romedog99 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 ]I’m having a really hard time here. I just need to get it out. This weekend my wife and I had a long talk. She said that she is not happy the way our marriage is going. Well I was floored. We have been married 10 years and dated about 6 years before. We have one wonderful mildly autistic boy Nicholas (6). I have not been able to eat, sleep or really function. We agreed that we would work on it, but the way she acts seems like that is just a formality. Not sure though. We are going to see a counselor and take it from there. I told her that Nicky would have a hard enough time growing up with 2 parents never mind one. Has anyone gone to a marriage counselor and if so did it help. I have 3 friends who went and they are now divorced. I really want it to work out, Our sex life is almost non existent. We do like all the same things in life. But some where we lost that spark. I have made an appointment with a marriage counselor for sat. Hope it is a road to recovery <FONT size=3><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'"> Link to post Share on other sites
NSBR Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 RomeDog: Welcome. I have found this to be a good place to realize that there are many people out there in your situation. I am one of them and my moment happened about 6 months ago. Like you, I had a lot of trouble just breathing and eating for a few weeks, so the reaction you're having is normal. It is devastating to realize that someone you are so in love with is not feeling the same way for you. It will take you some time, but you will eventually need to ask yourself what you want and what you need and determine if this NEW wife of yours is who you want to still be with. Does she deserve YOU? You have worth and value and while you may think you are the lowest thing on earth right now, you are not! It will take you some time to get to that point, but once you're there you will feel like your old self again. I am in the middle of that right now and I am not going to give myself to my wife unless I feel she deserves it from me. I am willing to change for the better for her, but she needs to do so for me as well. For now, let the feelings flow through you and experience the pain because it is part of the process. Eventually, you will start to come out of it. If you can get some therapy, it really does help to just have someone to talk to in complete confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 I imagine that all the normal "aches and pains" that a marriage is subjected to has been magnified by your child's history of autism, and she might feel like the well has run dry. And I can easily imagine that she might be experiencing a funk or mild depression herself, trying to stay on top of things and having to be strong so she can deal with things. it's a positive sign that she's willing to consider marriage counselling, because it means she's not completely given up. Something you might also look into are marriage retreat or marriage enrichment programs so that you can reconnect as a couple, not just as parenting partners. I cannot sing enough praises about the Marriage Encounter my husband and I did nearly 10 years ago, because it helped us redirect our focus on our relationship and it gave us the tools to communicate more effectively. don't give up hope just yet –**something* about being married to you appeals to her if she has just up and left you for something more appealing or better, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 I have not been married, but have been going to counseling with my b/f since January. In fact it was the only way I would consider not breaking up - if he was willing to seek help. I cannot believe how effective counseling has been for both of us and for our relationship! Often when two people love eachother and are in a committed relationship they just start taking things for granted. It is not necessarily on purpose. A marriage counselor is just a third party who is unbiased and can help steer the conversations to productive paths. The most important thing is to find the right counselor! You both have to trust this person! If one of you doesn't like the first, find a second, third, fourth however many it takes until you both feel good about it. I wish you all the luck in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
Author romedog99 Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Thank you all sooo much your insight and kind words . [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]We go to counseling this sat. [/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 me & my W have been to MC & the first time around I tried to prove that it wasn't me but my W's fault, tried to show the MC that I was right. What I learned this last time after finding LS is that you need to go into MC with an open mind, remember they are there to help not to fix your problem. Listen to what your W will have to say, it might not make since to you & you might not agree but remember that what she says are things that are bothering her. I agree with curiousnycgirl, you have to find a MC that both of you like & are comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 I'm in a Graduate program for counseling and from my training I've learned that both people have to be willing to work on the relationship for it to be successful. Often times couples get divorced after counseling because one of them has checked out of the relationship long before that. But if both of you want to make things better by going to counseling, there's no reason why it shouldn't work. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
learn2live Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Jilly is 100% right on this one. I have now been seperated for two months heading for the end I fear now. We are going to a marriage counsler but we our on diffrent pages. In order for that thearpy to work you both need to be on the same page. But it sounds like you two are getting at this early enough that you can make it work out.. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Yes Rome what you get out of couselling is what you both put into it. Don't let other relationships that ended up in divorce discourage you. Their not you guys. You sound like your surprised by this all. What are HER reasons for going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author romedog99 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 I guess I knew we were not doing great. Our sex life is not good at all. When I tried she would say not now or how about if I just give you oral. I should have gone to therapy long ago. Our first session went well. Now we both have one separate session on Thursday then one together the following week. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I guess I knew we were not doing great. Our sex life is not good at all. When I tried she would say not now or how about if I just give you oral. I should have gone to therapy long ago. Our first session went well. Now we both have one separate session on Thursday then one together the following week. It's a step in the right direction. Any good counselor will have seperate sessions then ones that are together. Give it a few months of counseling. You'll learn how to communicate better which will make the bond between you tighter. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts