Would you destroy another person's life?

[Darkzen]

Wow man, great post!

 

Good luck Darkzen. I can understand what you are doing, but don't think keeping a 50K investment will be easy. I'm sure lawyers will be involved, so make sure everything you're doing is legit. I admire the way you refuse to go out quietly I must say. Im still not sold though. If the money is truly as much a product of your hard work, I have no problem, but you never clarified that. If it's hers I think you may be over-reacting here and what you did already is punishment enough.

 

Remember that there are good women and many of them. Don't become a misogynist. Just look around LS. If you connect with some of these girls who have gone through heartbreak you'll get over this much easier, I know I did. You may well forget her sooner than you think.

 

Before she disrespected me for the final time, we discussed the financial aspects of the relationship. Basically all things were equal over the course of the relationship. Although, the money in question was from her stock options. So it all depends on how you look at it. Am I entitled to half because we were together for as long as we were, such as a mutual divorce... or am I entitled to the majority of it, such as when one side is at fault in the divorce. She still has some money in savings, probably about 5k. We can also consider the fact, that I supported her while she was in school and that she left me while I'm currently in the middle of school.

 

As for keeping it, she has no legal grounds to the money. She wrote a check to my brother's dealership as an investment, no agreement was signed as to the guidelines of the money. So she has a verbal agreement of an investment with a company that is dissolving and shows a loss. She can pursue it of course, but it'd be her word against ours... the evidence she has is laughable compared to ours. Even if she somehow managed to win the ruling, how much can she really expect back after you do the math of what the company shows as a loss.

[sb129]

I can understand all that re: the money.

 

I still don't agree with it entirely, but I can understand your rationalisation of why you feel you are entitled to it.

 

Its the getting her fired from her job part that tips the whole scenario over the edge for me.

[Darkzen]

I still think that this may have a detrimental effect on any future relationships you may have. No matter how badly someone had been treated, I would find it hard to form a relationship and trust someone who was capable of doing this to someone else without remorse.

You say that you wouldn't do it to another person unless they treated you badly? I don't think I would be prepared to take that risk. I am sure there are women out there who won't have a problem with it- speaking of which, where is Cutegirl these days? She is a ballbreaker and a half!

 

Remorse can only be felt if you did something "wrong". There's a couple things I mentioned, that I feel is "wrong", so I will feel remorse for those things. Overall though, I won't feel remorse. I feel I'm doing the right thing though.

 

Whats to say your ex GF doesn't decide to take matters into her own hands to avenge what you have now done to her? Where does it stop?

 

Maybe it doesn't stop. It's possible, but I'm willing to live with the consequences of my actions.

 

At least you have agreed that keeping the money is immoral, although I think (as I said before) that getting her fired may have been worse. If she is truly that crappy at her job, she would have dug her own grave for thta one eventually.

 

She does a good job, but she's also done some pretty immoral things that no one knows about. Such as looking through personnel files because she's curious how much money people make. The best part of it, is that she only had that power because her supervisor was on vacation. Reading her supervisor's e-mails that contain sensitive company information and telling people about it. Etc...

 

If you are happy with yourself, then at the end of the day that is all that matters I guess. Nobody on here is going to change your opinion, and you aren't going to convince some people on here that you have done the right thing.

Very true. I hope some people have gotten a better understanding of my view though. I know that I have, a better understanding of other's views that is.

 

I couldn't do what you have done, I know the guilt would mentally destroy me more than the anguish of NOT doing it. I can't say the temptation wouldn't cross my mind though, I just know that I couldn't go thru with it in the end.

 

Understandable. I'm a very passionate person though, when I believe in something, I act accordingly.

 

I do hope for your sake that you don't have a moment of remorse in the future, because that could be very challenging for you.

I won't, I'm following my beliefs, so unless my beliefs change... I won't dwell on my decisions.

[Darkzen]

I can understand all that re: the money.

 

I still don't agree with it entirely, but I can understand your rationalisation of why you feel you are entitled to it.

 

Its the getting her fired from her job part that tips the whole scenario over the edge for me.

 

I understand, like I said I'm not here for justification. I respect your opinions, because you respect mine.

 

Her job is important to her. She'll have to deal with the consequences of her actions. I didn't get her fired, so did that herself. One cannot call up and just get someone fired because they feel like it. That's probably why you feel it's so over the top. If you break rules, do you not feel that you should take responsibility if you get caught? The how or why you got caught isn't important TBH, yes you can hate the person that turned you in, but you only have yourself to blame for breaking the rules.

 

I feel it's fitting, because she cannot refuse to take responsibility this time.

[sb129]

Lets just agree to disagree on that one OK?

 

I don't think it was your place to take it upon yourself to blow the whistle on her, because no matter how much she hurt you, her job isn't really any of your business, whether she broke the rules or not.

 

Her breaking the rules didn't directly affect you, hence, I think you should have kept quiet about that.

 

The money on the other hand is a joint thing. Kind of- you have made sure that it no longer is a joint thing, but you feel entitled to it, and some of the reasons you have listed as to why you feel entitled to it are common and understandable.

[Darkzen]

Lets just agree to disagree on that one OK?

 

I don't think it was your place to take it upon yourself to blow the whistle on her, because no matter how much she hurt you, her job isn't really any of your business, whether she broke the rules or not.

 

Her breaking the rules didn't directly affect you, hence, I think you should have kept quiet about that.

 

The money on the other hand is a joint thing. Kind of- you have made sure that it no longer is a joint thing, but you feel entitled to it, and some of the reasons you have listed as to why you feel entitled to it are common and understandable.

 

Fair enough.

[marlena]

I don't believe in karma or God, so basically she gets away "scott-free" in my mind.

 

 

Yes, you do. And in a cruel, vindictive one too. This is the god you worship. You also believe in karma. The notion "an eye for an eye" is definitely a religious and karmic one as well. The only difference between traditional christian tenets and your own self - made creed is that you have self-appointed yourself a messiah who has come upon this earth to punish people you consider to be sinners....and to you anyone who doesn't cater to your narcissism is a sinner.

 

In your twisted mind, you are the God who has the power to punish and reprimand and mete out some sick idea of justice you have. If everyone subscribed to your values of wright and wrong (which I am sure you would love) the law of the jungle would reign upon this planet and we would spiral back to the Middle Ages.

Perhaps you think it is morally acceptable to stone women to death in Afghanistan for having premarital sex? Or cut a person's hand off for stealing? Or cut a person's tongue for daring to voice an opinion that contradicts yours? Perhaps we should do away with the judicial system and go back to when people used to take the law into their own hands? Would that please you?

 

 

You are not interested in hearing other people's viewpoints for you are far too pathologically immersed in your own obsessions and narrow sightedness. None of your arguments can be cemented and each and every one of them has been refuted by other posters - but YOU DON"T LISTEN. You continue to PLAY GOD although you state you do not belief in any kind of God. Just the one you see in the mirror perhaps.

 

I think your girlfriend had a narrow escape (I hope at least) for you my friend are in a dangerous place. Instead of posting here do society a favor and go seek professional psychiatric poster.

 

This is the first time I've been mean to a poster. Sheesh!

[Darkzen]

I don't believe in karma or God, so basically she gets away "scott-free" in my mind.

 

 

Yes, you do. And in a cruel, vindictive one too. This is the god you worship. You also believe in karma. The notion "an eye for an eye" is definitely a religious and karmic one as well. The only difference between traditional christian tenets and your own self - made creed is that you have self-appointed yourself a messiah who has come upon this earth to punish people you consider to be sinners....and to you anyone who doesn't cater to your narcissism is a sinner.

 

In your twisted mind, you are the God who has the power to punish and reprimand and mete out some sick idea of justice you have. If everyone subscribed to your values of wright and wrong (which I am sure you would love) the law of the jungle would reign upon this planet and we would spiral back to the Middle Ages.

Perhaps you think it is morally acceptable to stone women to death in Afghanistan for having premarital sex? Or cut a person's hand off for stealing? Or cut a person's tongue for daring to voice an opinion that contradicts yours? Perhaps we should do away with the judicial system and go back to when people used to take the law into their own hands? Would that please you?

 

 

You are not interested in hearing other people's viewpoints for you are far too pathologically immersed in your own obsessions and narrow sightedness. None of your arguments can be cemented and each and every one of them has been refuted by other posters - but YOU DON"T LISTEN. You continue to PLAY GOD although you state you do not belief in any kind of God. Just the one you see in the mirror perhaps.

 

I think your girlfriend had a narrow escape (I hope at least) for you my friend are in a dangerous place. Instead of posting here do society a favor and go seek professional psychiatric poster.

 

This is the first time I've been mean to a poster. Sheesh!

 

Wow, just wow. Where to begin taking apart this post.

 

First of all, the notion of "an eye for an eye" isn't karmic in the least. Karma is "what comes around goes around". The difference between the two is, "an eye for an eye" means every action should be paid back equally. Karma is more, you will be paid back equally... somehow/someway. One is doing it yourself, the other is believing it will happen.

 

Learn what a messiah is, before referring to people as one. Nor do I believe it's my mission, to punish sinners and people who don't conform to my views. I disagree with plenty of people, how have I "punished" them? Because a woman wronged me continually for the course of nine years. Me wanting to get a sense of justice for it makes me... a smiter of all I see as evil in the universe? Get a grip on reality please.

 

Are you insinuating that only "a God", has the right to judge others and carry out punishment? If that's the case, there's a ton of Gods walking the earth.

 

Laws of the jungle? LOL. Far from it. Animals are ruled by emotion, my beliefs are based on emotion but formed from logic/reasoning.

 

I believe the punishment should be somewhat fitting of the transgression. All those things that you mentioned, are radical in every aspect.

 

Want to know what would please me? If people were held accountable for their actions. This would mean that people, would have to think things through before acting. It would keep honest people, honest and only the risk-takers/desperate would do bad things. Rather than the evil **** that has become acceptable by our society. The pure futility of people's outlook is disheartening to me... I see so many people with the "it happens" attitude it's scary... it f-ing happens because we choose to let it happen. If you got off your asses and fought back (or hell at least not accept it), things wouldn't be so ****ty in society atm.

 

I'm sure some people that have interacted with me in this thread, would disagree with your assessments. Just because I don't convert to another's ideal, doesn't mean that I don't understand their views. My beliefs cannot be refuted, merely disagreed with.

 

So, I should go and join the prozac nation of zombies, simply because I choose not to accept being treated wrongly? Maybe if more people refused to be walked on, the nation of pill poppers trying to cope with life, wouldn't be such a pressing issue in the world.

 

You may want to educate yourself some, you sound pretty ignorant from your opinions. Oh and I almost missed the hypocrisy in your last sentence, you claim I'm twisted and whatever because I reacted harshly (mean) to someone because I disagree with how they did things... did you not just do the same thing? Kettle, meet pot.

 

Good day.

[VIP]

I understand that I could have walked away, but doing so would have left me unfulfilled. I would feel wronged and not be able to move on. Being able to feel some form of vindication makes me feel better. I would have rather she stepped up and made the decision to do the right thing. She chose not to and it made me feel like she got away with evil actions and had no consequences.

 

You haven't learnt anything from this experience. To simply put a blame on her is to avoid your own responsibility for your mistakes. It takes two to tango, you know. She is not evil, she simply didn't like you, which is understandable in light of everything you wrote here about yourself.

 

If she can delude herself into making me a bad guy in her head, what's to stop her from deluding herself that she did anything wrong? That's not fair to me. I don't believe in karma or God, so basically she gets away "scott-free" in my mind. At least now, she has to deal with some of her actions, whether or not she wants to. She cannot delude herself out of these consequences. That to me, is justice.

 

Now she knows that she was right, and you ARE a bad guy. Anybody who doesn't like you if evil I guess.

 

Do I feel bad about my actions? No I don't, she isn't the person I cared for. She is evil in my mind and doesn't deserve compassion. Just as a murderer doesn't deserve compassion.

 

Everybody deserves compassion. You are a cold hearted person, and no amount of reasoning will make you a better person.

 

I About the only thing that I did that was bad in this, was break her trust by turning her in. Maybe taking the money, as a form of severance pay was wrong as well, but I can live with that.

 

First glimpses of consciousness. You are right, both things were wrong, and this dirty money won't bring you luck.

 

She did it all to herself in my eyes, how could I have gotten her fired if she wasn't guilty of these things in the first place?

 

If she didn't leave you, she wouldn't get fired. The reason she may get fired is because you wanted her to be fired. So she didn't do it to herself, you did it to her.

 

I could understand being the bad guy... if I was underhanded, lied and used deceit to dole out my justice. Maybe the keeping of the investment money is being a bit opportunistic and bending the rules. I'll agree that keeping the money isn't very moral. Although, I'm not breaking the law in keeping it. As well as, the fact I don't think she deserves my respect any more.

 

You were underhanded. The money is hers, and you are trying to steal it. The law doesn't deal with moral issues, but you know that what you are doing is wrong. I think you don't believe in karma because your conscience is not clear.

[Darkzen]

You haven't learnt anything from this experience. To simply put a blame on her is to avoid your own responsibility for your mistakes. It takes two to tango, you know. She is not evil, she simply didn't like you, which is understandable in light of everything you wrote here about yourself.

 

OK, we'll just have to disagree on this. I don't take responsibility for someone doing malicious things to me, no matter if I may have put myself in a position to be taken advantage of or not. They made a choice to act that way, no one should be held accountable for them choosing to be evil.

 

Now she knows that she was right, and you ARE a bad guy. Anybody who doesn't like you if evil I guess.

 

Plenty of people don't like me, just as plenty of people do like me. Not liking me doesn't make someone evil, doing evil things makes someone evil.

 

Everybody deserves compassion. You are a cold hearted person, and no amount of reasoning will make you a better person.

 

No, not everyone deserves compassion. Hilter was just misunderstood, right? We should have just let him off with a warning and a hug, right? Let's reverse things for a second, what if I was verbally and physically abusive to my ex... you're telling me you would have had compassion for me? Let's not talk about the hypocrisy in your statement either... you're not showing me any compassion right now, because you believe me to be cold-hearted and a bad person... can I not see my ex the same way you see me? Think that one over a little.

 

First glimpses of consciousness. You are right, both things were wrong, and this dirty money won't bring you luck.

 

OK.

 

If she didn't leave you, she wouldn't get fired. The reason she may get fired is because you wanted her to be fired. So she didn't do it to herself, you did it to her.

Fallacy. Her company won't list the reason of termination as "because ex boyfriend wanted it". I did the morally correct thing, in finally reporting someone that did things that were harmful to their employer. See what I did there? I can twist things to suit my agenda as well...

 

You were underhanded. The money is hers, and you are trying to steal it. The law doesn't deal with moral issues, but you know that what you are doing is wrong. I think you don't believe in karma because your conscience is not clear.

 

Depends on your perspective. I feel entitled to at least half of it. Actually I feel like it should all be mine as reparations. To help me finish school (like I did for her), to cover emotional pain and distress and to cover the loss of my time investment to someone that deceived me by not honoring a verbal agreement.

[lindya]

I now feel that you must fight fire with fire, because unconditional love and/or understanding doesn't seem to work. I'm fed up with being hurt, when I do nothing but try to help people.

 

I think you fight fire with fire for self preservation while you're under attack. What you're talking about is revenge, which is something different. Fighting for self preservation has a necessity about it, whereas revenge is more of a spiteful luxury.

 

If you actively setting out to destroy someone's life because you perceive them as evil, I think you'll do your own psyche enormous long term damage. Emotionally painful episodes come and go in our lives. Right now you're in an anger stage, which feels far more powerful and aggressive than the more angsty phase. While you're feeling cold and angry, destroying another person's life might seem justifiable. Nemo me impune lacessit.

 

There's a price to be paid for that motto. If you choose to ruin this woman's life, once the energy of anger fades away and you're left with the reality of what it means to destroy someone else, might you be in that situation where you scrub and scrub at your hands but the blood never comes off?

 

You're rationalising it all with logical, jurisprudential sounding arguments....but you're kidding yourself if you think that logic is what's driving you to want to destroy this woman.

[Darkzen]

I think you fight fire with fire for self preservation while you're under attack. What you're talking about is revenge, which is something different. Fighting for self preservation has a necessity about it, whereas revenge is more of a spiteful luxury.

 

If you actively setting out to destroy someone's life because you perceive them as evil, I think you'll do your own psyche enormous long term damage. Emotionally painful episodes come and go in our lives. Right now you're in an anger stage, which feels far more powerful and aggressive than the more angsty phase. While you're feeling cold and angry, destroying another person's life might seem justifiable. Nemo me impune lacessit.

 

There's a price to be paid for that motto. If you choose to ruin this woman's life, once the energy of anger fades away and you're left with the reality of what it means to destroy someone else, might you be in that situation where you scrub and scrub at your hands but the blood never comes off?

 

You're rationalising it all with logical, jurisprudential sounding arguments....but you're kidding yourself if you think that logic is what's driving you to want to destroy this woman.

 

I'm past the anger stage already. I finally realized she was an evil person, when she refused to take responsibility for the things she did. She understood everything and chose to take the easy route, walking away from her problems. That didn't make me angry, it made me feel a need for vindication, the need to feel absolved of unfair blame. She refused to give me that. So my feeling for vindication, turned into a feeling for justice. The situation must be balanced to give me a measure of resolve.

 

That's not revenge though. The difference between revenge and justice is intent. I'm not doing this for a feeling of satisfaction, I'm doing it for a measure of peace. That's one of the things I've figured out in this thread. I didn't have the correct words to express the feeling before. The reckoning will bring me peace. Now that I feel everything is equal, I can move on without regret.

[marlena]

First of all, the notion of "an eye for an eye" isn't karmic in the least. Karma is "what comes around goes around". The difference between the two is, "an eye for an eye" means every action should be paid back equally. Karma is more, you will be paid back equally... somehow/someway. One is doing it yourself, the other is believing it will happen.

 

The central concept is one and the same. It matters not the least who is doing the paying back - Buddha, Christ, Mohammed or YOURS TRULY. The end result is the same too.

Learn what a messiah is, before referring to people as one. Nor do I believe it's my mission, to punish sinners and people who don't conform to my views. I disagree with plenty of people, how have I "punished" them? Because a woman wronged me continually for the course of nine years. Me wanting to get a sense of justice for it makes me... a smiter of all I see as evil in the universe? Get a grip on reality please.

 

You think of yourself as a messiah who has been put on this Earth to teach us imperfect humans the difference between right and wrong and you dole out punishment accordingly. The demented part is that in punishment you offer salvation. Hypocritical coming from a person who can feel no remorse. How many times have you said that "she didn't fix things?" She didn't subscribe to your "morals" and so had to be punished accordingly.

 

Being wronged and doing wrong is only human. Oops! I forgot! You are not human.... you are a deity who claims he is an atheist. Morality is at the crux of all religions so stop kidding yourself about being an atheist. You are one confused young man. And like another poster said, "Grow up" and learn to deal with the viccisitudes of life!

 

 

Are you insinuating that only "a God", has the right to judge others and carry out punishment? If that's the case, there's a ton of Gods walking the earth.

 

Unfortunately, you are right. There are tons of self-proclaimed Gods like you walking the streets!

Laws of the jungle? LOL. Far from it. Animals are ruled by emotion, my beliefs are based on emotion but formed from logic/reasoning.

 

A contradiction in terms!

I believe the punishment should be somewhat fitting of the transgression. All those things that you mentioned, are radical in every aspect.

 

And stealing someone's money and getting her fired simply because she dumped you isn't radical? Sheesh! I'd hate to think where this poor girl would be had she gotten you fired instead!!

Want to know what would please me? If people were held accountable for their actions. This would mean that people, would have to think things through before acting. It would keep honest people, honest and only the risk-takers/desperate would do bad things. Rather than the evil **** that has become acceptable by our society. The pure futility of people's outlook is disheartening to me... I see so many people with the "it happens" attitude it's scary... it f-ing happens because we choose to let it happen. If you got off your asses and fought back (or hell at least not accept it), things wouldn't be so ****ty in society atm.

 

I'm sure some people that have interacted with me in this thread, would disagree with your assessments. Just because I don't convert to another's ideal, doesn't mean that I don't understand their views. My beliefs cannot be refuted, merely disagreed with.

 

So, I should go and join the prozac nation of zombies, simply because I choose not to accept being treated wrongly? Maybe if more people refused to be walked on, the nation of pill poppers trying to cope with life, wouldn't be such a pressing issue in the world.

 

Thorazine would be best for you!!!

 

You may want to educate yourself some, you sound pretty ignorant from your opinions. Oh and I almost missed the hypocrisy in your last sentence, you claim I'm twisted and whatever because I reacted harshly (mean) to someone because I disagree with how they did things... did you not just do the same thing? Kettle, meet pot.

 

 

Just what exactly did I do? Contradict your statements? How evil of me!!!! Kettle meet the pot? You must be joking!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I sure do hope this is some kind of research for a school paper as some other poster said!

[Kasan]

I'm past the anger stage already. I finally realized she was an evil person, when she refused to take responsibility for the things she did. She understood everything and chose to take the easy route, walking away from her problems. That didn't make me angry, it made me feel a need for vindication, the need to feel absolved of unfair blame. She refused to give me that. So my feeling for vindication, turned into a feeling for justice. The situation must be balanced to give me a measure of resolve.

 

That's not revenge though. The difference between revenge and justice is intent. I'm not doing this for a feeling of satisfaction, I'm doing it for a measure of peace. That's one of the things I've figured out in this thread. I didn't have the correct words to express the feeling before. The reckoning will bring me peace. Now that I feel everything is equal, I can move on without regret.

 

Did you do anything in the relationship that hurt your ex?

 

I am also puzzled that you had a nine year relationship with her and allowed her to continue to cheat on you.

 

I think all of us could continue to go round and round with you, because it is impossible for to have a "discussion" about destroying another person's life.

 

I think all of us could discuss hypothetically a situation like this.

 

From what you say there is nothing to "discuss", so why even bother posting on here? You are going to do the deed so to speak so WTF?

 

What was the purpose for coming here?

[marlena]

Just read your other post!! You made your ex have a threesome? And you speak of morality? Then you had her fired and stole her money and you come on here preaching about moral values? Yucks!! No more posts from me.

[Kasan]

Just read your other post!! You made your ex have a threesome? And you speak of morality? Then you had her fired and stole her money and you come on here preaching about moral values? Yucks!! No more posts from me.

 

I read that too!! I am outa here!

[lindya]

I'm past the anger stage already. I finally realized she was an evil person, when she refused to take responsibility for the things she did. She understood everything and chose to take the easy route, walking away from her problems. That didn't make me angry, it made me feel a need for vindication, the need to feel absolved of unfair blame. She refused to give me that. So my feeling for vindication, turned into a feeling for justice. The situation must be balanced to give me a measure of resolve.

 

What you seem to be looking for is a return to some sort of balance of power. She's left you feeling like a victim. In order to escape from that horrible, powerless, unenviable position, you must turn persecutor and make her the victim. The power balance returns, and from the perspective of victim she sees the error of her ways. In theory.

 

In practice, you perpetuate that endless dance of victim to persecutor to victim. You'll trap yourself in it. You said in an earlier post that she'd managed to turn some of your friends against you - presumably by adopting a victim role. If she could do that when you hadn't done anything wrong, imagine what damage she could wreak were you to turn her into a genuine victim (and yourself into a genuine persecutor)?

 

I'd like to remind you of something you said earlier

 

She also abused her position to look up other employees personal information because she was curious (salaries and such). Etc, etc, etc... I have plenty of dirt on her

 

You continued in a close relationship with someone who, by your own admission, had a lot of dirt attached to her. Her less savoury behaviour didn't concern you as long as you personally weren't being adversely affected by it. You're not an innocent victim here.

 

That's not revenge though. The difference between revenge and justice is intent. I'm not doing this for a feeling of satisfaction, I'm doing it for a measure of peace.

 

If you destroy her life, no doubt she and the people she's close to will also decide they need to take retributive action in order to attain inner peace. Whether that's a good or a bad thing depends upon your taste for never-ending drama and badly handled conflict.

[johan]

...I'm not doing this for a feeling of satisfaction, I'm doing it for a measure of peace.

 

I think in your fantasy of how it will work, you will get peace. I think in reality, you won't. In reality, whatever you do will weigh on your conscience, if you have one. If you have any decency at all, deliberately hurting someone will hurt you as well. No matter who it is. You'll realize that doing this does more damage to you. And you'll find that you'll have justified whatever harm she caused you after the fact.

 

After you've healed from the breakup, you'll have to deal with the additional harm you've caused. And you may delay your healing, if whatever you do causes her to actually remain a part of your life.

 

You should consider the legality of what you're planning. And the recourse she could take.

 

It's a nice fantasy and maybe it's therapeutic to discuss it. The reality will be different.

[johan]

If you destroy her life, no doubt she and the people she's close to will also decide they need to take retributive action in order to attain inner peace. Whether that's a good or a bad thing depends upon your taste for never-ending drama and badly handled conflict.

 

That's what I was trying to say. It came out better in Lyndia's accent.

 

I'd also question whether you really have the power to "destroy" her life. Regardless of whatever you have on her. Whoever you're relying on to deliver the destruction may decide not to. If they have half a brain, they will disregard whatever you bring up as soon as they recognize your motives.

[Darkzen]

The central concept is one and the same. It matters not the least who is doing the paying back - Buddha, Christ, Mohammed or YOURS TRULY. The end result is the same too.

No they're not the same. Only the end result is the same. 1+3=4 and 2+2=4 are they the same thing? No, they're two different equations that happen to share the same answer.

You think of yourself as a messiah who has been put on this Earth to teach us imperfect humans the difference between right and wrong and you dole out punishment accordingly. The demented part is that in punishment you offer salvation. Hypocritical coming from a person who can feel no remorse. How many times have you said that "she didn't fix things?" She didn't subscribe to your "morals" and so had to be punished accordingly.

 

She didn't subscribe to my morals, you're right. But murders, rapists, child molesters, etc... don't subscribe to society's morals... are you saying they don't deserve to pay for their actions? Or is it only when the situation suits your morals?

 

Being wronged and doing wrong is only human. Oops! I forgot! You are not human.... you are a deity who claims he is an atheist. Morality is at the crux of all religions so stop kidding yourself about being an atheist. You are one confused young man. And like another poster said, "Grow up" and learn to deal with the viccisitudes of life!

 

Obviously, I must be human in your eyes by your own definition. I was "wronged" and I'm doing "wrong", right? Morality is not solely a religious belief, you should stop fooling yourself. Morality is a human instinct, it's called a conscience. It's society and religion that causes us to suppress our conscience. We see things that we know are inherently "wrong", but justify it because "it happens", amirite?.

 

I'm dealing quite well with life, how's it working out for you? Maybe I'm not the one who needs to "grow up".

 

Unfortunately, you are right. There are tons of self-proclaimed Gods like you walking the streets!

So judges and members of a jury are self-proclaimed Gods?

 

A contradiction in terms!

How so? Animals do not have reason, they only have instinct/emotion. I use emotion as motivation to formulate a belief, which is based on logic/reasoning. I.E. cheating is bad because I know what it feels like to be cheated on and refuse to inflict that pain on another person.

 

And stealing someone's money and getting her fired simply because she dumped you isn't radical? Sheesh! I'd hate to think where this poor girl would be had she gotten you fired instead!!

She didn't simply dump me, reading is fundamental. She did many things to me that I went into earlier in the thread... most of which is a lot worse than just "dumping me".

 

Thorazine would be best for you!!!

 

Is that the only thing you can find to counter the 4-5 paragraphs of points I made? I don't know, but it would make me figure that you can't logically counter them, so just chose to ignore it.

[Ladyjane14]

VIP is right. You proved this gal's point for her. You were Mr. Wrong... Mr. Arrogance... Mr. Mean, and regardless of the consequence to her career or her wallet, she's still better off without you.

 

You know, jobs come and go and money is made for spending. But missing the bullet on a dead-end relationship? ...that's priceless man.

I can't condone cheating... but still, at least this girl got out while the gettin' was good.

 

This was a girlfriend, not a wife, correct? The two of you weren't married? Because if that's the case, I don't know why you've got your panties in such a bunch anyway. One of the primary reasons people elect NOT to marry is so they can leave when they want to without a bunch of hassle.

 

Sure, it would've been better manners if she'd dumped you first before she took up with someone else, but hey... she's free to make her own choices. And here's a news-flash for ya, Ace... YOU aren't in charge of her choices and YOU don't get to decide whether she elects to utilize good manners or not.

 

{sigh}... I've already observed that NOTHING anyone posts seems to get through to you... but for your OWN SAKE, for your own future happiness, you ought to at least think about getting some professional help. Your current arrogance seems to have you believing that you already know it all and that there's nothing you can learn from others.... but you are wrong. In actuality, smart people learn something new EVERY DAY.

And this might only be one woman's opinion, but if the knowledge of human relationships was dynamite... you wouldn't have enough to blow your own nose.

 

A good therapist could help you, but you've got to drop the 'tude first.

[DOA]

If you don't wanna run the risk of regretting what you do later, do what someone said earlier...split it down the middle, take the investment but don't cause her to lose her job. Or vice versa. Whatever you think will not cause you the most guilt later in your life.

 

At least you'll get some revenge but won't be doing something COMPLETELY horrendous.

[Darkzen]

Just read your other post!! You made your ex have a threesome? And you speak of morality? Then you had her fired and stole her money and you come on here preaching about moral values? Yucks!! No more posts from me.

 

I didn't force her to do anything, she wanted to do it. What's morally wrong with having a threesome if everyone participating is willing and made the conscience decision to participate? Did I not also point out that I felt her anxiety. Although I didn't mention this part, because it wasn't within the topic, I never suggested having another threesome again. Due to her anxiety.

 

Obviously I made her cheat on me, I made her treat me badly, I made her do everything wrong. Otherwise your accusations wouldn't fit.

 

This was a girlfriend, not a wife, correct? The two of you weren't married? Because if that's the case, I don't know why you've got your panties in such a bunch anyway. One of the primary reasons people elect NOT to marry is so they can leave when they want to without a bunch of hassle.

 

So a ring really makes a difference. I had a friend that said once he got married he'd stop cheating on people he was committed to. Key word being committed in that sentence. She also asked me to marry her in the past. I refused because I didn't believe she had changed and refused to get legally committed as well as emotionally committed.

 

A good therapist could help you, but you've got to drop the 'tude first.

Yes, because I didn't work in a hospital, on a mental health floor, before. Learn about the things you speak. I was friends with quite a few therapists. They had more issues, than you believe I have.

 

Sure, it would've been better manners if she'd dumped you first before she took up with someone else, but hey... she's free to make her own choices. And here's a news-flash for ya, Ace... YOU aren't in charge of her choices and YOU don't get to decide whether she elects to utilize good manners or not.

You're absolutely correct, but you left out that I am in control of how I respond to her actions. Whether or not you agree with my actions or not.

 

I think in your fantasy of how it will work, you will get peace. I think in reality, you won't. In reality, whatever you do will weigh on your conscience, if you have one. If you have any decency at all, deliberately hurting someone will hurt you as well. No matter who it is. You'll realize that doing this does more damage to you. And you'll find that you'll have justified whatever harm she caused you after the fact.

 

After you've healed from the breakup, you'll have to deal with the additional harm you've caused. And you may delay your healing, if whatever you do causes her to actually remain a part of your life.

 

You should consider the legality of what you're planning. And the recourse she could take.

 

It's a nice fantasy and maybe it's therapeutic to discuss it. The reality will be different.

I disagree to an extent. Conviction in a belief, removes doubt about your actions... which in turn removes remorse for the actions performed following your belief. If my beliefs change, then I might doubt my actions and feel remorse, but I doubt they'll change. I've spent much of my life contemplating my ideals, morals and beliefs.

 

What you seem to be looking for is a return to some sort of balance of power. She's left you feeling like a victim. In order to escape from that horrible, powerless, unenviable position, you must turn persecutor and make her the victim. The power balance returns, and from the perspective of victim she sees the error of her ways. In theory.

 

In practice, you perpetuate that endless dance of victim to persecutor to victim. You'll trap yourself in it. You said in an earlier post that she'd managed to turn some of your friends against you - presumably by adopting a victim role. If she could do that when you hadn't done anything wrong, imagine what damage she could wreak were you to turn her into a genuine victim (and yourself into a genuine persecutor)?

 

I'd like to remind you of something you said earlier

Yes and I'm willing to stand by my actions regardless of the consequences. I believe that I'm right in the situation and willing to except whatever happens to defend my beliefs.

 

Did you do anything in the relationship that hurt your ex?

 

I am also puzzled that you had a nine year relationship with her and allowed her to continue to cheat on you.

 

I think all of us could continue to go round and round with you, because it is impossible for to have a "discussion" about destroying another person's life.

 

I think all of us could discuss hypothetically a situation like this.

 

From what you say there is nothing to "discuss", so why even bother posting on here? You are going to do the deed so to speak so WTF?

 

What was the purpose for coming here?

I hurt her in her own mind. She created fantasies about how I acted (every example she brought up, she admitted she was mistaken about how she remembered it). That's not my responsibility though, it's disrespectful and hurtful, to be falsely accused of things that I never did.

 

I'm not contesting that we shouldn't have been together and I accept my share of the blame for sticking around as long as I did.

 

We can discuss the topic, each point and counter-point continues to clarify things, until all involved in the conversation can see one another's perspective (if they're willing to anyways). I guess you have to want to try and understand other people, to want to discuss things. I explained why I posted, the reason hasn't changed.

[LakesideDream]

i am sure that if you had gotten revenge and made her life hell and messed up your kids heads in the process you would be saying something entirely different though.

 

Lakeside here, ..

 

I didn't say anything about "revenge" in my post. I talked about "cutting her off". In retrospect that means not grabbing my friends and moving her to her new "security apt" (so I wouldn't stalk her.. right), not doing all the work, and paying for all the "no fault" after we agreed to share it equally. That means not picking her up each time her new car quit, which happened a dozen times in a year, not helping her when she called from another state "stranded" (visiting her BF) and bailing her out with credit over the phone, not reporting her burglery (of my home) to the police, stuff like that.

 

Saying "NO" to those things wouldn't be revenge would it? I was crushed, shattered, and nearly destroyed. All I wanted was No Contact, which is an absolute staple of this forum. She was willing to scam and coerce me out of whatever she was able to... because she could. Yes I regret enabling her.

 

This woman literally screamed at me over the phone for 30 minutes for changing the auto insurance (which was month to month because of her careless driving habits) a week after the Divorce was final because she had to "get her own" which costed her money. She expected me to continue paying out the remainder of the contract so she could drive free. She screamed again (in person) because I refused to pay to have her new car towed 50 miles when it broke. She did this stuff because she could. I tried to be a gentleman and help as long as I could, not realizing I was being a fool.

 

And NO, I didn't want her back. She was being penetrated regularly by her long term boyfriend, an image I could not condone, and it had been over since the no fault was final.. probably a couple of months before.

[tinktronik]

It sounds to me like your ex-G is lucky to be out of a relationhip with you and in future will have no regret over leaving but instead of regret in ever getting involved with such a petty vengeful person as yourself.