MEN i need your ..women as well!!

[blueladybird]

I need as many thoughtful answers as possible. pls help.

 

Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me about a wee ago. He seemed very into me, it came as a shock. He has gone back to university, to do a masters programme, outside london. Whilst i live in london.

The question is, men dont usually break up with someone they seemed to like so much, if there is no other person right? At 1st he suggested a break cos he was just not happy, and i probbed him with a lot of questions. He was very unwilling to say much, and one thing led to another, a breakup..he sounded so relieved when we broke up. it hurt.

 

He said there was noone, he said he didnt like anyone. I find that so hard to believe, as there is lady he liked previously (although nothing happened between them), that happens to start at this same university he is taking his masters programme in. Furthermore, previously whilst we were together, I saw that he had sent her a message via email Nothing big, but it was a bit random.

 

I think he broke up with me to be with someone else. What do you think? He was so cold to me, he has not contacted me since this breakup which happened about a week ago. He gives me the impression he wants to focus solely on his masters programme, but that doesnt sound convincing.

 

What do you think?? Do you think a guy would want out of the relationship so much if he didnt have a back up plan. Especially as the relationship betwenn both of us seemed to going so fine. A few arguments sometimes but we really cared for eachother.

Thanks so much for your time.

[AngelsFan09]

Perhaps he is really focusing on his masters and thought that a relationship would not allow him to concentrate on his studies. A relationship can be very demanding. We need more details on the state of the relationship before the break up. Men and woman tend to have a very different perspective of their own relationship and what the SO is thinking or has to go through. Sometimes a woman can be in her own bubble thinking "everything is peachy."

 

Need more details on the relationship.

[blueladybird]

It was a nice relationship. When we were together, we barely fought. Whilst apart, we had a few petty arguments. He is more reserved than I am. He seemed like he cared for me a lot, we had a loving relationship with the occasional argument/ sign of jealousy. Nothing major, nothing at all. He seemed to need 'space' when he went back home to visit his parents over the summer. He started acting distant, and i became persistent asking what was wrong. I shoulnd have. When we spilt, via phone btw, I did not make too much of a fuss. even though i had thot of all the possible problems that could exsit and thot of ways to work on them, he was not willing to work anything out. After we dropped, i sent him a text saying thanking him for everything, and saying it was good whilst it latsed, ending like this..'luv, me'xx.

He seems very bent on facing school, but we have never been much dustarction to eachother. Whislt we were together, i had made reference to us seeing every 2weeks, maybe he didnt want too much commitment. But then in the an email, i told him that we didnt have to meet up every2 weeks etc.

What also bother me is that fact that we have not actually seen. we spilt on friday but no calls from him. We havent seen in about a month or as he was away and also he was behaving cold. He has already changed his facebook to 'single'. I know i shud move on, i am but its hard.

Maybe with space and time things may work itself out? for now i have not contacted him and dont intend to to do so

[oppath]

I suppose my rule of thumb is

(1) if the person tells me the relationship isn't working out, that their feelings for me have changed or aren't progressing, and they just aren't feeling it or don't feel we are right for each other...they are telling the truth.

(2) If I receive some excuse like "it's not you, it's me, I'm not going to have time for a relationship but if I wanted one it would be with you" it means there is another person on their horizon, or they are just a coward.

 

There is not necessarily another woman. He might want to flirt and date -- that is a strong possibility -- but in the end, it doesn't matter. He was too big of a coward to tell you "I like you, but I'm just not feeling it enough to continue this relationship, and I need to break it off now rather than string you along because I want you to be able to heal and find the relationship you deserve, because I am not that person for you." What matters is he wasn't man enough to be ASSERTIVE and HONEST with you.

[halfarock]

I’ve broken up with women for no other reason than I just didn’t want to continue with them. If you’re just not feeling it anymore, why continue, just end it. I for one don’t have to be in a relationship.

[Ocean-Blue]

Is it me or have I seen your post elsewhere too?

 

I could've sworn I responded to this post before!

[blueladybird]

lol..yes i posted it somewhere else.

Thanks so much.

ok, so do you think if i moved on etc, he may miss me and come back.lol. NOT that im thinking bout that..but how do the minds of men work. In the past, all my exes that ended it abruptly came back after a few months. I turned them down, i gained the power back.

So does time help things, make the person remember the good parts of the relationship etc?

ps- im moving on dont worry

[MystifiedByMen]

I think he wanted it to be with you until he found out he got into grad school. I think that every since he found out, he's been trying to tell you but didn't know how. School is something that's very important to some people and sometimes those people let nothing stop them from their goals. Which is a good thing, becase if he didn't go to grad school, he'd resent you down the road for "stopping him" I truely think that it's really school as the reason for why he's leaving.