any other reformed cheaters out there?

[uniqueone]

hmm... cheating is a basic character flaw and a kind of sexual "crime". (before anyone flames note the quotes).

 

Are pedophiles likely to repeat their offense? Stats say yes.

 

Are cheaters likely to repeat. Some probably, many not, BUT....

 

I would say that being a cheater is some what like being an alcoholic. Any friends of Bill W. here? Once with the program some alcoholics may never drink again. But usually they have to work at not drinking the rest of their lives. For some alcoholics they can "grow" out of it. For others it is a permanent life long condition. And so I'd say cheaters are like that too. Some may never cheat again, others may fall off the wagon repeatedly.

 

Nobody but you can tell which kind you are. It sounds like you are the knd that "grew" out of it, but I would be very self aware and thus careful to not let yourself slip up. To thyne own self be true ....

 

I agree. We're made aware that cheating is wrong from the time we're able to play Tic-Tac-Toe. We learn it at around age 3 and everything after about our personality is built around that. It's a core value.

 

I dated a guy several years ago. One time I was helping his daughter with her homework. It was 2nd grade math and I was asking her questions to get her to come up with the answer on her own. She soon got tired of that and went to her nine year old brother who told her what the answers were (as he apparently always did). That little girl is going to grow up thinking that cheating is ok. (and not surprisingly, her daddy was a cheater too).

 

Who this little girl becomes is going to be wrapped around this trait of cheating she's developed.

 

I do think that people who have honesty at the core can cheat too, however. I think it can happen if they develop a drinking problem or if they develop mental or emotional issues. Those types of things can make people act impulsively and out of character.

[Mz. Pixie]

 

Its like an alcoholic. An alcoholic can vow to never let liquor touch their lips again, but the still desperately want a swig now and then.

 

I'm not really sure you can compare it with alcholism- that is a known recognized disease. But the symptoms and feelings can be like dealing with an addiction- especially while in the affair.

 

Just like cheaters....they may never physically cheat again, but deep down, you know they want to.

 

Well, alot of people want to do many things, doesn't mean they will ever do them. Am I to take it that you've never looked at another woman with lust in your heart? Never said "Man, she looks good" to yourself or peeked at porn? Some people would consider that adultery as well. I don't know too many people who are so moral as to never have considered someone else attractive while in a relationship with their SO.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

not all alcoholics or drug addicts want a taste of their old poison. some actually look back and and realize what a mess their lives were, and hate the stuff that they've done while using these things, never wanting it again. smokers too, i'm an ex smoker, and i never crave it, not even when other people are smoking, not even when drinking alcohol, not even when stressed out. yuck. i don't deep down want to smoke, or cheat, or anything i ever used to do. i'm sure you'll tell me i will one day, though, because i have before. you know, cause you of all people would know.

 

you need to get out in the real world, bish. your tiny, narrow views are clouding your judgment and making your life a very pitiful one. it might make you feel better to think that cheaters are monsters because it makes you feel less pathetic, but it's not helping you move on, which is what you need to do.

[bish]

Well, alot of people want to do many things, doesn't mean they will ever do them. Am I to take it that you've never looked at another woman with lust in your heart?

 

I have looked at other women and admired they way they look...but the difference between me and a cheater would be the cheater wants to hook up with them.

 

I don't know too many people who are so moral as to never have considered someone else attractive while in a relationship with their SO.

 

Considering someone attractive is one thing...wanting to have sex with them when you have a SO is a different matter.

[Mz. Pixie]

you need to get out in the real world, bish. your tiny, narrow views are clouding your judgment and making your life a very pitiful one. it might make you feel better to think that cheaters are monsters because it makes you feel less pathetic, but it's not helping you move on, which is what you need to do.

 

I'm not sure he feels pathetic, just very very angry.

 

And that's understandable. The pain of his betrayal is pretty fresh in his mind right now. This type of incident can make a person very angry and very bitter if they let it.