The girl I'm interested in has just recently ended

[Missipi Mike]

a long term relationship w/ her partner. They have been broken up for a couple of months, and had some counseling until just recently. My friend decided that he was not the one for her.

 

I have been friends w/ her for about a year now. We seem to communicate pretty well. We often take long walks at lunch and just talk.

 

I've expressed my feelings towards her, she knows what I want (a serious relationship - I do truly love this woman). She has responded in kind, but has expressed a need for some time to recover from her relationship.

 

I totally respect that. My question is, now that she is available, and we've been friends for a while; When can I start having more serious talks with her.

 

What it boils down to, is on occasion, I drink alcohol in excess. I just want to know how she feels about that. If she would want me to change that about myself, etc.

 

I only ask this, b/c I honestly don't want to start bringing up tough relationship stuff too early and add stress to the stress she's already feeling.

 

 

Can anyone make since of my rambling and help me out.

[Aintayankee]

When you talk about this with her, keep it calm and casual, low key. Don't stress her out any. Just be a friend for a while. Maybe after 6 months to a year is the good timeframe to start giving her affection.

[norajane]

What do you mean by 'on occasion' and 'in excess'? How much of a problem do you think you have?

 

Frankly, I'd keep it light for now. She's not ready to take on your issues. Just flirt with her and have fun and let her deal with the emotional fall-out of her break-up.

 

Later, you can talk with her more seriously about your issues. And perhaps, in the meantime, you can work on your alcohol issue so it's not a problem for you anymore.

[LoveLace]

What do you mean by 'on occasion' and 'in excess'? How much of a problem do you think you have?

 

Frankly, I'd keep it light for now. She's not ready to take on your issues. Just flirt with her and have fun and let her deal with the emotional fall-out of her break-up.

 

Later, you can talk with her more seriously about your issues. And perhaps, in the meantime, you can work on your alcohol issue so it's not a problem for you anymore.

 

 

Ditto. Keep the friendship casual and it's probably best not to reach beyond flirting right now.

 

But it sounds like you have some kind of guilt about your drinking...otherwise you wouldn't worry much about what anyone thought about it. If you see your drinking as a potential barrier to relationships, then it probably is...maybe you should start with this area in your life before pursuing anything serious with anyone.

[Missipi Mike]

I do tend to partake a little heavy on occasion, sometimes to the point of blacking out, so yeah I do have some guilt about that. But, the "oil of conversation", the "drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning" isn't a daily thing for me since graduating from college. The reason I mentioned the drinking thing is b/c of her background. She grew up in a home where her parents habitually drank, and used drugs.

 

But, having said all that, things seem to be going pretty good... and I'm gonna start paying more attention to how much alcohol I consume at any given time. I will take everyone's advice and keep it light though. I just really like this girl and my head's spinning. Thanks again for the replies. This site is really cool. Thanks for listening.

[glittergurl]

Well it's basically up to her to bring it to the next level. You say she knows your feelings, so she knows exactly where you two are standing and she has the upper hand.

 

I would say, keep in touch with her, take her out and let things go smoothly without thinking too much about it. She's obviously gonna need a few months at least before she gets into another relationship. She's already said so, so there's really no big mistery. Just take it easy.