cheating/long distance/ !

[pcrl07]

Let me start my story, its a little long..but i want u to understand the situation, so you can give me the right advices!

 

My bf and I have been going out for almost 3 yrs, we started going out our senior year of high school.. we are very different from each other, he is from a different culture, and i am too. We both have strong characters, we're proud, and find it hard to step down..however, with all the ups and downs, we were together in high school. College time came, and he's an athlete and had committed to a school. I, on the other hand, was goin to a different state where me and my parents had agreed to. However, at last minute i applied to his school got accepted, and against my parents will, went there for my freshman yr.

 

There things were good, sometimes bad, we would fight and i would break up, because i couldn't take it to b fightin all the time... he didnt like me goin out, or us goin out to the clubs because he thought that wat for if he already had a gf, so when i would go out w the friends he would get mad, he would say i was too friendly to people, especially guys, he would see it as flriting, but i disagree, it was never my intention, i am jus outgoin n friendly..

. Then for my sophomore year, i tranfered schools to another state because it was better and more convenient for my family. We started our long distance relationship, after 1 yr and 7 months of being together, thoughtout these time together we had already experienced being away from each other for months during summer holidays, etc.

 

We started our long distance, things were good, then bad..i would try to go see him every month, sometimes every other month.. but we argued a lot, most of the time because of wanting to go out, or disagreed on things,.. he was harsh with his words, and they would hurt me, i felt he didnt value me, and felt he didnt treat me the way i deserve to be treated, and he realize that, he would jus say he couldnt control his words when he was mad, and say sorry. So after being together for 2 and 6 months, things were bad, i was pretty much sick of it, i would break up with him, and he would say no! that why, that it was just because we were away from each other, and it would be diff when togther..so i started this new job, and i met a lot of cute guys, but wasnt interested, they asked me if i had a bfm i said yea, this guys specially was really nice to me, we would laugh, he knew i had a bf that was away, he flirted w me a lot,..at the same time things w me and my bf, were worse, to the point that we hardly talked on the phone, i prefered to avoid talking to him...also, summer holiday was close and i was going travel to see my family to another country, we agreed that he would go, it was kinda exciting because he only had med my parents, and no other family member, and i thought things would be able to work out, so he bought a ticket to go with me... things were still bad, we didnt talk that much, and i felt we werent really together...that guy that flirted w me made me feel good, we laughed, talked a lot..we started hangin out, i was comfortable..and for the FIRST time in my life i Cheated on my bf..i had sex w this guy twice.. and i dont kno why i felt it wasnt good.. we still talked, he flirted, i didnt feel guilty because i was sure i was going to break up with him..but then we left for holidays.. he met my family, my family liked him, i didnt feel like being close with him, because our relationship had been really bad, and also because i had been w this other guy.. and my feelings were different...anyways..i forgot this other guy, and i realized by bf really loved me, because he checked my email , and found about this guy, and accepted me, and still wanted to be together.. he didnt kno i had had sex!.. by now i wanted my bf to be the only person in my life, so when i got bac from holidays, i didnt even talk to this guy, and told him that me and my bf were tryin to work things out!!!

 

me n my bf were tryin to work things out.. and before i wasnt sure i wanted to b w him,..but i realized he was the one for me... we would fight sometimes, and then he started askin me if it was true that i had only hang out w this guy, and nothing else..but then i needed to tell him that i had had sex, so i did.. and since then things have changed for the worse..i am decided, i want to be with him, and i wont ever ever do it again, because i regret it, it was a moment of weakness. We are still together w our long distance relationship, but every night we argue about it, he tells me he would have never thought i was that kind of girl, that now he sees a diff person in me, that he cant help thinkin about that image of me and this other guy.. he tells me wat if he has sex w another girl, and because i feel guilty for wat i did, i say i will accept it.. altho he knows that if he would have been the one that would hve chetaed on me in the first place i wouldnt have forgave him.. but now things are diff.. he wants to be with me, but he tells me i'm a bitch, and insults me, he says i'm not the girl for him, that there are a lot of pretty girls that he could be with that want to b with him, but he didnt do anythin for wat he felt for me.. but now says wat if he does it bac to me to see how i feel.. basicly he cant move on, he says he might forgive me, but then another day he wants to bring it up again, and start arguing about it..i dont think he'l get passed it! he says he doesnt trust me, because i can do it again, and i dont kno wat i want!

 

wat can i do?? should i still b in the relationship even tho he says **** to me because of what i did?? he doesnt trust me, i dont think he ever had before i had ever given him reasons to doubt.. its was a mistake and i regret it!.. will he ever get over it? will it always come up? can we still have a healthy relatonship?? would we be happy if we decide to get marry??...wat if he sleeps w someone else because i hurt him, should i be prepared for that and accept it??

 

help!