Author mikeraw Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 That's my plan! What's the policy on name-calling here?
reboot Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I have a pretty thick skin, you can call me whatever you like.
jmargel Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 You are going to continue to look deseperate by doing this. Especially at her work place. Back in my single days I was with certain woman briefly, one night she asked to come over to 'talk'. She told me she was in love with me, I didn't feel the same. When I told her, she went totally ballastic. However I made sure where my stance was. She continued to call and pursue me and all that did was push me away. If she were to have come to my work with flowers and all of that, I would have totally freaked out. You are putting her on the spot like this and it's going to totally backfire. This isn't like the movie 'An officer and a gentlemen' where he comes in to her work place, and carries her out. More than likely she'll either have security escort you out or once you leave all of them will be laughing at you. Show some freakin' dignity here. And get a clue. If she's not answering your phone calls then DO NOT pursue this any further.
Author mikeraw Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Dude, don't you think I considered all that? I'm showing up well before she gets there. At least 2 hours before. Sharply dressed. Full charm on. Leave the flowers with an ICU receptionist or a friend of hers. Thank them and then leave. Simple as that. Wait 2 days. Then call. Actually she should call me, if she has any decency, to thank and/or shoot me down. But if she doesn't call me then I'll have to call. Still debating whether to leave a message or not, if it gets to that. I don't think there'll be a need for "Don't tase me, bro!" Anyways, any input at this point would be appreciated. If she calls and says thanks but no thanks I will still insist on being friends. If she calls to tell me to get lost, I guess I will, but come on, I have to learn to walk by falling down. If any of you can help me to avoid falling, then I'd appreciate it.
Spinderella Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Spinderella, She wasn't just someone that I was with for one night. She went out of her way for me numerous times, I went out of my way for her several times, as well. Still that doesnt obligate her to anything. There are some women who think that if a man sleeps with them, it means an awful lot too.
Spinderella Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Wait 2 days. Then call. Actually she should call me, if she has any decency, hasnt she already told you her position? why should she call you? she has made herself perfectly clear on the matter, and you havent taken no for an answer. i think she would think that telling you again was a waste of time.
reboot Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Wow....... Wait 2 days. Then call. Actually she should call me, if she has any decency, to thank and/or shoot me down. But if she doesn't call me then I'll have to call. Still debating whether to leave a message or not, if it gets to that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You don't call her. If she doesn't call you. THAT'S YOUR ANSWER. Leave it alone. Anyways, any input at this point would be appreciated. If she calls and says thanks but no thanks I will still insist on being friends. If she calls to tell me to get lost, I guess I will, but come on, I have to learn to walk by falling down. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You cannot INSIST on ANYTHING. If she says no thanks, you say GOOD BYE. What kind of culture were you raised in again? I'm assuming the women all wore veils and walked behind you with their eyes cast down and if they didn't they were beaten?
Spinderella Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Wrong, wrong, wrong. You cannot INSIST on ANYTHING. Thats a good point. You cant insist on friendship either.
Author mikeraw Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Nay-sayers, all of you! I propose the following motto for this forum: "Abandon hope all ye who enter here"
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 People aren't nay-saying the action of wanting to get someone back, they're nay-saying your motivations for entering into your actions.
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I'm gonna' win her back at all costs. Whether getting her back is good for both of us, I dun care. I'm gonna' git me that trophy. I kin win...
reboot Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 If you just want someone who will pet you and agree with whatever you say, call your mom.
underpants Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 You guys are mean. If something posted upsets you perhaps it has a sting of truth? I don't recommend interfering in this girls life any longer. Take your lumps and look inward to what you brought to the conflict. You can't control her but you can improve yourself. (if you even want to, that is)
jmargel Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Dude, don't you think I considered all that? I'm showing up well before she gets there. At least 2 hours before. Sharply dressed. Full charm on. Leave the flowers with an ICU receptionist or a friend of hers. Thank them and then leave. Simple as that. Wait 2 days. Then call. Actually she should call me, if she has any decency, to thank and/or shoot me down. But if she doesn't call me then I'll have to call. Still debating whether to leave a message or not, if it gets to that. I don't think there'll be a need for "Don't tase me, bro!" Anyways, any input at this point would be appreciated. If she calls and says thanks but no thanks I will still insist on being friends. If she calls to tell me to get lost, I guess I will, but come on, I have to learn to walk by falling down. If any of you can help me to avoid falling, then I'd appreciate it. Do you have Narcissistic personality disorder? Look it up if you don't know what it means. She has already told you she does not want a relationship with you. Insist on being friends? You talk like she doesn't have a choice. And you already have fallen down, LEARN from it. Maybe you do need to be tased to wake the hell up. You think love is about charm? You have alot to learn. You just don't seem to get it. Your 'strategy' didn't work before and it won't work now. It seems like you want us to tell you what you want to hear. Surprised you actually still reading these posts since alot of people with your attitude would have walked away by now. We all have been rejected in life, it's something you have to accept. You can't turn back time and undo the things you've done to her. You can't make someone 'want' you, flowers or no flowers. However if you want to make an ass out of yourself, go ahead. This is a train wreck waiting to happen.
frd150 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 You guys are mean. You see, a can of worms. Im sure everyone here would love to see the two of you together in a loving mutualy respectful relationship but your words leave some questions as to what your motives are. For example, I love my ex and for about a week or two after the break I felt as you did but then the kind people here at LS knocked some sence into me.You see I love her enough to let her make up her own mind and I love her enough to want her to be happy with or without me. Cliche i know but for me its living it the reality. Dude I was going to marry this girl,think about that. We both had alot invested in the relationship. Your not always going to hear what you want here. Good medicine does not always go down easy.
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Maybe you do need to be tased to wake the hell up. Guilty as....charged...
Spinderella Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Hey good advice Greenfrog, I think Mikeraw has been given a bit of a hard time in this thread. Its a good idea to be friends first, but, not sure if its too late, as she seems to have been a bit frightened off by the pursuit.
underpants Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 No NPD people dont pursue like this. Some do. I am not going to suggest that OP has this. Also, I am sure that his Dad's death was a terrible thing. It does not excuse his 'coping' behavior. However, I do question his true motivations for wanting this girl...now.
Author mikeraw Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Greenfrog, thanks for the advice. I still haven't dropped the flowers off at her work. I won't do that yet. But I will. My father's passing has nothing to do with this at all. I'm relieved that he's not suffering anymore. It wasn't an unexpected ocurrence, either, I had been waiting for that call and I was strangely calm about the situation, being strong for my mother, etc... I don't know how to go about the flowers, though. I have been adviced (in person, I obviously come off as weird in forums) to do any of the following things: 1. Call her one day to try to set a date or something, then regardless of a a positive or negative answer, or none at all, I have to make sure to give her the flowers the next day. 2. I should wait even longer for any kind of contact, longer than the week she suggested, then call her, no flowers for a few more days. The reasoning being that I have better things to do during the weekend than to chase her. 3. Try to contact her ASAP. You only live once. The overwhelming advice from everyone is to wait the week, then call. Flowers are a nice touch, but zero originality points for me. Greenfrog, Spinderella, I know that I should aim for friendship before anything else, the thing is getting there... I am not being given the chance to befriend her. If I get her to come with me on a date or something I'm sure my chances of success would increase. The weekend starts today. I don't know if she's scheduled to work these nights, so there's a chance I might run into her. If I see her, I'm going up to her to say hi (kiss on the cheek, I'm Latin), extremely brief small talk, then hopefully I can move away naturally to other people. But every closed space gets smaller by the hour and nights are long. I might find myself within talking distance to her again. What should I say or do? Bring up our situation? Ask if she's thought about things? What?
Spinderella Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Greenfrog, thanks for the advice. I still haven't dropped the flowers off at her work. I won't do that yet. But I will. My father's passing has nothing to do with this at all. I'm relieved that he's not suffering anymore. It wasn't an unexpected ocurrence, either, I had been waiting for that call and I was strangely calm about the situation, being strong for my mother, etc... I don't know how to go about the flowers, though. I have been adviced (in person, I obviously come off as weird in forums) to do any of the following things: 1. Call her one day to try to set a date or something, then regardless of a a positive or negative answer, or none at all, I have to make sure to give her the flowers the next day. 2. I should wait even longer for any kind of contact, longer than the week she suggested, then call her, no flowers for a few more days. The reasoning being that I have better things to do during the weekend than to chase her. 3. Try to contact her ASAP. You only live once. The overwhelming advice from everyone is to wait the week, then call. Flowers are a nice touch, but zero originality points for me. Greenfrog, Spinderella, I know that I should aim for friendship before anything else, the thing is getting there... I am not being given the chance to befriend her. If I get her to come with me on a date or something I'm sure my chances of success would increase. The weekend starts today. I don't know if she's scheduled to work these nights, so there's a chance I might run into her. If I see her, I'm going up to her to say hi (kiss on the cheek, I'm Latin), extremely brief small talk, then hopefully I can move away naturally to other people. But every closed space gets smaller by the hour and nights are long. I might find myself within talking distance to her again. What should I say or do? Bring up our situation? Ask if she's thought about things? What? Firstly if she asked for a week, give her a week! Then, if you're really determined to go through with this, make sure that you are ready to be considerate, honest, and respectful. That is, dont try to charm her into this, ask for a normal conversation. If she doesnt agree to it, know that you are willing to respect her wishes. If she agrees to the conversation, be honest. Tell her how you feel, not pledge your undying love and devotion, but just tell her you know you screwed up, and you would like to try again, if she would too. But more importantly ASK how she feels. And LISTEN to the answer. If she has decided she does not want a relationship, ask her if she would like to be friends, but ONLY if you are also prepared to be only friends, if thats the way things pan out. If she decides she does not want to be friends, then be prepared also to accept this. Then, move on. Lesson learned, "perhaps I should start respecting women a bit more"
Author mikeraw Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 What is a good alternative to the phrase: "I love you"? Spanish has so many words describing different intensities of feeling, but english just has "love". That might freak her out. Care for? Feelings for? I like you? She used to tell me that one all the time. Or something lame like "I lubb you"? Oh man, did I just write that? Any input is appreciated!
jmargel Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 What is a good alternative to the phrase: "I love you"? Spanish has so many words describing different intensities of feeling, but english just has "love". That might freak her out. Care for? Feelings for? I like you? She used to tell me that one all the time. Or something lame like "I lubb you"? Oh man, did I just write that? Any input is appreciated! Take a step back and HONESTLY tell me what you think she is thinking right now and what she is going to do when you go through with your plan. She has been direct with you on what she wants and it's clear she is not playing games. There is no hidden meaning behind her words. I'm not trying to give you a hard time, just that from my own experiences and the stories I've read on here for the past few years I can almost with certainty on what the outcome is going to be. It doesn't matter what you give her or what or how you talk to her, she has made it clear that she is moving on. It is a hard lesson, we have all endured it. There are things in my past that I wish I had done different. There is one woman that I screwed up with and miss her so much. However we can't go back and change time. If she wants to get back with you, she will find you. Give her that. Any approach you try right now is going to feel like pressure to her.
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