spookie Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 It seems like here on LS, lots of people preach that if you really like a guy, and you want a relationship, and you have self-respect, you need to let him "date" you. You know... let him take you out, take it slow, have lengthy getting to know you conversations. Does everyone feel this way? The whole concept of dating just makes me uncomfortable. It always feels to me like unnecessary social constructs piles on to each other, like there is a superficiality to the whole process that creates feelings where they are not due. I like my relationships to feel like best-friendships with benefits, and I am wondering if it's wrong that I always try to maneuver them into unfolding this way. I mean, when it really comes down to it that's what I'm looking for in a partner: an exclusive best FWB. So I skip the "dates" in favor of video gaming sessions, or bike rides, or parties, or smoke-outs, or whatever. Everything followed by sex. Whoever I am interested in is basically invited to play my best friend for as long as he likes, and I show him how it's done until he gets it. And, of course, I always pay my way. Am I shooting myself in the foot by handling it this way? Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 I am a little confused as to why you refer to your preferred relationship style as 'best-friendships with benefits'. aren't you really just talking about jumping into a relationship instead of waiting around with dating? your relationships are still exclusive, aren't they? 'FWB' has a very different meaning in my vocabulary. I don't 'date' either. Sometimes I'm friends with someone for a while and we end up going out or even ended up going out with somebody that I met in a bar and was only supposed to have a one-night stand with. they were all my boyfriends though, we didn't see anyone else and did lots of stuff together. some relationships developed slower, others faster, most lasted beyond 1 year. think I've only been on 4 dates in my entire life. so structured and restrictive, don't like them at all. besides, if a man likes you, he won't care that much how many dinners he had to buy you before you slept with him. my male friends tell me they know quickly if they really like someone or not. some girls they will pursue for a relationship some only for sex. depending on the girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Well, the starts don't have to be any more exclusive than non-exclusive "dating" is, but I won't have sex until we're monogamous and I'm in love. I guess I am talking about jumping in straight away, but doing so without typical relationship "expectations" and with less frequent contact. So I'm normal? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 You are normal, you just don't like the idea of FORMAL dates. You just want to hang out and do fun, low key, laid back stuff. Those things can be called dates too. Dates don't have to be dressed up dinners, they can be inviting the guy you like to a party. Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 exactly. it's all about definition. I tend to call formal dating 'structured dating'. to me it is weird because it is about finding out the suitability of the other person in view of possibly pursuing a relationship - rather than being in one already and finding out about each other that way. I find this 'informal' way much more natural - but horses for courses I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Some people are really busy and can't just 'hang out' all the time or at a moment's whim! Especially if they have full time jobs that require overtime and traveling, plus commuting to work. Add the fact that the people dating might not see each other on any regular basis (because they don't work together and are not in school at the same place), and yes, they HAVE to schedule time together or they won't ever get to know each other. What you're describing, spookie, works in a college setting (where smoke out parties might be common ) where you see these people all the time and it's easy to hang out. The rest of us don't have that opportunity, so you do have to call someone, schedule a date/time to get together, and then do something. WHAT you end up doing doesn't have to be formal - it can be hanging out watching videos or going for coffee - but it's not likely if you have your eye on someone that you'll just run into them all over the place. Well, ok, it can work that way at bars, but odds of running into someone you're interested in over and over at the same bar are pretty small in a big city, unless it's a neighborhood bar and both of you live in the 'hood. Otherwise, it's called a ONE NIGHT STAND where you hook up and never see each other again. You have to make plans to see someone if you want to get to know someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
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