Finally gave in to the ex and am back in therapy

[Fun2BMe]

I am in a rush this afternoon but to give a short update, I feel like things are finally sinking in, mostly in part due to ther NJ post about all the stuff he doesn't do for me. If he really loved me, wouldn't he be curious to know what i'm up to throughout the week? I mean I don't know where my head is sometimes.

 

I'm contemplating to either do a no-show with no explanation to the next appointment, or else tell him I'm canceling, or go and talk to him about it and am trying to figure out what exactly to tell him about all this. I mean here he is having sexual relations with me,I'm in a situation where I've fallen in love with him and think he loves me too, yet something is just not right and I feel so messed up, depressed and even angry all the time...

[blind_otter]

Be strong, good for you.

[whichwayisup]

I am in a rush this afternoon but to give a short update, I feel like things are finally sinking in, mostly in part due to ther NJ post about all the stuff he doesn't do for me. If he really loved me, wouldn't he be curious to know what i'm up to throughout the week? I mean I don't know where my head is sometimes.

 

I'm contemplating to either do a no-show with no explanation to the next appointment, or else tell him I'm canceling, or go and talk to him about it and am trying to figure out what exactly to tell him about all this. I mean here he is having sexual relations with me,I'm in a situation where I've fallen in love with him and think he loves me too, yet something is just not right and I feel so messed up, depressed and even angry all the time...

 

Call and cancel. Just say I need to cancel today's appointment. Then hang up.

 

Don't make another appointment. Do some thinking and re-read this thread. Re-read your older threads about your therapist. Really let what we've all said sink in....Let what you are feeling now sink in...I believe that you know in your heart everything is just so wrong with this therapist...The pee thing? Yeah, that's just wrong wrong and wrong! You know that too FUN.

 

I echo B_O! Stay strong!

[Spinderella]

well done fun.

maybe best to cancel, and take more time to get things into perspective, like whichwayisup said.

[bunset]

Fun, I am so glad that you are starting to see the light.

(Attn Moderators - this may violate TOS but I beg you to leave it up as it is a legitimate source of victim assistance, and this poster is a victim)

 

Please. please, please read this information from the American Psychological Association website:

http://www.apa.org/pi/therapy.html

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica] [COLOR=#1c0b5a] [sIZE=+2]If Sex Enters Into The Therapy Relationship[/sIZE] [/COLOR][/FONT]

 

This brochure provides information to help patients understand the impact of sex with their psychotherapist and provide information on resources should such a relationship occur. Is it ethical for a therapist to have sexual contact with a client?

 

The answer is NO! The ethical code of the American Psychological Association as well as most professional organizations specifically prohibits sexual contact between therapists and their clients. Therapy is built upon an objective and trusting relationship; bringing sex into therapy destroys both objectivity and trust. A therapist who has sex with a client is taking advantage of, rather than helping, that client. No matter what your problem may be, it can never help for your therapist and you to engage in sexual activity. Sexual contact between therapist and client has been found to be clearly harmful to therapy clients in almost every case studied. Most therapists who attempt to introduce sex into a therapy relationship do so more than once with more than one client. What about falling in love with your therapist?

 

Clients often feel love, affection, and even sexual attraction toward their therapists. But a good, ethical, caring therapist knows that it could be harmful to you if he or she were to take advantage of those feelings by having sexual relations with you. It is a bad idea and unethical to end therapy in order to start a sexual relationship. The therapist has had a position of power which remains even after therapy is ended; you will never be an equal in this kind of relationship. What is sexual contact in therapy?

 

Sexual contact includes a wide range of behaviors besides intercourse, and these behaviors aim to arouse sexual feelings. They range from suggestive verbal remarks, to erotic hugging and kissing, to manual or oral genital contact. Usually when touching occurs in therapy, it takes the form of a comforting hug or congratulatory pat on the back. This is fine as long as it feels that way to you. Ethical therapy can include talking about sex if it's appropriate to the client's problem. This may feel uncomfortable for you but still be a necessary part of your therapy. There is an important difference between discussing your feelings about sexuality and acting in a sexual manner. If talk about sexuality includes the therapist's making seductive comments about you, your therapist is not helping.

If anything makes you uncomfortable in therapy, talk to your therapist about it. An ethical therapist will want to discuss your feelings and try to understand them. It is possible that you may be misunderstanding your therapist's intentions. However, if you are still uncomfortable after the discussion and the therapist persists in his or her actions, you should consider taking additional steps.

What can you do?

 

1. If you are uncomfortable for any reason:
   • Talk to your therapist, but also consider
     
   • Talking to another therapist.
     
   • Changing your therapist.

[*] If you think the therapist's behavior is inappropriate:

• Report the therapist's actions to a supervisor or agency director if the therapist is employed in an agency. If the therapist is not licensed and is a member of a state or national association, you may be able to get assistance by contacting the association.

[*] If you think the therapist's behavior has harmed you or is illegal, it may be appropriate to file a civil lawsuit or a criminal complaint against the therapist.

Taking any of these steps can be difficult. If you feel you want to take any of the steps listed above or if you would like any further information on this issue, please send for the longer version of this pamphlet by writing to: American Psychological Association

Women's Program Office

750 First Street, NE

Washington, DC 20002-4242

© 1989 by the American Psychological Association.

Public Interest Directorate 750 First Street, NE • Washington, DC • 20002-4242

Phone: 202-336-6050 • TDD/TTY: 202-336-6123

Fax: 202-336-6040 • Email

[bunset]

If you think the therapist's behavior is inappropriate:

• Report the therapist's actions to a supervisor or agency director if the therapist is employed in an agency, to a state licensing board if the therapist is licensed and you think his or her behavior is unprofessional or illegal, to a state professional association or to a national professional association.
  
• If you think the therapist's behavior has harmed you or is illegal, it may be appropriate to file a civil lawsuit or a criminal complaint against the therapist.

The American Psychiatric Association recommends these organizations which exist specifically to support people who have been abused by their therapists:

Boston Association to Stop Treatment Abuse

528 Franklin St.

Cambridge, MA 02139

(617) 661-4667

California Consumers for Responsible Therapy

P.O. Box 2711

Fullerton, CA 92633

(714) 870-8864

Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence

1914 N 34th St., Suite 105

Seattle, WA 98103

(206) 634-1903

In Motion- People Abused in Counseling and Therapy

323 S. Pearl St.

Denver, CO 80209

(303) 979-8073

Therapy Exploitation Link Line

P.O. Box 115

Waban, MA 02168

(617) 964-8355

[sIZE=+2]Professional Organizations[/sIZE]

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

1133 15th Street, NW, Suite 300

Washington, DC 20005-2710

(202) 452-0109

American Psychiatric Association

1400 K Street, N.W.

Washington, D.C. 20005

(202) 682-6000

American Psychological Association

750 First Street, NE

Washington, DC 20002-4242

(202) 336-5700

[Fun2BMe]

My appointment is tomorrow morning and I still haven't canceled. I feel wrong calling him on a Sunday to cancel, especially knowing he is spending it with his wife and he knows it bothers me and he might think I'm just trying to get his attention. One minute I want to cancel, the next I don't and it's stressing me out, especially since I don't know how to do it and time is running out.

 

Should I just go in for one last session so I tell him in person and it doesn't look like I"m being weak? On the other hand it'll be a waste of money since I know he's going to grab me and start kissing me the moment I walk in and it'll only go downhill from there (literally and figuratiely).

[norajane]

Call his OFFICE number and leave a message canceling your appointment.

[Fun2BMe]

If you think the therapist's behavior is inappropriate:

 

I don't know how those organizations can be of help other than telling the therapist what I have told them about him, is what I understand from reading about such things. And no I'm not interested in a long drawn out civil case which takes years, a lot of money and in most cases gets dismissed (especially when the only evidence is my word against his). And I'm still trying to determine if it's abuse or love? That sounds so pathetic though.

[Fun2BMe]

Call his OFFICE number and leave a message canceling your appointment.

 

He's never given me his office number! Also he's changed my appointments the last few weeks to the early morning before his secretary is there so I never talk to her, either on the phone or now in person. I just have his cell phone number:confused:

[underpants]

He's never given me his office number! Also he's changed my appointments the last few weeks to the early morning before his secretary is there so I never talk to her, either on the phone or now in person. I just have his cell phone number:confused:

 

Can't you look it up in the phonebook? Then leave a message canceling the appt.

[whichwayisup]

He's never given me his office number! Also he's changed my appointments the last few weeks to the early morning before his secretary is there so I never talk to her, either on the phone or now in person. I just have his cell phone number:confused:

 

What? You do not have his office number and you are his client? FUN, look it up in the phone book, then call the office and leave a message that you will not be at tomorrow's appointment. DON'T call his cell.

[Fun2BMe]

Can't you look it up in the phonebook? Then leave a message canceling the appt.

 

I've tried before but he's not listed. I was originally introduced to him through my ex. He doesn't use ads or list his number anywhere that I could find, which I've tried looking for before (for this same purpose incidentally) even though his office phone rings non stop. When I've done no-shows his office charges me, and if I call he talks me out of it I might as well do it in person then?

[whichwayisup]

And I'm still trying to determine if it's abuse or love? That sounds so pathetic though

 

Imagine going to a male Dr and having a full physical. Imagine him (while checking your breasts) making noises and getting turned on while checking your boobs. Then comes the pap and internal...While he's doing the internal, he starts fingering you, and being very turned on...THAT IS ABUSE! FUN, what your therapist IS doing the same thing to you! I wish you could see that and separate those feelings you have for him so you can see what he is doing is clearly abusing you! Therapists are not allowed to have sexual or emotional relationships with their clients. You know this.

 

If he really wanted an affair with you, he'd do two things...1)tell you to find another therapist and 2)he'd date you OUTSIDE of the office. He hasn't done that.

[Touche]

I've tried before but he's not listed. I was originally introduced to him through my ex. He doesn't use ads or list his number anywhere that I could find, which I've tried looking for before (for this same purpose incidentally) even though his office phone rings non stop. When I've done no-shows his office charges me, and if I call he talks me out of it I might as well do it in person then?

 

Are you sure he's even a therapist?????

 

Anyway, you're just making excuses. You're dying to go back, so let's not beat around the bush. You'll not end this. HE will. And we all know that this one is not going to end well. To bad you just refuse to take control. Very sad.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I might as well do it in person then?

 

I would go to his office when you know he is in session, and his secretary will be there. Simply tell her what you need to tell her and be done with it. No need to see or talk to him.

[Touche]

I would go to his office when you know he is in session, and his secretary will be there. Simply tell her what you need to tell her and be done with it. No need to see or talk to him.

 

She won't. She wants to see him. She wants him to grab her and kiss her and then charge her for screwing him. If she didn't, she wouldn't keep doing it.

[Fun2BMe]

Imagine going to a male Dr and having a full physical. Imagine him (while checking your breasts) making noises and getting turned on while checking your boobs. Then comes the pap and internal...While he's doing the internal, he starts fingering you, and being very turned on...THAT IS ABUSE! FUN, what your therapist IS doing the same thing to you! I wish you could see that and separate those feelings you have for him so you can see what he is doing is clearly abusing you! Therapists are not allowed to have sexual or emotional relationships with their clients. You know this.

BTW I've actually had that happened by an obgyn. I went to a therapist as a result (my first/last time prior to this therapist). She seemed to be indifferent and only wanted to put me on medication which I didn't want so I terminated seeing her.

 

If he really wanted an affair with you, he'd do two things...1)tell you to find another therapist

This is a stupid question, but why would he tell me to find another therapist, if he knows I'm not going to speak up and if he (let's say) has feelings for me and would rather see me himself?

 

 

and 2)he'd date you OUTSIDE of the office. He hasn't done that.

We already know this is impossible since he is married and many people would recognize him (he is kinda well known, written books etc).

[norajane]

When I've done no-shows his office charges me, and if I call he talks me out of it I might as well do it in person then?

 

How do they charge you? Do they send you a bill? Is his office number on the bill? On the appointment slips?

[Fun2BMe]

She won't. She wants to see him. She wants him to grab her and kiss her and then charge her for screwing him. If she didn't, she wouldn't keep doing it.

 

Trust me, I have reached a place where I am feeling used (not 100% but the feeling is there) for the first time, instead of only special and loved and all that mushy stuff I'vew been feeling all along. I feel angry he hasn't called once since I last saw him Wed to see what the hell I'm up to, to tell me he at least misses me or whatever, instead of telling and asking these things on paid, limited time.

 

When I go out with someone, I ask questions about him to get to know him, and he asks questions about me to get to know me. With the ther. he asks away anything he wants and in the past two sessions, in the ten or 15 minutes he spent in a talking session, I felt reserved like why do I have to tell him anything he wants to knwo about me, while he's a big mystery. It feels very unbalanced and I am feeling some resentment.

 

He sensed this because everything he asked I said I don't want to talk about that. So he said I feel like I need to know more about him too, but he made it sound special like he will reveal himself for me and tell me about him, but heck it's been almost a year and it just doesn't feel right to get to that stage after all this time, only after I refused to talk about me so then it felt awkward that I handed him a check after not discussing anything and only the physical preceeding it.

 

So basically if I really wanted to have nothing more than walk in his office and have him do whatever he wants with my body then pay him for it as has been the case, I wouldn't be seriously asking help for how I can cancel the appointment. I know for all of you it is so obvious the situation and so easy to resolve, but he has pulled out so many feelings towards him that it is so hard plying away now that I finally think I want to, and whenever I start to change my mind I get mad at myself.

[Touche]

How do they charge you? Do they send you a bill? Is his office number on the bill? On the appointment slips?

 

Hmmm, so you're beginning to smell a rat here too, huh?

[Fun2BMe]

How do they charge you? Do they send you a bill? Is his office number on the bill? On the appointment slips?

 

I had a call from his secretary asking me to mail the payment for the session, and her return number said "Anonymous". But I did receive a letter from him once when he increased his fees, so let me go check that!!! (He also called me once when he was traveling, only I ended up getting a call a couple of weeks later from his secretary that it was billed)

[Fun2BMe]

Ok, so his letterhead has his office #. Dam it, now I am so scared to call it, you guys are too sharp.

[Fun2BMe]

I must be so pathetic. The one letter I received from him in the mail, which I keep in a special drawer, is one asking for a fee increase:sick:

[yippkiyay]

Watcha gonna do?