Finally gave in to the ex and am back in therapy

[Ssheena]

This is like a bad movie of the week or is it weak?

 

I just picture this slimmy little guy, gloating to himself, Monday oh boy oh boy. I get to hit that stupid but very fine piece of azz..and she pays me for it!!!

 

Stop being so naive. Call, cancel on his answering service and go report him and get yourself some real help. Otherwise, really, I'm sick of hearing you complain about it.

All these excuses to yourself that you make, all these excuses to us here that you come up with.

 

Let's call a spade a spade. This guy is using and abusing you and YOU are letting him.

Either you accept it as it is and stop complaining about it or you get your head out of your butt and change it.

 

This whole situation is pathetic.

[Touche]

OUCH, Ssssheeeeennnnaaaaa! Ok, don't be too mad at Sheena, Fun. Obviously I agree 100%. And now that you're going on about how much you care about what he thinks, I have serious doubts that you're really going to not show up.

 

You'll probably show up out of some twisted sense of duty and do exactly what he wants you to do no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, right? I'm not hearing enough conviction coming from you. You're not there yet. You NEED to get angry. I'm not hearing it.

 

As I said, this will end when he's bored of you and will throw your butt out. And then you'll be a bigger mess than you are now. Is that what you want? Because that's the way this is headed for sure.

[norajane]

Ok, I think the best thing is to do a no-show and to not give/send him a letter. Why should I volunteer to spill my heart out to him? If he is interested to know how I am feeling, let him take the initiative on his own time without my footing the bill for it. Let him wonder what I must be feeling to not even call or show up.

 

This will be bad for the other situation I can't talk about, but at this point, it might be the best thing to do. He has also asked that I do some things tomorrow which I feel uncomfortable doing so that makes it easier to end things rather than continue with it, even though I'm scared he might get upset at me about it.

 

Is tomorrow the day you're supposed to watch him pee?

 

Guys who love and care about you don't make you do things you're not comfortable with. Again, you're doing everything for HIM, you're twisiting yourself up in knots day after day for HIM, and he's not giving you what you need at all. He's at home enjoying a beautiful Sunday afternoon with his wife, and isn't thinking about you at all.

 

Just call the office number and cancel. Move on. It's time.

[underpants]

I know several places that you can watch someone pee for free.

 

Fun, cancel or don't show. Either is fine.

 

Also, you can (and do have the power) to find another therapist to help you. You can search and ask questions. You can call around and find one that does not prescribe medication. They would be listed in the phone book and registered as licensed therapists. I would imagine after a phone screening some might offer a consult to make sure the energy is good.

 

You can do all of that, or you can remain in a very obvious unhealthy situation.

 

The choice IS YOURS.

 

Good luck

[Thunderslow]

Fun2BMe how are you today. I have read your messages and I will say this about this topic. If any man is married and you are seeing her man with out her knowing that is a affair. You are assuming at times he will leve his wife. The problem is unless she is knowing what is going on she has no say one way or the other.

 

There are a few that have what is called a Open marriage. There is a big difference from an affair and open relationship. For one the wife may know who you are already and may know what is going on. One of the rules in a open marriage is there partner has the option to know or not to know who they see.

 

I think you need to look at this on his wifes view. If she does not know and this has been going on with out her knowing you need to stop for a sec and remember. This is about you. Do you want to have this go on. If it is a open marriage he may love you but a open marriage would mean she is his Wife and your his girlfriend. But you need to clear this up with his wife not him. If it is a open marriage she will eather know or not know.

 

Best way to findout is to go there when he is not there and ask her if you can get some information about open marriage because your thinking about trying it. Then you can ask her if they have a open marriage because hes been hitting on you. If she seas yes they you know If she seas no why do you ask a good line would be " your looking for first hand info and didn't know who to ask"

 

If she tells you they have a open marriage then you know what is going on even if he droped the ball. They you can tell her if you want but some times the partner does not want to know who there partner is seeing.

This would mean he does have feelings for you as his other baby.

 

If on the other hand she has no info and they do not have a open marriage She needs to know and you should tell his wife about his actions and you should ask in a way that does not threaten her rank as wife. You would have to say something like " I have a problem and I need your help"

 

That part is important you need her to be on your side or you may get into a fight. Asking her for help tells her you did not mean to have it happen. She will not be in dethcon 5. She may be upset but she will be at a 1 or 2 for you but him lol.

 

She may even want you to stay to help her fonfront him with this so you need to make certen your on her side. If he is cheating and not having a open cheating that has to stop.

 

If he realy is in a open marriage he may be in troble for not letting you know. lol then again she may want a three sum but at the start you have to be on her side on this to clean this up.

 

What may happen is she may be intrested in the open marriage if she never know about it before. This can be helpfull but you need to know what your talking about first. Open marriage is about 2 people agreeing that they need more but they do not know what the more is so they give eatch other permishion to see others to find out.

 

At times this can raze the intrest at home to so it keeps all happy.

marriage is drama open marriage is controled drama.

[StaringContest]

Fun, I'm proud of you just for entertaining the idea of missing the appointment. I hope you follow through. Seeing him again would just give him a chance to manipulate you.

 

I think you're better off calling to cancel. Less headache from him trying to bill you later. All you have to do is leave a message that says, "This is Fun2BeMe. I won't be able to make it to my appointment tomorrow."

 

But if you don't feel comfortable calling, then a no-show is fine.

[StaringContest]

So... did you skip the therapy session?

[Fun2BMe]

So Monday morning an hour before the session I texted him that I was canceling my appointments. I was waiting for him to immediately respond. Then 15 minutes into the therapy time he texted me to let him know what is happening, as if he didn't get my text. When I didn't respond to that, he called and left a message asking if I meant I was canceling my appointment fo that day or my appointmentS? I didn't call him back and it was very stressful not to.

 

Then towards the end of the day while I was driving in my car, I was listening to a love song that made me think of him and miss him, so I immediately pulled over after I made my turn, and texted him that I was going to keep my Wed appointment and apologized for today. He texted right back saying great that he's looking forward to see me etc.

 

So all of the next day (Tue.) I was mostly wanting to see him, contrasting with moments not knowing if that was the best thing. It's like absence makes the heart grow fonder. Then before I went to bed I prayed that I would get the right decision and stick to it and not be so confused. In the middle of the night I woke up just knowing that the best thing to do was to cancel. Had it been daytime, I had the courage to have called him and told him straight up and to have spoken my mind. I prayed again that I would have the clarity upon getting up in the morning.

 

When I woke up, the first thing I did was turn off the volume of my cell phone and decided I would miss the appointment, only this time I didn't feel like giving any excuses or letting him know. Then a few hours later I checked my phone and I had a text from him saying that I had said I was coming in today and asking if anything was wrong. He has also left a voicemail which I have not listened to yet.

 

On the one hand I'm proud of myself - i have been replaying all that has gone on in the therapy room in my mind and I feel so much anger at myself how I must be an idiot to pay a man to do those things to me. Then I am mad for being a whimp and ditching him like a child without explaining anything. I just feel very unsettled and uneasy about the whole situation but if I am going to be completely honest here, I still feel a small part that wants to see him again for unfinished business, but then I'm like hell let him talk to me or see me on his own time without charging me so that thought is making it easier to get over it but I am still feel very upset like I can't believe if it was all wrong and if I am messing things up right now or doing the right thing. It's like my judgement has gone out the window...but I owe whatever I did this week to the feedback I got here.

[Lishy]

BRAVO!!!!!!!!! Well done that girl

 

You have seen the light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ssheena]

He does not deserve any explaination and anything you can do to keep away from him is terrific.

 

Keep up the good work and pat yourself on the back for putting yourself first.

[Spinderella]

Well done Fun! And good for you asking for guidance, and trusting in it. Keep doing that, and you will be fine.

[dropdeadlegs]

I know this isn't easy for you. I'm so proud that you have taken steps in the right direction. Keep reminding yourself of the negative aspects of this.

 

Sending you good, strong vibes!

[StaringContest]

That's great news, Fun!

 

Stay strong and remember that just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should be with them.

[Touche]

Well, you proved me wrong Fun. You did it. You took your first step. I know that had to be hard. I hope you keep it up. Please don't second-guess yourself. You did the right thing. If he really "loved" you, wouldn't he be trying to reach you to talk to you, as you said yourself? He wants you at his convenience. He was so obviously using you on so many levels.

 

I'm impressed that you did this. Didn't really think you had it in you to be honest. You should be very proud of yourself. You're growing a backbone...yay!

[Fun2BMe]

I was scared I'd regret it, but I think I was more scared I'd be hurt to realize that maybe he doesn't really love me. I mean I haven't heard from him at all since yesterday. When I finally listened to the voicemail, he had called to ask if I was stuck in traffic.

 

He is acting clueless that it has anything to do with him, and is showing how unconcerened he is about 'us' and that really hurts. It's almost like I was preferring to believe he loved me so I wouldn't be in this hurtful situation of being used and now it hurts really bad to let it sink in, to the point where I am not even thinking about the other issue, but I think this is something I need to do first.

[norajane]

I think you're doing great. I know it hurts to face the reality, but the sooner you allow it to sink in and own it, the sooner the hurt will fade. This has already gone on too long and sucked up too much of your self-esteem, but soon you will have a clearer head with which to face your other issues.

 

Your next step is to do some research and find a female therapist to talk with to help you with the issues you started going to therapy for in the first place - you need to be stronger for the next chapter in your life as you put this behind you.

[whichwayisup]

FUN, you're very strong and brave! I know this hasn't been easy on you, and you're ignoring the feelings in your heart, but I know deep down inside you know the truth of what's really been going on, and for that, you should be proud of yourself! I certainly am!

 

You're very fragile still, take this one day at a time. Keep the sound down on your phone for a while, tell your friends if they need you, to call you at home and then you can check your home messages, not the cell.

 

I'm sure within a week, you'll be seeing RED and things will become even more clear.

[Fun2BMe]

Well I have to admit as soon as I missed the appointments, I was initially upset and blamed this forum for causing me to have done so, and even some of the posters in particularly! It was like I was trying to blame someone for causing me all this pain, still scared to blame it on him, but I have to thank all of you for helping and supporting me so much and not losing patience with me. It really means a lot to have so much help from those who care here.

 

I mean here he was telling me not to get into a relationship unless it was committed AND was clearly leading to marriage, to not be with anyone who would keep me a secret and I just can't believe he was doing all those things to me. I really can't undersand why he would hurt me so much if he supposedly loved me, and if he didn't why he would not like me to the extent of using me the way he did. It makes me feel a little worthless to think someone thinks so little to knowingly do so much hurtful things to me. I hope I can get over it in this lifetime because I have so much anger now.

 

Also it's interesting you say red WWIU because I had a dream last night of seeing shiny red shoes and have been trying to find out what it means.

[Spinderella]

Youre not worthless Fun, you just acted as though you were. You are showing such amazing strength, I hope you never act like you are worthless again.

[Spinderella]

Also it's interesting you say red WWIU because I had a dream last night of seeing shiny red shoes and have been trying to find out what it means.

"Take me home, take me home".....Wizard of Oz, mmm courage, heart and brains??

[Curmudgeon]

To make it clear, the therapist is really not a sleezeball.

 

You're a vulnerable young woman and he's using that to get into your pants.

 

He's a lousy therapist and if he was reported he'd lose his license to practice, if he even has one.

 

The flip side of the coin is that you're permitting it. What you need is a REAL therapist and you need one badly!

 

I can predict how this will all turn out for you but you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

 

Get some qualified help!

[crazy_grl]

Fun, I'm so glad you found the strength to end this.

 

I think it's pretty telling that he hasn't called to check up on you. If someone you loved didn't show up one day, wouldn't you be going crazy wondering if they were okay? All he did was leave a message wondering if you were stuck in traffic. He hasn't even tried to check on you to see if you were ok.

 

. I really can't undersand why he would hurt me so much if he supposedly loved me, and if he didn't why he would not like me to the extent of using me the way he did. It makes me feel a little worthless to think someone thinks so little to knowingly do so much hurtful things to me.

 

Don't start thinking like that. Some people are just selfish and have no regard for others. The fact that he disrespected you speaks volumes about him and nothing about you.

 

The only thing that says anything about you is whether you allow him to disrespect you, and though you did at first because you were vulnerable, you've stood up and stopped it. You should feel proud of that, not worthless.

[Fun2BMe]

Thanks crazy_grl. I really really really really really needed to hear that.

 

I also just looked at my bank account online and all of my checks to his office that hadn't been cashed yet were all done so yesterday, as if he thought I'd put a stop or something? I was thinking maybe he wasn't going to cash them considering they were still not posted and he had used the time for physical purposes, but it helps to let it sink in that it was all about him making money and using me to get off, and not love, as hard as it is to accept.

 

And what if I had gotten into an accident, or suddenly became suicidal or severely troubled from what he had done. I mean something must've happened for me to cancel Monday and not show up Wed even after I said I would, yet like you said he hasn't even once followed up. It makes me feel more and more comfortable with my decision.

[lonelybird]

Fun

 

your therapist is a seriously twisted man, like a vampire, he will suck you dry and abandon your dry body and search for next, his wife is an example. This is terrible image, and it is real, only he doesn't suck dry your blood, but suck dry your hope, your self worth, your identity, please remember this image. You are in a serious emotional abusive relationship with him now. you cannot see it because you are in it. you think it is love, it is not!!!! far from it. why he does this to you? It is not about YOU, it is about him, he has major mess-up. he is longing for 'power', in a emotional way, he is thrilled to see that he can manipulate people's mind and emotions like that, he wants to play god, and you are his worshiper

 

You should be proud of yourself for missing the session, and your value cannot hang on a man's love to you. your hunger for love blinded you. Please keep praying, listen what God tell you. From many posts you can see angers from posters, that is a healthy response, you numb yourself too much. if you feel anger, that is a good thing, shout and scream as you want.

 

The situation you are in is a bubble, the thing you think as love is a bubble, the idea that you cannot live without him is a bubble, his love can make you feel alive or dead is a bubble. when God says you are his child, your value is priceless, you are loved greatly by God, you have a bright future as long as you listen to God, why you lower yourself to that level to entertain your therapist's wickedness?

 

What make you come back to the shrink time after time? fear for lonliness? hunger for love? lack of patience for waiting a wonderful man walk into your life? maybe when you deal with these things, you will confidently walk away from him and not even want to look back. God didn't give you fear. Did you embrace God's love for you? did you meditate about God's love? God's love can drive out fear, and totally trust in God, he can bring you out of this mess. your bright future is just next step, so close.

 

Fun, have you tried to listen to gospel music? they are so inspiring and comforting, sometimes they can drive away clouds above your head, and really make you see things clearly. and there are many good preachers' tape, they pratically preached me out of a deep depression. Instead of obsessive with your therapist, what he do what he don't do, how about fill your heart with possive things, songs, hope? you can do it, just that you willing or not

 

Please remember God already provide you good things, you just have to ask God and listen his guidance how to receive those things WITH PATIENCE.

[Fun2BMe]

Fun

 

your therapist is a seriously twisted man, like a vampire, he will suck you dry and abandon your dry body and search for next, his wife is an example. This is terrible image, and it is real, only he doesn't suck dry your blood, but suck dry your hope, your self worth, your identity, please remember this image. You are in a serious emotional abusive relationship with him now. you cannot see it because you are in it. you think it is love, it is not!!!! far from it. why he does this to you? It is not about YOU, it is about him, he has major mess-up. he is longing for 'power', in a emotional way, he is thrilled to see that he can manipulate people's mind and emotions like that, he wants to play god, and you are his worshiper

 

You should be proud of yourself for missing the session, and your value cannot hang on a man's love to you. your hunger for love blinded you. Please keep praying, listen what God tell you. From many posts you can see angers from posters, that is a healthy response, you numb yourself too much. if you feel anger, that is a good thing, shout and scream as you want.

 

The situation you are in is a bubble, the thing you think as love is a bubble, the idea that you cannot live without him is a bubble, his love can make you feel alive or dead is a bubble. when God says you are his child, your value is priceless, you are loved greatly by God, you have a bright future as long as you listen to God, why you lower yourself to that level to entertain your therapist's wickedness?

 

What make you come back to the shrink time after time? fear for lonliness? hunger for love? lack of patience for waiting a wonderful man walk into your life? maybe when you deal with these things, you will confidently walk away from him and not even want to look back. God didn't give you fear. Did you embrace God's love for you? did you meditate about God's love? God's love can drive out fear, and totally trust in God, he can bring you out of this mess. your bright future is just next step, so close.

 

Fun, have you tried to listen to gospel music? they are so inspiring and comforting, sometimes they can drive away clouds above your head, and really make you see things clearly. and there are many good preachers' tape, they pratically preached me out of a deep depression. Instead of obsessive with your therapist, what he do what he don't do, how about fill your heart with possive things, songs, hope? you can do it, just that you willing or not

 

Please remember God already provide you good things, you just have to ask God and listen his guidance how to receive those things WITH PATIENCE.

 

 

The fact that the T. is affiliated with the clergy and is thought of as a very holy person makes the situation even more difficult for me, since I looked up to him as someone to especially be trustworthy. Fortunately I haven't lost my faith in God but I sure have in people, at least in men. I don't think women take as much advantage of the vulnerable as do men.

 

I still can't get out of my mind what he said the last time I saw him, which has been playing over and over in my head - "Do you think I am exploiting your vulnerabilities?" My heart sank when he asked me that because I wasn't even thinking of that but it's like he planted that thought in my head. It was probably obvious to him and he thought that's what I must've been clearly seeing since it was so obvious to him, but with that seed planted in my head, it was like the rest of the comments here provided the water to sprout the truth inside of me and now I hate myself more than him for being the dumb one at the end of the day.