My husband is starting to annoy me

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Well...married for 14 months...everything is ok..except..he's sorta getting on my nerves lately.

He loves me probably more than a person can love someone..and he shows it...a lot. I'm talking about 15 min long goodnight kisses...with a pause in between to look deeply into my eyes...its just a goodnight kiss...I'm not moving to Canada.

I know this doesn't sound like a tragedy..but were gonna be together for the next 50 years..he's packing in all the love now (although I don't think his behavior will change) which is a good thing, but sometimes its too much...its always omg i love you so much...your amazing...but every second. We also don't fight because everything I do is perfect.

I know a lot of women would love a guy like that, but too much of a good thing is no good...

Do I address this with him?

How do I approach this if i do?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Well...married for 14 months...everything is ok..except..he's sorta getting on my nerves lately.

He loves me probably more than a person can love someone..and he shows it...a lot. I'm talking about 15 min long goodnight kisses...with a pause in between to look deeply into my eyes...its just a goodnight kiss...I'm not moving to Canada.

I know this doesn't sound like a tragedy..but were gonna be together for the next 50 years..he's packing in all the love now (although I don't think his behavior will change) which is a good thing, but sometimes its too much...its always omg i love you so much...your amazing...but every second. We also don't fight because everything I do is perfect.

I know a lot of women would love a guy like that, but too much of a good thing is no good...

Do I address this with him?

How do I approach this if i do?

 

i'm like you. so many people would call us cold and unappreciative, but if you're like me, you just can't stomach the constant fawning all over.

 

i think it's just that i don't like my ass kissed, i like a challenege, i like flirting and goofing around. i like the love stuff too, of course, but it has its place and time...which is not every place and all the time.

 

when i've gotten sick of that in the past, i would just say, listen, i love you, but this is just too much. i know you love me, and i love that you love me so much, but it's getting to a point where i feel smothered.

 

they either deal with it or they don't. in your case, you're married, so you should definitely be able to approach this so he can deal with it. otherwise, it's going to continue to the point where you don't even want him to get close to you because you know it's nonstop, unending 'huggies and smoochies'.

 

you can even say something like "i feel like you're spoiling me, so i don't appreciate it as much when you act this way all the time. and i don't like to be treated like i'm perfect, i need someone to challenge me once in a while."

 

no matter what, his feelings might be hurt at least a little, but nip this one in the bud before it becomes a real, unfixable problem.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

My goodness, you could no be more right! I can't ask my friends this advice cause their men treat them like crap and would love a man do this for them. And of course they call me cold.

Little do they know, this isn't good either.

Thanks for the advice.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

My goodness, you could no be more right! I can't ask my friends this advice cause their men treat them like crap and would love a man do this for them. And of course they call me cold.

Little do they know, this isn't good either.

Thanks for the advice.

 

you're very welcome, i think women like us are few and far between. it's like there's no happy medium. why is it so hard to find a balance? there's the "stomp your heart callous jerk-man" and then there's the "i love you so much i wish i could wear your rectum as a ring on my finger overly-disgusting nice guy".

 

there's got to be a middle-ground somewhere inbetween being treated like a constant princess or costant toad!

 

unfortunately, the bad guys just don't care, and the nice guys don't get that a girl wouldn't want that kind of treatment.

 

just like your husband is NOT a bad guy, he needs to get you and the kind of person YOU are.

[FrequentFlyer]

There's more of you out there than you think.

 

Can I assume you kissed him goodnight once or twice before you were married? If so, then hey, you married him knowing this.

 

If I'm in his shoes (and thank goodness I am NOT), after a while I'll start thinking "ummm...where's the reciprocation?" and also "how do I tone it down from here...do I tone it down a bit or shut it off completely?"

 

And then -- how long will it be until "you know, you used to give me those 15 min long goodnight kisses -- and now all I get is a peck on the cheek!"

 

Be snippy, cold hearted and callous. It'll stop before you know it. No problem.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

"i love you so much i wish i could wear your rectum as a ring on my finger overly-disgusting nice guy

HHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH OMG that is the funniest thing I've ever heard:lmao::lmao:

 

oh goodness I'm crying!

You explained it perfectly!!!!!!hhahahhahahaha:lmao::lmao:

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

There's more of you out there than you think.

 

Can I assume you kissed him goodnight once or twice before you were married? If so, then hey, you married him knowing this.

 

If I'm in his shoes (and thank goodness I am NOT), after a while I'll start thinking "ummm...where's the reciprocation?" and also "how do I tone it down from here...do I tone it down a bit or shut it off completely?"

 

And then -- how long will it be until "you know, you used to give me those 15 min long goodnight kisses -- and now all I get is a peck on the cheek!"

 

Be snippy, cold hearted and callous. It'll stop before you know it. No problem.

 

Who said I wanted it to stop?

I would just like it toned down.

I did go into this knowing it he loved me more than the world, pretty sure that's why I married him, but i also went in thinkin..he can't be liike this forever..marriage does things to people. Women let themselves go, Men don't show any affection anymore. I didn't marry him thinking oh marriage will straighten him out. I thought it would tone him down, apparent not.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

There's more of you out there than you think.

 

Can I assume you kissed him goodnight once or twice before you were married? If so, then hey, you married him knowing this.

 

If I'm in his shoes (and thank goodness I am NOT), after a while I'll start thinking "ummm...where's the reciprocation?" and also "how do I tone it down from here...do I tone it down a bit or shut it off completely?"

 

And then -- how long will it be until "you know, you used to give me those 15 min long goodnight kisses -- and now all I get is a peck on the cheek!"

 

Be snippy, cold hearted and callous. It'll stop before you know it. No problem.

 

i disagree with some of this and agree with rest. the point is, she doesn't want to be snippy, cold hearted and callous. but she also doesn't want to be smothered.

 

there should be a balance between the two, and married couples should be able to talk about an issue like this without freaking out.

 

you're right, her husband may think all the things you've put forth here...but all those questions could be answered when it's discussed between the two if them.

 

and you're right again, there may come a time that she'll wonder where the 15 minute kisses went...and then when it does happen, it will be received well and with appreciation. maybe she'll even seek out the kiss herself...but she needs to be given that chance first.

[JamesM]

FF has a point.

 

I am not one who does 15 min kisses, but sometimes I am sure I fawn over my wife.

 

Many couples who have been married 14 months are on the verge of divorce.

 

There may be a day when you will stop and realize that his good night kisses no longer happen. Suddenly it will hit you that he no longer kisses you or just gives you a peck. Then you will realize that he has no time or he has"gotten used to you." I can say that since you are in the honeymoon stage this is a real possiility yet in your future. I can say that he probably does know your feelings. He just hopes that this time you will reciprocate.

 

You are not a bad wife for having those feelings. But it will be much better if you communicate your feelings to him.

 

Question is..why does he kiss you so long? Is it love or is he looking for sex? Is he hoping that he will turn you on with just another minute or two of kissing? Do you have sex often?

 

This is one of those things they told you about before marriage. This is one of those differences that you will need to communicate about. It can be done in a nice way or it can be done in a way that starts a fight.

[Cobra_X30]

Question. Why does this kind of behavior bother you? Do you feel undeserving? Does it seem too sappy or corny? Fake?

 

Did this bother you before you got married? Was it even like this before you got married?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

FF has a point.

 

Many couples who have been married 14 months are on the verge of divorce.

 

Question is..why does he kiss you so long? Is it love or is he looking for sex? Is he hoping that he will turn you on with just another minute or two of kissing? Do you have sex often?

He kisses me like htis because I'm his queen, there is nobody else in the world except me.

Its not sex..we have sex about 3 times a week. We're very hot in the dept.

Its beacuse I think he thinks its what women want, to be fawned over. Because since day 1, women complain about not enough affection, you dont hold my hand blah blah. I'm going to say at least 70% of women complain about their hisband after they get marriedn, he's not the same person, he's not the man I married, Fortunately, he's the man I married. He wont change. But I would like hjim to take it down a notch.

Like KenzieAbsolutely said, there's no median

And were no way near a divorce. I want to address this now, so we can be married for 50 more years.

[JamesM]

And were no way near a divorce. I want to address this now, so we can be married for 50 more years.

 

I didn't mean you were close to a divorce. In fact, I think you have a lot going for you.

 

I agree. Address this now before it becomes a point of resentment for you. He will not know why and begin pulling away. Communicate in a nice way that kissing is fun, but too much is not. You love him dearly, but you don't need as many kisses as he gives.

 

Probably better ways to say it.

 

Good luck. If it bothers you, then it is worth mentioning.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I didn't mean you were close to a divorce. In fact, I think you have a lot going for you.

 

I agree. Address this now before it becomes a point of resentment for you. He will not know why and begin pulling away. Communicate in a nice way that kissing is fun, but too much is not. You love him dearly, but you don't need as many kisses as he gives.

 

Probably better ways to say it.

 

Good luck. If it bothers you, then it is worth mentioning.

You were a big help. Thank so much for the advice. I'm going to talk to him tonight.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Question. Why does this kind of behavior bother you? Do you feel undeserving? Does it seem too sappy or corny? Fake?

 

Did this bother you before you got married? Was it even like this before you got married?

i don't think its fake, I know its 100% genuine, but the feeling of being smothered. Also he says I love you so much, its starting to sound like the word the. its just a regular old saying. I dont want that to end, but i dont want to think it's becoming commom, so common I almost want to say thank you, cause In my mind he knows I love him, do i have to keep remnding him?

 

it was the same at the beginning..but that was the beginning where i was like wow he really loves me and I loved it, cause it was new and exciting.

KA said it best "and you're right again, there may come a time that she'll wonder where the 15 minute kisses went...and then when it does happen, it will be received well and with appreciation. maybe she'll even seek out the kiss herself...but she needs to be given that chance first.

[Reckless]

HHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH OMG that is the funniest thing I've ever heard:lmao::lmao:

 

oh goodness I'm crying!

You explained it perfectly!!!!!!hhahahhahahaha:lmao::lmao:

 

 

I can't stop laughing long enough to write... gasp...lol...

 

May I use that line its soo great...rofl....

 

Oh yeah I did have a point. My sister was like this with her husband - he was all huggy-kissy I love you sooo much and she 'hated' it. She just told him to cool it, that it made her feel suffocated and although she put up with as much as she could he had to take it when sometime she'd just say stop, enough...

 

I think it's people's different natures... usually you leviate to what you like, so if you married a demonstrative man maybe deep down you do need him to be that way....

[Cobra_X30]

i don't think its fake, I know its 100% genuine, but the feeling of being smothered. Also he says I love you so much, its starting to sound like the word the. its just a regular old saying. I dont want that to end, but i dont want to think it's becoming commom, so common I almost want to say thank you, cause In my mind he knows I love him, do i have to keep remnding him?

 

it was the same at the beginning..but that was the beginning where i was like wow he really loves me and I loved it, cause it was new and exciting.

KA said it best "and you're right again, there may come a time that she'll wonder where the 15 minute kisses went...and then when it does happen, it will be received well and with appreciation. maybe she'll even seek out the kiss herself...but she needs to be given that chance first.

 

 

So your fear is that you will become desensetized to all of his affection? Or that he will raise the bar and you will come to expect that level of affection from him... thus setting yourself up for dissapointment?

 

I feel you should really take some time and think about where this feeling of bieng "smothered" comes from. I'm not saying that it's abnormal or incorrect to feel this way... but you really need to drill down and figure out exactly where its coming from before you talk to your husband about it!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

So your fear is that you will become desensetized to all of his affection? Or that he will raise the bar and you will come to expect that level of affection from him... thus setting yourself up for dissapointment?

 

I feel you should really take some time and think about where this feeling of bieng "smothered" comes from. I'm not saying that it's abnormal or incorrect to feel this way... but you really need to drill down and figure out exactly where its coming from before you talk to your husband about it!

 

she knows she should talk about it with him, that's why she posted.

 

some people just aren't all about constant affection, touching, touchy-feeliness. it's just not them. i'm one of those people.

 

if i'm in the mood for it, and you'll know when i am, then by all means, love me up! but if i'm not, give me my space. it doesn't have to be some hidden issue under the surface. you can't be the same exact way alllll the time, no one is.

 

i'm like that with everyone really, the affection i do share is usually only with my significant other and family. i see lots of girls who hug and smooch each other hello and good-bye all the time....i don't. it's not because i don't like or love my friends, it's not because i had a childhood without being shown affection (my parents are incredible.) it's just me and my personality.

 

sometimes, it just is that way.

 

oh, and yes, to those who liked my rectum-ring comment, feel free to use it anytime!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

So your fear is that you will become desensetized to all of his affection? Or that he will raise the bar and you will come to expect that level of affection from him... thus setting yourself up for dissapointment?

There ya go...That's exactly how I feel (I'm not very good with putting how I feel into words.)

[KenzieAbsolutely]

There ya go...That's exactly how I feel (I'm not very good with putting how I feel into words.)

 

....or i could be wrong and it's this.

 

:lmao:

[Cobra_X30]

she knows she should talk about it with him, that's why she posted.

 

some people just aren't all about constant affection, touching, touchy-feeliness. it's just not them. i'm one of those people.

 

if i'm in the mood for it, and you'll know when i am, then by all means, love me up! but if i'm not, give me my space. it doesn't have to be some hidden issue under the surface. you can't be the same exact way alllll the time, no one is.

 

i'm like that with everyone really, the affection i do share is usually only with my significant other and family. i see lots of girls who hug and smooch each other hello and good-bye all the time....i don't. it's not because i don't like or love my friends, it's not because i had a childhood without being shown affection (my parents are incredible.) it's just me and my personality.

 

sometimes, it just is that way.

 

Hey Kenzie,

 

I get what your saying, but typically when someone pulls away from affection there is an underlying fear or reason. I would assume you are the same way.

 

Obviously you like your personal space. Me too. However I realize that part of the reason I do this is because I am always 'watching my back' so to speak. I dont like to get too close to people or invest much in the emotionally.

 

Perhaps you are similar in this?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

 

Obviously you like your personal space. Me too. However I realize that part of the reason I do this is because I am always 'watching my back' so to speak. I dont like to get too close to people or invest much in the emotionally.

 

Perhaps you are similar in this?

 

nah. i just don't really like to be touched a whole lot. i get your point though, maybe some of me is that way, perhaps. i started a thread just the other day about how to get ride of a clingy friend, so maybe you're right...at least some of the time. she is definitely more emotionally into our friendship than i am, and she won't hesitate to hug me and i don't love it. but my fiance, we're equal emotionally so we're all over each other whenever we want...and not when we don't want.

[Cobra_X30]

nah. i just don't really like to be touched a whole lot. i get your point though, maybe some of me is that way, perhaps. i started a thread just the other day about how to get ride of a clingy friend, so maybe you're right...at least some of the time. she is definitely more emotionally into our friendship than i am, and she won't hesitate to hug me and i don't love it. but my fiance, we're equal emotionally so we're all over each other whenever we want...and not when we don't want.

 

I have a strong medical background, so I tend to take a very clinical approach to things like this. Touching is a very strong signal of trust within animal social groups. It's some form of showing non-threatening intentions. I think this relates to human social networks also.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I have a strong medical background, so I tend to take a very clinical approach to things like this. Touching is a very strong signal of trust within animal social groups. It's some form of showing non-threatening intentions. I think this relates to human social networks also.

 

oh, absolutely, sure. sometimes i am sure that is it. sometimes not though, like with my friend. i'm not threatened by her. i just don't feel friendly enough or close to her enough to want to have such a physical friendship.

 

most of the time, it's that i just don't want to be manhandled!

[reboot]

Wow... how do you people ever get laid?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Wow... how do you people ever get laid?

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

don't you worry.

 

when i'm into something, i'm all in. when i'm not, welllll, i can probably be persuaded. when i'm not at all...stay away, haha.

 

 

 

sorry, IHNFC, we're still on-topic...but being a little selfish.

 

i'd like to know how your discussion turns out, when do you think you think you'll talk to him?