A blast from the past

[jnel921]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. He is telling me that he still has love for me etc. Meanwhile we are both married and he is asking me to cross the tracks. As tempting as it is, I dont want to get hit by the train or put my husband under it. I am feeling so upset over what I am doing but still continue to im this person. Am I still wrong? I doubt I will ever see him. I am very much in love with my husband. But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

[whichwayisup]

End the friendship NOW. No good can come of it!!! Yes, you are wrong, it's selfish and a self serving friendship. He is wrong too. Don't involve yourself with him, have respect for your husband, his wife!

 

I don't understand why you would open a door from the past with someone that you say took you a long time to get over. That is just asking for trouble and opening doors that will cause pain to your husband. And, to his wife.

 

You owe NOTHING to this man from the past. Tell him goodbye, wish him well and forget him. If you don't, you'll regret it.

[BestAdvisor1]

I am very much in love with my husband.

 

This is a big fat lie; you're disrespecting your husband in one of the most cruelest way imaginable.

[whichwayisup]

But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me

 

Fact that it matters to you that he didn't want to marry you is another reason to RUN the other direction. You also need to ask yourself this - Are you 100% sure you're inlove with your husband? Before this other guy contacted you, was he on your mind at all?

 

Also, do you regret marrying your husband? I ask this because it seems this guy is the one that got away - except you weren't his that got away...

 

I think him contacting you is an ego trip. Maybe things suck in his life and is wanting attention from you.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him?

[norajane]

Yes, it's wrong to continue contact with your ex. The fact that you're 'tempted' to 'cross the tracks' is what should make you block his IM.

 

even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me

Don't get sucked into his game by your own bruised ego.

[Tomcat33]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. He is telling me that he still has love for me etc. Meanwhile we are both married and he is asking me to cross the tracks. As tempting as it is, I dont want to get hit by the train or put my husband under it. I am feeling so upset over what I am doing but still continue to im this person. Am I still wrong? I doubt I will ever see him. I am very much in love with my husband. But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

 

I bolded certain things in your post to point out what the reality is in your life. It took you a LOT of hard work to get over this man, you found someone you very much love and now you are going to let the fact that this guy has another whymsical urge, take over your life and emotional well-being again?

 

Think this through and try to figure out what it is that is making you feel fascianted. Is it the fact that he regrets not marrying you and now has come to realise this? Do you still love him or are you truly over him? Take this new found notion and gloat, but that's about all you should do. Life has given you an opportunity to build a life with a man you truly love and who loved you so much he had no doubts he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, why toy with that at all? that might be the question you might want to ask yourself.

 

It's one thing to feel flattered but it's another to let this new found information turn your life around.

[Curmudgeon]

You're committing emotional adultery. It's just that simple and will become just that complicated.

[lavendera]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. .........fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

 

You've answered your questioning in your post. He hurt you once before. Now he's plotting a deception for the woman he did marry. I'm sure you're flattered by the attention, but consider yourself wiser and lucky that you are with a man you say you love.

 

You'd be a lot better off buying yourself a sexy new top and taking your husband out to a romantic dinner, knowing in your heart that you would never hurt him.

 

A common misconception..."what my spouse doesn't know won't hurt him/her". WRONG. Spouses don't need dirty details to know their marriage is hurting... they just don't always know it's as filthy as infidelity.

[lavendera]

Hmmm... just noticed this thread was from 3 years ago. Will try to watch that more closely next time I hit the reply!

[harleygirl92156]

even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me.

 

 

Ok, so you are upset because he wouldn't marry you so you could be in his wife's shoes right now.......MARRIED TO A CHEAT......trust me you are not the first.

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH BUT WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO MARRY...........think about that seriously for about 30 seconds then delete ALL contact information for him and focus on your husband whom you say you love dearly (but would devestate in a heartbeat by cheating).

[Tomcat33]

Hmmm... just noticed this thread was from 3 years ago. Will try to watch that more closely next time I hit the reply!

 

 

No it's not!!! It was posted yesterday.

You were prob. looking at the poster's sing on date. :lmao:

 

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH BUT WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO MARRY...........think about that seriously for about 30 seconds

 

great point!!! if that doesn't hit home not sure what would...

[bish]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. He is telling me that he still has love for me etc. Meanwhile we are both married and he is asking me to cross the tracks. As tempting as it is, I dont want to get hit by the train or put my husband under it. I am feeling so upset over what I am doing but still continue to im this person. Am I still wrong?

 

yes...its called emotional betrayal and you are partaking in it.

 

I doubt I will ever see him.

 

You "doubt"? If it is just a "doubt", then you will cheat if given the opportunity.

 

 

I am very much in love with my husband.

 

Apparantly not if you are thinking that you'd like to screw this other guy.

 

 

But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

 

But you only "doubt" that you will see him.

 

but if you want to do right by your husband you quit IM'ing this guy. Break all contact...change IM usernames...if you are emailing the guy, change emails.

 

If you are not willing to do that...don't come in here telling us that you love your husband.

[BlueEyedSarah]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. He is telling me that he still has love for me etc. Meanwhile we are both married and he is asking me to cross the tracks. As tempting as it is, I dont want to get hit by the train or put my husband under it. I am feeling so upset over what I am doing but still continue to im this person. Am I still wrong? I doubt I will ever see him. I am very much in love with my husband. But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

Stop talking to this guy NOW. It is disrespecting your husband and no good can come of the conversations with this guy you are IMing.

[Ariz9]

Recently I started talking to someone that took me years to get over. He is telling me that he still has love for me etc. Meanwhile we are both married and he is asking me to cross the tracks. As tempting as it is, I dont want to get hit by the train or put my husband under it. I am feeling so upset over what I am doing but still continue to im this person. Am I still wrong? I doubt I will ever see him. I am very much in love with my husband. But fascinated by this man's change and even a little upset because he did finally marry, but never wanted to marry me. I know he is being selfish and I wont give in.

Unless you are prepared to have your life altered forever - back off now! Read my story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129097/

[jnel921]

I want to thank all of you for your responses. You are all 100% correct. He doesnt deserve my time and I shouldn't be hurting or risking my marriage for this person who obviously didnt want me. I especially appreciate your post Ariz9... That was my life over ten years ago. This is my 2nd marriage. The first ended due to infidelity. My ex-H cheated with a coworker. I was devastated and that took me years to get over. for 6 years I dated and was alone with my kids. Was in and out of relationships. This person who recently contacted me was supposed to be the one. But he left as well. Now I met and married my current Husband and my life is great. I am married to someone who is not only my husband but my true life partner. This guy I feel wants to intrude. I know his words are false and he may want to see what a physical relationship with me right now would be like. But I wont entertain that. I do love my husband, I am in love with him. I have deleted this guys handle from my IM and am no longer accepting his calls.

 

Thanks for the dose of reality.

 

Good luck to you Ariz9. My ex-H still regrets his choice til this day. I learned to live with myself and grow as a person and outgrew him. The plan was to grow together but sometimes one person cant see that far ahead.

 

I hope you make the right choice. If you broke up 16 years ago you may relive the reasons.

[MissMaris]

I'm glad you thought things through and took what people had to say to heart.

 

it's just not worth it, giving ex's the time of day when they start this nonsense. Good luck with your new life!

[whichwayisup]

The first ended due to infidelity. My ex-H cheated with a coworker. I was devastated and that took me years to get over

 

And because of this, there's another big reason for you NOT to cheat on your current husband. You really don't want to inflict that sort of pain and betrayal on him...YOU know all about it since you're were a betrayed spouse...Definately keep that in your mind to keep you on the straight and narrow. END the friendship, tell the OM goodbye. NO good can come of it. NONE.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I agree, block him from your email and everything, you've moved on. So let it be and forget him.

 

Good luck to you.

[BestAdvisor1]

That was my life over ten years ago. This is my 2nd marriage. The first ended due to infidelity. My ex-H cheated with a coworker. I was devastated and that took me years to get over. for 6 years I dated and was alone with my kids. Was in and out of relationships.

 

I don't understand why you're even here asking this question when you have been through all of that as a victim of infidelity.

[InaPanic]

trust me, get out of this now before you do something you have to live with forever. It's too easy on the internet to get sucked into the relationship & before you know it you are emotionally involved & thinking you are in love. I'm not judging you, i believe you do love your husband but you are caught up in the feelings from this ex. But you will get too caught up in it. Please stop not just for your husband but for yourself.