breaking nc, second chance.

[missdeathwish]

So you all may have read my post on the 180 guy. It's been more than two months of NC. None from me, none from him. I'm still not moved on. I'm leaving the country in a week. He'll leave in January and go off to Texas and then Iraq, probably. I'm doing my best to go on with my life.

 

I'm obviously sad. It was a backhanded breakup, maybe. But it was still my call and he didn't contest it. Anyway. I'm sad and confused about it all. Obviously. It's really hard to reconcile the last week of our very short relationship with the rest of it. It got intense really fast. We weren't out of the honeymoon stage. Lots of trust, talk of the future, he'd call or text me just to say hello and see how my day went. Until the last weekend I saw him. Then it just stopped. I don't know if talking about it could fix it. Did I do something to upset him? Can I fix it?

 

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of sending him an email, from home, around the time he leaves, to say hi and to take care of himself. You know. But I also want to write him now, before I go.

 

It's hard. I mentioned to him that I wanted to try again shortly after I broke up with him, but he said he didn't like to try again. Maybe it was because I said it too soon? I know there's nobody else (due to a traumatic myspace mistake). I just can't shake him.

 

I don't even know how to want to stop wanting him.

 

Most of these posts are by men wanting to get women back. Maybe a man can give a woman advice on it. I was the dumper, but I don't know if he was trying to make me dump him. His change in behavior was really sudden, and it wasn't so much being outright nasty as it was not putting in the effort. However, when I broke up with him, there was absolutely no response whatsoever. No acknowledgement of it. No acceptance, no denial. Nothing at all.

 

All of those stupid books say that you shouldn't ever pursue a guy. If he wants you, he'll come after you. If he wants to call, he'll call. So you shouldn't. Do guys ever think the same thing? That they want to call but don't because they figure a gal doesn't want to hear from him?

[wrongtiming]

you dont have to know how to stop wanting

 

but you do have to be willing

 

if you are willing it will happen.

 

 

be willing and you will START to let go.

 

it will be up and down.

 

but if your not willing.

 

it wont happen

[Spinderella]

Whoops, I just gave you entirely bad advice, I read your whole thread completely wrong. Sorry.

 

I think sometimes you just have to face the fear of rejection, and just ASK.

On the other hand, do you REALLY want to be with someone who can just change personality like that?

[mikefromnc]

As a guy who was dumped, I did not call, text, or email my ex until she emailed me twice. The first email was a little short, and it made me feel like she was just trying to make herself feel better about the way she handled the break up. Her second email was much more appologetic and she said she would understand if I never talked to her again. I responded to the second email and so far we have been talking and are taking it slow to work things out.

If you want to know what if...I would say you have to try. You were the original dumper, you have to say "May be I made a mistake".

Good Luck!

[missdeathwish]

I sent the email. I may have committed a deadly sin by saying that I hoped he would trust me again someday, but never mind. The trust that he put in me by telling me about his past (both things that showed his vulnerability and things that he worried might change my opinion of him) was something that I appreciated the most about the relationship. Which I said. Anyway, having done that, I'm feeling a lot better in general. The whole moving to the other side of the world thing still has me stressed out, but I'll survive with any luck. I'll keep you posted. I'm still not enthralled with everything, but somehow, I'm getting less upset. I guess I'm moving toward peace.

[analyseThis]

 

All of those stupid books say that you shouldn't ever pursue a guy. If he wants you, he'll come after you. If he wants to call, he'll call. So you shouldn't. Do guys ever think the same thing? That they want to call but don't because they figure a gal doesn't want to hear from him?

 

first off im sorry to hear that your in this situation

 

As per these books u read

 

most men are not defined by books. In this day and age, any self respecting man wont push beyond a certain point to get a woman back; especially if he was dumped by her he'd definitely in most cases not want her back. And guys i talk to are getting tired being the chaser

or in break up situations this "stigmatic guy" who has to be the one always trying to get the girl back.

 

But i think sending that email was a good thing for you as far bringing peace to your self.

[missdeathwish]

Since I'm on the other side of the world, we're probably not going to get back anytime soon, but he said that he's glad I wrote back, he thought I was mad at him, and to keep in touch. He siad he enjoyed my company and let me know about his future plans.

 

So, yeah. I guess that's good.

[missdeathwish]

If anyone's still paying attention to this, any good ideas? I wrote back and told him I was glad to hear from him and made some small talk about what he'd said and then asked him about some of the people he'd introduced me to. Should I do anything else? Just wait until he writes back? Do I ask if he wants me to send him a care package, or invite him to come visit me on his leave? Or should I wait and see if he wants any of that? He said a lot of nice things, but I guess they're reasonably normal post-breakup compliments (you're a special girl, I always enjoyed your company). At least he doesn't hate me. :-)