I need some emotional support-am really doubting myself these days.

[Melovator]

I found emails where he had posted an add on craigslist describing himself and that he liked to give oral and pleasure you. He wanted to dress up and do naughty things and was well endowed.

 

He's so gay- so whatever is happening between you two isn't about YOU at all! Cause you don't have a willy!

Try this site: http://www.straightspouse.org/

 

What Lakeside Dream and Gunny are saying is that why did you feel the need to compromise yourself to be in this relationship? Why did you feel you were not worthy of a partnership with someone better suited? Why did you settle? What are your fears that have lead you to this place? We all have them and now is the time to be fighting them, because when something this big happens in your life everything is up for grabs and its a good time to chuck out the bad ways of doing things and seeing the world.

 

Your destiny is in your own hands and you can believe that and own it and think about what it really means and what you really want to be in your life, or you can blame circumstance for the rest of your life, never have any ownership of your own existence and end up with a heart attack and those really bad bitter wrinkles women get...

 

At least I think that's what they were saying- stuff gets lost across the chromosome divide!

[Chrome Barracuda]

You are the master of your own ship SLC.

 

I tell people all the time you can't singlehandily fix anyone, they have to fix themselves. Its sad because theyre's always alot of good men out here who be getting screwed by women with baggage and vice versa. You just happened to marry the wrong man. But now that you are divorced.

 

What are you doing for yourself to move on, Right now the more you stay or deal with his bull**** you give him power. Dont do that.

Focus on making youself better. Past all the self reflection, it's time for you.

[SLC]

I was not looking for sympathy; only how to better cope with all this.

 

How I got to this place is probably because I grew up with Mommie Dearest. I spent a lot of time and money in La Jolla, CA with some excellent counselors for many years working through this stuff and thought I had. It is all probably based on the fact that the mother I had who should have loved me simply didn't. So I never got the hugs and other things little get. Guess I've spent my life looking, hoping for it, and settling, but I'm exhausted now.

 

I'm pretty vulnerable at the moment and don't think this was probably a good idea to share since I feel worse for doing so. I hope they'll delete this whole thread and hope you understand that I don't think I can post right now. May start it up when I feel a little stronger, but last night on top of everything really shook me worse than I already. Called my neighbor to come help me come down, so I need some rest now. I don't really think there was malicious intent by you Lakeside, but I'm not really in a good place and tough love isn't helping me even the I know you meant well.

 

Thanks for sharing all of you. Much appreciated.

[Melovator]

Called my neighbor to come help me come down, so I need some rest now.

 

I am confused? Are you medicated?

 

How you cope at this stage is knowing that the roller coaster will settle down after a while, but that for the moment you are going up and down. It's about stubbournly insisting to yourself, despite all evidence to the contrary that you rationally throw up, that you will get through and that you will be a better person because you choose to be a better person and to learn from this experience.

 

Not all mothers are capable of expressing (sometimes even feeling) love for their children- this is not a reflection on you- it does not make you unlovable- it makes your mother f**ked up and that's her issues, not yours.

 

Please take care of yourself- hot baths and yoga are good.

[LakesideDream]

SLC, When things get tough, real tough, it's important that you be at your toughest to face them.

 

I grew up in the 50's.. in a single parent household. That just didn't happen then. I had "mommie" problems too, but heck, I've been a "Daddy" for 30 years. Get over the old stuff. You can't change it. Change what you can, today and tomorrow.

 

You never mentioned your age. Gunny and I are both in our 50's, I'm closer to 60. You sound young enough to put this stuff behind you, find the right guy, in the right situation, live the life of milk and honey and put your current situation firmly in the rear view mirror. That should be your number one goal.

 

You can't imagine how badly I feel about squandering my youth (I didn't waste it, I raised two good kids), I'll never again be what I was. Time took care of that. You have a great chance to be where I am now, except you can be sitting on the front pourch with a great guy, sippin an Ice Tea, thinking back on what a great life you've had, how much fun it's been and still is, basking in all you have accomplished.

 

Or you can continue to claim that you can't deal with your problems, that everyone messed you over, that you had no part in the problem. Laying your problems on your neighbors, or friends doorstep won't last long. People get tired of it pretty quick. They have lives to live too. It's your turn at bat now, don't waste it.

 

Oh... BTW. Isn't it amazing that you can get any kind of "love" tough or otherwise on a Message Board? Give that some thought.

[marlena]

Lakeside dream,

 

There's is a compassionate side to you after all. Tough love doesn't always work with everyone. More often than not, it can have an opposite effect depending on the recipient. It may send some over the edge while bringing others back over the edge. You are, from what I gather, a man nearing his sixties with the experience and wisdom that comes with the years. This poor girl is very young. She has been handed out a hard deal and is trying to cope the best she can. Hopefully, us older LSs members will help her get to a stronger place.

 

SLC,

Please do not stop posting. We are here to support you as much as we possibly can considering the physical unavailabilty of cyberspace. Please, fall back on any friends or relatives you may have. It is essential at this time to have a strong support system. Become annoying and tiresome if you have too. It is important at this stage to vent your anger and frustration to anyone who will listen. Then will follow other stages....loss, grief, anger and finally acceptance. From where I stand, you have been engaged in a very toxic relationship and it will take every particle of strength you have left in you not only to extricate yourself from your ex but also to regain your sense of self- esteem and empowerment!

 

In a similar situation I turned to yoga and my mantra was, "I will find myself again." Sometimes we have to lose ourselves in order to emerge as stronger and better people. The role that some people play in our lives is to guide us to this, in a sense, rebirth of ourselves.

 

Detach yourself from your ex and concentrate all your powers on healing from this very toxic, at the present time at least, relationship.

 

I will be reading all your posts.