OWoman Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Raising children to become functional and well balanced adults is serious business. Every chld deserves to have a father or at least have a fair shot at having one ...even if he does run out a few years down the road,lol!!!!!!!! As a single parent of academically gifted, socially well-adjusted, popular, community-minded, resilient, focused, talented, competent, dependable, pleasant teenager I must call you on that one! Better NO father than a dysfunctional one (or mother, or whatever). What a child deserves - and needs - is good quality parenting, from whichever and however many significant adults are prepared to take up the challenge. One Mia Farrow is worth any number of Britney+KFed couples (provided she keeps Woody Allen at a safe distance!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 30, 2007 Author Share Posted September 30, 2007 In this country about 80% of people claim to be "christian" of some or other flavour (on the census forms, anyway) so the church hasn't quite become obsolete here yet, but more children are born "out of wedlock" than in. There are all kinds of family set ups - single parent, bin-nuclear families, same sex parents, mixed race families, blended families of remarried parents with step and half siblings... The traditional nuclear family is pretty scarce and I've not head of any kids picking up flak or being considered odd because of not being nuked. (Though some kids with older parents have had to endure the "is that your granny?"-type comments) I completely agree, OWoman, the nuclear family in many cases is no longer workable in the common day with the divorce rate, 2nd, 3rd,4th marriages, same-sex marriages - nuclear family is now more of an option than a requirement. And I know ALL about the "Is that your granny" comments lol - my Mum was 46 and my dad was 57 when I came along. I was tragically a "Lets have our fifth baby so we dont have to ever talk to each other". Bless 'em. But the amount of people who looked at my poor father who picked me up from junior school thinking he was an old paedophile scouring the playground for children was unreal... Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 As a single parent of academically gifted, socially well-adjusted, popular, community-minded, resilient, focused, talented, competent, dependable, pleasant teenager I must call you on that one! Better NO father than a dysfunctional one (or mother, or whatever). What a child deserves - and needs - is good quality parenting, from whichever and however many significant adults are prepared to take up the challenge. One Mia Farrow is worth any number of Britney+KFed couples (provided she keeps Woody Allen at a safe distance!) I not only agree wholeheartedly but I like you put theory to practice. I divorced when my daughter was four (even before that we lived apart due to job location). My uppermost consideration at the time was my daughter's well -being. I was determined to ensure an environment that would be conducive to her personal growth. Like you, I raised her all on my own and she is today a lawyer doing her masters in European and Internation Law but most importantly she is a happy lawyer. So congrats to us. We are living proof that it can (and should at times) be done!!! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 And Mia has stayed away, hasn't she! One smart lady! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 And I know ALL about the "Is that your granny" comments lol - my Mum was 46 and my dad was 57 when I came along. I was tragically a "Lets have our fifth baby so we dont have to ever talk to each other". Bless 'em. But the amount of people who looked at my poor father who picked me up from junior school thinking he was an old paedophile scouring the playground for children was unreal... Mmm - but the advantage came later, no doubt - they couldn't hear what time you got in because their hearing aids were switched off... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 30, 2007 Author Share Posted September 30, 2007 Mmm - but the advantage came later, no doubt - they couldn't hear what time you got in because their hearing aids were switched off... lol, you're not wrong, and I was lucky enough to be doted by my oldies and lots of older brothers and sisters Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Lol this thread has got really funny:lmao: How many OW on this board are in the UK? I think we should all meet up sometime & have a few drinks, alcohol may help us blot out the bitterness & pain we are all feeling.. :lmao: Yes CAT it has been noticed before that quite a few OW on here are in the UK! I'm all for meeting up at some point... not sure I can manage the drunkeness and manhating though ... hmmm then again, if I'm on a roll. Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Do you want to marry? Who's asking???? Link to post Share on other sites
indianlover Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Hi Cat, I think its really interesting that co-habiting would not be enough for you. In essence, I believe co-habitation probably the main focus of commitment anyway - mortgages, insurance documents, who puts the washing in, who gets the shopping, all of those normal day to day things. Its strange, because I never ever have fantasised about being married to MM. Just doing normal things with him. I cant believe I fantasise about doing the washing! No piece of paper, no white dress, nothing. I'm trying to figure out if thats something that has grown from watching marriages breakdown all around me, or if its something that has come from being in an affair, or if its something in my commitment make-up. Maybe the answer depends also on the situation. My MM is twice my age - not sure how my parents (who are closer in age to him than I am) would take that. But I agree I want to do the mundane with him - not just the fantasy we have! He once cooked dinner for me at home - it was amazing! Wish for that sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 I am glad you posted that. I find it a bit hypocritical for some ows to think a marriage is a reasonable goal with someone who displays cheating behaviour. Not the best foundation to build off of IMO. Of the 2 relationships I have seen where the MM does wind up marrying the OW. Both of those relationships are what I would consider...very bad. One the H still cheats on his OW now W. The other is a dirty old man that just reeks of lewdness, and I think she cheats on him. I don't really have close friendships with either of these couples. Are you happy as it is now? What would be your ideal arrangement? What would you do if you discovered he was cheating on you with ow? Just curious. Hi Underpants, Not all MM are serial cheaters, so to think that once a cheater always a cheater does not apply to all OW who seek marriage or a SO R. Some MM really do turn from an awful W in search of their true soulmate. JNRP, I could easily see myself M to my MM, yet I think I would wait a long time before jumping back into marriage. I like your idea of the SO arrangement. Perhaps even an open M kind of thing, as long as all the rules were laid out. Link to post Share on other sites
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