carrotgirl Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 I couldn't think of a title. As difficult as last week was, week 2 has been twice as bad. I stayed home from work today. I couldn't handle going in and acting cheerful. At 11 I decided I might as well try becoming an alcoholic, downed a glass of wine and then listened to my neighbor abusing his children for a while before I called the cops. Talk about sobering. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Haha. After going through this heartache, I have seen what things really matter in life. Family, love, self-fulfillment. Other things like what you mentioned shows me just how bad things can be. Week 3 should be a little better for you. Good luck. My sympathies to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 26, 2007 Author Share Posted September 26, 2007 I already had a good idea of what matters. The garbage from this morning confirms it. This man was completely out of control and screaming at his children for over half an hour. The children were screaming and pleading. I could hear the wife (she is abusive to adults too) screaming at the children and then cajoling the husband. They were so loud that the police could hear them over the phone when I called. A car arrived on the scene in under three minutes. I'm humble and thankful I'm not a child who has not much say in her life at all. And now I'll just be on guard that they don't poison my cat. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious139 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Good for you Carrotgirl, I admire your actions. Great attitude too. You are healing even if it doesn't seem like that at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 soon after my break up a friend of mine was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. Makes my problem small in comparison. Its all in your perspective. The hurt will fade oh and a glass of wine dosent make you an alchoholic:D. It takes some work to earn that title Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 Irony. Yah. I say I'm glad I have autonomy and then the title of my thread is changed for me. Something about drinking in the morning when I stay home from work because I'm too miserable to pretend I'm normal strikes me as more than a little off. I've switched off alchohol and am now on baked potato, chocolate fudge and romantic comedies. Cat is on chocolate fudge too. She doesn't care for Hugh Grant though. Healing? Really? You're right, I'm not feeling it. I feel like a portion of my self is void. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Cat is on chocolate fudge too. She doesn't care for Hugh Grant though. Pretty funny stuff. As each week goes by, it will get better and better. You will have some relapses in between but based on your attitude, it sounds like you're in a healthy state of mind to move on. You do know that alcohol works better than baked potatoes, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 You do know that alcohol works better than baked potatoes, right? See? Told you. Void. I have a theory that my head is partly whacked because I've been ingesting stuff that is all wrong for me. I need sugar, caffeine, chocolate and tuna melt sandwiches, not all that healthy good for you crap the ex has been feeding me. I really miss his cooking. I can't cook to save my life. Vodka is made from potatoes right? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 See? Told you. Void. I have a theory that my head is partly whacked because I've been ingesting stuff that is all wrong for me. I need sugar, caffeine, chocolate and tuna melt sandwiches, not all that healthy good for you crap the ex has been feeding me. I really miss his cooking. I can't cook to save my life. Vodka is made from potatoes right? Whacked from ingestion of healthy food or ingestion of vodka on an empty stomach? Not baked potatoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 Let me make sure I have this straight. For the zillion other jilted and lovelorn admonishment to lay off the medicinals, and of course, the ubiquitous plug for NC but for poor, wandering I? Enabling? Nay, encouragement of self-induced intoxication? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Not at all. While oblivion can be of assistance, once in awhile, the art of learning to live is the finest art of all. Baked potatoes and sour cream it is... Salut! Clog thy arteries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 Just salt. Lots. Of. Salt. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Sea salt or iodized salt? Have you tried the infused sea salts? They can be quite nice, especially the basil-infused one. Anyways, you're in fine humour for week 2. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 Iodized salt is only good for gaining traction on icy walks. Grey salt is still my favorite for eating though I've been enjoying a really nice smoked salt with my potato. What a curious question! What made you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 I'm a sideways thinker. One thought leads to another. Forgive me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 Of course. Nothing to forgive. You give too much credit. I'm not really in good shape at all and dreading seeing him and being seen by him. Today all I want is to get through and get back home where I can lick my wounds in private. Link to post Share on other sites
Aintayankee Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Evolution means well, but doesn't have sypmathy either. Philosphy is more comforting though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 My heart is in my throat. Now my ex is going to be consulting at my company. There is no way to avoid him. He smiled at me this morning. My stomach lurched. I love him. I hate him. I don't know how I responded if I said anything or if I smiled back or not. I don't think I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 I am freaking out! Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
farfrmnormal Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 I don't have to see my ex - I think I would feel much better if I KNEW things were over. But how do you move on knowing he wants to be with me but can't because he's frustrated? I would be comfortable with my ex - although working with him would be hard. I am sure you can get passed the freak out... have you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 I don't know what I feel. He made eyes at me in the hallway and he's been texting this morning. I was friendly for a couple of minutes and then I turned everything off. As soon as I turned it all back on he started texting again. I turned everything back off. I guess now I know. He misses talking to me. I feel good about that for now. I feel good about pulling the plug too. He can't just "have" me. He can just "have" me, but at this moment in time I am enjoying my wee bit of power. Link to post Share on other sites
serendip Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 That's tough...to be working in the same office I find it tough still and my ex is 2000 miles away from me Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 But how do you move on knowing he wants to be with me but can't because he's frustrated? FFN, I heard what my ex had to say and accepted every word as being what he meant to say when he said it. Until I hear him tell me otherwise, we're over. I don't have a lot of fantasies about him wanting to try again despite what any of our friends say. I don't think he's coming back. Whatever was behind the words, something pained him enough to want to break things off. He has to figure out what his pain was or that it wasn't me. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Try not to make it a powerplay between the two of you. It can get addicting and extend the pain. Call block him and try to continue moving on. If he really wants to contact you, he can walk up to you and discuss things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted September 27, 2007 Author Share Posted September 27, 2007 It didn't take long to figure out that game wasn't fulfilling. Nothing has changed. He misses talking with me? Not enough. He can have all of me or nothing. I'm a whole person with many facets. He might like some more than others but he can't have some without the rest. He gets nothing without giving something. That's how I feel today. This is hurting me. I'm crying and tired. Link to post Share on other sites
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