Would you destroy another person's life?

[Darkzen]

I still say "Who made you judge, jury and executioner???"

 

I gave you my reasoning on it, you choose to merely have an opinion and use no points to back it up.

 

Birds of a feather tend to flock together. If you're drawing bad women to you there's a good reason for that....

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

Yes, but your focus seems to be entirely on what she did and yet you take little or no responsibility for allowing it to happen. There are two sides to every story and all we've heard is yours.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

Bad things happen to bad people. She will get hers when the time is right and you wouldn't have to do a thing.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

So did my ex and though I could have "revenge" by really screwing up her relationship now, I find myself not having a need. She is a bad person and I realize that. But what's more important to me is moving on and my life is going great. Whatever happens to her doesn't matter to me anymore. She is no longer a part of my life.

 

You're dwelling on the past. The revenge may make you feel better in the short term but in the long run, you're no better a person than she is.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

I certainly hope no one sees your actions as heroic, for they certainly are not.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

You're not a hero. You're bitter, angry and vindictive and hold yourself accountable for litte, but a hero you are not. Not even close.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

Again, you seem to be holding her 100% accountable for making you feel this way when in reality, you are just as responsible.

 

Opinion, no point to back it up.

 

When are you going to get revenge on yourself, Mr. Hero????

 

When are you going to stop being self-righteous? This is a discussion, if you refuse to explore my views and only berate me because you disagree. I'm not going to respond to you. At the very least, have some points to back up your opinions. You seem like someone that's insecure in their beliefs, unwilling to even have a discussion on topics you have a firm stand on. Can you not see the hypocrisy in you berating me for being unwavering in my ideal that she deserves to be punished for her actions, yet you're being unwavering in your stance that I'm a bad guy because of it? How about her stance, that she doesn't have to be accountable for her actions? No one is perfect, but that's not an excuse to commit ignorant and/or evil acts. Take responsibility for the things you do or don't F-ing do them. I'll also say it one last time, since you refuse to understand it. I do take responsibility for putting myself in a vulnerable position... that doesn't absolve the wrongs of people who take advantage of you. If someone robs your house, but you left the door unlocked, it doesn't make robbing you any less wrong. Remove the blinders and read that a few times, until it sinks in. Prove to me how the act of robbery is made any more acceptable in that situation and I'll concede. Until you can do that, you will not change my views on this situation.

 

What was it you said before..."let ye without sin cast the first stone..."? Maybe you should spend more time analyzing yourself and less time analyzing others. If you're too busy thumping the bible at others, you may be too busy to read and understand what it teaches.

[johan]

I want to quickly give a shout out to Johan!

 

Johan, ever single time you post. I either laugh or smile. Nobody else can do that!

 

Hey, thanks for that!

[Ssheena]

Enough. There are no winners in this discussion.

 

Do what you feel you have to do and good luck. Do let us know how it turns out for you though.

 

These forums have been a really great place of healing for many of us and speaking only for myself, your topic is dripping with negativity. I chose to withdraw from this discussion and wish others would do the same.

 

Good luck!

[CaliGuy]

When are you going to stop being self-righteous?

 

Wow, this is like talking to a brick wall. I'm giving you an opinion based on YOUR comments. If you did not want varying opinions, it's best to not post it on a PUBLIC message board, soliciting them.

 

We know nothing from her so basically you're giving one side of the story. For all we know, you could be full of crap.

 

 

This is a discussion, if you refuse to explore my views and only berate me because you disagree. I'm not going to respond to you. At the very least, have some points to back up your opinions.

 

In other words, unless I agree with you, what I say is crap. I get it now.

 

You seem like someone that's insecure in their beliefs, unwilling to even have a discussion on topics you have a firm stand on.

 

I have a hard time with "eye for an eye" in this case, especially not hearing the WHOLE story, just your side of it.

 

Can you not see the hypocrisy in you berating me for being unwavering in my ideal that she deserves to be punished for her actions,[/b] yet you're being unwavering in your stance that I'm a bad guy because of it?

 

No, because you think what you're doing makes you a hero when it reality, it makes you a ZERO. It brings you down to her level. If that's what you want, to be on the same level as someone you feel is scum, then do what you have to do.

 

I'm not telling you what you HAVE to do. You posted and asked for opinions and when you don't hear what you want, you go off on a tantrum and tons o innuendos.

 

I am starting to see some of the reason why, perhaps, your ex didn't want you around.

 

How about her stance, that she doesn't have to be accountable for her actions?

 

How do you know she won't be? See, that's what I don't get. You're so focused on her "paying" for the way she treated you that you can't even see the forest through the trees.

 

In the end, you're both hurt, nothing is accomplished and instead of healing and moving on with your life all this action will do is keep you down.

 

If you aren't bigger then revenge, you aren't a bigger person than her. Period.

 

No one is perfect, but that's not an excuse to commit ignorant and/or evil acts. Take responsibility for the things you do or don't F-ing do them. I'll also say it one last time, since you refuse to understand it. I do take responsibility for putting myself in a vulnerable position... that doesn't absolve the wrongs of people who take advantage of you. If someone robs your house, but you left the door unlocked, it doesn't make robbing you any less wrong. Remove the blinders and read that a few times, until it sinks in. Prove to me how the act of robbery is made any more acceptable in that situation and I'll concede. Until you can do that, you will not change my views on this situation.

 

Your analogy fails completely.

 

You knew the robber was coming, you ignored him and LET him rob your house and it's only after the robber leaves with all your stuff do you have a hissy fit.

 

After the robber stole a few things from you, you should have locked the doors. In your case, you never locked the doors at all. In fact, you left them wide open for the robber to come and go as she pleased.

 

Was the robbing wrong? Yep. But you're not really taking any responsibility for leaving the doors wide open. Instead you feel the way to make things even is to go rob the robbers house.

 

Fine in theory, it just fails in life.

 

What was it you said before..."let ye without sin cast the first stone..."? Maybe you should spend more time analyzing yourself and less time analyzing others. If you're too busy thumping the bible at others, you may be too busy to read and understand what it teaches.

 

You've got issues that go far beyond this little tit-for-tat deal with your ex. Like I said, when you don't hear what you want to hear, you confront it with insults and innuendo.

 

I'll say it again: I think I know why your ex left....

[CaliGuy]

Enough. There are no winners in this discussion.

 

Do what you feel you have to do and good luck. Do let us know how it turns out for you though.

 

These forums have been a really great place of healing for many of us and speaking only for myself, your topic is dripping with negativity. I chose to withdraw from this discussion and wish others would do the same.

 

Good luck!

 

Yeah I'm done with this thread. He doesn't want opinions, he just wants people to validate him and his actions.

 

Immature and insecure right from the start.

[Scorpio13c]

It's a DMV photo, so it is kind of a mug shot, so to speak. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, you assume much about me. I am who I am and that person doesn't attempt to deceive. Even when I called to report her, I wasn't deceptive. I told the investigator my intentions, but the evidence is the evidence, regardless of the motive in which the evidence is presented. They will look into it and if the evidence is substantial, they'll act.

 

She cannot sue me for anything. She did what she did, I merely told on her. Besides I told her what I planned to do, she knew about it. I wasn't underhanded at all. Justified maybe (that's subjective depending on who you ask), harsh for sure.

 

You call it spite, vindictive, nasty, etc... I call it justice. I can make the same argument about the conditions of prisoners in jail, but we as society, call it justice. It's all subjective, but people turn a blind eye on the things that they don't want to see.

 

Lastly, I'll say it once again. I posted because I enjoy discussion. I like to hear other perspectives on things. It gives me things to contemplate. I enjoy exercising the brain in debate. Communication is a statement, an interpretation and if need, a clarification.

 

Are you a Lawyer?

 

Scorp

[LakesideDream]

Darkzen, After getting through four pages of replies to your original post I felt compelled to weigh in.

 

I had a 25 year marriage that ended as bad as it could .... for me. She cheated almost the whole time, and in general was not a nice person most of the time. At the end of our "no fault" she forced me to do it all, for her personal comfort. Even after the divorce was final and she was shacked up with her other MM, she came back and burgled my home, setting me back financially for a long time (no I didn't file charges). On numerous occasions in the first year after the divorce, when she was openly shacked up with her BF on the weekends (his wife didn't know yet) she counted on me to bail her out of bad situations, I felt compelled to help her as one of the kids was in trouble and had come to live with me. I didn't want him to see me hurt his mom. My decision. I put up with all this crud, tried to "act like a man", take the high road, etc.

 

Am I sorry? Yes I am. It's been seven plus years now and it no longer matters... however I can tell you without a doubt that I regret making her transition to her new life so painless. In hindsight I wish I would have cut her off completely and made her life as painfull as possible. I was miserable for years, financially crippled for a few, and generally effected very badly. She was in "clover".

 

If we were friends, and you told me over coffee that you had "screwed over" your dismal "ex".. my comment would problably be "works for me" If I couldn't come up with something more witty to say.

 

I understand where you are. I wouldn't judge you harshly for "fighting back". I fully understand your desire to "get even". Remember thoughm Don't tell lies, don't cheat or exagerate, keep it honest. Seven years from now you will want to be able to live with your decision.

[Trialbyfire]

Don't tell lies, don't cheat or exagerate, keep it honest.

I very much agree with this. If you keep it true, it's easier to keep it straight.

[Capricciosa]

I don't know what other people have said to you, but the karma will be a bitch. You'll never get rid of the bitterness in your heart if you take the revenge that you think will make you feel better. That's not how it works. What you do through hateful actions is hurt yourself ultimately. Just let it go.

[squeak]

Lakeside hit on a point that can't be overlooked:

What would it do to Darkzan to NOT do this?

 

I think it can take more of a toll on a person's mental state to see someone demolish their trust/dignity/state of mind for future relationships then any percieved backlash karma or downgrade to Darkzen's pure self.

 

The betrayer in any given situation has to be ready that that can happen, and in some cases-should!

 

The pros of backlash outweigh the cons of having to feel like he chose to withhold her due, if you will, to someone who did him real dirty. That could take him a lifetime of therapy to overcome, just walking away without s much as a "boo" after she chose to be unscruplous with him.

 

He is simply handing back to her what she handed to him-albeit through different procedures. Sure he is dripping with negativity-that she put there!

 

And abstract ideas of love and peace and karma aren't going to take it away. Revenge and bitterness stick in your throat, it is a human need to let it out.

 

Some people do feel better expressing vindictiveness and power to those who crossed them as compared to cutting losses. I think that is fine, as is someone who feels they would be lowering themself to their level.

[Cobra_X30]

^^^^

As long as you don't expect the revenge to heal your pain. That will just leave you feeling hollow!

[squeak]

Conclusion:

It can take more of a toll to walk away from someone who mentally a*s raped you with barely a whisper from your end (no pun intended) than whatever damage is done to one's "good" self by engaging in a clear, legal shot at revenge if opportunity arises.

 

In fact, some may even say that would be foolish and harmful only to himself to give her that consideration, that she never gave him- by not exacting said revenge.

[squeak]

^^^^

As long as you don't expect the revenge to heal your pain. That will just leave you feeling hollow!

 

Maybe he has to experience it, I get the feeling he will be angry at himself if he does not do this. Like what Lakeside said above.

[Cobra_X30]

Maybe he has to experience it, I get the feeling he will be angry at himself if he does not do this. Like what Lakeside said above.

 

I completely agree!

[LakesideDream]

Hey Folks, a little addition to my previous.

 

The reason I "rolled over" for my ex was simple. I had loved her for decades. We raised two kids and fought through some pretty harrowing times. I always gave her the benifit of the doubt, we had two children to raise. It took over a year for me to realize that she had decided to become "the enemy". Although I absolutely knew it was over from day one, minute on, it also took that long for me to snap out of the "Alpha" protector role. It took awhile to realize I had to begin protecting myself. Of course there was no LS when this happened to me. I never considered any alternatives. If I would have had this forum to vent in, with all the advice given.. it would probably been a lot easier, and quicker to recover.

[LakesideDream]

Hey Folks, a little addition to my previous.

 

The reason I "rolled over" for my ex was simple. I had loved her for decades. We raised two kids and fought through some pretty harrowing times. I always gave her the benifit of the doubt, we had two children to raise. It took over a year for me to realize that she had decided to become "the enemy". Although I absolutely knew it was over from day one, minute on, it also took that long for me to snap out of the "Alpha" protector role. It took awhile to realize I had to begin protecting myself. Of course there was no LS when this happened to me. I never considered any alternatives. If I would have had this forum to vent in, with all the advice given.. it would probably been a lot easier, and quicker to recover.

 

I can only imagine what I might have done on "day 10" if LJ, and Gunny would have been screaming off my screen at me. I can't imagine it being any worse.

[LakesideDream]

Oops, mysterious double post. Sorry.

[Nagini]

The point is my belief in being a good person has been crushed. My belief in doing the right thing, because it's the right thing has been crushed. My belief in the concept of unconditional love has been crushed. Not only that, but when she had the opportunity to do the right thing, she twisted the dagger.

 

 

 

Go pull on your big girl panties and grow the F up!

You're so special ? Your hold on right and wrong and being a good person is SO tenuous that heartache destroys it ?

BULL

Good people keep trying and want to be better.

They may fail and screw up and slip and do nefarious things, but they don't use setbacks and failed relationships to justify being MEAN.

I just ran across a guy just like you.

His ex left him 3 weeks before their wedding and he used that as a reason to lose his faith and now be mean to other people.

He is pathetic, wrapped up in himself and only hurting himself.

His ex will just see his nasty revealed self as confirmation that it was good to leave him.

Please you are an angry person and using a dead relationship as stepping stone to be a bad man.

Loser.

[Nagini]

It's not illegal. The money part is basically, that she cashed in some stock options and we decided to invest the money... I can be a bastard and keep the investment because of the situation (and she has no legal grounds). The career part is basically, that she confided in me sensitive company information (on numerous occasions) that she learned by reading her bosses e-mail (whose a VP). As well as damaging her work labtop because she played MMORPGs on it. Also that she stayed in the same residence as her previous supervisor (her best friend was dating him). She also abused her position to look up other employees personal information because she was curious (salaries and such). Etc, etc, etc... I have plenty of dirt on her and she's only in her current position because, she had a really good relationship with her previous supervisor. He helped her get the position. I.E. she's under qualified. Getting fired will pretty much take her back a few years.

 

The thing most people don't get, is that I don't believe in karma or God. I do believe that we should fight against injustice. I won't regret my decision either. Because in my mind she deserves what she gets for her actions. She made choices and has to live with the repercussions. I also made choices and have to deal with the repercussions of them. Such as, rebuilding myself after all of this. She constantly deceived me and influenced my decisions, not making excuses and I understand that I should have given up hope in her, a long time ago. I fully shoulder my blame though, she doesn't. If she did shoulder the blame, I'd move on and chalk it up as a life lesson. I refuse to sit back and let her get away with injustice though... if she won't take accountability, I'll force her to deal with the repercussions of her actions.

 

This won't make me happy, but it will give me a feeling of reckoning. Although, her taking accountability for her actions, wouldn't have left me feeling injustice.

 

 

Dude you're a sick dangerous monster.

 

The next Lifetime movie of the week.

[Darkzen]

It appears that some people want to do nothing but sling negativity, because they disagree. I don't care if you disagree, if you only plan to attack my character due to it, why bother posting just to attack people you disagree with? That's not being part of a discussion. It's an opinion, yes, but how many times are you going to say the same thing, without any thoughts to back up your feelings.

 

I posted to hear thoughts and have discussion on the topic, not be feel validated. Show me where I haven't discussed things with people that made points and not just character attacks. Obviously some feel that I am wrong on the matter. They're entitled to those feelings. I just find it disrespectful to join a conversation if you only plan to sling insults, not discuss the matter.

 

Discussion helps bring understanding, maybe not agreement, but it does help people understand other view-points. I understand that I could have walked away, but doing so would have left me unfulfilled. I would feel wronged and not be able to move on. Being able to feel some form of vindication makes me feel better. I would have rather she stepped up and made the decision to do the right thing. She chose not to and it made me feel like she got away with evil actions and had no consequences.

 

I do not believe that she would have felt remorse, she's the type that changes the way she sees things to suit her needs. Her reasons for leaving, were all based on events that she created in her head, I even proved her wrong on every example she used, to the point she agreed things didn't happen the ways she remembered them. If she can delude herself into making me a bad guy in her head, what's to stop her from deluding herself that she did anything wrong? That's not fair to me. I don't believe in karma or God, so basically she gets away "scott-free" in my mind. At least now, she has to deal with some of her actions, whether or not she wants to. She cannot delude herself out of these consequences. That to me, is justice.

 

Do I feel bad about my actions? No I don't, she isn't the person I cared for. She is evil in my mind and doesn't deserve compassion. Just as a murderer doesn't deserve compassion. These people choose the things that they do and must be willing to deal with the consequences.

 

I also do not feel my "punishment" is over the line. I didn't create any pain and suffering, I merely made her have to deal with the things that she chose to do. About the only thing that I did that was bad in this, was break her trust by turning her in. Maybe taking the money, as a form of severance pay was wrong as well, but I can live with that. She did it all to herself in my eyes, how could I have gotten her fired if she wasn't guilty of these things in the first place?

 

I could understand being the bad guy... if I was underhanded, lied and used deceit to dole out my justice. Maybe the keeping of the investment money is being a bit opportunistic and bending the rules. I'll agree that keeping the money isn't very moral. Although, I'm not breaking the law in keeping it. As well as, the fact I don't think she deserves my respect any more.

 

Anyways, I appreciate those who are discussing things. It's nice to have people willing to talk, rather than just insult to justify their opinions. The added perspectives have helped me turn some of my feelings into words that I couldn't before. It's allowed me to explore my thoughts and question some of the things I've done. I'll continue to be around if people are still willing to weigh in on the subject, but I'm not going to respond to people that merely take shots without backing them up with logic and reasoning.

[Darkzen]

Go pull on your big girl panties and grow the F up!

You're so special ? Your hold on right and wrong and being a good person is SO tenuous that heartache destroys it ?

BULL

Good people keep trying and want to be better.

They may fail and screw up and slip and do nefarious things, but they don't use setbacks and failed relationships to justify being MEAN.

I just ran across a guy just like you.

His ex left him 3 weeks before their wedding and he used that as a reason to lose his faith and now be mean to other people.

He is pathetic, wrapped up in himself and only hurting himself.

His ex will just see his nasty revealed self as confirmation that it was good to leave him.

Please you are an angry person and using a dead relationship as stepping stone to be a bad man.

Loser.

 

I'm not your ex and I think that he's wrong if he is taking out his frustration on people that don't deserve it. I'm not doing the same thing, nor would I.

[burning 4 revenge]

Darkzen, After getting through four pages of replies to your original post I felt compelled to weigh in.

 

I had a 25 year marriage that ended as bad as it could .... for me. She cheated almost the whole time, and in general was not a nice person most of the time. At the end of our "no fault" she forced me to do it all, for her personal comfort. Even after the divorce was final and she was shacked up with her other MM, she came back and burgled my home, setting me back financially for a long time (no I didn't file charges). On numerous occasions in the first year after the divorce, when she was openly shacked up with her BF on the weekends (his wife didn't know yet) she counted on me to bail her out of bad situations, I felt compelled to help her as one of the kids was in trouble and had come to live with me. I didn't want him to see me hurt his mom. My decision. I put up with all this crud, tried to "act like a man", take the high road, etc.

 

Am I sorry? Yes I am. It's been seven plus years now and it no longer matters... however I can tell you without a doubt that I regret making her transition to her new life so painless. In hindsight I wish I would have cut her off completely and made her life as painfull as possible. I was miserable for years, financially crippled for a few, and generally effected very badly. She was in "clover".

 

If we were friends, and you told me over coffee that you had "screwed over" your dismal "ex".. my comment would problably be "works for me" If I couldn't come up with something more witty to say.

 

I understand where you are. I wouldn't judge you harshly for "fighting back". I fully understand your desire to "get even". Remember thoughm Don't tell lies, don't cheat or exagerate, keep it honest. Seven years from now you will want to be able to live with your decision.

Wow man, great post!

 

Good luck Darkzen. I can understand what you are doing, but don't think keeping a 50K investment will be easy. I'm sure lawyers will be involved, so make sure everything you're doing is legit. I admire the way you refuse to go out quietly I must say. Im still not sold though. If the money is truly as much a product of your hard work, I have no problem, but you never clarified that. If it's hers I think you may be over-reacting here and what you did already is punishment enough.

 

Remember that there are good women and many of them. Don't become a misogynist. Just look around LS. If you connect with some of these girls who have gone through heartbreak you'll get over this much easier, I know I did. You may well forget her sooner than you think.

[Spinderella]

Darkzen, After getting through four pages of replies to your original post I felt compelled to weigh in.

 

I had a 25 year marriage that ended as bad as it could .... for me. She cheated almost the whole time, and in general was not a nice person most of the time. At the end of our "no fault" she forced me to do it all, for her personal comfort. Even after the divorce was final and she was shacked up with her other MM, she came back and burgled my home, setting me back financially for a long time (no I didn't file charges). On numerous occasions in the first year after the divorce, when she was openly shacked up with her BF on the weekends (his wife didn't know yet) she counted on me to bail her out of bad situations, I felt compelled to help her as one of the kids was in trouble and had come to live with me. I didn't want him to see me hurt his mom. My decision. I put up with all this crud, tried to "act like a man", take the high road, etc.

 

Am I sorry? Yes I am. It's been seven plus years now and it no longer matters... however I can tell you without a doubt that I regret making her transition to her new life so painless. In hindsight I wish I would have cut her off completely and made her life as painfull as possible. I was miserable for years, financially crippled for a few, and generally effected very badly. She was in "clover".

 

If we were friends, and you told me over coffee that you had "screwed over" your dismal "ex".. my comment would problably be "works for me" If I couldn't come up with something more witty to say.

 

I understand where you are. I wouldn't judge you harshly for "fighting back". I fully understand your desire to "get even". Remember thoughm Don't tell lies, don't cheat or exagerate, keep it honest. Seven years from now you will want to be able to live with your decision.

 

i am sure that if you had gotten revenge and made her life hell and messed up your kids heads in the process you would be saying something entirely different though.

[sb129]

I still think that this may have a detrimental effect on any future relationships you may have. No matter how badly someone had been treated, I would find it hard to form a relationship and trust someone who was capable of doing this to someone else without remorse.

You say that you wouldn't do it to another person unless they treated you badly? I don't think I would be prepared to take that risk. I am sure there are women out there who won't have a problem with it- speaking of which, where is Cutegirl these days? She is a ballbreaker and a half!

 

Whats to say your ex GF doesn't decide to take matters into her own hands to avenge what you have now done to her? Where does it stop?

 

At least you have agreed that keeping the money is immoral, although I think (as I said before) that getting her fired may have been worse. If she is truly that crappy at her job, she would have dug her own grave for thta one eventually.

 

If you are happy with yourself, then at the end of the day that is all that matters I guess. Nobody on here is going to change your opinion, and you aren't going to convince some people on here that you have done the right thing.

 

I couldn't do what you have done, I know the guilt would mentally destroy me more than the anguish of NOT doing it. I can't say the temptation wouldn't cross my mind though, I just know that I couldn't go thru with it in the end.

 

I do hope for your sake that you don't have a moment of remorse in the future, because that could be very challenging for you.

[Spinderella]

legal courts work because they are impartial.