DazedandConfused66 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Seriously. I only sleep with guys who wouldn't tell. Newsflash....males lie to have sex with women on occasion. Seriously! I know it's hard to believe, but they do! Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Maybe there's more truth to the messages on the bathroom walls than we knew. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Newsflash....males lie to have sex with women on occasion. Seriously! I know it's hard to believe, but they do! If I were a guy and I knew all I had to do was whisper afew sweet things in her ear, compliment her, make her feel sexy, to get laid, I'd do the exact same thing! SOME MEN LIE ABOUT X,Y and Z so they CAN have sex. Everyone knows this! OR...Maybe not. :laugh:K-TV, you just made me laugh out loud for real! Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Correction! Thus far you may have only slept with guys who wouldn't tell but your luck WILL run out one day. All it takes is one to break the ice ("Guess who I slept with?") and the rest may then come forward ("Oh yeah? Well me too!"). I know. I would advise the poster not to tell if she really wants to get married. If it comes out after the marriage, they are married already. Then they can go from there. If he drops her for one mistake before they were married, then she would probably want to move on anyway because I doubt that he's perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Well, that removes you from the list of women I might consider marrying if I ever became single again. It's more than a mere mistake. It's a betrayal. Guess you wouldn't mind going into a marriage with a man who hid from you the fact that while you were engaged he was banging your best friend, huh? After all, it can always go from there, right? Whatever happened to honesty and integrity? They must not count anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well, that removes you from the list of women I might consider marrying if I ever became single again. It's more than a mere mistake. It's a betrayal. Guess you wouldn't mind going into a marriage with a man who hid from you the fact that while you were engaged he was banging your best friend, huh? After all, it can always go from there, right? Whatever happened to honesty and integrity? They must not count anymore. I have not cheated on any of my relationships, but I do know that people make mistakes. If I were engaged, and my fiance had done the same thing and completely and totally regretted it because he really loved me and wanted to marry me, I honestly would not want to know this information. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 THis is the worst advice in this thread - You are encouraging this wh0re to add a cover-up to her infidelity . SHe has f**ked up her future with her fiance and now she has to pay the price of her "mistake' . THat is how it works .' Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I have not cheated on any of my relationships, but I do know that people make mistakes. Cheating is NOT a mistake. Its a conscious decision to gratify oneself. They know its wrong, but getting laid at the time is more important that who they are hurting in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops! Thats right...this guy is about to marry a cheater and now on top of that, a liar and someone that will keep secrets from him...and you say oops?? Its all a big f#ckin' joke to you isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Thats right...this guy is about to marry a cheater and now on top of that, a liar and someone that will keep secrets from him...and you say oops?? Its all a big f#ckin' joke to you isn't it? I guess it is because she just had me flagged for calling her ugly, What I meant was her insides were ugly not the outsides. But that's what hapens when you tell the truth, personal attacks be damned. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I think OB is on here to antagonize, not help. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I guess it is because she just had me flagged for calling her ugly, What I meant was her insides were ugly not the outsides. But that's what hapens when you tell the truth, personal attacks be damned. Thats funny...she comes in here...insinuates guys are pigs...but gets you flagged. Some people just don't see their own hypocrisy. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasmine8719 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I think he deserves the truth and you two should go from there...But I think your guilt will eventually get to you and it might make things worse down the road if you don't tell him, and his friend is obviously not a real friend especially if he's not bothered by it. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Naviva Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 It' so easy to judge, to condemn, to point your finger at someone who has stumbled along the way. Does it make you feel better about your life and your decisions when you pass such harsh judgment? Decent human beings ARE capable of making a mistake, or two, or three, or more. Which is not to say that we should give ourselves a license to be hurtful. I'm just saying, it's easy to attack and judge someone who has made a mistake. My only advice to the OP is to very carefully examine the reasons why she got into that situation. Please think about the man you are about to marry and if you are ready for the commitment. Is he the right person to marry? Will you be a good wife to him, etc.? Do you feel like you are making the right choice? Is there something missing there? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 It' so easy to judge, to condemn, to point your finger at someone who has stumbled along the way. Does it make you feel better about your life and your decisions when you pass such harsh judgment? Decent human beings ARE capable of making a mistake, or two, or three, or more. Cheating is NOT a mistake. She knew what she was doing...she just didn't care at the time cuz she was enjoying it. Link to post Share on other sites
Naviva Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Cheating is NOT a mistake. She knew what she was doing...she just didn't care at the time cuz she was enjoying it. How do you know? Were you there? Cheating is ****ty but happens. Throwing blanket statements is easy, putting yourself in other people's shoes - not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 How do you know? Were you there? Cheating is ****ty but happens. Throwing blanket statements is easy, putting yourself in other people's shoes - not so much. Why the hell would I want to put myself in a cheater's shoes? I have never cheated and don't intend to start. No way will I EVER be in their shoes...their shoes smell. And in answer to your question, "how doyou know?"...its called common sense. Or are you saying she didn't know what she was doing? A little voice in her head was controlling her every action? Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Devils advocate... How would you feel, after 2, 5, 10 years of marriage, you find out that your husband cheated on you with one of your friends while you were ingaged? Would you feel like your marriage was a sham? Would you have wnated to know BEFORE you got married, so you could decide if he was the best choice? Would you feel like you deserved better? You are taking the choice right out of his hand..... I always tell my kids....do the right thing....I suggest you do the same... Link to post Share on other sites
Naviva Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Why the hell would I want to put myself in a cheater's shoes? I have never cheated and don't intend to start. No way will I EVER be in their shoes...their shoes smell. And in answer to your question, "how doyou know?"...its called common sense. Or are you saying she didn't know what she was doing? A little voice in her head was controlling her every action? These are all valid points... from your perspective. I think stupidly happens. That's not to say ppl shouldn't take responsibility for their actions. But I'll be damned if I pretend I have all the answers or am in the position to pass judgment without an ounce of empathy (maybe that's not the right word). Of course, that includes the person being cheated on). Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Devils advocate... How would you feel, after 2, 5, 10 years of marriage, you find out that your husband cheated on you with one of your friends while you were ingaged? Would you feel like your marriage was a sham? Finding out years later that my wife did, yes, I felt it was a shame completely. Would you have wnated to know BEFORE you got married, so you could decide if he was the best choice? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Would you feel like you deserved better? ABSOLUTELY!!!! You are taking the choice right out of his hand..... I always tell my kids....do the right thing....I suggest you do the same... Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 These are all valid points... from your perspective. I think stupidly happens. That's not to say ppl shouldn't take responsibility for their actions. But I'll be damned if I pretend I have all the answers or am in the position to pass judgment without an ounce of empathy Well...as being on the receiving end of betrayal...I think I have earned the right to be judgemental. And as far as being judgemental is concerned, EVERYONE is...whether they want to admit it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Naviva Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 And as far as being judgemental is concerned, EVERYONE is...whether they want to admit it or not. I agree. Plus, not being judgemental is not necessarily a badge of honor. Sometimes it's about being ambivalent or maybe down right weak. I guess my opinions stem from my own questions about moral ambiguity as of late (I am not cheating, but am starting to question and ponder a lot of things concerning decency, relationships, morality (for the lack of a better word etc.). Anyway, I do think that no one is expempt from doing something hurtful. Doing the right thing is often so hard.... but I am hi-jacking.... I suspected you've been deeply hurt. I am sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 How about asking your fiance to go to couples counseling with you? Tell him that you two have some serious issues to discuss. In the counseling session, tell him how you have been feeling lately. Go directly to the "why" portion of why you cheated. Tell him what happened with his friend. Confess everything. Let him react. Beg for forgiveness, tell him you want to work things out, whatever he wants you to do, you will. Explore with the counselor why you did what you did. You might not be able to do all of this in one session. Your fiance might bail out of the session when he hears the news. That's okay. Let him go. You can ask him later to come back to counseling. Take all the blame. Let him be pissed. It's his choice if he wants to work things out or not. Please give him that right. Remember the old saying, "I'd rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie." You are being selfish if you keep this from him. That attitude made you cheat in the first place. Putting your fiance's needs first will be a good start to the attitude you need to have. And he really does have the right to know. I know things are hard. Many couples do survive affairs, but only if the cheater comes clean and works very hard to resolve the issues that created the cheating. And if the cheater works hard to restore the lost trust. No matter how you look at, you must tell him. For your own sake, as well as his. Link to post Share on other sites
paddypencil Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 you should take a long hard look in the mirror nd think about how it would feel if he donethat to you, i was with my b/f for four yrs, we were engaged, i never slept with any1 other than him~&i cntracted an std,he admitted sleeping with my best friend,i feel like my heart has been ripped out! if you have any future at all with your b/f come sraight with him, then just gt a rip of yourself and treat others how you'd like to be treated, its not v nice you know Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree. Plus, not being judgemental is not necessarily a badge of honor. Sometimes it's about being ambivalent or maybe down right weak. I guess my opinions stem from my own questions about moral ambiguity as of late (I am not cheating, but am starting to question and ponder a lot of things concerning decency, relationships, morality (for the lack of a better word etc.). Anyway, I do think that no one is expempt from doing something hurtful. Doing the right thing is often so hard.... but I am hi-jacking.... I suspected you've been deeply hurt. I am sorry. You're right...I was hurt...I could care less now. Its over. Who was really hurt by my wife's actions are my kids. Didn't think 2 squirts of piss about them did she? Anyway, you are wrong...when it comes to cheating, it IS easy to do the right thing. VERY easy. Only reason someone cheats is because they want to, and no amount of justifying is going to make me think otherwise(not saying you are saying that....I mean from the cheaters themselves) Link to post Share on other sites
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