How do I handle an Ex?

[stella]

I broke up with my ex afew months ago,but he still tries to contact me--I don't reply but he continues to email me or call me. It's been almost 4 months since the break up. And his latest move was to call me on my cell on New Year's Eve to invite me out to a party with his friends. (This call came out of the blue and all I could do was look at the phone and say to myself what is going on in this guy's head?)I mean it was hard enough for me to end it.--to give up on something that at some point was a good thing. The telephone conversation was mostly silent on my part--much like a Q & A, he basically was informing me how well life was finally going--how th e work situation finally took off in great way etc.

 

I really can't tell you a specific reason why we ended our 2 year relationship--all I know is that my spirits were way down and it didn't seem he cared enough to try to tend to fixing our relationship like I did. I mean the day we met to address it, --I was doing most of the talking and when I asked what he thought-=He just gave me this blank look and 'I don't know' deal and regardless of the fact that he may be a novice with serious long term relationships (there was one before me for about 2 yrs too), I do believe that everyone knows when they are treating someone right and when they're mistreating them.

 

I clearly chose not to meet with him on New Year's eve because I did not want to start 2000 off in a puzzling way. But for some reason I can't get outta my mind how he thinks it's unfair the way we have stop communicating and he stresses that it was clearly my decision but I just don't see how we can be friends--I'll always think he has other motives..there's always that gray line and frankly, I don't have the energy to play games. I really don't feel we can be friends. But am I right?

 

I mean he's not a bad person. When we were together he was good to me. I just think he started to get scared and didn't know what to do. Scared meaning commitment--I think he thought this was leading him in a direction of marriage--which I made clear to him was NOT the case many times. I was just seeking a nice healthy relationship. I wish I knew the truth but at this point, I'm not sure it's wise for me to ask. I want to move on and so should he but you know how those heart string start pulling at your soul...well that's when it get's a little challenging.

 

One concern I have if I let him in my life is that will I be able to trust him again? I mean you give your heart to someone, they take it for granted, you put the guy in check--wanting to address why there's a distance all of the sudden and then when no obvious solution can be remedied you decide to end things and this is when he wakes up and wants everything---your friendship. How can you begin to trust him with your heart? The foundation is all gone.

 

Please help..my friends have said to just bury it and move on but it's hard..I gave him the best part of me, his family saw how much he's changed (for the better) since we were together and now I'm just at a loss.

 

Jaylin