Cheated on my Fiance

[HRTeresaO]

I cheated on my fiance with one of his friends. I feel extremely guilty. In three years I never cheated and never wanted to. i'm totally not like this. only had one other bf and i never cheated on him either. only been with three guys: fiance, previous bf and this jerk. I feel like a Scanc. Don't know what came over me. Can't explain. He seduced me and i was weak. I tried to resist. but he was persistent and eventually i responded.

 

if i admit it, i get dumped. no doubt. i know i deserve to get dumped, but i'd hate to throw everything away for one bad mistake. the friend doesn't seem to feel bad at all, but assured me that he won;t say anything. what should i do?

[LucreziaBorgia]

You could suggest premarital counseling, and through the course of that work your way toward the issue that led you to cheat. It probably wouldn't hurt even without the cheating being a factor.

[Cobra_X30]

I cheated on my fiance with one of his friends. I feel extremely guilty. In three years I never cheated and never wanted to. i'm totally not like this. only had one other bf and i never cheated on him either. only been with three guys: fiance, previous bf and this jerk. I feel like a Scanc. Don't know what came over me. Can't explain. He seduced me and i was weak. I tried to resist. but he was persistent and eventually i responded.

 

if i admit it, i get dumped. no doubt. i know i deserve to get dumped, but i'd hate to throw everything away for one bad mistake. the friend doesn't seem to feel bad at all, but assured me that he won;t say anything. what should i do?

 

Your going to have to be honest with your fiance about this. His friend will tell him some day. Guys brag like that! Then you have zero hope!

 

Your Fiance deserves to make an informed choice before he marries you!

 

You also need to figure out why you did this?

[Woggle]

You need to tell him because he needs to know what he is getting into. Give him the choice whether or not to dump you and if he does respect that choice.

[lovelorcet]

You need to tell him. He has a right to know the truth and to be able to make his own decisions. And you need to be able to start a marriage not based on a lie. Do you really want to live with that guilt for the rest of your life? Is that the kind of person and wife you want to be?

[Havn_a_life]

I cheated on my fiance with one of his friends. I feel extremely guilty. In three years I never cheated and never wanted to. i'm totally not like this. only had one other bf and i never cheated on him either. only been with three guys: fiance, previous bf and this jerk. I feel like a Scanc. Don't know what came over me. Can't explain. He seduced me and i was weak. I tried to resist. but he was persistent and eventually i responded.

 

if i admit it, i get dumped. no doubt. i know i deserve to get dumped, but i'd hate to throw everything away for one bad mistake. the friend doesn't seem to feel bad at all, but assured me that he won;t say anything. what should i do?

 

I wouldn't M until this is out in the open and taken care of or dealt with. Your fiance has a right to know. He has a right to make his own decision about whether to M or not.

The "jerk" you had sex with may decide to tell your fiance himself, and soon.

Would he rather hear it from you or "jerk"?

[Bryanp]

You need to tell him for another reason. He needs to know that his so-called friend is a backstabber who is really his enemy. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect your boyfriend to be honest with you. Your relationship has to be built on a fourndation of truth and honesty. If you truly love your boyfriend then you need to be honest with him and I think you know this. If you do not then you are just thinking of yourself. I guarantee you down the line this other guy when he gets drunk will tell your boyfriend or other guys who will tell him. If you have any hope in this relationship then you need to be honest now before it is too late. I wish you luck.

[norajane]

Don't know what came over me. Can't explain. He seduced me and i was weak. I tried to resist. but he was persistent and eventually i responded.

So, if any guy out there were to try to seduce you, you would eventually respond? OR just this guy?

 

You really need to give this some serious thought and figure out why you were so susceptible to this guy and to cheating on your fiancee. It doesn't sound like you are ready to be married or in a committed relationship.

 

Your fiancee needs to know this about you - don't set yourself up for a future divorce. Work through your relationship issues now.

[LakesideDream]

HR, this isn't even close. You must tell your fiance. I absolutely gaurentee to you that his friend will rat you out. At some point he's gonna want a bootie call from you, you'll refuse (maybe) and he'll be angry, or he'll get drunk with your guy and spill the beans.

 

Regardless, in a perfect world you would tell your fiance because he deserves to know before you are married. We know it's not a perfect world though... right? Be honest with yourself, how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

 

With your history, you don't sound like a "Skank" but, you are well on the way. Straighten up your act before you crash and burn totally.

[whichwayisup]

How do you know it won't happen again? Either with this guy or someone else in the future? Fact that you allowed yourself to fall into the arms of another man so easily, putting yourself IN a situation that could lead to something else just shows you are not ready to get married, let alone live up to your marriage vows.

 

Tell your fiance the truth. This friend of his, is NO friend of his. If he was, he wouldn't have hit on you, tried to get ya in the sack. Friends do not do that to eachother... And, with that being said, this guy gave you his word he wouldn't tell your fiance? I call bullcrap! Come clean NOW, allow your fiance to decide if he wants to marry you. It is very selfish and unfair of you to do this and then still get married. It's not honest, not a good way to start your life off with someone you're supposed to marry and stay faithful to.

[woodsfield]

Don't know what came over me. Can't explain. He seduced me and i was weak. I tried to resist. but he was persistent and eventually i responded.

 

some friend.... how were u "weak"? was it just one time?? if so, hope it was worth it...sorry, it is a little scankie. the fiance may have lost the love of his life and a friend...

 

coming here was a good first step....time to the face music and dance. don't live a lie the rest of your life.

 

i wish you the best.

[Flyin in Clouds]

some friend indeed. With friends like that who needs enemies?

 

And you'd start your marriage by hiding this from your fiance? What other lies would you tell him? What else would you hide form him? And would you be OK if he did this to you? Sleep with your best friend and not tell you?

 

And don't just break it off without telling why. That's a cowardly way out.

[TryingToHeal3]

Don't say anything. Get over your feelings of skankiness, and love him more than you have ever loved. Do not ever tell him. Unless of course if you are outed. I know how you feel. Just love him and never do something like that again. Best wishes to you.

[Krytie TV]

i'm totally not like this.

 

And what exactly is the logic underlying this conclusion. your behavior would suggest you totally are like this. Come to grips with that first.

 

You are a complete bi*ch if you keep this from him. It would not only make you a cheater, but selfish and conniving as well.

[FooledOnce]

Geez, everyone give the poor girl a break. There's nothing she can do about what happened now and yelling at her isn't going to change that. I'm really, sorry, we all make mistakes and, unfortunately, this is a bad one. I would advise this. Confess. Throw yourself at his feet and beg forgiveness. Tell him it was a mistake and will never happen again (the truth, right?). Tell him you'll spend the rest of your life making it up to him.

 

The alternative is to live the lie. Maybe you'll get ratted out and he will see you as evil. Maybe you won't. What kind of wedding would that be for you? Knowing that you are building something as precious as a marriage with this huge secret. What will it be like to look at his friend while taking your vows knowing that you both know what happened? What will everyone think of you if you take those vows in front of friends, family and God and everyone finds out about this later?

 

Again, you have my sympathy. You're in a tough, terrible spot. You're facing a tough choice. I wish you the best.

[mental_traveller]

You have to tell him, for several reasons.

 

First, it is totally unfair on him to be fooled into a marriage he thinks is faithful, when he in fact has been cheated. He has the right to know the truth.

 

Second, even if you don't care about his right to know, and are prepared to think about this purely from a selfish perspective, it is very likely that he will eventually find out. A marriage is for life - that is a very long time to keep a secret. One day his "friend" will probably get drunk, or angry at your friend, and the truth will come out. Or you will feel so guilty that you tell someone - either a friend or your husband. When this happens, I guarantee it will be 10 times worse then if you told him now. People have been known to commit murder over this kind of betrayal. Also think of the effect on the kids when they find out.

 

Third, you need to tell him because he may be at risk of sexually transmitted diseases from you. Even if you used condoms, they are not 100% safe and some diseases aren't blocked by them. You are putting his health at risk by not informing him of the infidelity.

 

Fourth, he needs to know that his friend is a backstabber who has committed the worst betrayal imaginable.

 

Finally, by confessing what you did, you are taking the right course of action. You are owning up to your sin and taking the consequences. That's the first step on the road to redemption. Even if he leaves you, at least you know now the pain that can be caused by infidelity, and hopefully that will stop you from ever doing it again. Better to learn that lesson now, and be faithful in future for the rest of your life, than to have it all blow up in your face in 10 or 20 years time. Confess and you will be able to live with yourself. Hide it and each time you look in the mirror, you will see a lying adulteress. I really doubt you can live with that guilt, lying next to your husband in bed every night.

[bish]

if i admit it, i get dumped. no doubt. i know i deserve to get dumped, but i'd hate to throw everything away for one bad mistake. the friend doesn't seem to feel bad at all, but assured me that he won;t say anything. what should i do?

 

What should you do? You tell your fiancee. Cuz he will find out eventually somehow since it was with one of his so-called friends.

 

If you don't tell him before you get married, then you may have to prepare for the pain of divorce.

 

But most importantly, if you don't tell your fiancee, you rob him of the choice of whether to stay with you or move on to someone who won't do this to him.

[bish]

Don't say anything. Get over your feelings of skankiness, and love him more than you have ever loved. Do not ever tell him. .

 

Uh huh....and what if his friend fesses up to him AFTER he gets married to her? I don't think its fair to this guy to get tricked into being married to someone he thinks never betrayed him.

 

And he WILL find out...its just a matter of time. If his friend doesn't tell him, his friend will tell someone else that will.

[Oregon Blackberry]

I say don't tell him, that is if you truly regret your decision and know it won't happen again.

You know yourself, and you know if you love your fiance. Don't beat yourself up over this. Just make sure that you appreciate your fiance (if he's worth your appreciation) and love him completely from now on. You have learned from your mistake. Now, move on, and don't do it again.

I don't agree that he will find out. I have had sex with guys I didn't want others to know about, and no one ever found out. When I said "I don't want anyone to know about this, I will only sleep with you if you don't tell anyone", they really wanted to sleep with me badly enough not to tell anyone! (For the record, I have never cheated when I was in a relationship, however I realize that people can make a mistake.)

[Chrome Barracuda]

There is a difference between a mistake and a choice!!!!

 

She made the choice to sleep with someone else!!!

 

Tell him and not only be truthful and also allievate the guilt, that friend of his is no friend. And in the end, so what if you get dropped. It's all your fault! Bish is right dont take away his choice of being in an honest relationships. Dont be one of those hypocritical chicks who talk bad about cheating girls and do the same to her man!!!

 

Trust me in the end, if y'all are meant to be together, you will be. If not, be happy he can move on away from snakes like you!!!

 

That friend of his is a dirty snake and also he may hold that over your head for a long time! he might even blackmail you into sleeping with each other again.

 

Also have you gotten yourself tested for STD's??? Do you know if your clean?

[DazedandConfused66]

I have had sex with guys I didn't want others to know about, and no one ever found out. When I said "I don't want anyone to know about this, I will only sleep with you if you don't tell anyone", they really wanted to sleep with me badly enough not to tell anyone!

 

That's comedy gold right there boys.

[bish]

I say don't tell him, that is if you truly regret your decision and know it won't happen again.

 

hmmm...so you don't think this "friend" of his will eventually spill the beans? Or you don't think his friend will tell someone else and that it won't eventually get back to him?

 

And then what? they'll be married and it will be too late for her "fiancee" to make an easier decision.

 

Trust me, it WILL get back to him...and when it does, he will resent the hell out of her even more for not coming clean and leading him to believe he has someone faithful by his side.

[Oregon Blackberry]

That's comedy gold right there boys.

Seriously. I only sleep with guys who wouldn't tell.

[greystone08]

dang where is the OP? i wanna know what happened with this one?

 

This is a tough spot. I would normally say don't tell but this guy is so close in contact to her fiance that i think she'll have to eventually. I've never cheated before because i don't like having to live life looking over my shoulder.

 

Or what you could do is marry him, move away, and go through his contacts and delete his phone # so they don't ever have contact.

[Just some more of that comedy gold !!!]

[Curmudgeon]

Seriously. I only sleep with guys who wouldn't tell.

 

Correction! Thus far you may have only slept with guys who wouldn't tell but your luck WILL run out one day. All it takes is one to break the ice ("Guess who I slept with?") and the rest may then come forward ("Oh yeah? Well me too!").