything everybody else does ( exhausting!! ). Even things i have absolutly no control over. The worst thing about it is i know i put myself through this .... i even know why! but it's so hard to just sit back and be proud of something i accomplished. It seems quite a popular theme ..... * not being good enough * Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yes I agree, "not good enough" is a common theme-it almost sounds like the mantra of an overachiever, and doesn't sound so bad, except underneath it (for me) is a very real fear of being pushed to the side replaced with a better model ...obsolete. Underneath that is an acknowledgement of being powerless in the face of having your individual value established by things that are (relatively speaking) not in your control. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yes I agree, "not good enough" is a common theme-it almost sounds like the mantra of an overachiever, and doesn't sound so bad, except underneath it (for me) is a very real fear of being pushed to the side replaced with a better model ...obsolete. Underneath that is an acknowledgement of being powerless in the face of having your individual value established by things that are (relatively speaking) not in your control. Yes! Its the reason for so many things I didnt try in the past... and the reason I try so hard now! But my question to you is... Good enough for what? What happens when you are not good enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yes I agree, "not good enough" is a common theme-it almost sounds like the mantra of an overachiever, and doesn't sound so bad, except underneath it (for me) is a very real fear of being pushed to the side replaced with a better model ...obsolete. Underneath that is an acknowledgement of being powerless in the face of having your individual value established by things that are (relatively speaking) not in your control. I guess to anybody that dosen't feel it it could could seem not so bad ... however we see alot of posts made on here about how our insecurities can dominate our entire lives! So how come if we already no about all this and how unhealthy some insecurities are we keep holding on to them. When we realise the better way would be to become free of them? Why do we constantly refuse to change our patterns of thinking knowing we woulsd be happier to feel free??? Maybe it's just me than can sometimes feel trapped by mine .... Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Why do we constantly refuse to change our patterns of thinking knowing we woulsd be happier to feel free??? I don't know why it is so hard to change the thinking patterns--it is easier to choose misery over happiness? I do know it all comes from a place of fear. Maybe the thinking behind it can be modified so it comes from a place of...anything but fear? That takes a lot of effort, constant effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yes! Its the reason for so many things I didnt try in the past... and the reason I try so hard now! But my question to you is... Good enough for what? What happens when you are not good enough? I realise this Q wasn't for me ... but i'd like to answer Thats the whole point of not *being good enough* .... you run your mind in circles feeling *judged* by others when actually you are judging yourself! and mostly too hard might i add Spending to much time thinking about faults and flaws you may have. Drawing attention to them seems to make them worse imo. My guess is it's about accepting yourself and self love. Part of the key to a happier life ... maybe? It would be a better way to stop trying so much, and just relax, enjoy whatever comes your way. Instead of freaking out about whether or not it will be appreciated. And learn how to appreciate yourself. I used to hide this insecurity behind the whole * i don't give a f$ck what you think* attitude, but i found out this didn't work much either Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I realise this Q wasn't for me ... but i'd like to answer Thats the whole point of not *being good enough* .... you run your mind in circles feeling *judged* by others when actually you are judging yourself! and mostly too hard might i add Spending to much time thinking about faults and flaws you may have. Drawing attention to them seems to make them worse imo. My guess is it's about accepting yourself and self love. Part of the key to a happier life ... maybe? It would be a better way to stop trying so much, and just relax, enjoy whatever comes your way. Instead of freaking out about whether or not it will be appreciated. And learn how to appreciate yourself. I used to hide this insecurity behind the whole * i don't give a f$ck what you think* attitude, but i found out this didn't work much either No, its good that you answer the question! The reason is this. When I get into a situation where I start to develope that fear, I mentally follow it through... and it is in that path I find my answers. I'm a really strong person and I dont typically get bombarded with insecurities... but more and more I am realizing that the demise of all my relationships lies within this problem. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yes! Its the reason for so many things I didnt try in the past... and the reason I try so hard now! But my question to you is... Good enough for what? What happens when you are not good enough? Oops-just saw your post Cobra! Good question. In a very real day to day way-you could lose your job, your spouse/SO can replace you if they decide you are not up to specifications anymore, or if they find better. As a result of losing one's livelihood or spouse you could also lose your property, and maybe your children too- the list goes on. Then you would presumably feel angry, ashamed, and bad about yourself. When you are not good enough you may end up feeling things that want to drown your world in absolute pain and take a long time to recover from, as a result of not being good enough.... as decided on by outside factors. I want to avoid feeling those things...forever. Even if it is impossible to avoid. I have to try. Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I'm a really strong person and I dont typically get bombarded with insecurities... but more and more I am realizing that the demise of all my relationships lies within this problem. I to am a strong person, and mostly people around me tend to tell me i am too strong ... personally i don't see how that works but anyway.... I find i don't get into relationships because of this worry. I would much rather step away from a deep and meaning full relationship .... just incase Im kind of hoping that with realising the insecurity can be the stepping stone to releasing myself from it Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 When I get into a situation where I start to develope that fear, I mentally follow it through... and it is in that path I find my answers. What do you mean when you say you mentally follow it through? Do you mean in a negative self fulfilling prophecy way? Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 What do you mean when you say you mentally follow it through? Do you mean in a negative self fulfilling prophecy way? I HOPE NOT !!! Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I HOPE NOT !!! ha! I guess I need specifics or some example because I'll interpret that in some odd way or another Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Oops-just saw your post Cobra! Good question. In a very real day to day way-you could lose your job, your spouse/SO can replace you if they decide you are not up to specifications anymore, or if they find better. As a result of losing one's livelihood or spouse you could also lose your property, and maybe your children too- the list goes on. Then you would presumably feel angry, ashamed, and bad about yourself. When you are not good enough you may end up feeling things that want to drown your world in absolute pain and take a long time to recover from, as a result of not being good enough.... as decided on by outside factors. I want to avoid feeling those things...forever. Even if it is impossible to avoid. I have to try. Yes! See each one of these is a fear of loss! I've gotten to a point where I dont fear losing my job... I know I could find another one in a heartbeat. Now how do I apply that to a marriage? You only drown in self pity when you cannot correctly visualize the world around you! I think this may apply to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I to am a strong person, and mostly people around me tend to tell me i am too strong ... personally i don't see how that works but anyway.... I find i don't get into relationships because of this worry. I would much rather step away from a deep and meaning full relationship .... just incase Im kind of hoping that with realising the insecurity can be the stepping stone to releasing myself from it I have an eject button on relationships... I go through the motions with my finger always on the button. Ive dumped more girls than most have ever dated! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 What do you mean when you say you mentally follow it through? Do you mean in a negative self fulfilling prophecy way? Not exactly. What I mean is I mentally walk through the worst possible eventuality of the situation... I then consider what that means to me and the likelyhood of its occurance. I then formulate strategies to compensate, and escape routes. I've actually done this enough that in similar circumstances I dont even need to think... I just know what I will do and I no longer fear. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Interesting! How so? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 22, 2007 Share Posted September 22, 2007 Interesting! How so? It is entirely possible that you fail to comprehend the condition in which the rest of us humans exist. Meaning! When you get into the elevator and the girl next to you is in better shape... or looks prettier. Just realize she is probably wishing she had your hair... or you lips. It's difficult to feel self pity once you understand that the rest of the world hurts the same way! Link to post Share on other sites
Illicit Angel Posted September 22, 2007 Share Posted September 22, 2007 It's difficult to feel self pity once you understand that the rest of the world hurts the same way! Touche! Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 22, 2007 Share Posted September 22, 2007 It is entirely possible that you fail to comprehend the condition in which the rest of us humans exist. Meaning! When you get into the elevator and the girl next to you is in better shape... or looks prettier. Just realize she is probably wishing she had your hair... or you lips. It's difficult to feel self pity once you understand that the rest of the world hurts the same way! Cobra is wise. Yes, I see what you mean now! Link to post Share on other sites
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