Finally gave in to the ex and am back in therapy

[Touche]

Do you really want to go into your 30's continuing with all this drama? I didn't read every single response so forgive me if I'm repeating what you've already heard before.

 

First I want to say that I agree with the post that said it sounds like you just don't think you deserve happiness and a man who is not taken. If he's single, then you're not his first priority. This is a very deep-seated issue with you I think. It goes far beyond your problems with just men. Frankly, I was stunned at how you let other people (like your tenants) also take advantage of you.

 

I've told you this before but if you don't get fix this issue with yourself, you're going to have the most miserable life. You will get older and your history will become more and more painful and you may end up very bitter and unhappy.

 

But it doesn't have to be that way. You can change the course of your life. Who cares about trying to fix things with the exes? That's over and done with. As for the therapist..I have no idea what to say. That situation is one of the most f'ed up I've ever heard of.

 

I thought you were a smart woman who was just insecure. But now, I just don't know. I'm beginning to question not only your sanity, but your intelligence, Fun. Don't mean to be harsh. I like you and I think you have a good heart. But you're acting foolish and very stupid.

 

You can stop all of this madness anytime you want to. How about saying YES to one nice, available man. Get rid of all these other losers. They'll just take you down the wrong path.

 

The faster you can fix all of this, the faster you'll allow positive things to happen for you. Right now, as things stand, there's no happiness to be found if continue on this path.

 

Good luck. I hope you turn this around and fast. Do you really want this pattern to continue into your 30's, 40's and beyond?

[pricillia]

I know that fun has an unhealthy attachment to these men and for her I can just feel that she is thinking well, an unhealthy attachment is better than no attachment at all.

 

Fun you mentioned that there is a web that is being spun around you, well it seems though that you are the one spinning the web. You have control in your life and you are the one that puts yourself in the situations that you are in right now.

 

You never did anywork on finding another therapist, and you are making excuses to continue this unhealthy behavior when you said that you have to prove to your therapist that you have come really far.

 

I think that you like having control of your therapist vs. him having control over you.

 

Think about your behavior with the new MM in your life, seeking this man out is only looking for trouble, you say that you feel bad for his wife then why are you doing this.

 

Sometimes you can not control who you love but in your instance I think that you are making an concious effort to create drama in your life.

[IpAncA]

So you decided to enter the life of a OW. All I'm saying is I hope one day you see how wrong it is what your doing and stop.

[Ssheena]

Hi honey. Listen, I think what you should do is report the therapist. What he is doing is highly illegal and against all patient/doctor rules. He is taking advantage of your mental state and you are too weak to do anything about it. If you report him, that will be doing something good for you. That will be saying and proving to yourself that you will not stand for being treated like this.

 

Actually, I think it could be good for you to be friends with the married couple. It would be good for you to see what a good relationship looks like and how two people respect each other and love and support each other. Perhaps also...they might have some nice single friends!!!

 

Please please find a woman therapist.

 

It's like you are doing this to prove to yourself that you are a "bad" person. Why?

 

I can't believe you are paying for sex with your therapist. That's just really, really, really wack. You wanna pay for sex, hire a escort. They will listen to you as well. This guy doesn't even listen to you. What a sleazeball.

[Fun2BMe]

To make it clear, the therapist is really not a sleezeball. He asked if I was ok with it, it's not like he's raping me. He respects what I want and is a very nice man but we can't help it if we have feelings, even though I'm scared in the event his aren't true love like I am thinking they are. I mean he doesn't call or text me outside our sessions like he used to so that hurts my feelings.

 

As for the neighbor, I spent part of the day with his wife earlier who helped me with some things and was so nice to me that I am feeling guilty for even thinking about her husband. It's just that we have SO much chemistry when we are together that it's kind of impossible to ignore, but now i am not sure if i should pursue anything with him. I'm not sure if it is exclusively for the sake of his wife or if I really mean it if I am going to be honest. I just don't know and feel stuck.

 

About an hour ago my ex sent another email asking to see me. I wrote a response that I have saved in my draft to decide if I should send it or not. I say that I will need to discuss it with my therapist first, which I know will drive him completely nuts since he had a major fight with him a few months ago blaming him for my NC with him, so in a way I want to push his buttons which sounds bad,

 

but I'm confused and am being honest with him because I really do want to discuss it with my therapist first, but I do write that I miss him and not sure the therapist would let me send that email. I suddenly miss my ex so much and need to talk to him and see him. But I don't know why you guys think that I have so many issues, it is just relationship stuff you all have only with multiply people at once in this current situation I am trying to resolve things with.

 

sorry for not individually responding but I read each response and appreciate your feedbacks.

[LucreziaBorgia]

To make it clear, the therapist is really not a sleezeball.

 

Fun... he cheated on his first wife with a patient, and billed her for the privilege. He left his first wife for that patient. He is cheating on his second wife with a patient, and also billing her for the privilege. You have it in your mind that he is going to leave this wife for you. Do you honestly think he is going to do something like that a second time? Let's say he does. Do you honestly think he is going to stop f*cking his patients and billing them for it? He didn't stop for his second wife. I can tell you he won't stop for you either.

 

I have no doubt that you and she were not the only ones he bedded down on his couch, and I'm fairly certain you aren't the only one now either. I can't imagine how much he rakes in from his patients paying him to sleep with them behind his wife's back. The fact that he is a chronic and serial cheat, and the fact that he does this as a therapist to his patients, and the fact that he BILLS THEM for it makes him a sleazebag, Fun. Its unfortunate that you fancy yourself somehow special or unique in this situation. How many other women go to his office and cut checks to him thinking the same thing you are? How many did he go through before his current wife?

 

This guy is raking it in at your expense, Fun - financially and emotionally. I can't for the life of me see why you don't get that. Hopefully one day you will, or at the very least one of his other OOW get that and turn his disgusting ass in for ethical violations so that he can stop destroying women like you.

[Fun2BMe]

I can't imagine how much he rakes in from his patients paying him to sleep with them behind his wife's back. The fact that he is a chronic and serial cheat, and the fact that he does this as a therapist to his patients, and the fact that he BILLS THEM for it makes him a sleazebag, Fun. Its unfortunate that you fancy yourself somehow special or unique in this situation. How many other women go to his office and cut checks to him thinking the same thing you are? How many did he go through before his current wife?

 

He told me that both he and his current wife divorced their spouses before they slept together, so it's not like he (or they) were cheating. Also, I asked him last time around, as well as at my last recent session, if he has been in a physical relationship with any other patients aside from me (his current wife not counting since they actually went so far as divorcing prior to consumating their relationship to avoid cheating), and both times he has said NO to me. He is really not the type of person to lie. If you met him, you'd understand where I'm coming from as far as how nice and honest he is.

 

What worries me is that my feelings are not as strong towards him as before, and I wonder if it's because I am now interested in the ex and the neighbor. So I think I will tell him at my next seesion that my feelings are starting to fade towards him and maybe it shouldn't be physical and see what he says. If he is quick to consent, then it'll mean he doesn't really love me and then I'll feel used and hurt so now I can't wait to bring that up with him and get my answers hopefully.

[Trimmer]

He is really not the type of person to lie.

Just a moment here. Who is the one person in the world who should be able to trust him the most? His current wife, perhaps? And you are so sure she will never find out about you, so therefore he must be lying to her. So once again, how is he really not the type of person to lie?

 

Something is keeping me from going to another therapist...

Nothing but you. And you know very well that if you really want to get help, it will have to come from an objective source without a personal or sexual stake in the outcome. That rules out your current therapist or any of your ex'es. This is very simple, and until you recognize it and seek help from an independent professional (as pointed out, a woman therapist would likely be most safe, to start...) you have made a choice to continue thrashing about in this twisted web.

 

... then I'll feel used and hurt so now I can't wait....

Fun, I know I took this phrase slightly out of context, but I think it speaks volumes.

[garnet]

I've never posted on your threads before but I just had to because I've never seen anything so disturbing on LS before.

 

You obviously have no respect for yourself or for others, especially the wife of your neighbor (who has been so kind to try and befriend you) who you're actually thinking of pursuing. I'm sorry but I think that is really shameful. Your lack of concience is very disturbing. HE IS MARRIED!!

 

Anyone who had an ounce of self-respect would not allow themselves to be involved in these situations.

 

Regarding your therapist, you are seriously deluding yourself. He is taking advantage of someone in a weak mental state who he is suppopsed to be helping, and taking money on top of it. You can't see the truth that everyone else here can...that anyone in his position who would do that is dangerous and ciminal!

 

You are desperate for the approval and adoration of these men, and I think it's really sad. For some reason you seem oblivious to what everyone on here is saying.

 

I really hope your neighbors will pick up on what's going on and have the good sense to steer clear of you.

[britchick]

Fun, your therapist is an ABUSER. It's as simple as that. Anyone in his position who sleeps with their client/patient should not be allowed to practice (and perhaps spend a bit of time in prison).

 

As for testing him to see if he really cares about you.......if he had any concern for you or any shred of a conscience he would have stopped seeing you as his patient before any inappropriate relationship started.

 

Disregarding the fact that he is married (although I agree with everyone else's points on this one) why didn't he stop treating you and begin a relationship outside the therapist/patient situation? Even though that could still hardly be called ethical.

[Spinderella]

He told me that both he and his current wife divorced their spouses before they slept together, so it's not like he (or they) were cheating. Also, I asked him last time around, as well as at my last recent session, if he has been in a physical relationship with any other patients aside from me (his current wife not counting since they actually went so far as divorcing prior to consumating their relationship to avoid cheating), and both times he has said NO to me. He is really not the type of person to lie. If you met him, you'd understand where I'm coming from as far as how nice and honest he is.

Somebody else has already pointed out the flaw in this particular logic, so I wont bother.

What worries me is that my feelings are not as strong towards him as before, and I wonder if it's because I am now interested in the ex and the neighbor. So I think I will tell him at my next seesion that my feelings are starting to fade towards him and maybe it shouldn't be physical and see what he says. If he is quick to consent, then it'll mean he doesn't really love me and then I'll feel used and hurt so now I can't wait to bring that up with him and get my answers hopefully.

And if he isnt, does that mean he loves you, or does it mean he wants to f*** you?

 

Just one other thing, if he says that he did not sleep with his current wife until they had both left their spouses, then doesnt that just make you think that he wanted to be with her, but only wants to sleep with you? Either way, if he is telling the truth or he is lying, it doesnt look good for you and him.

[sb129]

But he SAYS he loves me, and why would he risk so much for me if he didn't love me?

 

The OWs motto,

 

Fun, someone else said they couldn't believe a woman as smart as you could get themselves into such a situation.

I am with them.

 

Please please please step back and look at this as if it was another LS poster.

What advice would you give them?

[Spinderella]

I dont think smart has anything to do with it really. I think it is pure self destruction. Which isnt very smart when you think about it

I think sometimes its hard to recognise when you are being self destructive though, and usually it takes hitting rock bottom to make you realise, you did it to yourself.

[sb129]

I dont think smart has anything to do with it really. I think it is pure self destruction. Which isnt very smart when you think about it

I think sometimes its hard to recognise when you are being self destructive though, and usually it takes hitting rock bottom to make you realise, you did it to yourself.

 

True, true.

 

I thought maybe Fun would be smart enough to recognise that what she is doing is as self destructive as previous behaviour, maybe worse.

[dropdeadlegs]

I am so disturbed to hear the latest news, Fun. I guess the list making didn't have any lasting affects.

 

I cannot understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. At this point I just hope you survive it. You're getting a high right now, but there will soon be a very low, low and this one might be too low to bear.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. He is really not the type of person to lie. If you met him, you'd understand where I'm coming from as far as how nice and honest he is.

 

2. What worries me is that my feelings are not as strong towards him as before, and I wonder if it's because I am now interested in the ex and the neighbor. So I think I will tell him at my next seesion that my feelings are starting to fade towards him and maybe it shouldn't be physical and see what he says.

 

1. So, his wife knows everything? He goes home and tells her that he sleeps with you and shows her the checks you write to him in order to keep him in your life? I really don't buy the 'we divorced before we slept together' story. I wouldn't trust a single word coming out of this worm's mouth. Even if they did wait, they laid the groundwork behind their spouses backs - all at her expense, or course as I'm sure he was billing her the entire time just like he was you. Oh, and he may have divorced to be with her, but I surely don't see any evidence of him divorcing before he slept with you. And Fun... you don't expect him to be truthful about sleeping with other patients, do you? He won't tell you if he is doing that. Its called 'covering your ass'. If things with you and he end badly, and you try to tell anyone that he slept with you - he will simply say that you are delusional and suffer from erotomania. He will produce the notes he took making this look one sided. Since he convinced you that there are no other patients involved, then no one else will be able to back you up. If you knew there were others, you could say so and an investigation would be launched. Why would he tell you, if it could come bite him in the ass later?

 

2. Honestly, you would best off simply ending your relationship with him altogether - both the personal one and the one that passes itself off as professional. Get a female therapist who you will not latch on to emotionally and physically, and get some real help. You do not need the ex. You do not need the OTHER married man, and this guy's wife and family definitely do not need a threat like you around.

[marlena]

Fun2Bme,

You are not in a fun to be place at all. You are in a dark and self - destructive place. My advice to you is to listen to all the other posters. They know what they are talking about. Instant gratification is ...well....just that ...instantaneous. One day you will get tired of it.

 

This man has a history of deception and unethical work values. Strive for better and bigger things in your life. And, hell, yes, get a female therapist. Don't wait another day.

[Touche]

But I don't know why you guys think that I have so many issues, it is just relationship stuff you all have only with multiply people at once in this current situation I am trying to resolve things with.

 

You're getting excellent advice and there's not much I can add, Fun. But I'm sorry I must address this particular quote of yours above. I think this is key.

 

This is not just relationship stuff that we all have. It's really not. Maybe you think this is just normal relationship stuff but it isn't. Maybe someone who is more articulate than I am can explain that one better. I don't quite know how to make you see that this is just NOT the normal "relationship stuff" that we all have. It really isn't. This is just beyond the scope.

 

Maybe if you realized or were convinced that this isn't normal, you could stop all of this insanity.

[IpAncA]

He told me that both he and his current wife divorced their spouses before they slept together, so it's not like he (or they) were cheating. Also, I asked him last time around, as well as at my last recent session, if he has been in a physical relationship with any other patients aside from me (his current wife not counting since they actually went so far as divorcing prior to consumating their relationship to avoid cheating), and both times he has said NO to me. He is really not the type of person to lie. If you met him, you'd understand where I'm coming from as far as how nice and honest he is.

 

He's not the type of person to lie? He's a therapist right? Trust me he knows how to lie, twist, and manipulate things so you'll keep coming back. You really think he can help you? Please....he's helping himself.

 

He's just using you Fun2BMe and if you report him he's career is done. But I will tell you this and I strongly hope you listen, if he's the type that can give out drugs DO NOT TAKE THEM. You will regret that later.

 

Like other's said stop seeing this therapist and get a female one. Seriously.

 

As for the neighbor, I spent part of the day with his wife earlier who helped me with some things and was so nice to me that I am feeling guilty for even thinking about her husband. It's just that we have SO much chemistry when we are together that it's kind of impossible to ignore, but now i am not sure if i should pursue anything with him. I'm not sure if it is exclusively for the sake of his wife or if I really mean it if I am going to be honest. I just don't know and feel stuck.

 

Your not sure? He's married. What part of he's married don't you get?

[Fun2BMe]

 

You obviously have no respect for yourself or for others, especially the wife of your neighbor (who has been so kind to try and befriend you) who you're actually thinking of pursuing. I'm sorry but I think that is really shameful. Your lack of concience is very disturbing.

If you read my posts, you will see how I am having trouble with it because I am starting to care for his wife, so yes I do have a conscience.

 

Anyone who had an ounce of self-respect would not allow themselves to be involved in these situations.

It's easy for you to sit back and judge but obviously you haven't been in a similar situation so you don't know how difficult it is. It's not like I chose these men, now that they are in my life I am trying to deal with it the best I can and am trying to get help in doing so.

 

Regarding your therapist, you are seriously deluding yourself. He is taking advantage of someone in a weak mental state who he is suppopsed to be helping, and taking money on top of it. You can't see the truth that everyone else here can...that anyone in his position who would do that is dangerous and ciminal!

What if he's the one who is in a weak state as well? Like I keep saying, he's a nice man so two people in love can't be criminal!!! You should learn to have or at least show some compassion instead of simply saying on the one hand I have no conscience and on the other the therapist is criminal. That makes no sense and doesn't help in any way other than make me feel worse.

 

You are desperate for the approval and adoration of these men, and I think it's really sad. For some reason you seem oblivious to what everyone on here is saying.

You're right that I do want their approval and adoration, but what woman doesn't want those things from a man? And no I'm obviously not oblivious to what is being said, but I don't know if you can really understand the feelings involved and how difficult it is.

[AriaIncognito]

 

 

What if he's the one who is in a weak state as well? Like I keep saying, he's a nice man so two people in love can't be criminal!!!

 

Here's the flaw in your logic.

 

Only ONE person is in love in this situation, and it ain't your therapist. You do the math.

[Fun2BMe]

Fun, your therapist is an ABUSER. It's as simple as that.

If love is abuse then that makes no sense. He's not really forcing himself onto me. We are both adults who love each other.

 

As for testing him to see if he really cares about you.......if he had any concern for you or any shred of a conscience he would have stopped seeing you as his patient before any inappropriate relationship started.

What difference would it make if he were to stop seeing me as his patient? (yes, I would save money which is good, but is that the only thing you're talking about?). If two adults consent to sexual relations, is it really inappropriate?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Like I keep saying, he's a nice man so two people in love can't be criminal!!!

 

So, how much does he charge you per 50 minute session for being in love, Fun? I'm not trying to be snarky here, but you are bound to realize that you are financially investing in a relationship that is literally never going to go beyond his office door. I've heard some outrageous things over the years, but a MM who charges, and worse yet... an OW who agrees to pay? Honestly, Fun - you could do so much better!

[Fun2BMe]

Here's the flaw in your logic.

 

Only ONE person is in love in this situation, and it ain't your therapist. You do the math.

 

HE SAYS HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

IIf two adults consent to sexual relations, is it really inappropriate?

 

If he is married and has no sort of 'open marriage' agreement with his wife, then YES - its inappropriate. I can't believe you are so far gone that you would even ask such a thing.