sleeknchic89 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 If anyone has advice on this one, I'd appreciate it a ton . . . this is a rotten situation and I'm quite tired of dealing with it . . . Well, I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. He's a terrific guy - smart, funny, cute, and a pleasure to be around. Very courteous and diligent, except for one thing; his ex-girlfriend has been edging her way into our relationship for some time now. He dated her several years ago, and it sounds (from the tidbits I've been able to weasel out of him) that it ended badly, or didn't end at all. He made it sound as if she simply stopped being with him without any curtain call of any sort. It seems as if this were a classic case of guy-likes-girl-but-girl-has-other-things-on-her-mind. Maybe she cheated on him? Maybe she was just distracted? Who knows? I can't guess and I don't want to harass him by harrying him with questions. Anyways, I'm 19 and he's 26 . . . and before you judge me too harshly, let me elucidate . . . I've dated men my own age for years to literally no avail. They are just plain stupid to me. Intolerably stupid, and mostly unfaithful to boot. I like older men because they're less likely to be @$$holes (and that's a HU-YOOGE generalization, lol). We get along very well, actually, we have fun and we can carry on intelligent conversations. Anyways, this ex-girlfriend of his recently gave birth to a baby girl. She's got a boyfriend, and this was her second kid, the first one having been had around age 14. She did cocaine for years, as I understand, and was a bit of a slut. Not the smartest chick, in other words, lol. And recently she's been bugging my boyfriend about hanging out with her. Telling him that she misses him, and that, after I argued with him about her and he told her to lay off for a bit, "Britt should trust you by now." I do trust him - but I certainly don't trust her, nor do I trust this bizarre thing she's trying to start with him. Her brother died recently and my boyfriend asked me to go with him to hang out with her tonight. I don't like this situation and it feels wrong and entirely inappropriate. I'm at a loss here; I don't want to make him feel bad and I don't want to seem tactless because of her brother. But I have a horrible feeling about this whole thing . . . call it instinct, if you would, but I think that I should do something here and not let this run its course. Advice? Feedback??? Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Baybee9404 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Sorry Sleeknchic for what you are going through, i have been there also with my husbands ex but the only difference with my husband is that he has a 4 year old daughter with her so he has to communicate with her about the kid and only the kid. I am 24 and my husband is 30 so the age thing isnt a problem its just a number i was 18 when I started dating him and he was 25, now we are married for a year and expecting a baby boy in 4 weeks. Life couldnt be better. Long story but his ex said and did things to make me mad and fight with my husband (Bf at the time). She went as far as telling me he cheated on me with her numerous times that wasnt true, she called his house 100 times a day, tell him she loved him she wanted to be a family blah blah all that good stuff, she would just show up at this house etc, She was a real C*nt. that drove a big wedge between me and him and i left him because he wouldnt say anything to her and always had the excuse she has every right to come her and check on her daughter or call to check on her daughter. i wouldnt speak to him for 2 weeks and he knew all the bull she was causing and he put on end to it because he wanted me not her. An ex is an ex for a reason and should stay that way. Tell your man if he loved you he would know that you are uncomfortable about his friendship with her and if he still continues to be friends with her then leave him because he is not worth it to you because if he was he would respect you and do as you wish. good luck and if you want to talk more we can. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoonandfork22 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 i feel like guys are so oblivious to the whole 'nice girl' thing. i too have a very nice, courteous boyfriend who wouldnt hurt a fly but for some reason he cant tell the ex who is weaseling into our relationship to take a hike. he still sees her as a nice person who wants nothing but to hang out and have a good time. right. i know what shes trying to do, and it kills me that he doesnt. that being said, its up to him to make the decision on what he wants to do. my bf said he would stop speaking with her but hes told me this more than once and each time somehow she comes back. he has to do it on his own, not because you dont want him to talk to her. all that will do, and i know from experience, is you will have a few months of no problems and then he will think youre over it and *BAM* there she is again because now you should trust him right? wrong. ex's shouldnt be in the picture if they are MEDDLING. im all for ex's beng friends but none of my ex's would ever try to come between me and my bf, they have more respect for me and for themselves. i wish you luck on this b..c i am going through the same thing at the moment and let me tell you, it makes me want to give up. i dont know if its worth constantly wondering when she will call or if he will answer or if hes going to want to hang out with her and then i go and then its wierd. i know how you feel....keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeknchic89 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Thanks for the feeedback guy . . . and yeah, we had another argument about it last night. He came home saying that he didn't want to put me in this situation yet . . . but the funeral for her brother is going to happen this week and that means that I'm going to HAVE to meet her. It seems like if I want to be with this guy, I'm going to have to deal with her as well. And one of my bf's friends dated her and told me that she's a slut and has no morals when it comes to men. She's living with her parents now! And today's my anniversary with my boyfriend, and he's all sulky about his ex. Why can't he just move on? Geez. Maybe it's just time I gave up. No girl should have to deal with this can't-let-it-lie thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeknchic89 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Thanks for the feeedback guys . . . and yeah, we had another argument about it last night. He came home saying that he didn't want to put me in this situation yet ("yet," as if I've got to do it at some point, like it's a homework assignment, lol) . . . but the funeral for her brother is going to happen this week and that means that I'm going to HAVE to meet her. It seems like if I want to be with this guy, I'm going to have to deal with her as well. And one of my bf's friends dated her and told me that she's a slut and has no morals when it comes to men. She's living with her parents now! And today's my anniversary with my boyfriend, and he's all sulky about his ex. Why can't he just move on? Geez. Maybe it's just time I gave up. No girl should have to deal with this can't-let-it-lie thing. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 And today's my anniversary with my boyfriend, and he's all sulky about his ex. Why is she so important to him? You do need to meet her, so she can see that you are a presence in his life that she can't ignore. And it's better that he see her WITH you, than to see her by himself. Maybe if she sees you aren't going anywhere, she'll drop him like she did before. Link to post Share on other sites
Baybee9404 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 why is he going to her brothers funeral, is it because he was friends with her brother or is he going for her? I think you should go with him to the funeral, just so you can let her know that you are the girl in his life now. Make it clear to him that yous wont be staying for the whole thing, just make an appearance to pay your respects and that is that. If yous stay the whole time she is going to think he is there for her. If he didnt want to put you in the situation then he wouldnt have put you in it, but he has and he is the only one who can fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeknchic89 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Well, he was friends with her brother - but they met through her, obviously. And I just made a rather sordid discovery as well . . . he left his email account open this morning, and I'm not the sort of person that goes through others' emails, even my boyfriend. But there it was . . . temptation, lol . . . and the first email I saw was from one of his OTHER ex's, Lindsay, and in it he informed her that I was, "the jealous sort" and that hopefully they wouldn't, "have to have secret visits to play pool and hang out and stuff." And it gets worse . . . at this point, I'm quite shocked because I'm very lenient when it comes to women, just the ex's bug me! There was another email from a THIRD ex, and in it he told her "he missed her" and "he couldn't explain the feeling" and a bunch of other sappy ****. What in the world? And today's our anniversary. What am I going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 dump him - he is a liar and does not value you. Link to post Share on other sites
lazer1743 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Agreed, dump him..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeknchic89 Posted September 26, 2007 Author Share Posted September 26, 2007 Thanks so much guys, the advice was very much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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