cbauche0 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 PLEASE SOMEONE! My Fiance and I have been together for 41/2 years.... we grew up with each other, have known each other since we were born...are best friends and our families go back 3 generations... No one ever thought that we would end up together. Just almost 2 years ago, we decided to move to a new state and buy a place together. We were supposed to get married next summer. As soon as we started to plan the wedding we stopped getting along. We fought and fought, and finally one day in July we decided to call off the wedding... I was really hurt and said some mean things to him, I broke up with him... I told him I didnt love him anymore... and that he needed to move out. We fought like this for 3 weeks... all while we were still living together... then we had a good talk and things started to look up. Last weekend he went back down to San Diego to help his Mom move to a new place. I was at home paying the bills, and I noticed an 84 minute conversation to a weird number that I googled... It was a real estate agen that he had been working with... I continued therough the phone bills and high lighted all of there conversations and they spoke sometimes 6 times a day... for hours, and the last conversation was just 2 weeks ago!! I confronted him about it, and he said that they hooked up while we were broken up... and that he was keeping her in place as a plan B... because he was not sure if we were going to stay together or not... I packed up all his stuff and had it waiting for him when he returned... and now he is moved out. Now he "needs time to clear his head" He called me today and says that he regrets everything, and is sorry for lying and keeping everything from me. He wan'ts to get back together. He also has told me that he knows it was wrong... he says he never slept with her.... but yet he took her out to coffee just 2 weeks ago. And they were just friends... the worst thing about it is that they work together! What do I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Forget the sucker, he's loss, go out with your friends, do your own thing, don't talk to him. He is not worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 honey you need to kick him to the curve and go have sex with guys who look like me Link to post Share on other sites
analyseThis Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 PLEASE SOMEONE! My Fiance and I have been together for 41/2 years.... we grew up with each other, have known each other since we were born...are best friends and our families go back 3 generations... No one ever thought that we would end up together. Just almost 2 years ago, we decided to move to a new state and buy a place together. We were supposed to get married next summer. As soon as we started to plan the wedding we stopped getting along. We fought and fought, and finally one day in July we decided to call off the wedding... I was really hurt and said some mean things to him, I broke up with him... I told him I didnt love him anymore... and that he needed to move out. We fought like this for 3 weeks... all while we were still living together... then we had a good talk and things started to look up. Last weekend he went back down to San Diego to help his Mom move to a new place. I was at home paying the bills, and I noticed an 84 minute conversation to a weird number that I googled... It was a real estate agen that he had been working with... I continued therough the phone bills and high lighted all of there conversations and they spoke sometimes 6 times a day... for hours, and the last conversation was just 2 weeks ago!! I confronted him about it, and he said that they hooked up while we were broken up... and that he was keeping her in place as a plan B... because he was not sure if we were going to stay together or not... I packed up all his stuff and had it waiting for him when he returned... and now he is moved out. Now he "needs time to clear his head" He called me today and says that he regrets everything, and is sorry for lying and keeping everything from me. He wan'ts to get back together. He also has told me that he knows it was wrong... he says he never slept with her.... but yet he took her out to coffee just 2 weeks ago. And they were just friends... the worst thing about it is that they work together! What do I do??? first off i want to say I am sorry that you are going through this situation and hopefully it works out for you but I do have some things to say about this and some questions you called it off, told him you don't love him, broke up with him & told him to get out after he was engaged to you? You do understand that this could've hurt him beyond repair and cast major doubt on the whole marriage idea right?. Also could've shattered his belief in the love and trust he had for you? I am not trying to come down on you; I am trying to see this from both sides. right now he is in the wrong for talking to another girl consistently or did he admit to having more than just talking consistently and going out for coffee? How long was he talking to this girl? Was it after the break up or before ? he didnt sleep with her or kiss her? but went out for coffee once in a while. but if it was a cascaded effect that started after you threw him out or dumped him esp after you guys were engaged; then I wouldn't place the blame squarely on his shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cbauche0 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 first off i want to say I am sorry that you are going through this situation and hopefully it works out for you but I do have some things to say about this and some questions you called it off, told him you don't love him, broke up with him & told him to get out after he was engaged to you? You do understand that this could've hurt him beyond repair and cast major doubt on the whole marriage idea right?. Also could've shattered his belief in the love and trust he had for you? I am not trying to come down on you; I am trying to see this from both sides. right now he is in the wrong for talking to another girl consistently or did he admit to having more than just talking consistently and going out for coffee? How long was he talking to this girl? Was it after the break up or before ? he didnt sleep with her or kiss her? but went out for coffee once in a while. but if it was a cascaded effect that started after you threw him out or dumped him esp after you guys were engaged; then I wouldn't place the blame squarely on his shoulders. This is what happened, we were fighting alot and I suggested that we postpone the wedding... I took a trip to California to see my friends, when I got back I felt alot better about us... but when he picked me up from the airport he was really mean and told me just to cancel the wedding... So I was hurt and the following morning I cancelled it... we went on living together for about a week we did not talk. I was so hurt... we went to a wedding and after I broke up with him and told him that it was because I didn't love him any more. We stayed living together, I told him I wanted him out by the 5th of next month... but 3 days later after the break up we talked everything out, and started to work on our relationship. We took a trip together and everything was staring to go back to normal, we started to get along again, and I thought that this was actually going to work... at this point he had no intention of moving out. This was 2 months ago... I checked the phone records this last weekend and saw all these hour long conversations to this number that I didnt know. I called him out on it, he said that while we were broken up in those 3 days that he had hooked up with this girl. He said that they only made out once, and that after he told her that we got back together but still continued to talk to her as friends. When I asked him why he would disrespect me like that and not come clean, he said that honestly... he was keeping her around as a plan B. The day before my birthday I remeber him trying to pick a fight with me, and said that he couldnt do this anymore... I realize now that it was his own guilt, and that he was saying this because he had just got off the phone with her from an hour long conversation. I called my girlfriend the next morning, and told her that I thought he was cheating on me... because I couldnt figure out why he was acting like that. He wanted to go see her that night. No that the cat is out of the bag, he says that he realizes that he made a mistake and that he is in love with me and that he wants to work it out. Although he says that he only hooked up with her once, while we were broken up... he continued to talk to her for 2 months, while we were together and living together. In this period that we were still together, he was still taking her out to coffee and lunch... she was still text messaging him about when to call her and when they would meet. He says that now he realizes that he wants to stay with me, work it out and go see a professional relationship counselor. I know that I am part of this problem, and everyday I am trying to rationalize this situation but I just don't know what to do. I want to give him a second chance because I really do love him, but I am just scared that he will do this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cbauche0 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 This is what happened, we were fighting alot and I suggested that we postpone the wedding... I took a trip to California to see my friends, when I got back I felt alot better about us... but when he picked me up from the airport he was really mean and told me just to cancel the wedding... So I was hurt and the following morning I cancelled it... we went on living together for about a week we did not talk. I was so hurt... we went to a wedding and after I broke up with him and told him that it was because I didn't love him any more. We stayed living together, I told him I wanted him out by the 5th of next month... but 3 days later after the break up we talked everything out, and started to work on our relationship. We took a trip together and everything was staring to go back to normal, we started to get along again, and I thought that this was actually going to work... at this point he had no intention of moving out. This was 2 months ago... I checked the phone records this last weekend and saw all these hour long conversations to this number that I didnt know. I called him out on it, he said that while we were broken up in those 3 days that he had hooked up with this girl. He said that they only made out once, and that after he told her that we got back together but still continued to talk to her as friends. When I asked him why he would disrespect me like that and not come clean, he said that honestly... he was keeping her around as a plan B. The day before my birthday I remeber him trying to pick a fight with me, and said that he couldnt do this anymore... I realize now that it was his own guilt, and that he was saying this because he had just got off the phone with her from an hour long conversation. I called my girlfriend the next morning, and told her that I thought he was cheating on me... because I couldnt figure out why he was acting like that. He wanted to go see her that night. No that the cat is out of the bag, he says that he realizes that he made a mistake and that he is in love with me and that he wants to work it out. Although he says that he only hooked up with her once, while we were broken up... he continued to talk to her for 2 months, while we were together and living together. In this period that we were still together, he was still taking her out to coffee and lunch... she was still text messaging him about when to call her and when they would meet. He says that now he realizes that he wants to stay with me, work it out and go see a professional relationship counselor. I know that I am part of this problem, and everyday I am trying to rationalize this situation but I just don't know what to do. I want to give him a second chance because I really do love him, but I am just scared that he will do this again. He says that they only kissed, and made out. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 they probably sex, so I say dump him for lying... and if he had told the truth dump him any way he had sex Link to post Share on other sites
zsunnydayz Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 He sounds like a jerk...I don't think it was very fair of him to have a "plan B"....Like he knew something was going to happen...If I were you, I'd confront this other woman, because her skanky a$$, probably knew about you...Some people are that scandalous too, she would've probably kept seeing him even knowing he was involved w/you... He probably runs to her, telling her everything that goes on between you and him...I guarantee you she knows more about you, then you know about yourself. He is probably running to her about everything... From what you said in your first post, it seems like you were mean to him, so maybe that's why he was thinking about cheating and possibly leaving you for this other woman... If you are on here looking for some advice...Well, I don't think you should stay w/ him, because if you do, you will only be setting yourself up for failure... He will keep on seeing this other woman on a daily basis anyways, because they work together... Every time something goes wrong within your relationship, she'll always be there, and he won't have to talk things out w/ you, because he will have her... To prevent any further damage to yourself, you should RUN, while you are still able....Do it for yourself, he doesn't deserve you or her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cbauche0 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 GOD it sucks! It is so hard not to even talk to him, we have lived together 3 years... I am having such a hard time just ending this... because the sad thing is I actully want to work it out! Link to post Share on other sites
zsunnydayz Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Just thank your lucky stars that you are NOT MARRIED to this guy and that YOU DON'T have any children w/ him...You are not in anyway connected to him, and won't have to be, which is GREAT for you...I just hope you are strong enough to pull yourself away... I know how this could turn out, and trust me, you don't want to take this any further... My cousin Stephanie has two children (4 yrs, 8 mos)...She has been w/ her bf for 6 yrs...Ever since she was 18...She is now 24 yrs old and basically raising two children on her own....Her baby's father, Jason, comes in and out of her life frequently...His mothers house is down the street from her apartment complex. A few months ago, I guess he got kicked out of the complex area, and is no longer allowed to be on the grounds for more than 24 hours...But even before this happened, he was hardly ever there w/ her and his children.. Anyway...He has not proposed to her and probably never will, and he cheats on her with her neighbors even...He had to take 2 paternity tests in the last three weeks--by two different women.....It's just ridiculous...But the most ridiculous thing about this whole ordeal is that my cousin cannot let go of this man...I understand because of the kids and all, but he is really just a NO GOOD man...He cheats, doesn't support his kids, sleeps around, doesn't use protection, doesn't give her money to support his kids, is out there having MORE KIDS, can't keep a job, doesn't own a vehicle, doesn't have his license, pops pills, and does so much more bizarre things, and yet...she still can't get over him....I mean, what is it going to take? Her watching him sleep w/ someone else? I mean it's just crazy...She is in so much denial....She get's really defensive when we talk about his behavior too...It's like she's not seeing what we see...He's a piece of garbage...YET she lets him come and go whenever....The point I'm trying to make here is that she is allowing him to do this, so of course he is going to do it, and continue to do it, until she pulls herself out of this dysfuncitonal relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 cbauche0 I'm going to tell you this straight up....dump him! I know you have been together for 4 years prior...so was I with my exW. And if I had known she cheated when we were engaged, I would have left her at the alter. If he has cheated on you while engaged, that is a sign of things to come in the marriage, take it from someone who has been there!! You don't want to marry this guy now. He WILL cheat again...and by that time you'll have to worry about your kids....and divorce. Its not worth it. Kick him to the curb and find someone who won't screw you over...or you WILL regret it later!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 I want to give him a second chance because I really do love him, but I am just scared that he will do this again. I want to say that I am so sorry for the pain you are going through and I have been there. The difference is, I was already married and my H cheated and let me tell you, it is A LOT messier. I said the exact same things quoted above and after he confessed and is sorry I am still scared that he will do this to me again. It's something I live with everyday. Granted, I chose to stay and try to work it out but the relationship is never the same. That trust may never come back. Are you willing to marry this man knowing what he is capable of and living with what a betrayed spouse has to deal with? I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 he said that while we were broken up in those 3 days that he had hooked up with this girl. 3 days of break-up from a 4 year relationship, and he just goes out and finds another woman to hook up with - WHILE he is still living with you? And where exactly did he meet this girl to hook up with? Don't you think he might have already had her on the sidelines? Maybe he had hooked up with her before? I wouldn't trust this guy, certainly not enough to live with him, much less marry him. Time to kick him out and recover from this nightmare so that you can see that you deserve much better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
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