Finally gave in to the ex and am back in therapy

[Fun2BMe]

In reverse order - first I contacted my ex-therapist and started seeing him again, then I finally gave in and sent my ex an email responding to his voicemails.

 

I can't tell my therapist about it because he doesn't want me to have any contact with the ex and our physical relationship has rekindled.

 

It looks like I will be seeing both behind each others backs and am feeling stressed about the whole thing. In the meantime I am falling crazily in love with a neighbor who is married with 3 kids:o

 

I joined his gym so I can bump into him and figured out at least one day/time that he's there for sure that I end up going and it's making me feel really guilty, especially since he has a nice wife. I feel so lost and confused.

[Lyssa]

I can't tell my therapist about it because he doesn't want me to have any contact with the ex and our physical relationship has rekindled.

 

'Our physical relationship' - you and therapist?

 

It looks like I will be seeing both behind each others backs and am feeling stressed about the whole thing. In the meantime I am falling crazily in love with a neighbor who is married with 3 kids:o

 

Okay, so you're seeing both of them romantically? I would think that would be stressful! Do you hang out a lot with your neighbour?

 

I joined his gym so I can bump into him and figured out at least one day/time that he's there for sure that I end up going and it's making me feel really guilty, especially since he has a nice wife. I feel so lost and confused.

 

Well, you know he has a nice wife so he is definitely out of the picture! Plus you already have two to deal with, my dear!

[Spinderella]

i dont think she means she is seeing the therapist romantically.

 

fun2bme, you cannot see a therapist and seriously expect it to help you if you are lying about what you are doing. perhaps you know that the therapist was giving you good advice to not see the ex again, and its advice that you dont want to hear right now.

sounds like you are lonely, and afraid. it is not a good reason to get back into a bad relationship. what was so bad about this relationship anyway? are the difficulties insurmountable? it must have been pretty bad for the therapist to advise you not to see him (unless you really are romantically involved with the therapist ).

the only person who can know the truth about this is you. is it a case of working out a better of two evils? being lonely or being with him?

[Lyssa]

i dont think she means she is seeing the therapist romantically.

 

Who knows... that could be it..

[LucreziaBorgia]

i dont think she means she is seeing the therapist romantically.

 

 

Unfortunately, that is exactly what she is saying. Fun, I can't believe you are going to pay this guy again to f*ck you behind his wife's back. You KNOW how he ended up with his current wife, and you STILL went back. You KNOW you aren't the only patient he f*cks behind his wife's back, and you STILL went back. And you know what? HE IS GOING TO KEEP BILLING YOU FOR HAVING SEX BEHIND HIS WIFE'S BACK. I can't believe you are going to keep throwing money away to be this guy's OW. I can't imagine how much money his current wife threw away doing the same thing. You can believe if you get caught, his current wife will blow the whistle big time - he may have gotten away with it once, but how do you think his colleagues are going to take him getting caught doing it a second time? You are playing with fire here, Fun. A scorned BW is one thing, but when an OW becomes the W and SHE is scorned, you better believe he is going to get it with both barrels, and she will not spare you, Fun. Don't fool yourself if you think she will because she was in the same boat you are.

 

On top of that, you are letting your ex f*ck with you again.

 

AND you are chasing ANOTHER married man?

 

You feel lost and confused? Let me be straight here, Fun. YOU SHOULD BE.

 

You are messing up your life so badly, based on what you post here. I can't imagine how bad it must be IRL.

 

I feel bad for you, Fun. I really wanted to see you get strong and walk away from this trauma and drama you have going on. Its apparent now that you thrive on it, and if its not in your life, you find some way to create it.

 

You need real help, big time - I just wish there was someone in your life who would see that you get it. Your "therapist" isn't going to help you Fun. He has already destroyed you.

[Spinderella]

oh WOW. i stand corrected.

then i dont know, i think you gotta really take a good look at making yourself a bit happier. you must be reeeeally depressed.

[lovelorcet]

This is worse than watching a Britany Spears train wreck...

 

It is beyond all my comprehension how a woman who is so intelligent as you are can choose to do these things...

 

Where is all the stress you were having about your morality a few weeks ago. You know this is wrong and you still do it. It does not get much worse than that...

[underpants]

Girl,

 

You are on a crazy train.

 

Get off post haste. Find a woman therapist with good creditials. (Don't let your current theRapist recommend one).

 

You need to fix yourself because this is going to go no place good.

[Art_Critic]

This is not good news Fun...

[CaliGuy]

In reverse order - first I contacted my ex-therapist and started seeing him again, then I finally gave in and sent my ex an email responding to his voicemails.

 

I can't tell my therapist about it because he doesn't want me to have any contact with the ex and our physical relationship has rekindled.

 

It looks like I will be seeing both behind each others backs and am feeling stressed about the whole thing. In the meantime I am falling crazily in love with a neighbor who is married with 3 kids:o

 

I joined his gym so I can bump into him and figured out at least one day/time that he's there for sure that I end up going and it's making me feel really guilty, especially since he has a nice wife. I feel so lost and confused.

 

I'm sorry but you have some major issues. Your behavior is abhorrible.

[Trialbyfire]

Fun, why are you going down the self-destruction path? Does what you're doing to yourself synchronize with who you are inside? Do you feel that click inside you, that this is right for you or are you feeling the stress of being dishonest with yourself?

 

Honest relationships Fun. Please remember that term. It will take you far.

[Fun2BMe]

I was contemplating making an appointment with the therapist due to a lot of stuff going on in my life and he knows my situation well enough to pick up where we had left off. I thought with the time apart, I could go back in with strength and put the physical aspect completely behind us and was looking forward to showing both myself and the therapist how much I had grown and learned with the time away from him.

 

I also wanted some advice about the two exes who had been contacting me, stressing me out. I successfully dealt with one - the ex-ex, even though I still get tempted to contact him again. After starting up an email correspondence I had the strength to finally let go again. Then the ex who I have a lot of unfinished emotions towards and who I had been successful with NC, started contacting me a lot so I really needed the therapist's help.

 

After I made the appointment, I was feeling good about it one monent, then regretting it the next. So finally I went to see him and within seconds it was back to how it was with the physical, and even more passionate than before. In fact I didn't get to talk to him about anything other than 'us' and none of my issues were resolved so I feel very disappointed in myself for not carrying out the plan to be strong.

 

I then got weak and for the first time since the break up, I initiated an email to the ex! Needless to say he is happy about it and we are writing back and forth which I NEVER EVER thought would happen again, to the point of making plans to see each other Sunday unless I have the strength to say no. But I feel like he is someone I can talk to and I need to tell someone in person about the therapist to get it out of my system and I feel like of all the people, it is the ex who I can talk to. I want us to only be friends though without physical contact but if it turns into physical I will really lose my mind because I still have a lot of anger towards him and never want to be in a physical relationship with him again.

 

I basically am feeling like crap right now. At least with the neighbor, it prob. won't go anywhere with him but he is problem free and I can at least feel good focusing on my feelings positively on a man who has not hurt me, who is so nice that I can't help fallling for him. I just don't know what's going on in my head and why I'm doing these things, like I"m trying to fix all the situations that didn't work out so I can feel better.

 

to: LucreziaBorgia - I don't see how the ther.'s wife will find out anything though so I am really not concerned about that issue.

[Spinderella]

are you really lonely hun? sometimes if youre feeling really lonely then drama any drama seems better than the void, at least its company.

the thing is that going for these negative things doesnt allow any room for positive stuff. it sounds like youre scared to let anyone too close to you, so you are surrounding yourself with unavailable men, and thinking that at least if you feel bad from one you have a safety net in the others.

cant you get another therapist and do some nice things that make you feel better, like you are caring about yourself so you are acting like youre worth good stuff. even if its just treating yourself to a massage or something.

you say the married guy has no problems, but the fact that he is married is a pretty big problem. even if it doesnt seem it now.

[lovelorcet]

I am speechless... This combined with what I have read in the past (and has been deleted)...

 

Speechless...

 

 

Fun... You need to get a grip on yourself and get some serious help. What you are involved with here is not normal.

[Art_Critic]

I am speechless...

 

Me too..

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

What makes you think, Fun2BMe, that your therapist understands you better than you understand yourself?

 

Never. NO matter how much time you spend with the therapist, he will never be able to understand and provide you with mature love. He is using you -and your money.

 

No one "GETS" you better than yourself. Not even your ex can save you now. WHY did you go back to the ex? List at least one valid reason.

 

Married Neighbor: IS OFF LIMITS. Fun2BMe. He is married. Prying on a married man, who obviously has his life together, is evil in and of itself.

 

The minute his wife finds out, not only will you acquire a bad reputation, not only will you become depressed, and not only will you attempt to run off, but you will undeniably make him love you.

 

Has the therapist put you on medication(s) or are you currently med-free? Think about what I said, Fun2BMe

 

Sand&Water

[LucreziaBorgia]

to: LucreziaBorgia - I don't see how the ther.'s wife will find out anything though so I am really not concerned about that issue.

 

I'm not sure why you think that. As his former OW now W, she will know exactly what to look for. She will particularly be keen on the idea of him sleeping with another of his patients. She knew he was capable of it when he cheated on his first wife with her when she was his patient. Don't think it doesn't cross her mind every day when he leaves for the office. When an OW becomes a W, I'm sure on some level she wonders when its going to happen to her. If anything she will be hypervigilant about it.

 

Don't lull yourself into a false sense of security over this, Fun. If you do, that will truly be your downfall.

 

As for the OTHER married man... he may not have hurt you yet, but you are setting yourself up to be hurt for certain.

 

It would seem that it is your subconscious goal - to perpetuate hurt in your life.

[Fun2BMe]

are you really lonely hun? sometimes if youre feeling really lonely then drama any drama seems better than the void, at least its company.

I'm not lonely and I really am not the type into drama, which is why this is all so difficult for me. Between my work and activities, I don't have time to sit around dealing with this but with my emails, texts and phone calls following me wherever I am plus chattting it up with the neighbor, it's like I am stuck in the web that's been woven around me, that maybe I also helped to create (at least the therapist has taught me not to blame others for what happens to me even though 99% of the time I forget that).

 

 

the thing is that going for these negative things doesnt allow any room for positive stuff.

Interesting comment.

 

it sounds like youre scared to let anyone too close to you, so you are surrounding yourself with unavailable men, and thinking that at least if you feel bad from one you have a safety net in the others.

Another intersting comment.

 

cant you get another therapist and do some nice things that make you feel better, like you are caring about yourself so you are acting like youre worth good stuff. even if its just treating yourself to a massage or something.

Something is keeping me from going to another therapist, as if I am trying to fix the situation with the current one instead of leaving it messed up and moving on. As for treating myself, I do do that, as far as gettihng manicures, spa treatments, shopping and so forth - things I do for myself that I don't get out of the men for the most part. I was wondering if I have low self esteem, but without sounding bad I do think highly of myself and don't respond to 99% of the attention I get, but the small number I respond to seem to be from unavailable men which is why your above comment is interesting, and I seem to run away from the available ones even if they pursue me a lot, I don't give it a second thought. Strange!! I don't get it.

 

 

you say the married guy has no problems, but the fact that he is married is a pretty big problem. even if it doesnt seem it now.

Speaking of which, I just got an invitation in the mail from him and his wife inviting me over to their house for dessert next Sat. afternoon on the 29th, to which I sent an email enthusastically accepting and thanking them.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I hope that one day you'll figure out why you continue to sabotage yourself, and work your way past that into finding real happiness and fulfillment.

[Fun2BMe]

 

Never. NO matter how much time you spend with the therapist, he will never be able to understand and provide you with mature love. He is using you -and your money.

But he SAYS he loves me, and why would he risk so much for me if he didn't love me? It's hard to believe he'd be using me, but I felt trashy handing over a check to him after 'seeing' him. I think in the back of my mind I went back thinking he'd no longer take payments to prove everything is really love? Or maybe he's afraid if he doesn't take payments it will give things away and is being careful to cover our tracks? Or testing how much I really love him, to the point i'd pay to be with him, maybe he's testing if I really love him? So many explanations are going through my head to justify it.

 

No one "GETS" you better than yourself. Not even your ex can save you now. WHY did you go back to the ex? List at least one valid reason.

Well, he is starting to look better compared to the therapist. He used to do so much for me without charging me for his time, and way more things than the therapist, so I feel like he is better to go to with my problems than my therapist and the more I think about it, the more eager I am to see him again and apologize for having lost contact for so long with him. I feel so guilty because I'm even thinking of blaming the therapist for keeping us apart, when the therapist was doing it to help me. But then I'll only end up lying to the therapist why he's in my life if he finds out. All of that is making me feel sick.

 

Married Neighbor: IS OFF LIMITS. Fun2BMe. He is married. Prying on a married man, who obviously has his life together, is evil in and of itself.

Yes, that is one i will back off from. I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes. He seems like he would be a very caring and loyal person to be with and I keep trying to tell myself that maybe he's not in love with his wife to justify having feelings for him.

 

The minute his wife finds out, not only will you acquire a bad reputation, not only will you become depressed, and not only will you attempt to run off, but you will undeniably make him love you.

I"m not sure if you're referring to the therapist or the MM (i know the ther. is also m) but that is not something I'm concerned about. There's no way either's spouses would ever find out unless they chose to leave them for me, which could happen if I REALLY set my mind to it, which is what makes me both scared but hopeful at the same time.

 

Has the therapist put you on medication(s) or are you currently med-free?

When he suggested meds in the past, I got very mad at him and told him to never bring that up again. I am not one to take meds. You're implying that a bottle will have the solutions but I don't want to go that route, at least not now considering how anti-meds I am.

[LucreziaBorgia]

There's no way either's spouses would ever find out unless they chose to leave them for me, which could happen if I REALLY set my mind to it, which is what makes me both scared but hopeful at the same time.

 

You need help, Fun. Seriously. If I ever had a doubt about your instability, I don't now.

[Spinderella]

probably taking your payments is serving his sick ego, its like, not only does she want to f*** me, she also wants to pay me for it.

accepting that he is just a sick creep is pretty hard, i know, but you dont really have to make things any different with him, WITH HIM. if that makes any sense. the biggest way to make things DIFFERENT with him, is to never see him again, thats about as different as it can get.

he is not taking these risks for you, he is taking these risks for his insatiable ego. pity him from afar for being so ego run and pathetic, but dont waste your valuable time on someone like that.

 

i've been through stages where i have only fallen for unavailable men too, its being afraid of commitment for some reason. only you can know why this is. sometimes you can feel confident on the surface but have self sabotaging stuff going on underneath it. if you are honest with yourself you will know if thats what you are doing or not, but it sounds like you are too scared of looking, hence filling all your time with activities and more f'd up relationships.

 

its a good idea to start believing that your life and your relationships can actually be good, sounds like you lost your faith somewhere or other. its up to you to get it back or not, and all it takes is putting that belief into practise really. its not hard, and doesnt require a therapist. sounds like you have convinced yourself that you are a crazy, drama seeking loon who cant help herself. whatever, you ARE creating your own self beliefs, so you may aswell make it something good. just forget about the past, dont look back, its foolish to look back like that. wake up and tell yourself today is a new day, and i am gonna create a great life for myself. keep saying it till you believe it, and fight any thought that says otherwise.

or dont.

its up to you.

[daphne]

I think that anyone that thinks they can stop fun2 from continuing as she is, is in for some serious disappointment.

 

Fun2, you are in denial when you say that you don't like trauma or look for it. From the first post I've ever read by you, you have created drama. It's like a roller coaster ride in your life.

 

I would feel bad for you, except that you keep doing it over and over. And you're ok with hurting other peopl (hence your lack of concern whether the therapist's wife finds out). You don't care about hurting anyone. All you care about, is getting what you want. And you don't mind humiliating yourself in the process.

[Art_Critic]

You need help, Fun. Seriously. If I ever had a doubt about your instability, I don't now.

 

Agreed.....

[AriaIncognito]

But he SAYS he loves me, and why would he risk so much for me if he didn't love me?

 

Spoken like a professional OW.

 

Do you know how many women have tried to justify being an OW or a man cheating by saying that?

 

He must love me!

 

HA!

 

He isn't capable of love. If he was, he'd NOT BE CHEATING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

 

Get your head out of your behind and see that you're making 2 HUGE mistakes. You sit here and say you aren't into drama??? I disagree. If you didn't like this, you'd remove yourself from the situation.

 

You're trusting 2 men who deserve NO TRUST. You're trusting a man who has supposedly VOWED to spend his LIFE with ANOTHER WOMAN! Do you really think it would matter, even IF he left her for you? You'd then become the one he cheated on.

 

Get a grip, please. I'm sorry to see you spiralling like this. It's sad to watch and it's sadder to see that so many people on here care about you and you don't see it, all you see are these 2 men who will ultimately DESTROY you.