My husband is starting to annoy me

[Cobra_X30]

^^^

 

Thats funny! I was going to say with full body condoms and lots of disinfectant.

 

Anyway... IHNFC,

 

I suggest telling him why you feel the way you do. When worded similar to this I dont think he will be upset, because it will feel like you are feeling this way to protect him and your relationship!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

^^^

Thats funny! I was going to say with full body condoms and lots of disinfectant.

 

hahaha, oh my god, us "untouchables" are so very misunderstood.

[bish]

Well...married for 14 months...everything is ok..except..he's sorta getting on my nerves lately.

He loves me probably more than a person can love someone..and he shows it...a lot. I'm talking about 15 min long goodnight kisses...with a pause in between to look deeply into my eyes...its just a goodnight kiss...I'm not moving to Canada.

I know this doesn't sound like a tragedy..but were gonna be together for the next 50 years..he's packing in all the love now (although I don't think his behavior will change) which is a good thing, but sometimes its too much...its always omg i love you so much...your amazing...but every second. We also don't fight because everything I do is perfect.

I know a lot of women would love a guy like that, but too much of a good thing is no good...

Do I address this with him?

How do I approach this if i do?

 

Maybe you should divorce him so he can find someone who appreciates an affectionate man.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Maybe you should divorce him so he can find someone who appreciates an affectionate man.

This is the most irrational answer I've ever heard...let alone immature

Let me ask you this, If your BF or husband bought you flowers everyday and chocolates until eventually, you turned fat and now developed allergies from all the flowers?

Would you appreciate that because your BF was being nice and loves you? Or you would eventually say, ok enough is enough?

Now, your sick of chocolates and can never smell another flower. You get SICK OF IT!!!!

Not that you don't appreciate the gesture...but too much of a good thing is no good..

And don't tell me I don't appreciate it.

Its just becoming so custom and routine, it looses its spice...would you want that? Or would you say something so that it still is exciting to be grabbed in the middle of cooking and kissed...not expecting it every time I cook..and I mean every time. Something about me cooking turns him on.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

This is the most irrational answer I've ever heard...let alone immature

Let me ask you this, If your BF or husband bought you flowers everyday and chocolates until eventually, you turned fat and now developed allergies from all the flowers?

Would you appreciate that because your BF was being nice and loves you? Or you would eventually say, ok enough is enough?

Now, your sick of chocolates and can never smell another flower. You get SICK OF IT!!!!

Not that you don't appreciate the gesture...but too much of a good thing is no good..

And don't tell me I don't appreciate it.

Its just becoming so custom and routine, it looses its spice...would you want that? Or would you say something so that it still is exciting to be grabbed in the middle of cooking and kissed...not expecting it every time I cook..and I mean every time. Something about me cooking turns him on.

 

the bish has been burned, i wouldn't take the bish's opinion too seriously. (no offense bish, but you have been pretty nasty and judgmental today...not everyone has the same outlook as you, you know. start a thread if something is bothering you today, we're here to help. don't take other people's problems so personally.)

[reboot]

If bish's BF or husband brought him flowers everyday, I'm thinking bish has misled us.

[Mustang Sally]

Maybe you should divorce him so he can find someone who appreciates an affectionate man.

Good Night!

 

There's no reason to get your panties in an uproar if the woman is just saying she'd like her man to tone it done a bit!

 

In fact, at varying times in my life, I've felt the same way. Then, at other times, I wanted more again. Overall, however, that kind of overaffectionate business feels ultimately contrived to me. So I can understand the OPs point. And she has said several times in this thread she wants to stay M'd to her H for 50+ years.

Bish! The answer to every bump in the road in a M is not divorce! Get over it, man!

 

I agree with the others who have said to communicate with your H about it. In a very caring, non-threatening way.

 

Good luck, OP.

[Tomcat33]

I know exactly how you feel I too have felt like that in some relationships and quite frankly it is too much. there is no where else to go but down from there. It is so so much that you simply can't top that, then what?

 

Tell him in a very loving way that you would apreciate his overexpression in affection that much more it there was more give and take. It's like anything in life when we have things that come just too too easy for us and predictible they lose their appeal.

 

Yikes! this is a tough one how DO you tell him to pull back a bit? You could make light of it in a loving way and drop the hint that you want to leave some of that love for the harder years down the road, you know sort of like saving money for that rainy day

 

Great advice Bish, your advice is SO out to lunch!

[va bene]

Well...married for 14 months...everything is ok..except..he's sorta getting on my nerves lately.

He loves me probably more than a person can love someone..and he shows it...a lot. I'm talking about 15 min long goodnight kisses...with a pause in between to look deeply into my eyes...its just a goodnight kiss...I'm not moving to Canada.

I know this doesn't sound like a tragedy..but were gonna be together for the next 50 years..he's packing in all the love now (although I don't think his behavior will change) which is a good thing, but sometimes its too much...its always omg i love you so much...your amazing...but every second. We also don't fight because everything I do is perfect.

I know a lot of women would love a guy like that, but too much of a good thing is no good...

Do I address this with him?

How do I approach this if i do?

 

Whatever. People who itch for an argument tend to get one sooner or later. Sounds like you are itching a lot. Don't throw away a good thing because you feel like you don't deserve it. And expecting people to change or "tone down" their behavior after marriage is just stupidity. You knew what he was like before you married him, why do you want him to change now?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

You knew what he was like before you married him, why do you want him to change now?

How many relationships have you been in..where, 6 months, a year down the line, they change. Their not the same person. Not necessarily

in a bad way. They stop saying they love you as much, or doesnt get you a gift everytime he see's something that reminds them of you. Point is, most people change in a realtionship. They are never the same person as date 1.

Mine has stayed the same....odd I know. He's still the exact same person since day 1. Which a lot of women can't say. And its also sad going into it thinking he will change, he wont be this lovey. I love it, just not when it comes to the point where I start hating it and its not love anymore from him, its annoyance. I want to fix that. That's why I'm addressing it.

[bish]

This is the most irrational answer I've ever heard...let alone immature

 

Well it wasn't meant to be a serious response...was just to get you thinking...because there are some women out there that would kill for what you have.

 

Let me ask you this, If your BF or husband bought you flowers everyday and chocolates until eventually, you turned fat and now developed allergies from all the flowers?

 

I'm a man...I don't have boyfriends. But you go ahead and tell him that he is smothering you and that you don't like his romanticism all that much.

 

Then watch it die off then you'll be complaining that you don't get enough attention.

[Mr. Lucky]

How many relationships have you been in..where, 6 months, a year down the line, they change. Their not the same person. Not necessarily

in a bad way. They stop saying they love you as much, or doesnt get you a gift everytime he see's something that reminds them of you. Point is, most people change in a realtionship. They are never the same person as date 1.

Mine has stayed the same....odd I know. He's still the exact same person since day 1. Which a lot of women can't say. And its also sad going into it thinking he will change, he wont be this lovey. I love it, just not when it comes to the point where I start hating it and its not love anymore from him, its annoyance. I want to fix that. That's why I'm addressing it.

You didn't really answer the question. If he has remained " the exact same person since day 1 ", why did you get engaged to and marry him? According to you, he hasn't changed in the entire time you've been together. Seems a little strange that his behavior would now start to annoy you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[KenzieAbsolutely]

You didn't really answer the question. If he has remained " the exact same person since day 1 ", why did you get engaged to and marry him? According to you, he hasn't changed in the entire time you've been together. Seems a little strange that his behavior would now start to annoy you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

just because he didn't change at all doesn't mean she didn't change even a little; there are two people in a relationship.

 

if he had started beating her, no one would say "you should have known this from the beginning" just because she got together with him. this is the same thing, but the overkill is in affection.

 

just because some people view constant, neverending affection as sweet doesn't mean everyone does. it's a behaviour that isn't working out for NOW, and NOW is where their relationship is, so "you should have known better" doesn't apply. some of you act like this never happens, like small issues never occur.....me, i'm happy for her for the fact that this is the problem IHNFC is having, one that CAN be worked out.

 

good luck, girl, keep me posted. i'll even turn on my PMs if i can!

[Mr. Lucky]

if he had started beating her, no one would say "you should have known this from the beginning" just because she got together with him.

Well, yes, that's exactly what every one would say. If he beat her while they were dating and beat her while they were engaged, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if he beat her after they were married. She said he hasn't changed from the first day they were together...

 

Mr. Lucky

[clatan]

Reading this post, my initial thought is "Boy I'm glad I'm not married."

 

A guy thinks the world of a woman and now he's the bad guy. If a woman doesn't bitch about one thing, she'll find another. Did the guy just start acting like that the second he said I do? Why did you marry him then?!

 

That's why I have little sympathy for women whose husbands neglect them. If they found a guy like they claim they want, they'd drop him like a rock. Therefore, they get what they deserve when they marry some jerk.

[OpenBook]

Reading this post, my initial thought is "Boy I'm glad I'm not married."

 

A guy thinks the world of a woman and now he's the bad guy. If a woman doesn't bitch about one thing, she'll find another. Did the guy just start acting like that the second he said I do? Why did you marry him then?!

 

That's why I have little sympathy for women whose husbands neglect them. If they found a guy like they claim they want, they'd drop him like a rock. Therefore, they get what they deserve when they marry some jerk.

 

I'm glad you're not married either, clatan.

[Tomcat33]

Well, yes, that's exactly what every one would say. If he beat her while they were dating and beat her while they were engaged, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if he beat her after they were married. She said he hasn't changed from the first day they were together...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

C'mon let's not lose our heads now...it's one thing to see red flags during the dating process, you can't compare red flags with what this woman is talking about here. And people still see mild red flags, let's call them "pink flags" during the courtship but are too caught up in the lovey duvey stage to take it on and absorb it for what it is. Only to find out later that they married and axe murderer.

 

What this woman is talking about is the overly enthused displays of love and affection that happens during the height points of the courtship months/years vs trying to sustain that level of interest for eternity. It is impossible to give and to receive not to mention it takes away from the experience. Too much of anything prohibits us from appreciating it.

 

That example lacks relevance, here is another example you men might appreciate. Let's say you meet a woman who tells you she LOOOVES to cook, great you think "wow I've got it made she loves to cook I will never go hungry by here side" well she invites you over for dinner one night and makes you steak and potatos, "ahhh even better a woman after my own heart" you marry her she makes your fave meal and will cook for you every night. Well you find that after a few months of marriage she cooks every night, but she makes steake and potatos every single night. weekends she makes that for lunch too, now that's all great but after a while don't tell me you are not going to stop liking your fave meal simply due to overload.

 

I'm sure you dated women at some point that were too nice, or too giving or just too much of anything, it's a natural human reaction to lose interest in repetitive actions, after a while they lose their meaning.

 

Seriously think about this, if you were with someone that told you they loved you every single hour of the day would you find that exciting? would you appreciate the words and the gesture if she sat there rhyming off "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." like a coo-coo bird? Not only would you find that annoying but you would end up thinking that she was not sincere, the word "I love" you loses it's meaning if you hear it that much every single day.There is no where else to go after that.

What do you tell your loved one the day you are feeling super appreciative and you are feeling with a sudden spurt of the in love feeling like it happens to us from time to time? Nobody feels in love every waking moment of the day. C'mon.

 

Too much of anything is trying. Give this woman a break and try to go deeper in to what she is saying rather than hearing "oh women are never happy". It could have been a man making this statement and it is no different. And some people go the other extreme they totally deprive their partners of any affention or verbal admiration.

 

Varitey is the spice of life, and it is the small changes in daily routine that make our lives more exciting.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

C'mon let's not lose our heads now...it's one thing to see red flags during the dating process, you can't compare red flags with what this woman is talking about here. And people still see mild red flags, let's call them "pink flags" during the courtship but are too caught up in the lovey duvey stage to take it on and absorb it for what it is. Only to find out later that they married and axe murderer.

 

What this woman is talking about is the overly enthused displays of love and affection that happens during the height points of the courtship months/years vs trying to sustain that level of interest for eternity. It is impossible to give and to receive not to mention it takes away from the experience. Too much of anything prohibits us from appreciating it.

 

That example lacks relevance, here is another example you men might appreciate. Let's say you meet a woman who tells you she LOOOVES to cook, great you think "wow I've got it made she loves to cook I will never go hungry by here side" well she invites you over for dinner one night and makes you steak and potatos, "ahhh even better a woman after my own heart" you marry her she makes your fave meal and will cook for you every night. Well you find that after a few months of marriage she cooks every night, but she makes steake and potatos every single night. weekends she makes that for lunch too, now that's all great but after a while don't tell me you are not going to stop liking your fave meal simply due to overload.

 

I'm sure you dated women at some point that were too nice, or too giving or just too much of anything, it's a natural human reaction to lose interest in repetitive actions, after a while they lose their meaning.

 

Seriously think about this, if you were with someone that told you they loved you every single hour of the day would you find that exciting? would you appreciate the words and the gesture if she sat there rhyming off "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." like a coo-coo bird? Not only would you find that annoying but you would end up thinking that she was not sincere, the word "I love" you loses it's meaning if you hear it that much every single day.There is no where else to go after that.

What do you tell your loved one the day you are feeling super appreciative and you are feeling with a sudden spurt of the in love feeling like it happens to us from time to time? Nobody feels in love every waking moment of the day. C'mon.

 

Too much of anything is trying. Give this woman a break and try to go deeper in to what she is saying rather than hearing "oh women are never happy". It could have been a man making this statement and it is no different. And some people go the other extreme they totally deprive their partners of any affention or verbal admiration.

 

Varitey is the spice of life, and it is the small changes in daily routine that make our lives more exciting.

 

Well said.

What you guys don't understand is there is no median. It either being smothered or treated like crap.

I'm not asking him to stop it, I'm asking him to tone it down. It's losing its meaning.

Is that so mean of me to ask?

And Bish.......Most women would NOT want what I have, maybe initially, but TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD Why is that so hard to understand?

 

Then watch it die off then you'll be complaining that you don't get enough attention

It wont die off....he's the type of guy that will fix it as I ask...Tone it down, don't stop. Not all relationships are black and white like you think.

[Mustang Sally]

Well, I am a woman who does not like too much over-the-top mushy business. And this goes for frequent flowers and greeting cards, too. Of course, my H was never that way, either, although he is more that way than me, and he is more that way of LATE (we have some M issues for those that may not know...) because I believe he thinks that is what I want, despite me never asking for it. I think it is because that is the conventional wisdom that all women want those things, especially when there are M issues.

 

Actually, some of us just desire common courtesy and respect. I'm not saying I don't appreciate an occasional door-holding, and I do it for him too, but you don't have to seat me at the table, or hold my hand all the time, or tell me you love me every minute of the day.

 

This does not mean I want to be treated like crap, either. I like to be told I look good, and that I'm desirable, and loved, on occasion just like anyone else, and I tell these things too, when I mean them. But more often than that becomes contrived to me. I dated a guy like that once. Made me crazy, and the R didn't last long.

 

Maybe it's just different strokes for different folks?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Well, I am a woman who does not like too much over-the-top mushy business. And this goes for frequent flowers and greeting cards, too. Of course, my H was never that way, either, although he is more that way than me, and he is more that way of LATE (we have some M issues for those that may not know...) because I believe he thinks that is what I want, despite me never asking for it. I think it is because that is the conventional wisdom that all women want those things, especially when there are M issues.

 

Actually, some of us just desire common courtesy and respect. I'm not saying I don't appreciate an occasional door-holding, and I do it for him too, but you don't have to seat me at the table, or hold my hand all the time, or tell me you love me every minute of the day.

 

This does not mean I want to be treated like crap, either. I like to be told I look good, and that I'm desirable, and loved, on occasion just like anyone else, and I tell these things too, when I mean them. But more often than that becomes contrived to me. I dated a guy like that once. Made me crazy, and the R didn't last long.

 

Maybe it's just different strokes for different folks?

This is what I'm trying to say. Just because I don't want to hear I love you every second, doesnt mean I want him to start slapping me. Why can't there be a healthy median? Its either one or the other? And because I dont want to be showered with kisses and i love you's means I'm a heartless bitch?

[Mr. Lucky]

This is what I'm trying to say. Just because I don't want to hear I love you every second, doesnt mean I want him to start slapping me. Why can't there be a healthy median? Its either one or the other? And because I dont want to be showered with kisses and i love you's means I'm a heartless bitch?

C'mon ladies, I used the beating as an example of a behavior that, if it existed during the courtship, wouldn't be hard to predict in the marriage. It wasn't an "either/or", I love you or I hit you.

 

Look at it this way. My wife is one of those people that is chronically late for everything. She was 15 minutes late for our first date. A standing joke in our family is that, if she dies before I do, we'll tell everybody else to be there at 2:30 but we'll tell her the funeral is at 2:00. Would it make sense for me to post here that her tardiness is beginning to annoy me? I knew this about her before we married and I've just learned to deal with it.

 

I also wonder if some of you see your boyfriends and husbands as a DIY project, sort of a relationship "fixer upper"? You know, "I'll let him keep this quality and that habit but the rest has got to go". Not surprising when that doesn't quite go the way you planned...

 

Mr. Lucky

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Look at it this way. My wife is one of those people that is chronically late for everything. She was 15 minutes late for our first date. A standing joke in our family is that, if she dies before I do, we'll tell everybody else to be there at 2:30 but we'll tell her the funeral is at 2:00. Would it make sense for me to post here that her tardiness is beginning to annoy me? I knew this about her before we married and I've just learned to deal with it.

 

 

Mr. Lucky

So your saying I have to learn to deal with being smothered? I shouldn't say to him its starting to lose it's excitement. And that sooner or later I'm going to start hating it and detesting him?

So just learn to deal with it?

Being late is a little different than my situation. That's who she is...a late person.

I understand my H is a loving person, but he only was with me, no previous GF, so its not like this is how he is and i have to deal with it. Its how he is with me because he loves me so much.

So then it can be fixed if this isn't his nature?

 

There are more than enough women on this thread that say the same thing. Smothering is no good and should be fixed. Why are you just trying to contradict just to contradict and not actually see the problem here?

[bish]

And Bish.......Most women would NOT want what I have, maybe initially, but TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD Why is that so hard to understand?

 

Well you could have the alternative...a guy that is a dog and doesn't give you the attention you claim is a need...then you'd probably be saying you have the right to cheat in that case.

 

Then watch it die off then you'll be complaining that you don't get enough attention

 

It wont die off....he's the type of guy that will fix it as I ask

 

Ah...so he is a "yes dear" kinda guy? And if he is that type of guy that will bow down everytime you bellow...then why is this such a big issue for you that you have to ask everyone what they think?

 

I mean, if all you have to do is bark and he'll be obedient....whats the problem?

[bish]

So your saying I have to learn to deal with being smothered?

 

No..the responses you are getting are your ATTITUDE towards your husband...like he is some kind of moron for wanting to shower you with affection.

 

If you had come here saying that he is just a little overbearing at times and needed advice...that would be one thing.

but you made him sound like a real freakin' jackass that you can't stand....ya...thats love alright.

[IpAncA]

I'd be lying if I said I'm surprised how this thread is going but I'm not.

 

If it's too much which IMO is, then toning it down shouldn't be a problem nor a crime.

 

I'm not asking him to stop it, I'm asking him to tone it down. It's losing its meaning.

Is that so mean of me to ask?

 

No it's not mean.