Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 Just one other thing, if he says that he did not sleep with his current wife until they had both left their spouses, then doesnt that just make you think that he wanted to be with her, but only wants to sleep with you? Either way, if he is telling the truth or he is lying, it doesnt look good for you and him. It means he loves me so much that he is breaking vows to be with me physically since I am single and I won't be breaking any vows. He is giving up and risking so much for me. If anything, I'd think I was the abuser, which I am not of course but I don't see how he is doing anything wrong when he's the one who has so much to lose and loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 HE SAYS HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then tell him to stop f*cking charging you by the hour for his "love", and agree to see you outside of the office in order to discuss his upcoming divorce! Tell him that, Fun. I think you know what the answer will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 I thought maybe Fun would be smart enough to recognise that what she is doing is as self destructive as previous behaviour, maybe worse. If falling in love is so self destructive, then I will take that risk. Now that I'm in love I am trying to figure out how to deal with the different aspects involved. It's not like I'm smoking or driving drunk or doing something that is REALLy self-destructive! Also, aside from the neighbor, the other men are the ones throwing themselves at me so how is that self-destructive of MYself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 Then tell him to stop f*cking charging you by the hour for his "love", and agree to see you outside of the office in order to discuss his upcoming divorce! Tell him that, Fun. I think you know what the answer will be. I think we've gone through that before. How can I ask for him to divorce so prematurely in our relationship? He'll think I"m crazy to make such a demand! As for charging, that was bothering me until I read one of the responses earlier that that is evidence to his wife should she become curious that I am nothing more than a patient. Also, he did see me outside our 'time' when another patient had canceled, so I see that as a step closer to spending time outside charged ones... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 HE SAYS HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what they all say. Why is he charging you again? BTW if you got involved with neighbor boy he'd say that same thing. So would the next and the next...They all say it. Go and look at OW/OM threads. "I love you" pops in there. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 You're right that I do want their approval and adoration, but what woman doesn't want those things from a man? And no I'm obviously not oblivious to what is being said, but I don't know if you can really understand the feelings involved and how difficult it is. _______________________________________________________________ But you have so many things going on right now, two exes, if I am not mistaken a therapist who is married and a MM that your have you eyes on. That is 4 relationships that you are involved in 4... How many more are you going to bring into the mix? Why do you need your therapist approval to see an ex, you are a grown woman who needs to make those tough decisions on her own. We all like to be adored however when you need this to such a degree that you seek it out in unhealthy ways then it is destructive. YOU need to work on your self esteem, you are not a little girl any longer, you are a grown woman smart intellegent attractive I am sure. You won't see a female therapist because you need to be wanted by men even if they are unavailable. also if I may add that if I were the wife of the husband that you are stalking and you tried to befriend me I would know what you were up to.. Don't think that his wife does not know that you are getting close to her to get close to her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 That's what they all say. Why is he charging you again? BTW if you got involved with neighbor boy he'd say that same thing. So would the next and the next...They all say it. Go and look at OW/OM threads. "I love you" pops in there. Not in my experience. Usually it's like getting teeth pulled to get a guy to admit or reveal their love. I don't know what planet the other men are in where "they all say it." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 also if I may add that if I were the wife of the husband that you are stalking and you tried to befriend me I would know what you were up to.. Don't think that his wife does not know that you are getting close to her to get close to her husband. Trust me, I am going to great lengths not to make it obvious. In the beginning just being in the same room with the 2 of them it was very difficult because I thought she could sense something for some reason, it's weird. But I totally try to ignore him as much as I can while she's around and act indifferent towards him. I'm sensitive to her feelings and don't want to hurt her by flashing my feelings in front of her! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 HE SAYS HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S A BIG FAT LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to open your eyes and understand that YES, he is fully capable of lying because he's already lying to his wife so he can cheat on her. And you need to open your eyes and understand that YES, he is taking advantage of you because HE LIKES F*CKING YOU, and you're paying him to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Trust me, I am going to great lengths not to make it obvious. In the beginning just being in the same room with the 2 of them it was very difficult because I thought she could sense something for some reason, it's weird. But I totally try to ignore him as much as I can while she's around and act indifferent towards him. I'm sensitive to her feelings and don't want to hurt her by flashing my feelings in front of her! Why exert all this energy into something like this, why not find a man that is single... You are being deceitful toward a future friend....Don't you see what is wrong with this, plus you seemed to ingore my comment about the fact that you have 4 relationships going on right now. Also that you will not see a female therapist because this will surely take the wind out of your sails. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Now that I'm in love I am trying to figure out how to deal with the different aspects involved. Don't you think it's strange that you keep falling for unsuitable, unavailable men? Your ex was emotionally unavailable, and often physically unavailable since he went on so many business trips where you're pretty sure he cheated on you. Your therapist is unsuitable because of his profession AND unavailable because he is married. He is also physically unavailable to you outside his office. The neighbor is both unsuitable and unavailable because he is married. Why don't you ever fall for men who actually can be with you both emotionally and physically? When was the last time you had a healthy relationship with a single guy? Did you run away from him or fall out of love with him or sabotage the relationship so it ended? Do you really believe you are ready to be in a loving, committed relationship? Or does that thought scare the hell out of you to the point where you (unconsciously) get involved only with men who will never really love you? Are you afraid to be loved? Do you believe you're unlovable? Are you afraid of intimacy? Do you believe if a man gets to know who you really are, that he won't love you anymore? Being involved with unavailable men is the perfect way for you to get the validation and admiration you seek without ever having to go deep enough with them that you have to give everything of yourself in the form of a commitment and intimacy. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
garnet Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Fun, Well, as for your saying it's easy for me to judge because I've never been in a situation like this, well, I have news for you, I have. You don't know who I am or what my experiences have been. I was in an abusive relationship for years, and afterward became trained as a counselor for abused women, so I'm VERY familiar with these issues. I had no self-respect for years, that's why I allowed myself to be mistreated, not by one but several men. I was so desperate for them to love me that I didn't allow myself to see what kind of men they really were. It didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was that they loved me, because I didn't love myself. It took me a long time to recover, and I did it WITH the help of professional therapists who were not abusing the privilege to have sex with me. You can deny the issues all you want, but you're too weak right now to see the forest from the trees. This is my last post on this thread, it's too disturbing to me. You need a lot of help, and I really hope that somehow you'll get it. Nothing good is going to come of this path you're on right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 Why exert all this energy into something like this, why not find a man that is single... I think we all know that we don't CHOOSE who we FALL in love with. It happens through fate, not choice. If I was so happy about it, I wouldn't be posting her to help coping with the situation. You are being deceitful toward a future friend....Don't you see what is wrong with this, plus you seemed to ingore my comment about the fact that you have 4 relationships going on right now. I understand it is not right what I'm doing to her. I already said I feel guilty about it, but I wouldn't call it deceitful. Maybe he was supposed to be with me? I don't know. It's not like I went out looking for a married man. They're neighbors and I ended up meeting them and things went from there. It's actually 3 since I am at least succeeding in ignoring the ex-ex once again. Yes it's hard to do, but it's been almost 3 weeks now. Also that you will not see a female therapist because this will surely take the wind out of your sails. As I've mentioned earlier but in more detail in my old thread, I have already invested a lot of time and money into this therapist. I needed immediate help and can't start brand new from square one with a new person. It's been almost a year soon that I've been seeing him and yes, I won't deny that he is a wind beneath my sails or wings. I don't think we all know that running away from things will not solve anything. Also like I've said, on the therapy side of things, he is excellent and I doubt I could find anyone else to help me as much as he has. I just need help on how to deal with it. Like it's a beautiful day outside and I am getting angrier by the minute at the thought he is not with me. On the other hand I see this pain as an investment for our future that I have to sail through despite the temporary stormy waters... Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Fun, it really seems from an outsider's perspective that you are addicted to the drama with your "situations" and the high that they bring you. You're not acting rationally. You had rejected the romantic attachment to your therapist after working through the issues and determining that it was wrong and that it was hurting you. Do you remember that? You had moved on. Now you're back to square one, as if all that never happened. Do you have amnesia? You've got to advocate for yourself in this situation before it swallows you up. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 I think we all know that we don't CHOOSE who we FALL in love with. It happens through fate, not choice. You really ought to read the threads in the OW forum. You're sounding like an OW more and more with everything you say. We might not be able to choose who we become attracted to, but we sure as hell can choose to walk away and choose not to act on those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 23, 2007 Author Share Posted September 23, 2007 You really ought to read the threads in the OW forum. You're sounding like an OW more and more with everything you say. We might not be able to choose who we become attracted to, but we sure as hell can choose to walk away and choose not to act on those feelings. Well, I'm not going to read threads that don't apply to me since I am NOT an OW. I am my ex's ex, my neighbor's neighbor and my therapist's patient. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 You are definatley a woman in denial. I understand that you can not choose who you fall in love with but you don't even know what you are doing at this point, you love your therapist you love think that you love your new neighbor, you are still in love with one or both of your exes. Plus now you think that this MM neighbor was supposed to be with you? You have invested a year in with this therapist and had an affair and you don't want to give it up because he knows everything about you, well have you told him that you are stalking the Married neighbor and that you have befriended his wife just to get close to him. But that you feel guilty because she is a nice person but hey maybe he was supposed to end up with you so really what you are doing is justified. You just want men all around you and you want to create drama in your life well you are doing a good job... keep up the good work Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Not in my experience. Usually it's like getting teeth pulled to get a guy to admit or reveal their love. I don't know what planet the other men are in where "they all say it." It's called Earth. Go and look for yourself and yes you are a OW if you involve yourself with MM. If your with your therapist and he's married your consider an OW. If you think not your in denial. Didn't you say that you and him were physical? I thought I read that...maybe not. I'll go look. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Well, I'm not going to read threads that don't apply to me since I am NOT an OW. I am my ex's ex, my neighbor's neighbor and my therapist's patient. You are an OW. Your "therapist" is married and he's having sex with you. That makes you his Other Woman, because he has a WIFE who doesn't know he's banging you when he's supposed to be treating you for your problems. And he's not treating you, so he isn't your therapist. He's letting you create more problems for yourself by screwing him during your 'therapy' sessions. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 What worries me is that my feelings are not as strong towards him as before, and I wonder if it's because I am now interested in the ex and the neighbor. So I think I will tell him at my next seesion that my feelings are starting to fade towards him and maybe it shouldn't be physical and see what he says. If he is quick to consent, then it'll mean he doesn't really love me and then I'll feel used and hurt so now I can't wait to bring that up with him and get my answers hopefully. Ahh..here it is. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Fun, Within minutes of each other different posters have said the same thing to you without knowing what we were going to say, but still you try to justify yourself and your actions. YOU ARE IN DENIAL. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Well, I'm not going to read threads that don't apply to me since I am NOT an OW. I am my ex's ex, my neighbor's neighbor and my therapist's patient. How are you not an OW? You've had sex with a MM. That makes you an OW. You're considering having sex with him again. That makes you an OW. And it makes you someone with a huge problem and deep personal issues that need to be addressed. Both you and your "Therapist" should be ashamed. Even thinking about sex with your MARRIED neighbor. Just what the heck is wrong with you, Fun???? Have you no morals or self respect? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Just what the heck is wrong with you, Fun???? Have you no morals or self respect? If I didn't have morals or self respect, I wouldn't be trying to get help here. I've said already that I feel guilty about the neighbor but am confused in case we were meant to be and I throw the opportunity away due to others judging me. Write now my biggest concern is what to tell my ex who wants to see me. I am eager to get help and support from him but don't know if I can tell my therapist about it which would mean telling the ex to keep it a secret and that wouldn't look so good telling him to do something like that. I already feel like I am betraying the therapist by emailing with the ex but my appointment isn't for another few days and I could no longer resist the NC. When I think of the girl he was with I get angry all over again yet now I want to see him again and feel bad for all the NC I've been imposing on him. I think part of the reason I want to see him is to question him about what he knows about the therapist's track record as far as any rumors of him having hooked up with any other patients, since he's known him for a long time but the therapist no loniger speaks to him ever since their fight about me. He brought up that incident in his email this morning which I don't know how to respond to, where he asks to at least talk to me and I am on the verge of giving in, not being able to wait until my next therapy appt to get the advice of help of my therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 I I feel guilty about the neighbor but am confused in case we were meant to be and I throw the opportunity away due to others judging me. The rational side of your mind is fighting with the mentally ill side. On one hand you know that what you are doing is wrong, but on the other hand you have it in your mind that you and he might be "meant to be together". This whole "meant to be together" thing is worrisome. Its not the first time I've heard you say something like that about someone you have NO BUSINESS being with. I wish the wives of these men knew about you, Fun. You don't strike me as too stable, and you could pose not only a threat to these people, but an outright danger I'm sure if you set your mind to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Fun2bme, Your problem isnt that these men dont love you hun, your problem is that YOU dont love you. Its a vicious cycle. No-one will love you if you dont love you, and you dont love you if no-one loves you. There are ways out of this cycle, but you wont find an external solution to an internal problem. It just doesnt work like that. You do know what you are doing, despite pretending to yourself otherwise. You know your therapist does not love you, and you know that all these men are bad for you. You havent lost the plot, you just dont know how to find a way to love yourself. Thats what I think. Link to post Share on other sites
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