Have a crush on my son's school bus driver. What do I do???

[Sunshine824]

After having a chance to calm down and re-think this afternoon's bout with temporary insanity, I feel pretty good about the text that I sent.

 

I don't feel like it over-stepped any bounds, it wasn't too forward or obvious but it did open that door just in case he wanted to step through it. So now the ball is in his court. If he wants to contact me, I feel like he knows he can.

 

I also feel like if he doesn't it's ok and at least I won't be pining away for some guy who either isn't interested in me or is holding back cuz he's not sure if I'm open to him. I hate suspense, so this kind of hurried things up a little bit(for me anyway). I mean I've been seeing him almost every day for a year now. We've been going back and forth this whole time. If he doesn't do anything then maybe he just liked flirting with me a little?

 

Either way, I feel better.

 

But I'll keep you up to date about what happens.....

(or doesn't happen )

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

He doesn't want anything to do with you.

 

You already volunteered your phone number long time ago and the guy didn't do anything.

 

He is just messing with you and liking the attention that's all.

 

He is probably married or something.

 

at least a few months until I feel certain that he'll be more involved & I actually want him around my kids

 

(omg)

 

Ariadne

[Sunshine824]

Ariadne - you could be right about just liking the attention, but I couldn't know that for sure without opening that door & seeing if he walked through it.

 

I've been in a long term relationship with someone through work before & it took them a long time and some fairly obvious hints that I was open to them before they asked me out. Guys have to be careful that they don't risk losing their job over some "sexual harassment" stuff because they wanted to get to know someone better. So I can understand the hesitation(if that's all it was). If not - moving on.

 

And what's "OMG" about waiting at least a few months before involving him in my kids' lives? I'm not bringing someone around that I've only had a few dinners & movies with, but I wouldn't wait until we're practically walking down the aisle either....

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I couldn't know that for sure without opening that door & seeing if he walked through it.

You have opened that door a million times in every possible way.

 

The guy is married or involved, most likely.

 

Omg that the guy never even asked you for coffee and you are already thinking of him being the father of your children.

 

Ariadne

[Sunshine824]

1st - I didn't open the door in every possible way a million times unless you count smiling and engaging in friendly conversation(which I do with everyone). In this situation we've shared some conversations & exchanged phone numbers. I've done the exact same thing with every bus driver, teacher, doctor, coach, etc. that are in my kids' lives. Do you have children? If you do, then you know that being available & friendly to the people in their lives is a must. Trying to discern the difference between "normal" friendliness & interaction and more personal interest can be tricky. It's been done, but it does take a certain level of care.

 

2nd - When did I say I was thinking of this guy being my kids' father??? My ex-husband is a wonderful dad. However, others posted their concern about how it would affect my son if I did end up dating him. So I let them know where I stand in dating. Period. I don't go into a dating situation looking at marriage & step parenting etc. But I do have boundaries set early on for my kids' protection which is healthy. Nobody meets my kids unless it's a serious relationship. Not a matter of trying to look at guys for their potential to be the "new daddy.":rolleyes:

 

3rd - He called me this morning and apologized for not responding sooner. He said when he saw the message it was in the evening and he didn't want to bother me or my "husband" I told him I didn't have one and he wouldn't have bothered me. So he said, "boyfriend then." I said not one of those either. lol So, anyway, long story short - he asked me to lunch this weekend.

[luvmy2ns]

Hey, Sunshine, good for you! I say don't listen to people who want to put a negative spin on this situation. You sound like a gal who has her head on straight where her life and kids are concerned. Have a great time at lunch!!

 

P.S. And let us know how it went!!

[Green]

Hey, Sunshine, good for you! I say don't listen to people who want to put a negative spin on this situation. You sound like a gal who has her head on straight where her life and kids are concerned. Have a great time at lunch!!

 

P.S. And let us know how it went!!

 

no she sounds like a single mother who has children from different men, and has some weird thing going on with the bus driver that probably does embaress her son and people are right to say it

[Sleek Geek]

Wow this thread is so exciting! It's nice to see something work out!

 

And the 'husband-boyfriend' move he pulled? Very smooth!

 

Happy for you Sunshine!

[luvmy2ns]

no she sounds like a single mother who has children from different men, and has some weird thing going on with the bus driver that probably does embaress her son and people are right to say it

 

Then why did you say this in an earlier post: "just flirt some more girl, and he might ask you out. From your stories he definetly sounds interested but ur shyness could keep him from asking."

 

And where in the world did you get the idea her kids have multiple fathers?

 

I think I remember you in other threads, and if I recall correctly, I know why your posts are so divergent.

[Sunshine824]

luvmy2ns - thank you! I'm looking forward to this weekend. Will let you know how it goes.

 

And I have noticed quite a bit of negativity on this forum. Makes me wonder why there's so many single people on here with no prospects.... Could it be their own bitterness and negative attitude?

 

Nah... I'll chalk it up to the few kind, positive, helpful people on here making others miserable with all their real life happiness.

[Sunshine824]

Sleek Geek - Thank you!

Yes, that was smoooooth of him wasn't it? lol

I have a feeling he was thinking up a way to say that which is why he didn't contact me sooner.

 

I've been lurking way more than I've been posting, but I think some of the dating/relationship situations work out, just those people don't come back because 1)things worked out -and/or- 2)they got chased away by some of the negative people on here who would rather see others miserable (like themselves) than to see them happy. Just by your positive response I can tell you're not one of those people.

 

luvmy2ns - Thank you again. You know about crabs right? How if one tries to climb out of the bucket the others will try to hold it back? There are a LOT of "crabby" people on this forum. lol But don't worry they can't pull all of us back.

[Sleek Geek]

Yeah I haven't been here long either and I think people mean well but it seems to me a lot of the advice is actually more to save people's egos then to get them to take chances out in the big dating world.

 

I sometimes find that some of the advice actually might make the situations seem worst then it actually is.

 

That said, I did get some really good advice here. And I am confident enought to see it as advice and not admonitions.

 

You took a chance and look! A date!

[Ocean-Blue]

What is stopping you from just straight out asking this man on a date? I remember you saying they switch drivers...so if he says no, you can take comfort in the fact that you won't have to see him again.

 

It could be that he's very shy to take that step (flirting is one thing...but to actually ask you out may be something he's shy about doing).

 

As for the "meanness" you've commented about. Speaking for myself, my own "concern" was that your son might be negatively affected by you dating his bus driver. But as I stated before, you seem to have a handle on that... Aside from that, I say go pursue your happiness!

 

Good luck with it.

[Green]

That was pretty divergent but I think im right about the multiple fathers thing even though she never said it, I guess I changed my mind... so why are my posts so divergent

 

Then why did you say this in an earlier post: "just flirt some more girl, and he might ask you out. From your stories he definetly sounds interested but ur shyness could keep him from asking."

 

And where in the world did you get the idea her kids have multiple fathers?

 

I think I remember you in other threads, and if I recall correctly, I know why your posts are so divergent.

[Sunshine824]

Sleek Geek - you're right. I've read a lot of kind, helpful advice posted on here. Then the next post makes me cringe with how mean spirited someone can be to a confused person just asking for help. People on a forum can't hurt me, so it doesn't phase me like that. I just find it sad that they need to spread their misery not just around their own lives, but all over the internet as well.

 

Ocean-Blue - Thank you for your encouragement as well as your concern. If my dating style were any different(meaning I didn't know how to be discreet) then I would never have considered it. I would never do anything to hurt or embarass my children. And I do have limits. For instance I wouldn't date one of their teachers because that actually could cause problems or embarassment for them.

 

Unless one of the students who rides on that school bus catches us at a restaraunt or something, no one would know or see us together. When he called me back and asked me out to lunch we talked about that too. We're gonna go somewhere out of the way just to be safe. He understands and doesn't want any problems for my son either.

 

KMT - I might not have specified but I have 2 kids - with 1 father(my ex husband). Being a 23 year old boy yourself I can see & understand you relating to my 8 year old son and how the thought of his mom going on a date with an adult he already knows could be "weird." And having sex with the bus driver in front of the school could be mortifying. However I'm a grown woman and "weird" to an 8 year old(or 23 year old for that matter) could pretty much define the entire ADULT world of work, bills, relationships, parenting, and life. Maybe my son is more mature since after asking him about it he's let me know he doesn't care(as long as I don't do anything "gross" like make out in front of his friends - which I would never do anyway). Nothing for him to be embarassed about. And I'm glad at least he knows it.

[Replicant]

That was pretty divergent but I think im right about the multiple fathers thing even though she never said it, I guess I changed my mind... so why are my posts so divergent

 

Your posts are divergent because that had nothing to do with what that person was asking of people. I agree with the point others had made about being wary about dating someone involved so closely to her son's daily life. Yes, understandable and she can heed that warning if she wishes to.

 

But for you to make such a dumb statement is like trying to put yourself up on a pedestal of sorts, basically saying someone whom you don't even know with multiple kids just had to be around the block with more than one father for her kids? Or were you just trying to say she's trash for thinking such a thing? Even if there was multiple fathers, um...does it really matter in this case?

 

First of all i seen a recent thread by you going on about nailing vast and various amounts of women? If anything doesn't that make you more likely to candidate to father loads of bastard kids and be living the very image you are making this person out to be.

 

Besides if you are but 23 years old, that's enough to validate to me how much you seem to think you know.

 

 

 

 

 

[Green]

what ever do what you want, this bus driver sounds like a chump anyways with the ammount of indicators of interest you've described he should have sugested coffee or something by now

[Sleek Geek]

what ever do what you want, this bus driver sounds like a chump anyways with the ammount of indicators of interest you've described he should have sugested coffee or something by now

 

 

Well he did! He called and asked her out. They have a date this weekend. Did you miss this part?

 

3rd - He called me this morning and apologized for not responding sooner. He said when he saw the message it was in the evening and he didn't want to bother me or my "husband" I told him I didn't have one and he wouldn't have bothered me. So he said, "boyfriend then." I said not one of those either. lol So, anyway, long story short - he asked me to lunch this weekend.

 

KMT I find most of your posts entertaining but in this thread, you only come off sounding bitter. Boy, you really need to get some!

[luvmy2ns]

so why are my posts so divergent

 

Because in other threads you come across as someone who has quite a narcissistic personality. Here's the definition:

 

Feels grandiose and self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

 

Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

 

Firmaly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

 

Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation -or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).

 

Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations

 

Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

 

Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others

 

Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

 

Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.

 

Not sure you display all of those traits, but from what I've read, I've personally seen you display all the bolded ones in your posts.

[confuseddd]

OMG Sleek Geek! "KMT I find most of your posts entertaining but in this thread, you only come off sounding bitter. Boy, you really need to get some!"

 

Hilarious! My thoughts exactly! So many negative people on here that simply need to break of a piece! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

[Sunshine824]

For anyone who cares:

 

We had a wonderful day yesterday!!!

He picked me up around the corner from my house(less witnesses ). When I got to his car I saw this HUGE thing in the backseat. It was so big I thought he had another person in the car, but nope. It was a gigantic bouqet of flowers! So sweet.

 

I asked him where we were going and he said it was a surprise, but not to worry, we'll be "completely safe." He asked me was I up for a drive? I said yes. We proceeded to drive 2 hours to the New Jersey shore to have lunch. We talked and sang along to music the entire time. It went really fast because we were having such a good time.

 

When we got there we went to (where else) a seafood restaraunt and had tons of lobster, shrimp, scallops(my fave) and a little wine.

 

We were both so stuffed afterwards that we had to walk around. The weather was absolutely GORGEOUS! Sunny, around 65-70 degrees, light sea breeze. Beautiful. We enjoyed the beach and the boardwalk. Stopped into a few shops. Stuck our feet into the ocean(brrrr! cold).

 

We were having such a good time we decided to stick around until dinner. We had dinner at a different spot. A little diner with the individual jukeboxes. We kept playing the worst, corniest songs on there and singing along kinda loudly! lol We were laughing so hard we were both crying and had a hard time finishing our food. A mini food fight ensued, but nothing major.

 

After about a gallon of coffee we were wound up enough to make the long drive home. The whole drive was as much fun as the rest of the day.

 

When we got back to my block he pulled over and took a little box out of his pocket. He had bought me a little seashell necklace at one of the gift shops while I wasn't looking.

 

He put it on me and I could feel him sniff my hair while he was leaning close with his arms around me to fasten the necklace. He gave me a light peck on the cheek before getting out of the car to open my door for me.

 

I FLOATED back to my house. The only thing that kept my feet touching the ground was carrying the ginormous basket of flowers.

I can't believe how nice the whole day was.

We're gonna try to get together again next weekend.

 

For all of you on here single:

Please keep your hope & positive attitude!!!

It's not always as negative or bad as some wanna make it out to be!

[norajane]

That was such a wonderful date!!!

 

I'm so happy you had a great time with a guy who sounds pretty awesome. Good for you!

[Ariadne]

WOW!

 

Congratulations!

 

Sorry for the bad vibe. My experience with men has been pretty bad and I was trully smelling a brush off.

 

Good thing you stuck around and made it happen.

 

Alright!

 

Ariadne

[Green]

wow I was to lazy to go back a page but as adrien put it congratulations despite my vibes

[pricillia]

...ask him for a ride!

 

 

no she should learn how to drive a bus...