lostinthere Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 first off this is my first post here,ive been veiwing for some time. ive been in a relationship for about 1yr and things were so good,perfect in many ways..then one day i just started getting real moody and angry ALL the time.i began drinking heavy and fighting and arguing with her everyday and accusing her of cheating and being dishonest.she kept coming back everyday just to get the same deal.i could tell she loved me alot and often after an episode id feel real badly.she warned she was getting tired of the same old treatment,but kept being with me.about 2 mos ago i went to see a dr and was put on meds and they have been helping alot! i havnt dranken a beer in 5 weeks and my mood is more balanced....but my girlfriend just told me 3days ago my biggest fear,that she had cheated on me since the beginning of aug,and to make matters worse shes pregnant now and doesnt no who the father is! she broke down and cried for hours on my shoulder saying she never wanted this to be this way and she always wanted me..but i wasnt giving her the love she needed.during the 2mos of her cheating i never new..she called me 3to 4 times a day..instant messaged me to say hi and that she loved me always so caring.she tells me the guy she slept with is the kindest man,but she loves me and doesnt want him.she says if she could take his niceness and put it in me id be near perfect and she can be with him and still think of me all day ..she still has all my pics up in her room and in her car never hiding me from him..she told him yesterday she was cutting him off to be with me..i understand i had some issues wich would have driven any woman off..and yes i love her to peices and we just spent all morning together with her holding me like the world was ending..we still talk everyday alot! and i still make her laugh and giggle alot! she says shes into me..i just dont no...she did cheat! im just looking for any advise..or input ..im very much in love and not looking for revenge or to hurt her and there is a baby now involved. thanx:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Do you think this girl may cheat on you again if you hit a rough spot? How much do you trust her now? Cause the way I read this, you suspected she was cheating... then you found out it was true! Do you blame yourself for this? Is this situation your fault? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthere Posted September 28, 2007 Author Share Posted September 28, 2007 Do you think this girl may cheat on you again if you hit a rough spot? How much do you trust her now? Cause the way I read this, you suspected she was cheating... then you found out it was true! Do you blame yourself for this? Is this situation your fault? to be honest with u..i think this girl was a def keeper..a good girl. i always suspected her of cheating but i also have a history of that with all woman i have dated..this one in particular was so nice to me..always there for me called me 4 to 5 times daily came over alot..did everything to show she cared and it just seemed i kept pushing her..taking her love for granted maybe or just being an idiot..she wants back in and we have been fine for a few days now..but just today i started with the stupid comments of her wrong doing..when she has apoligized so much..yet i keep bringing it up.im not sure how to handle this situation but i no im not handling it right..as for blaming myself ..i do in many ways ..often hearing woman dont always cheat for sex but for what ur not giving them..i know she loves me im just not sure ,theres something thats really bugging me ..should i just cut it off? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Cut it off? Well, depends. Whose baby is it? Yours? If so, and if she chooses to have the baby, you'll always be the baby's father. But as to whether you should have a relationship with her...she cheated on you! And now she's pregnant and doesn't know who the baby's father is. Do you want a woman who cheats on you? I can't tell whether she cheated and you started suspecting, or if you started thinking she was cheating and then she ran off to cheat because she couldn't handle your questioning...either way, it's pretty messed up of her to cheat. That is not the way to handle conflict! And she had unprotected sex with both of you. You should get tested for STD's. Deal with the baby issue first before making any long term decisions about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthere Posted September 28, 2007 Author Share Posted September 28, 2007 i agree with u 100% that cheating is no way to handle conflict. as for the baby yes i will handle that if it is mine..its pretty shady of her to have unprotected sex with the both of us and me be the only one who didnt no..i think thats why i have this wall up,somethings been telling me not to trust her any more after this..she seems sincere and all and is even coming here tonight...im just not sure how to act...ughhh thanx u guys have been some help Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 to be honest with u..i think this girl was a def keeper..a good girl. i always suspected her of cheating but i also have a history of that with all woman i have dated..this one in particular was so nice to me..always there for me called me 4 to 5 times daily came over alot..did everything to show she cared and it just seemed i kept pushing her..taking her love for granted maybe or just being an idiot..she wants back in and we have been fine for a few days now..but just today i started with the stupid comments of her wrong doing..when she has apoligized so much..yet i keep bringing it up.im not sure how to handle this situation but i no im not handling it right..as for blaming myself ..i do in many ways ..often hearing woman dont always cheat for sex but for what ur not giving them..i know she loves me im just not sure ,theres something thats really bugging me ..should i just cut it off? Lost, Women leave for what your not giving them... they dump you! When a girl cheats... that has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her. Whether you want to take a chance on this girl again or not... that's totally up to you. It seems that you have some major issues with trust and intimacy. Do you think that you can come to grips with it while your with this girl? What is it that is bugging you... can you put a finger on it? She seems like she may be a really good girl, can you pull yourself together enough to treat her well? Also, if this baby is yours... your going to spend the rest of your life somehow attached to her. Do you want to cut it off? If so how bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthere Posted September 29, 2007 Author Share Posted September 29, 2007 Lost, Women leave for what your not giving them... they dump you! When a girl cheats... that has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her. Whether you want to take a chance on this girl again or not... that's totally up to you. It seems that you have some major issues with trust and intimacy. Do you think that you can come to grips with it while your with this girl? What is it that is bugging you... can you put a finger on it? She seems like she may be a really good girl, can you pull yourself together enough to treat her well? Also, if this baby is yours... your going to spend the rest of your life somehow attached to her. Do you want to cut it off? If so how bad? thats just it she never actually dumped me ..we have alot of good times under us so yes i would take a chance..i think i also have issues with relationships some of the time sometimes pushing the ones who love me away and just not wanting to be bothered,i was never able to figure that out..as for cutting it off im confused and prob just need time to figure things out..i mean i just got off the phone with her and shes coming here so that must say something..she still is very sweet and always listens to what i have to say and she still likes cuddling and all that good stuff that goes with good relationships..she said she couldnt be with that man and not think of me constantly..and like i stated before she still has all my pics and what not up in her room..i work third shift she calls me at 3 am on my break she calls me at 7 am before she goes to work..i no she loves me Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 i agree with u 100% that cheating is no way to handle conflict. as for the baby yes i will handle that if it is mine..its pretty shady of her to have unprotected sex with the both of us and me be the only one who didnt no..i think thats why i have this wall up,somethings been telling me not to trust her any more after this..she seems sincere and all and is even coming here tonight...im just not sure how to act...ughhh thanx u guys have been some help And what if it's not your baby? Will you handle that, too? How? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthere Posted September 29, 2007 Author Share Posted September 29, 2007 i have had alot of thoughts on the baby..either way she is pregnant and is keeping it so either way someone is gonna be the father and if it is mine ill take good care for it as i do my little boy i have now,if its not and we are together,well she already has another kid with a previous and that kid and myself are pretty close..i feel the kid deserves a chance at happiness without people fighting for him/her or any other drama..so if its not my kid i feel ,shes still my girlfriend i still have to support HER..so she stayed here lastnight and alot of the night she played with my son who is 8 and the rest of the night was spent crying to me about how she just wants this kid to be mine and she cant make me forgive her but she does love me no matter what..followed by her leaving this am and me sitting here if she was legit or not..still...i have feelings of doubt...ughhh even after her being here with me ALL night i still feel she is WANTING him...but hey like i said thats a prob i HAVE had in the past..maybe i need to address it so it dont ruin future happiness Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 still...i have feelings of doubt...ughhh even after her being here with me ALL night i still feel she is WANTING him...but hey like i said thats a prob i HAVE had in the past..maybe i need to address it so it dont ruin future happiness I guess I really don't understand your attitude. She CHEATED on you. Of course you are going to have doubts, of course you are going to wonder if she's wanting other men, of course! How can you not? So why are you making it sound like your doubts are the problem? Your doubts aren't figments of your overactive imagination - she actually cheated. Your doubts are well-founded. Why are you blaming yourself and worrying that YOU would ruin future happiness - she's the one who ruined it by cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthere Posted September 29, 2007 Author Share Posted September 29, 2007 I guess I really don't understand your attitude. She CHEATED on you. Of course you are going to have doubts, of course you are going to wonder if she's wanting other men, of course! How can you not? So why are you making it sound like your doubts are the problem? Your doubts aren't figments of your overactive imagination - she actually cheated. Your doubts are well-founded. Why are you blaming yourself and worrying that YOU would ruin future happiness - she's the one who ruined it by cheating. your right i have a right to have doubts because of what happened..as for the the future happiness i was refering to my life in general trusting ...as for me and her and after being confused and thinking i have decided to end it with her..it hurts me yes but i feel its needed now..i cant go around trying my hardest to act like im not as hurt ..when i wanna say so much to her..afraid shell walk out again..i have more self respect..i owe her nothing..i didnt cheat..im not the bad guy here..although i forgave her i still am very angry with many bad visions and disgust..and i just think its best i walk away make myself strong again and deal with the baby if its mine..im a good guy who works very hard im sure one day ill find a decent lady..just not now ..thanx u have been helpful by the way Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 You sound like you have the right frame of mind. It took me a year to get to that frame for me in a relationship (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t130169/) Good luck. You deserve the best Link to post Share on other sites
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