in a quandary need some input

[quietman]

It may take a bit to explain my situation, but I could really use some advice, so here goes.

 

About me: 36, male, unmarried, just a normal average guy.

About her: 35, unmarried, intelligent, sweet and pretty.

 

We've known each other 11 years now. After college then the army, I took a short term managerial job in 1992, which I ended up keeping for just over a year. While working there, I met her. At that time I was her boss, and she had a boyfriend, so I could not date her, but I was already quite attracted to her, and contented myself to just having a friendship. Even the friendship had to be tempered by the fact that I was her boss. After about a year, I found another job, more related to my college studies, and left that job. A few months later I ran into her, and we made plans to get together. She had by then broken up with the boyfriend, and we began getting together on a regular basis. For a while it was simply a couple of friends getting together to see a movie or have dinner, but we gradually started seeing each other more often and I was gradually falling in love with her. Finally, one evening about 6 years ago now, I flat out told her how I felt, and that I was very interested in a relationship with her.

 

I'll take a short pause to explain that I really do love this woman, I have never met anyone I am so comfortable with, never met anoyone who I have so much in common with, and have always felt that the two of us really would be a perfect match for one another.

 

That night nearly six years ago, she told me she would rather remain friends, not because she was not interested in me, but because she was afraid of a relationship at that time.

 

After that we continued to se one another in the ongoing Platonic, but close, friendship we had developed. Buyt we gradually drifted apart, and saw each other less and less, until finally we just sort of went our separate ways, and for about 4 years, I never even ran into her around town.

 

During those 4 years, there were other women in my life, one of whom I was quite attached to, but none approaching the level of emotion I felt for "her", and during those 4 years, none of my relationships devloped into anything lasting. I thought about her fairly often, not all the time, but frequently, usually just a passing thought such as "I wonder how she is doing? Too bad it didn't work out between us."

 

The last summer, after 4 years of no contact, she called me up and suggested we get together. Much has changed in her life, she now has a good paying job, finished up her college degree, etc. And now, for about 8 months, we have again been seeing one another regualrly, (by that I mean about 3 or 4 times a month, her job schedule and mine make it difficult to meet more often than that) and I am once again in love with her. Perhaps I always was, or perhaps it is just that being with her again has made me love her again.

 

But after these past few months, I am still not able to determine where I stand with her. I want to to tell her again that is till feel the same way I did 6 years ago. In those 6 years, she has not had any lasting relationship either, and I suspect she is still frightened by the idea of a relationship. This makes me unsure of what to do.

 

She and I have never been physically intimate with one another. I often touch her in an affectionate way - arm arounf the waist as we walk together, caressing her knee as we watch a movie that sort of thing, but she never reacts either positively by leaning in toward me or by touching me, or negatively either, she does not pull away or show any sign of disapproval. She just sort of does not react at all.

 

Now I'm no Don Juan, but I have had other women in my life, and I was always able to sense when a a woman was receptive or not receptive, in the intricate dance of escalating physical closeness. But not with this woman. She puzzles me, and I am not sure whether to broach the subject again.

[Tony T]

You have a duty to broach the subject again. Why jerk your own butt around for another ten years by spending time with a lady who just wants a nice buddy to hang with??? Screw that crap! You're wanting romance in your life and you deserve it.

 

If you can upgrade the friendship with her, great. I think the two of you would be nice together. This bull about being afraid of a relationship is just plain BS because if and when she meets the RIGHT guy, she won't be afraid of anything anymore. That's the nature of love. What she could be saying is that she's afraid of a relationship with YOU because she's afraid the RIGHT guy might come along later.

 

She could have called you after all this time because she just needed a pal, somebody to socialize with, somebody to talk to. But there is also the possibility that she may want more....and YOU have to find out now!

 

So if she's still not ready for a relationship after all these many years, put her in your hard drive, press the delete button, empty the recycle bin and don't ever think back.

 

Life is short and you deserve a lady who will give you the love, affection and warmth you desire in a partner.